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 Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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 I can never consume drugs again... 
#28300058 - 04/29/23 01:48 PM (11 months, 11 days ago) |
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Or I will turn into a maniac.
Truth be told, it is hard to swallow.
Just a heads-up: be happy for what you got, peeps.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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 Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28300064 - 04/29/23 01:51 PM (11 months, 11 days ago) |
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To get a conversation going - do you have anything in your life that you had to give up but definitely not wanted to give up.
Edited by Pinkerton (04/29/23 02:03 PM)
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 WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
 
Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,838
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 4 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28300072 - 04/29/23 02:04 PM (11 months, 11 days ago) |
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A Lady Love, though love at heart stays with one forever, so... still in wonder to this all.
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Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!
Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,838
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 4 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing]
#28300073 - 04/29/23 02:06 PM (11 months, 11 days ago) |
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what's your trouble to consuming drugs and not becoming a maniac?
Sure, I like to get Drunk, though I thoroughly enjoy a single drink. Can't ya' be the same to drug?
What drug? Think that make a difference a bit. Not so much for just how one handle drug, yet... They do have characteristics unique to self
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Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!
Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing]
#28300098 - 04/29/23 02:22 PM (11 months, 11 days ago) |
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I can consume nicotine and caffeine but not the rest of it, including supplements.
You can ask OrgoneConclusion why it is like that.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28300111 - 04/29/23 02:37 PM (11 months, 11 days ago) |
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many people went away one way or another 
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28300727 - 04/30/23 06:44 AM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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Which way?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28300774 - 04/30/23 07:40 AM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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gone
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28300831 - 04/30/23 08:24 AM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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One minute and I am happy, and then I get all blue for 20 minutes.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28300886 - 04/30/23 09:18 AM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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waves of emotion
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28301028 - 04/30/23 11:29 AM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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My voices have been telling me I will become happy and euphoric soon. But they have said that for a while...
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28301142 - 04/30/23 01:53 PM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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If that is indeed the case then:
What do you think about taking them seriously as to what they say when compared & contrasted with what they do and don't do- with respect to honesty & truth as observed over time?
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 2
#28301475 - 04/30/23 06:38 PM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
My voices have been telling me I will become happy and euphoric soon. But they have said that for a while...
These voices are future tense. Exercise, healthy diet, 8 hours sleep. Work on being okay now rather than happy soon.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28301498 - 04/30/23 06:58 PM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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ahaa, I like that. 
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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BrendanFlock
Stranger
Registered: 06/01/13
Posts: 4,365
Last seen: 1 hour, 10 minutes
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 Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: The Blind Ass]
#28301695 - 04/30/23 10:57 PM (11 months, 10 days ago) |
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What about Ketamine?
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: BrendanFlock]
#28301890 - 05/01/23 07:20 AM (11 months, 9 days ago) |
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Idk. Depends. What about it?
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,940
Loc: The Inexpressible... 
Last seen: 48 minutes, 58 seconds
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 Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28303020 - 05/02/23 04:54 AM (11 months, 8 days ago) |
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Do u have a genetic predisposition to psychosis?
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"What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin
PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm  || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
   Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise  Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek | 💧 Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method 💧 |   Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology!  Shpongle
       
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
#28303132 - 05/02/23 07:30 AM (11 months, 8 days ago) |
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WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,838
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 4 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28303199 - 05/02/23 08:54 AM (11 months, 8 days ago) |
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Be easier and more honest to say ‘I don’t ever want to consume drugs again.’
You can do whatever you want and handle things just as you want. You’re your own damn God. Your Brain is God, says Timothy Leary.
Build yourself up don’t break your self down.
Ask those voices to leave you alone. Use your own.
Start chanting. Use mala beads. Mala, that correct name? They have 108 beads where your mantra recited 108 times washes the 108 senses of body. When reciting let your voice play around to different vibrations. Deep hums. High. Low. Whatever. Find your voice and speak heart warming words of comfort and love.
Don’t let your self belittle yourself.
Walk in good posture and look around you. Broad horizon. Don’t horse blind yourself looking at nothing.
Life is beautiful.
Enjoy!
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Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!
Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing]
#28303229 - 05/02/23 09:26 AM (11 months, 8 days ago) |
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Quote:
WhoManBeing said:
...
You can do whatever you want and handle things just as you want.
...
this is debatable, but you will do what you perceive seems right to you, whether you thought you wanted it or not. i.e. what feels suitable.
where the confusion lies is the matter of will. willing and wanting seem connected, but wanting just means expected but not present (i.e. not satisfied), while willing suggests an expression of an entity dominating over the context, the brutish aspect of it anyway. (ego perhaps)
IRL wanting and willing are all just reflex of conditioning (memory) and context (environment and state of body and mind)
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28303460 - 05/02/23 12:56 PM (11 months, 8 days ago) |
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Do you have me on ignore, RGVs?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28303534 - 05/02/23 01:37 PM (11 months, 8 days ago) |
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no, others have been supporting your ongoing recovery, so I am just letting the love be spread.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28304307 - 05/03/23 01:24 AM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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So my dream of being a benevolent dictator still lives on? 
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28304415 - 05/03/23 05:07 AM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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by now your dream is reality, but so is your predicament.
this also applies to all of us.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28304421 - 05/03/23 05:11 AM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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I feel like we are getting closer to a mutual consent.
I absolutely dig ya, RGVs! 
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28304467 - 05/03/23 05:58 AM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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that makes it worth all the trouble.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28304770 - 05/03/23 10:58 AM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Awesome!
It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28304839 - 05/03/23 11:48 AM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:...It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
reacting less as if confronted by some challenging unknown
maybe a bit more relaxed between the familiar and the unknown.
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RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 days, 13 hours
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28304913 - 05/03/23 12:55 PM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Have you concluded drugs aren't as fun, exciting, and pleasurable as you once believed?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28304946 - 05/03/23 01:16 PM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:...It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
reacting less as if confronted by some challenging unknown
maybe a bit more relaxed between the familiar and the unknown.
Do you have a name for that feeling in the belly?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28304947 - 05/03/23 01:17 PM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Have you concluded drugs aren't as fun, exciting, and pleasurable as you once believed?
Oh no, they are more than fun, exciting and pleasurable to be honest. That is why it is so hard to swallow.
