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OfflineDarwin23
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Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals
    #28273643 - 04/11/23 09:51 PM (9 months, 12 days ago)

Long story short, my wife and I began living apart in the beginning of January. I started the divorce process about a week ago and my wife is not happy about it. She revealed that she had been pregnant with my child and terminated the pregnancy in early March. She got the money for that by telling me she urgently needed money for new glasses and her Vyvanse doctor's appointment.

Do you think she did anything wrong? Do you think there is any obligation to let your spouse know that you're pregnant with their child, even if you're separated? Do you think it was wrong of her to lie and trick me into funding the abortion of my own kid? (For the record, I'm not saying getting the abortion was wrong, that's her choice and I would have paid for it had she told me why she needed the money).

I'm mostly upset that she hid it from me and only told me about it to use as a weapon to hurt me.

What are you're thoughts?


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23] * 3
    #28273653 - 04/11/23 09:57 PM (9 months, 12 days ago)

Id say thats a pretty fucked thing for your to-be ex-wife to do. If it was another guys baby, it wouldnt be as a big deal, but since it was yours, i feel like the whole thing is super wrong on her end. Lying is never a good thing in a relationship....


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Anonymous #1

Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23] * 3
    #28273918 - 04/12/23 05:16 AM (9 months, 12 days ago)

You were still married. Regardless of how either of you felt about reconciliation at the time it's still a pretty fucked up thing to do. In my opinion it speaks volumes as to the woman you married. What is marriage at that point? Divorce exists and it's existence is probably for the best but as far as I'm concerned there's still a level of dedication there that should be maintained. Until those divorce papers are signed there's always a miracle that can happen and when you're talking about the rest of your lives it should be important you approach all things with care. That's pure spite and indignation taken out on a child. Abortion rights can get fucked. I'm sorry your ex is an absolute asshole. She doesn't get to not be happy about divorce papers and be so much of a prick to not tell you she's pregnant, terminate it. That tells me that in the moment she was emotional and acted rashly, but when the divorce papers came in she had second thoughts. It does all sit in a bit of a grey area so I'll finish with this.. this should tell you everything you need to know and likely solidify all the things you already knew about her. One way or another, she sounds emotionally unstable.


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OfflineAbombs
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28275105 - 04/12/23 09:28 PM (9 months, 11 days ago)

That's aweful of her.
But definitely confirms your desire for divorce.

And maybe she was worried you would use the pregnancy to manipulate her.

Pregnant women are crazy.

Get that divorce finalized and get a new phone number.

One day when the kids move out I will crack a pint and celebrate deleting/blocking my ex from my phone


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Invisiblenooneman
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23] * 2
    #28275186 - 04/12/23 10:54 PM (9 months, 11 days ago)

Do the morals of it really matter at this point? Is there any point in someone being right or wrong, at this point in your relationship? You don't have a relationship anymore, whether she was right or wrong isn't going to change anything, and it isn't going to affect you or her at this point because you're no longer going to be together.

I think it's really sad for everyone involved, that's how I feel about it. I don't really see the point in figuring out the morals of the situation at this point when you won't be a part of each others lives anymore. Honestly it's just really sad.


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OfflineAbombs
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: nooneman]
    #28275549 - 04/13/23 08:03 AM (9 months, 11 days ago)

I agree with this. Stop agonizing over assigning blame. And work on letting go in a healthy way.

I don't know how. I'm still have lots of hangups/baggage and it's been 3 years.


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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23]
    #28275661 - 04/13/23 09:45 AM (9 months, 11 days ago)

I'm curious. How did she justify this to you? What is her reasoning?


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23]
    #28275730 - 04/13/23 10:46 AM (9 months, 11 days ago)

I can understand why you would be upset by this.
But an obligation? No. Even if you weren't separated. I suspect this sort of thing happens more often than we realize.
I'm not saying it's good, it's definitely a sign that there is a lack of trust in the relationship.


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OfflineJanus62
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Lynnch]
    #28275770 - 04/13/23 11:18 AM (9 months, 11 days ago)

Sadly, lies and deceit are a normal part of a relationship that's failing.  She was wrong to ask for money on false pretences, but we all mess up at times, often for what seem to be good reasons.
I recall my ex wife going into hospital for "investigation of a bowl problem" shortly before she left for another guy - only later did I hear from a mutual friend that it was to abort a baby that's parentage was uncertain.
I'm sorry - it hurts, but at least you won't look back on your relationship with rose tinted glasses.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23] * 1
    #28276830 - 04/14/23 04:54 AM (9 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Darwin23 said:
Long story short, my wife and I began living apart in the beginning of January. I started the divorce process about a week ago and my wife is not happy about it. She revealed that she had been pregnant with my child and terminated the pregnancy in early March. She got the money for that by telling me she urgently needed money for new glasses and her Vyvanse doctor's appointment.