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RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 days, 13 hours
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28304952 - 05/03/23 01:22 PM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Your voices have been telling you that you will become happy and euphoric soon. I assume the pleasure of intoxication is lacking in some way, if you are hoping to be happy in the future? If intoxication enriches and nourishes your soul, maybe you should continue to engage in intoxication.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28304958 - 05/03/23 01:24 PM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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I have not been on drugs for 4 years and boy do I miss them but like I wrote in the OP: I can never consume drugs again...
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28305059 - 05/03/23 02:45 PM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:...It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
reacting less as if confronted by some challenging unknown
maybe a bit more relaxed between the familiar and the unknown.
Do you have a name for that feeling in the belly?
Schpilkes!
or
Verklempt!
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AllThingsMushroom
mushroom-er
Registered: 01/18/23
Posts: 165
Loc: 10.0.0.1
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28305074 - 05/03/23 02:54 PM (11 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
To get a conversation going - do you have anything in your life that you had to give up but definitely not wanted to give up.
masturbation it was for the best.
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DRAWING LIFE!
"Noob doing noob shit"
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28305898 - 05/04/23 04:43 AM (11 months, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:...It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
reacting less as if confronted by some challenging unknown
maybe a bit more relaxed between the familiar and the unknown.
Do you have a name for that feeling in the belly?
Sch
I see what you did there.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... *DELETED* [Re: redgreenvines]
#28315773 - 05/11/23 12:50 PM (10 months, 30 days ago) |
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Post deleted by Pinkerton
Reason for deletion: l
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28315796 - 05/11/23 01:13 PM (10 months, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
no, others have been supporting your ongoing recovery, so I am just letting the love be spread.
Wow, there may be a correlation here. I have not had terrifying intrusive thoughts for about 9 days and you posted the quoted post 9 days ago, I have had some symptoms but no where near as bad as I used to get.
I do not write this to jinx it as I know I can have relapses but I hope for God's sake they are passing away.
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Tropism
ChasingTail
Registered: 09/12/09
Posts: 2,039
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28316518 - 05/11/23 10:31 PM (10 months, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Have you concluded drugs aren't as fun, exciting, and pleasurable as you once believed?
Oh no, they are more than fun, exciting and pleasurable to be honest. That is why it is so hard to swallow.
Do not forget to exercise. Endorphins are your new best friend, and your body will make lots for you if you fight gravity enough. If I were you I would need a high, and it would have to be good old fashioned exercise.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Tropism]
#28316911 - 05/12/23 08:03 AM (10 months, 29 days ago) |
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I would have if I did not get intrusive/racing thoughts.
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hTx
(:
Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28317902 - 05/13/23 12:33 AM (10 months, 28 days ago) |
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I’ve given up drugs (including weed) and alcohol completely sober for the past 6 months and it’s been awesome.
I didn’t want to but also wanted to see if I could do it because it was time for a change.
“Even my momma thinks that my mind is gone”
--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28335636 - 05/26/23 02:06 PM (10 months, 15 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
That feeling or less of a feeling in my belly feels like it is getting stronger by the day.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28335732 - 05/26/23 03:15 PM (10 months, 15 days ago) |
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That's good (less of that feeling is getting stronger) if that's what you mean. Keep practicing self patience and being okay with where you are. The more you see improvement the easier it gets even when you have bad days.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28336202 - 05/26/23 09:51 PM (10 months, 15 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
That feeling or less of a feeling in my belly feels like it is getting stronger by the day.
you are obsessing.
your relief is possible via getting into the moment, as previously, and laborously described to you. Otherwise your obsession becomes consolidation of your obsession.
your poor guts need relief from all that fractal obsessing.
I agree, it a royally fucked situation.
If it were possible to establish and practice patience etc. as mentioned by Rahz, I would support his recommendation, but all I can safely say is to go into the moment and watch mental contents shifting at 1/10th of a second while following the breathing in and out.
Patience can come out of it as a by product. in the same way you cannot practice happiness by smiling, but that too may come out of this as a by product.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28336300 - 05/26/23 10:48 PM (10 months, 15 days ago) |
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Suffering is one thing. Being upset about it is another. If staying in the moment and breathing ends the feedback loop of being upset adding to the suffering I would suggest that is patience.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz] 1
#28336348 - 05/26/23 11:41 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said:
Suffering is one thing. Being upset about it is another. If staying in the moment and breathing ends the feedback loop of being upset adding to the suffering I would suggest that is patience.
then we agree but speak different languages
for me patience involves waiting, while the practice of observing mental contents is immediacy to the greatest extent, not waiting.
note, mental contents may include words, but most of it is fragments of sensation on all channels and fragmentary bits of feeling - torrents, very immediate, one has to relax into the torrent.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28336407 - 05/27/23 01:49 AM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
That feeling or less of a feeling in my belly feels like it is getting stronger by the day.
you are obsessing.
your relief is possible via getting into the moment, as previously, and laborously described to you. Otherwise your obsession becomes consolidation of your obsession.
your poor guts need relief from all that fractal obsessing.
I agree, it a royally fucked situation.
If it were possible to establish and practice patience etc. as mentioned by Rahz, I would support his recommendation, but all I can safely say is to go into the moment and watch mental contents shifting at 1/10th of a second while following the breathing in and out.
Patience can come out of it as a by product. in the same way you cannot practice happiness by smiling, but that too may come out of this as a by product.
Less of that sucky feeling getting stronger (like Rahz put it) is a good thing I believe.
Yes, my situation is royally fucked.
I still have no idea how to get in the moment...
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nooneman
Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,700
Loc: Utah
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28336420 - 05/27/23 02:05 AM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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Every drug I ever gave up, part of me wanted to keep using. That's part of why I gave them up.
Part of being an adult is wanting something and giving it up.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28336439 - 05/27/23 02:30 AM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
It feels like I get less and less of this sucky feeling in the stomach - like when one get frightened and/or humiliated. It is like my stomach turns into a wall.
That feeling or less of a feeling in my belly feels like it is getting stronger by the day.
you are obsessing.
your relief is possible via getting into the moment, as previously, and laborously described to you. Otherwise your obsession becomes consolidation of your obsession.
your poor guts need relief from all that fractal obsessing.
I agree, it a royally fucked situation.
If it were possible to establish and practice patience etc. as mentioned by Rahz, I would support his recommendation, but all I can safely say is to go into the moment and watch mental contents shifting at 1/10th of a second while following the breathing in and out.
Patience can come out of it as a by product. in the same way you cannot practice happiness by smiling, but that too may come out of this as a by product.
Less of that sucky feeling getting stronger (like Rahz put it) is a good thing I believe.
Yes, my situation is royally fucked.
I still have no idea how to get in the moment...