Do you think she did anything wrong? Β΄



She did everything she could've done wrong and you should hurt her as much as possible in response be it legally emotionally financially or otherwise. She considers you lower than dirt. Act in kind.


Edited by Anonymous (04/14/23 04:55 AM)


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Anonymous #2] * 2
    #28276966 - 04/14/23 07:44 AM (9 months, 10 days ago)

Angry and vengeful is no way to go through life, son.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Lynnch]
    #28277174 - 04/14/23 10:15 AM (9 months, 10 days ago)

Don't condescend me, please. It wasn't a fight OP started, but he better finish it or it'll sit with him forever.


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23]
    #28284694 - 04/18/23 11:43 PM (9 months, 5 days ago)

It is what it is, it happened and is in the past.

If I were you I’d move on and wipe your hands clean. No time for dwelling on shit that’s already done. You can never think about that kind of stuff again and be better off for it.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: nooneman]
    #28285367 - 04/19/23 01:14 PM (9 months, 5 days ago)

Quote:

nooneman said:

Do the morals of it really matter at this point?




Outside of this specific instance, this is a big issue.  Men have no rights when it comes to decisions about pregnancy.  Females have all the rights. I understand the opinion that men should have no rights regarding an abortion decision (or to give birth) and let's be sure to not pretend they do.  Let's accept the fact equality & equity are only embraced for certain groups in certain circumstances.

Some claim men give up their rights when they ejaculate during sex.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23]
    #28285537 - 04/19/23 02:41 PM (9 months, 5 days ago)

Quote:

Darwin23 said:
Long story short, my wife and I began living apart in the beginning of January. I started the divorce process about a week ago and my wife is not happy about it. She revealed that she had been pregnant with my child and terminated the pregnancy in early March. She got the money for that by telling me she urgently needed money for new glasses and her Vyvanse doctor's appointment.

Do you think she did anything wrong? Do you think there is any obligation to let your spouse know that you're pregnant with their child, even if you're separated? Do you think it was wrong of her to lie and trick me into funding the abortion of my own kid? (For the record, I'm not saying getting the abortion was wrong, that's her choice and I would have paid for it had she told me why she needed the money).

I'm mostly upset that she hid it from me and only told me about it to use as a weapon to hurt me.

What are you're thoughts?




We have a few things going on here:

1) baby surprise
2) abortion
3) light fraud

The only thing I think she did clearly wrong was lying about why she needed the money. Everything else is pretty much out of your hands.

That being said, this to me actually seems like one of the best possible outcomes. You dodged the 18 year STD, with a woman who showed herself to be untrustworthy.

Relatively speaking, I'd say you fell into a sewer and came up smelling like roses. Maybe someone flushed some perfume after the fetus?


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Invisiblesudly
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Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Darwin23]
    #28287473 - 04/20/23 10:36 PM (9 months, 3 days ago)

What she did is jumped infront of a bullet for you, but in a horrible way, like that communication sucks.

Again i don't know how you're communication was throughout but if the divorce was on the table I doubt it went between you too well at the time.

And if you couldn't communicate after however many years you were together, when were you going to? Because I don't think having a kid together was really going to improve it and have you brought closer together in a calming and restful way.

I'd count my losses and take this as an opportunity to rebuild because that's all you can do.

The first 30 seconds of this was pretty meaningful I thought.



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I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Offlinekoods
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Re: Was my wife in the wrong? Let's discuss the morals [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28289409 - 04/22/23 05:35 AM (9 months, 2 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Quote:

Darwin23 said:
Long story short, my wife and I began living apart in the beginning of January. I started the divorce process about a week ago and my wife is not happy about it. She revealed that she had been pregnant with my child and terminated the pregnancy in early March. She got the money for that by telling me she urgently needed money for new glasses and her Vyvanse doctor's appointment.

Do you think she did anything wrong? Β΄



She did everything she could've done wrong and you should hurt her as much as possible in response be it legally emotionally financially or otherwise. She considers you lower than dirt. Act in kind.




holy shit this dude is a psychopath and this is terrible advice


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NotSheekle said
β€œif I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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