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/28113771#28113771
and more like that in that thread you seemed to catch on for a while but maybe you were faking to suck me in.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28336518 - 05/27/23 05:08 AM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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It is so frustrating. I have no clue what you were writing about.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28336578 - 05/27/23 07:05 AM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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At least you humoured me
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28336607 - 05/27/23 07:36 AM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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I am so fucking tired of this whole God-thing.
It takes forever and I am suffering.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28336678 - 05/27/23 09:05 AM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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Wanting to become God is a suffering.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz] 1
#28336892 - 05/27/23 12:10 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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I lost most of my twenties and early thirties on this God-thing and I see no ending to this madness, so I do not want to be God. 
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28336910 - 05/27/23 12:23 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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go back to your teens then
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28336919 - 05/27/23 12:27 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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Nah, I was bullied as a teen just like I am now.
How do I not become God and instead start a "normal" life?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28337023 - 05/27/23 01:43 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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I would kill to trip on Mescaline and some MDMA. Ketamine sigh... Amphetamines, some opiates and benzos, yes please.
But of course not, I am locked inside a prison which is my mind and if I consume just a minor bit I get straight up lunatic and starts harming people or myself even if I do not want to.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE GOD.
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WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
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Posts: 3,838
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28337033 - 05/27/23 01:49 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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You've got some issues.
What's the trouble to taking a drug and making pleasant experience to the use? Isn't that why one takes drugs? For pleasure?
Change, man, change. Being of change is of great presence.
So, you take a little of any drug, a little as to not make an uncontrollable reaction causing whatever lose of self will does to you in such set and setting, you take a little bit of any drug and you turn on a little, Woo Hoo, what's the trouble?
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Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!
Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing]
#28337036 - 05/27/23 01:51 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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You have no clue what you are writing about. 
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WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
Registered: 09/01/13
Posts: 3,838
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28337049 - 05/27/23 01:57 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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All the clues you've written here are read clears as light. Am I missing something?
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Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!
Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing]
#28337052 - 05/27/23 02:00 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
I would kill to trip on Mescaline and some MDMA. Ketamine sigh... Amphetamines, some opiates and benzos, yes please.
But of course not, I am locked inside a prison which is my mind and if I consume just a minor bit I get straight up lunatic and starts harming people or myself even if I do not want to.
Quote:
WhoManBeing said:
So, you take a little of any drug, a little as to not make an uncontrollable reaction causing whatever lose of self will does to you in such set and setting, you take a little bit of any drug and you turn on a little, Woo Hoo, what's the trouble?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28337611 - 05/27/23 10:35 PM (10 months, 14 days ago) |
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pinky, stop tormenting posters who want to help, get on with the business of being in the moment. you are not under continual attack by a swarm of wasps.
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CreonAntigone
Stranger
Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,933
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing] 1
#28337639 - 05/27/23 11:12 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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Quote:
WhoManBeing said:
So, you take a little of any drug, a little as to not make an uncontrollable reaction causing whatever lose of self will does to you in such set and setting, you take a little bit of any drug and you turn on a little, Woo Hoo, what's the trouble?
That's the nature of addiction... you know you should stop but the part of your brain that regulates that 'stop' is broken. Addicts who gain some awareness can watch in real time as their brain betrays them.
Basically, when an addiction is bad it is genuinely impossible for one to take 'a little bit, turn on a little' - even if one plans ever so carefully, ANY dose that is active flips the switch in the brain that disables the bodies ability to regulate executive function, and thus further use. Suddenly, one says to one's self, 'that was alright, so why couldn't I handle a little more?' - and then it repeats.
It may be that for each individual the amount to lose their sense of mind is different - it may be that some only take a little to get there. It may be a lot. But both sorts of addicts get there, because precisely insofar as they are addicts, they simply can't push the stop button.
I have been there in my worst of days, when I knew already I was too high, so high to be uncomfortable and give me anxiety, yet dosed cannabis again... And it has taken a lot of awareness to fight those urges and build counter-strategies. It is a slow process to change. Some people, if they know they are like this, should not touch any drugs at all. They can consider it again when there mind is much clearer, when they are in a better spot in life.
But some people need to be able to hit the valve and to stop it entirely, quit, before their brain sends them on a spiral.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28337821 - 05/28/23 05:28 AM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
pinky, stop tormenting posters who want to help, get on with the business of being in the moment. you are not under continual attack by a swarm of wasps.
I am sorry, WhoManBeing - if you only knew.
Is the 1 inbreath - 1 outbreath, 2 inbreath - 2 outbreath, 3 inbreath - 3 outbreath all the way up to 11 repeatedly for 30 minutes twice daily sufficient?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 2
#28337885 - 05/28/23 06:38 AM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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it's ok,
most important is relaxing, and not beating yourself at each distraction, begin again calmly.
being calm and observant and recovering from distraction calmly is the main thing.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28337943 - 05/28/23 07:32 AM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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But if I do not want to be God anymore, how do I proceed?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338032 - 05/28/23 09:12 AM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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nothing to add
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28338292 - 05/28/23 01:39 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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That could mean a lot of things, so what does it really mean?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338305 - 05/28/23 01:59 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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melt into moments
breathe relax repeat
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28338319 - 05/28/23 02:08 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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It is too much for me to comprehend.
Please, I do not want to be God.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338348 - 05/28/23 02:39 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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It's so simple you think it's complicated.
And, "I want to be God". "I don't want to be God".
These are both problematic things. Not wanting to be God is a result of your obsession of wanting to be God. Like Red might say, it's conditioned memory. But while it's problematic, it a much more realistic want than the first one.
You're not God... congratulations 
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28338352 - 05/28/23 02:45 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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I like you Rahz but you do not know what you are talking about. I wish it was as easy as you portrayed it... 
If RGVs can answer:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
It is too much for me to comprehend.
Please, I do not want to be God.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338443 - 05/28/23 04:27 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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I know you're not normal, but the principle is the same. And I said it was simple, not easy. It's not easy until it is. Skills are like that.
And I hope RGV isn't your next OC...
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28338544 - 05/28/23 05:57 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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In regards to easy, I was referring to the following:
Quote:
Rahz said:
It's so simple you think it's complicated.
And, "I want to be God". "I don't want to be God".
These are both problematic things. Not wanting to be God is a result of your obsession of wanting to be God. Like Red might say, it's conditioned memory. But while it's problematic, it a much more realistic want than the first one.Quote:
You're not God... congratulations
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338558 - 05/28/23 06:22 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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It's not easy to get over mental conditioning. I wasn't being sarcastic, just trying to inject some humor in the situation.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28338785 - 05/28/23 09:52 PM (10 months, 13 days ago) |
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I am not OC at all.
I am not pinky's OC.
logical.
to jam your thought loops, you need to be interested in something else, ergo -> follow your breathing and relax.
logical.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28339047 - 05/29/23 04:59 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
I like you Rahz but you do not know what you are talking about. I wish it was as easy as you portrayed it...
If RGVs can answer:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
It is too much for me to comprehend.
Please, I do not want to be God.
Release me from this prison.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28339152 - 05/29/23 07:49 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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I think you know there's something good going from wanting to be God to not wanting to be God. It takes time for that to work it's way into conditioning. That's why I've placed emphasis on being patient with yourself.
I think Red is right, that you should start to loosen your focus on "Not wanting to be God" by involving yourself in other activities whether it's meditation or hobby or focus of study. It can be useful to get out of your own head by finding an interest, and potentially a career down the road.
But you don't need to trick yourself regarding what you want. It's perfectly reasonable after spending a decade wanting to be God to want to not have those thoughts.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a mentor, but looking back I think you can see your obsession with OC was unhealthy. I think Red is a pretty good choice for a mentor but you will ultimately find confidence within yourself or within virtue that doesn't have a particular human personality. Even if it's hard to see it's still good, being humble about it, to have some faith in yourself.
And sometimes (a lot of the time) that means not thinking of it as complicated or impossible, just difficult, and it's okay to let go of the complications as much as possible and just breathe. It doesn't take understanding. It takes letting go. It is such a simple thing but we all struggle with it to a degree. You're not alone, for what it's worth. Neither me nor Red nor OC are perfect or have it all figured out. Maybe Red is floating on clouds (I will let him speak for himself on the matter), but we're all just humans doing the best we can.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28339158 - 05/29/23 08:00 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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I'm moaning with food poisoning from mussels in Greece, but there is a nice ocean breeze coming through.
hmm, better than clouds and not as good too
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28339171 - 05/29/23 08:08 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said:
I think you know there's something good going from wanting to be God to not wanting to be God. It takes time for that to work it's way into conditioning. That's why I've placed emphasis on being patient with yourself.
I think Red is right, that you should start to loosen your focus on "Not wanting to be God" by involving yourself in other activities whether it's meditation or hobby or focus of study. It can be useful to get out of your own head by finding an interest, and potentially a career down the road.
But you don't need to trick yourself regarding what you want. It's perfectly reasonable after spending a decade wanting to be God to want to not have those thoughts.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a mentor, but looking back I think you can see your obsession with OC was unhealthy. I think Red is a pretty good choice for a mentor but you will ultimately find confidence within yourself or within virtue that doesn't have a particular human personality. Even if it's hard to see it's still good, being humble about it, to have some faith in yourself.
And sometimes (a lot of the time) that means not thinking of it as complicated or impossible, just difficult, and it's okay to let go of the complications as much as possible and just breathe. It doesn't take understanding. It takes letting go. It is such a simple thing but we all struggle with it to a degree. You're not alone, for what it's worth. Neither me nor Red nor OC are perfect or have it all figured out. Maybe Red is floating on clouds (I will let him speak for himself on the matter), but we're all just humans doing the best we can.
Again, you have no idea whatyou are writing about, Rahz. If you get inside my brain you will know.
Something mystical is going on in PS&P/life in general.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28339172 - 05/29/23 08:10 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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RGVs please respond:
is there a way I can quit this whole God-thing? Please, I do not want to be God.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28339177 - 05/29/23 08:16 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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all wound up again???
stop winding up!
just go into the moment without being critical of your failures and repeat each time you are distracted.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28339183 - 05/29/23 08:26 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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And again I disagree. But there's only so much that can be said about it. You will have to quit playing these games with yourself.
I spent 15 years as a drunk manic depressive. I credit meditation more than anything for working my way out of it... along with working on a healthy diet and exercise which had a positive effect on my sleeping habits, and cessation of drugs, one by one, to bring it back on topic.
This "if you could get in my brain" thing reminds me of a conversation I had with starpig. She felt alone. If I couldn't say to her that life wasn't real and that I felt a constant crushing weight of solipsism then I didn't know what I was talking about.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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WhoManBeing
PsychedelicYogi
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Posts: 3,838
Loc: Oregon
Last seen: 4 hours, 59 minutes
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28339191 - 05/29/23 08:39 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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When LSD was beginning to get to psychologists and the like it was known as Psychotomimetic, mimicking states of psychosis, "be your patient for six hours.". That said, to be in your mind ain't that far out of idea. You have yourself in state of mental psychosis.
And this God trip, man, that a egotistical philosophical debate to use and reign as superior to others. You crying out over and over, 'i don't want to be God,' and such is really not saying anything other than some mantra of yours now it seems.
What is your idea to what this God is? One who created all this of earth and life we see? Then, don't worry, you don't need be God. Jon already done. Relax.
You don't have to be God.
Let's say you were to start playing the role of God, what do you need do to begin?
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Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!
Eye was thinking the other day... ahh, thinking never done me no good.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: WhoManBeing]
#28339248 - 05/29/23 10:06 AM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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cut it out
do not challenge the god trip
just phase it out of existence.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28339376 - 05/29/23 12:17 PM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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this uh, "predicament", reminds me of a silly thingamajig...uhh...possibly helpful to OP (hopefully).
It goes...
Question:
Imagine a duck in a glass bottle.
The neck of the bottle is too small to allow the duck through.
The bottle is perfectly formed and has no trick bottoms or other openings.
How do you get the duck out of the bottle without damaging either the duck or the bottle?
Answer: You imagined the duck in the bottle, so just imagine the duck out of the bottle.
It's so simple.
But hey there you go.  
In other words, if Pinky is stressing partly due to imagining himself to being stuck in the role of an imaginary super character of sorts, aka, a god of sorts (whatever that is), then he can also simply imagine himself...free.
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (05/29/23 12:37 PM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: The Blind Ass]
#28339401 - 05/29/23 12:37 PM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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@the blind ass
you are proscribing magical obsession.
stop it!
resistance and attraction are the same with associative linkage.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28339405 - 05/29/23 12:38 PM (10 months, 12 days ago) |
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Whoopsie. true, true.
Edited by The Blind Ass (05/29/23 02:16 PM)
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast
Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 4 months, 13 days
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28340105 - 05/29/23 11:25 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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what does one consider drugs?
caffeine is a drug, do you consume caffeine?
sorry if this is a bit "nit picky" but I am just curious because I have seen people say they don't do drugs while vaping or smoking a cigarette which seems strange.
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©️
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BrendanFlock
Stranger
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 Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Lucis]
#28340141 - 05/30/23 12:23 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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Or alcohol..
Al Capone believed this.
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended
Registered: 11/14/10
Posts: 5,401
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: BrendanFlock]
#28340661 - 05/30/23 01:38 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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...possibly 'drugs' that cause the consciousness expansion...??
I feel it too. Anything that is psychedelic in its effects just causes an expansion into chaos!
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28340667 - 05/30/23 01:40 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
all wound up again???
stop winding up!
just go into the moment without being critical of your failures and repeat each time you are distracted.
I do not want to be God man. Release me. I cannot be bothered to suffer for an unknown period.
Unless of course I get some perks/power up's or become happy or the intrusive/running toughts stop. I have been slaving for the last 10 years and see no real progress.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28340683 - 05/30/23 01:47 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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no deals available, no warranty
you are what you are
just do the thing of getting in the moment relaxing and not shaming/damning/deriding or being critical of your self.
breathe
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28340705 - 05/30/23 02:08 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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just do the thing of getting in the moment relaxing and not shaming/damning/deriding or being critical of your self.
I get intrusive thoughts from meditation.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28340725 - 05/30/23 02:32 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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begin again
I do not do counting,
I use beginning middle end,
I don't think counting is working for you,
say mentally to yourself "beginning" at the beginning of the in-breath, then "middle" at the middle, and "end" at the end, approximately is good enough (there is no exact middle to speak of).
then "beginning" at the beginning of the out-breath, then "middle" at the middle, and "end" at the end of the out breath, and repeat for each breath following
pay attention to that primarily and note any other mental contents but keep up the breath following for the duration of the practice.
if you are distracted by intrusive thoughts begin again, without complaint.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28340738 - 05/30/23 02:40 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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"beginning" at the beginning of the out-breath, then "middle" at the middle, and "end" at the end of the out breath
Which means I have to take deep breaths, right?
Else I have no chance of making it.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28340740 - 05/30/23 02:42 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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normal relaxed breathing
sitting comfortably
if not half lotus, then crosslegged, if not crosslegged then in a chair, if not in a chair then lying down flat, if not flat then on your side.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28340744 - 05/30/23 02:44 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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This is so frustrating. I do not even want to do the meditation-stuff. I would rather stay in my bed all day consuming drugs and listening to music.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28340775 - 05/30/23 03:06 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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the lazy fuck attitude is shit
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28340827 - 05/30/23 03:53 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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Pinkerton
Koanist
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28341945 - 05/31/23 12:54 PM (10 months, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
the lazy fuck attitude is shit
I tried today but I do not feel like it is working, quite the opposite TBH. Meditation is not for me.
What helped earlier when I had those god damned intrusive and racing thoughts was to focus on my belly and then try to swipe the horrid feeling in the stomach away.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28341985 - 05/31/23 01:38 PM (10 months, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
just do the thing of getting in the moment relaxing and not shaming/damning/deriding or being critical of your self.
I get intrusive thoughts from meditation.
This doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. The first year I meditated a lot of crap came up. But the point of meditation from this perspective is to be non-reactive. The difference is whether you consider them intrusive and unwanted -vs- necessary and wanted.
Pretty much every day in that first year of meditating issues would come up, fear, shame, regret and it didn't feel good at all. It was pretty awful. But I was able to work through it without creating feedback loops, being afraid of being afraid, being ashamed of feeling shame, etc. Non-reactive. Eventually the personal content began to tapper off and cease. Many of those issues were resolved, not because I "figured them out" but because I lived through their manifestations with conscious intent for long enough that the power in them (associative memory) became weak and lost it's use. And then I could meditate in a less personal way without lots of memory surfacing, just feeling the moment.
You have to want it but like I said earlier, meditation isn't the only way forward. Hobbies and interests that are non personal to focus on something outside yourself can be useful. For me I wanted to deal with issues that I had been working hard to avoid for a long time, because it had become clear that the drugs and other diversions were not going to fix anything.
That's why I said you have to quit playing games with yourself. Laying in bed doing drugs and listening to music is a diversion that won't fix anything. Begging others for answers won't fix anything. These are just games people play. Hide and go seek. But I don't blame you. I was very successful for a long time in playing games. Had a lot of fun. 27 was a lot of fun. 28 my youth ended and it was constant hangovers and nothing to effectively stave off the depression. I was in that hell for 3 years. And even that didn't convince me to change. At the age of 31 I did have a mystical experience. Wasn't looking for it. No skill involved. After it was over I wanted to change. I decided to get in shape. I managed to barely do 3 pushups and was on all fours catching my breath when it dawned on me that I was very mortal and perhaps close to death.
I like to think such unusual experiences aren't necessary to facilitate change. I don't know what it takes for each individual. But I do see some change in you recently. Not wanting to be God is very different for you. It's not nothing.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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Pinkerton
Koanist
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28343067 - 06/01/23 12:53 PM (10 months, 9 days ago) |
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Thank you for taking your time to write that, Rahz. But I do not think meditation is for me.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28343253 - 06/01/23 03:31 PM (10 months, 9 days ago) |
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I know, you're special.
but actually it's not for anybody, it's work.
you have to learn it.
like a bicycle, but finding the balance takes a bit longer than a bike.
turning however comes free after you get a few breaths going.
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CreonAntigone
Stranger
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Posts: 2,933
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28343626 - 06/01/23 08:15 PM (10 months, 9 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
What helped earlier when I had those god damned intrusive and racing thoughts was to focus on my belly and then try to swipe the horrid feeling in the stomach away.
Do you think this counts as a type of meditation? It very well could, if it was done in an intentional way.
Meditation can be integrated into your normal habits, and some things you already do may be meditative in nature.
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: CreonAntigone]
#28343678 - 06/01/23 08:50 PM (10 months, 9 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Thank you for taking your time to write that, Rahz. But I do not think meditation is for me.
Don't underestimate accpetance! If you use your energy to generate 'acceptance' as a spiritual energy, you can let it out of your eyes or expel it out of your heart as a gesture to the universe...!! Its very powerful. Should give you temporary relief from any negative ongoings. Then just repeat as needed... Rather than just think it, generate the energy of acceptance and radiate it out of your body. Forgive yourself and reality and just accept all of life without necessarily approving of it!
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344035 - 06/02/23 06:00 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
I know, you're special.
but actually it's not for anybody, it's work.
you have to learn it.
like a bicycle, but finding the balance takes a bit longer than a bike.
turning however comes free after you get a few breaths going.
Actually, the counting worked today - I did fairly well following my breath or it may be placebo/easy session with the intrusive/racing thoughts.
PS: Thanks for your replies CA and FOTK!
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344041 - 06/02/23 06:08 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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sometimes easy - sometimes not so easy, daily practice makes it familiar and useful (as a refuge with some strength (not like running away or crumbling in self pity)).
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344044 - 06/02/23 06:10 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Keep on keeping on.
I am an organic machine and I need some oil to function like I am destined.
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syncro
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344054 - 06/02/23 06:27 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Also to attempt to hold what would be the fruit of meditation as others have said too. What is its purpose? Seeing peace, innocence, forgiveness, ... a mind of helpfulness. To quote again, "they will be what they see."
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: syncro] 1
#28344088 - 06/02/23 07:17 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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never mind holding
your mind holds good enough as is
letting go is what this is about - relaxing and staying aware.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344099 - 06/02/23 07:26 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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I like "being okay". It contains various connotations that are conducive to... being okay.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344135 - 06/02/23 08:27 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Where am I destined, RGVs?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344145 - 06/02/23 08:42 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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I had my fortune telling organs surgically removed
never mind the future, get into the momen
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syncro
Registered: 01/14/15
Posts: 2,957
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344259 - 06/02/23 09:57 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
never mind holding
your mind holds good enough as is
letting go is what this is about - relaxing and staying aware.
Being about something, staying, holding... I was meaning as well if one doesn't feel they can meditate, the good qualities can complement it and they intersect.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: syncro]
#28344269 - 06/02/23 10:03 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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You may be stuck on this issue
personal psychology I guess
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344272 - 06/02/23 10:08 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Even Zen doesn't discard philosophy. It only states that philosophy alone isn't enough.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Edited by Rahz (06/02/23 10:21 AM)
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syncro
Registered: 01/14/15
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344326 - 06/02/23 10:55 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Stuck on benefit of good qualities? I understand non-attachment to them in meditation, yet they are the fruits, else no one would be talking about it.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: syncro]
#28344344 - 06/02/23 11:13 AM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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you are not under attack
no defense required
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344423 - 06/02/23 12:48 PM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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It seems like I can wipe away the intrusive/racing thoughts more and more so they do not start flowering and pestering my mind.
But I am not jinxing anything, it may be placebo or just a short phase.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344424 - 06/02/23 12:49 PM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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if they don't start
no need to wipe - right?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28344427 - 06/02/23 12:52 PM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Sure but how do I not start them?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
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Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344443 - 06/02/23 01:04 PM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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By getting into the moment.
If I could just feel what it is like to get into the moment...
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28344640 - 06/02/23 03:57 PM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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for me it is relaxation with breathing, and a flickering of other stuff occurring and changing as I say "beginning, middle, end"...repetition of that... distraction ... resume... repetition...
your feeling is you doing it not me.
as you do it you feel it
and it changes and you keep relaxing and noticing changes aware of the passing moment which is always different.
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BrendanFlock
Stranger
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 Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28345062 - 06/02/23 10:32 PM (10 months, 8 days ago) |
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Just sit there having hope/non hope..
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: BrendanFlock]
#28345194 - 06/03/23 03:22 AM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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empty of hope and other nonsense
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BrendanFlock
Stranger
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 Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28345216 - 06/03/23 03:49 AM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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Hope is like an on and off solution.
Vibrating stretch to the tip.. which goes into decimal of order.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: BrendanFlock]
#28345306 - 06/03/23 06:25 AM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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maybe hope is a half made plan of action.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28345375 - 06/03/23 07:30 AM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
for me it is relaxation with breathing, and a flickering of other stuff occurring and changing as I say "beginning, middle, end"...repetition of that... distraction ... resume... repetition...
your feeling is you doing it not me.
as you do it you feel it
and it changes and you keep relaxing and noticing changes aware of the passing moment which is always different.
Sure but is it an eureka sort of feeling? Like, will I know it when/if I feel it?
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28345410 - 06/03/23 08:17 AM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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There can be a moment when you have a eureka sort of feeling and you will know it.
But the practice itself contains many small moments of accomplishment, every time you can let go in the moment. Best to not minimize these moments looking for something more profound. It's those moments, and the practice, which lead to other things that are more "know it when you feel it".
And it's the practice of being calm that will allow you to stay in the more profound moments. If you have a eureka moment and get all excited about it, it will be over.
It would be like spending time getting a timid animal to come close enough to touch and then yelling "Hell yes!".
If you can let go of your thoughts for only a moment, and then the thoughts return... that's an accomplishment. Do it again. And again. And don't be upset that some part of your mind thinks the progress is too slow or absent. That's what you need to let go of, you see?
And if you get to a eureka moment and get excited and loose the moment, that's okay. The ability to let go, even then, is the important bit.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28345449 - 06/03/23 08:52 AM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said:
for me it is relaxation with breathing, and a flickering of other stuff occurring and changing as I say "beginning, middle, end"...repetition of that... distraction ... resume... repetition...
your feeling is you doing it not me.
as you do it you feel it
and it changes and you keep relaxing and noticing changes aware of the passing moment which is always different.
Sure but is it an eureka sort of feeling? Like, will I know it when/if I feel it?
occasionally there is that type of distraction.
and when you notice it happening, you are best off resuming the practice.
Emotional intensification from focused attention, can spontaneously set up frame stacking, aka jhana, and when that engages, eureka type feelings commonly occur:
perceptions of mental content reverberantly circulate and ramify within the context of the meditation.
It is somewhat of a multidimensional sympathetic chiming experience (for me).
This is undoubtedly invigorating, but the reason for the practice is not to get high, but to get healed, or at least adapt and have some refuge and respite from the grinding of broken mental gears.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28345725 - 06/03/23 12:31 PM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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I have no idea if I am getting into the moment or not.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28345751 - 06/03/23 12:52 PM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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Never mind, during the effort you are not doing something else right?!?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28345757 - 06/03/23 12:59 PM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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Nope. I am counting and following/paying attention to my breath while laying in my bed.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28345786 - 06/03/23 01:28 PM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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this can work really well.
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Rahz
Alive Again
Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,334
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 2
#28345815 - 06/03/23 01:47 PM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
I have no idea if I am getting into the moment or not.
You are always in the moment.
1- Let go of the current thought and just breathe.
2- go to 1.
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rahz
comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace
"Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free."
~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
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epilectric
low dose
Registered: 06/28/06
Posts: 1,172
Loc: Vienna
Last seen: 8 hours, 19 minutes
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Rahz]
#28346448 - 06/03/23 11:01 PM (10 months, 7 days ago) |
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Some will probably not like this but you could try praying and asking god for giving you signs to show you the way out of your mental prison. Faith can be powerful and transform you, even if your fellow humans don't share your beliefs. Combine that with meditation or a walk in nature, and you might be better off soon. 😊
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: epilectric]
#28346527 - 06/04/23 01:18 AM (10 months, 6 days ago) |
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you are right,
I think it is a bum steer, epi
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28347107 - 06/04/23 01:41 PM (10 months, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
this can work really well.
I certainly hope so.
It will be interesting to feel how or if it counters horrible intrusive thoughts. So far I have had relatively simple intrusive thoughts since I began the meditation again but I like to think it is working.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28347139 - 06/04/23 02:01 PM (10 months, 6 days ago) |
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That's how I started, too.
For a relatively long while that's nearly all I did.
And, I still do it as a warm up of sorts.
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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epilectric
low dose
Registered: 06/28/06
Posts: 1,172
Loc: Vienna
Last seen: 8 hours, 19 minutes
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28347857 - 06/05/23 05:57 AM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
you are right,
I think it is a bum steer, epi
ok.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28347863 - 06/05/23 06:12 AM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
redgreenvines said:
this can work really well.
I certainly hope so.
It will be interesting to feel how or if it counters horrible intrusive thoughts. So far I have had relatively simple intrusive thoughts since I began the meditation again but I like to think it is working.
I had some bad intrusive/racing thoughts this morning, but I like to think the counting and breathing countered those damned thoughts. However, I only counted and breathed "superficially" thus I did not go in depth - I could not handle it.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28347900 - 06/05/23 07:23 AM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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each time you fail, you fail better, and begin again.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28347904 - 06/05/23 07:29 AM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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Does it work even if it is done "superficially"?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28347932 - 06/05/23 08:03 AM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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if it is done superficially, and you have enough presence to notice that the concentration is superficial, you probably are also being aware of the arising and passing of other mental cotents which are tending to crowd out what was central.
If you remain present and keep the practice up, and are not distracted by other mental contents, just continue.
If you are distracted by other mental contents, gently begin again, without kicking the meditator.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28348201 - 06/05/23 12:38 PM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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dOOd, I feel like it may work. I got some half-bad thoughts 4 hrs ago and I fully counted and tried to follow my breath, it seemed to at least take the edges of those evil thoughts.
Orgy wrote "I'm going blind!" 17 hours ago on a Facebook-uppload on MT's Facebook-wall. Surely I was ment to see that cryptic stuff and form some sort of logical conclusion of it. Stuff is happening, ey?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28348239 - 06/05/23 01:04 PM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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he is on a path that is a bit strange, but it is his.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28348249 - 06/05/23 01:09 PM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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What path am I on?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28348276 - 06/05/23 01:32 PM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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yours
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28348282 - 06/05/23 01:34 PM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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Godhood here we come!!!
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28348289 - 06/05/23 01:44 PM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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A natural one for sure.
Btwz...Superficial is a fine start if you ask me.
Simply doing something for yourself or another, even if just chillaxing while upright and not too sleepy or geeked and counting with awareness tracing of the in & out of breath is good, imho.
If you want to "measure meditative progress", and we kinda bend towards the concentrative route, then you could see how high you get up on the ladder of counting breath by a set cycle of 1 x complete and natural inhale & exhale on up to 10, if possible - without misremembering what you're actually doing wrt the practice combined with what else occurs in tandem...the latter of which comes more clearly into view as you look more carefully while performing this subtle and graceful balancing act.
You can attempt to see if you can try to get your *uninterrupted/or/undisturbed* number count up by staying on the breath-count like tracing it with awareness, despite whatever else might be going on around and inside you while doing so. Is it like ignoring something? Sort of. Is it like paying attention to something in particular as the priority ahead of any other things? More or less, Yes. Though those "other things" will ride along like a phantom parade of sorts regardless...Without shifting your gaze awareness coincides with the periphery while keeping things steady on the main stage when your mind's eye's sight is set to naturally gaze the middle-middle with ease- and in doing so naturally brings about an interesting perspective of balance between two seemingly separate objects into focus in a way that leads to directly perceiving their interdependency/interconnectivity. Now that is something worthwhile to ponder on about after examining it out for yourself firsthand.
Btw, slow and steady works fine. So long as you practice. Practice is the key. Sure its a prison, too. One that will break over and over even without any magnificent experiential spectacles emerging, you will still breakthrough just by doing it with a nod to form or a nod to the emptiness of the form of the practice while still doing said practice.
So long as you keep at it honestly while being true to yourself wrt what's going on around the sights set by your practice's aim, especially when performed naturally without extraneous thoughts, like of meditative gains & amazing achievements. Though that is part of the fun, too, it can be heavily distracting for some - like myself.
Just like working out your delts over time with tiny but incremental increases in the weights you move improves muscularity there, similarly so too with mind when with a sound meditative practice & the contemplation of said experiences thereafter examined, ideally, with sharpened discernment. Then comes wisdom, or so some say, hah, with greater concentration, and more appropriate situational-behavioral modes of interacting with other sentient beings as per universal morality.
Slowly or Quickly, it happens one way or the other so may as well, and if you keep at it in earnest wrt refining one's understanding of things - who knows what else may come of it?
Just by practicing the formal posture(s) in earnest and paying respectful attention while counting with it- though those terms can be subject to debate - Still - from where I sit:
At least then you're noticing the shadowy movements of the underbelly of your mind's workings as they peruse through mind consciousness like daft little tadpoles adrift in a wild river that go on to take shape as per whatever paths the water takes and so shapes them into....into...well! How about you see for yourself! LoL. Now, How in the hell can anyone resist checking out them waters? What when its seemingly nearer to you than your own finger is to your nose when touching it?
When i'm lucky...Aware of the awareness of what is and isn't happening is how I like to do my pretend meditation - voluntarily or involuntarily. Often I borrow the simile/metaphor/analogies likening awareness to a strangely familiar lamp lighting up the open mysteries of the body like as if it were a dank, dark cave- only said cave's of mind's nature. Perfectly natural, and yet - that lamp's light seems neither necessarily quite inside of oneself nor outside oneself, yet it shines through oneself illuminating whatever else while remaining unchanging itself.
What is this seemingly magical & wonderfully clear light and how is everything so nakedly empty yet full of it all at once?
Idk, Idk!!! 
  
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (06/05/23 02:02 PM)
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: The Blind Ass]
#28348313 - 06/05/23 02:07 PM (10 months, 5 days ago) |
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Now, for goodness' sake... will someone please lend me a practice that'll help me to better refine, edit, and shorten my long spaghetti-noodley posts?  
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28349497 - 06/06/23 12:18 PM (10 months, 4 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Godhood here we come!!!
No?
Today was swell, I got some symptoms but countered them fairly easy with the counting and breathing. Now I am not jinxing anything, they could hit me at supersonic speed tomorrow.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: The Blind Ass]
#28349504 - 06/06/23 12:23 PM (10 months, 4 days ago) |
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Hey TBA, thank you for chiming in with a long post.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,619
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28350747 - 06/07/23 11:13 AM (10 months, 3 days ago) |
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4sure pinkster. we're all in the same boat my bruddha.
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28350918 - 06/07/23 01:25 PM (10 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Quote:
Pinkerton said:
Godhood here we come!!!
No?
Today was swell, I got some symptoms but countered them fairly easy with the counting and breathing. Now I am not jinxing anything, they could hit me at supersonic speed tomorrow.
Yes.
It was a great day today with some happiness. Not much intrusive/racing thoughts. I believe in the counting and breathing. Like I wrote yesterday, I am not jinxing anything.
It feels like we are coming to an end to Pinkys personal hell.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28350923 - 06/07/23 01:35 PM (10 months, 3 days ago) |
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20 mins per day or 2 x 20 mins?
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines] 1
#28350926 - 06/07/23 01:39 PM (10 months, 3 days ago) |
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I do not take time, it kind of stresses me and makes me demotivated.
But whenever I feel a slight discomfort I immediately start counting and paying attention to my breath. I also do the meditation randomly throughout the day.
RGVs it is pretty crazy to think I am (becoming) God but it feels closer than ever now.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28350941 - 06/07/23 01:51 PM (10 months, 3 days ago) |
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ok
god == Nature
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Ferdinando
Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 3,745
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28350944 - 06/07/23 01:51 PM (10 months, 3 days ago) |
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2 x 45 min a day
it can make one not go to the psychiatric hospital and do harm
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with our love with our love we could save the world
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28350952 - 06/07/23 02:02 PM (10 months, 3 days ago) |
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It is all inside my brain.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28352089 - 06/08/23 12:47 PM (10 months, 2 days ago) |
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Not much happiness today. The evil thoughts were symptomatic and for some moments they started bursting out.
And, guess what!? My counting and breathing seemed to counter them.
RGVs if you are the solution to all of this, I certainly take my hat off.
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RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 days, 13 hours
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28352108 - 06/08/23 01:01 PM (10 months, 2 days ago) |
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There is no good reason to label any type of thoughts "evil"
“What you resist not only persists - but will grow in size.”
Carl Jung
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28352116 - 06/08/23 01:11 PM (10 months, 2 days ago) |
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There is no good reason to label any type of thoughts "evil"
If my thoughts are profoundly immoral and wicked they are evil.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28352124 - 06/08/23 01:23 PM (10 months, 2 days ago) |
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a little bit of evil is ok, sometimes when you see it you want to go the other way, sometimes it is just debris and you can drive right over it.
@Pinky, you can count on me for somethings, but the work is up to you.
good work.
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RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 days, 13 hours
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28352125 - 06/08/23 01:23 PM (10 months, 2 days ago) |
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Sounds like a symptom of self-loathing.
(disgust with oneself and the feeling that one is detestable)
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28352136 - 06/08/23 01:31 PM (10 months, 2 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said:
a little bit of evil is ok, sometimes when you see it you want to go the other way, sometimes it is just debris and you can drive right over it.
@Pinky, you can count on me for somethings, but the work is up to you.
good work.
I have no idea how i might take over the world without power-ups. It is like I am a mere particle in a giant ocean.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28352222 - 06/08/23 02:33 PM (10 months, 2 days ago) |
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see if you can download some Pinky and the Brain
it comes with Animaniacs
they do it every day and every night
"take over the world"
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28353223 - 06/09/23 12:29 PM (10 months, 1 day ago) |
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Oh boy, today was bad.
Most of the time I could not fully stay calm enough to count and breathe. And if I did start it felt like it was working against me and made moi more anxious (feeling in stomach). Like you wrote RGVs, it is not always easy in regards to meditation. Here is the thing: I am pretty certain the counting and breathing has helped the other days.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28353228 - 06/09/23 12:40 PM (10 months, 1 day ago) |
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It is a fair way to engage the mind, which otherwise reflexes in habituated ways.
You can do a lot with it, building calm and building patience as well, then it gets deeper, and provides more confidence, etc.
so,
good work pinky.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28353233 - 06/09/23 12:48 PM (10 months, 1 day ago) |
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Thank you, Sir.
What you are saying is to keep counting and breathing while having bad intrusive/racing thoughts? Or should I stop if it is overwhelming.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton] 1
#28353244 - 06/09/23 01:03 PM (10 months, 1 day ago) |
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try to keep up the practice,
if overwhelmed by distraction, slowly get up and gently go and wash your face with cool water, then dry off and return to your practice.
or,
slowly get up and walk around the room then resume the practice,
do not judge yourself.
the strength that you are resisting is your own strength, something that you have developed and can be proud of but when it works against your meditation, you are a formidable opponent to yourself.
remain calm, and tolerant and non-judgemental of yourself.
how do you calm down a stallion that is rearing, persistence, gentleness, confidence, patience.
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Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: redgreenvines]
#28357045 - 06/12/23 12:37 PM (9 months, 29 days ago) |
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Thanks for your suggestions. I had some intrusive/racing thoughts today but I countered them with the counting and breathing.
It is like I am building a wall in my stomach and it seems to get stronger and stronger. I get less jumpy. And I like to think the stewdent is ready when my stomach is a solid wall.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,169
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Re: I can never consume drugs again... [Re: Pinkerton]
#28357155 - 06/12/23 02:15 PM (9 months, 29 days ago) |
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Walls can be useful,
gentle awareness is useful.
In the mean time the breath is very useful.
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