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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii]
#28287464 - 04/20/23 10:25 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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I'm not jealous but I do get annoyed when others try to make me jealous.
I think figuring out what you do and don't want is important to even start dating.
I said I only wanted casual things and was not in a place to be romantic. All I had to offer was friendship and cuddles if the chemistry is there.
It worked really well to help me find a great friend. Just today I was talking to a new lass and told her what I wanted, asking what she wanted, she said a romantic extroverted secondary poly partner.
I said I wasn't the right guy for her because of what I wanted and although we may catch up for lunch as friends, we've made clear our intentions and don't have to invest beyond it which is good to know getting into these things.
Have you talked about hard and soft limits before? Recognised the importance of enthusiastic consent etc?
Plus I've told people I have no interest in the sex lives of other people.
If you're all single, frankly putting jealousy aside is the only way you'll make it. Imo atleast. It took me 8 years to put aside my jealousy to the point of even appreciating my first ex a bit more, but it took a lot experiences, self reflection and personal development to come across.
I think if you find out what you want you'll have an easier time meeting people who want the same thing, maybe she just doesn't want what you want and there's a more suited person out there.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: sudly]
#28287511 - 04/20/23 11:45 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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l
Edited by thelanzii (05/30/23 02:16 PM)
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Kryptos
Stranger

Registered: 11/01/14
Posts: 12,262
Last seen: 19 minutes, 51 seconds
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii]
#28287811 - 04/21/23 08:03 AM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
thelanzii said: we were supposed to hang out yesterday, but she bailed and promised tonight then did not reply
I messaged her why even reschedule if you bail again tonight?
Whether she bailed because she don't like you, or she had a legit reason to bail, from now on she will bail because she don't like you.
I have done something similar in the past, where you can logic out that you're being bailed on, or otherwise find out. With male friends, I have on occasion had conversations in which I was like "yo man, that was shitty when you bailed and lied about it" and men will generally be like yeah, my bad.
Women are not like that. When you call them on something like that, they get defensive and offended. Let them save face.
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RJ Tubs 202



Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,014
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 hours, 18 minutes
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii] 1
#28288043 - 04/21/23 11:18 AM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
thelanzii said:
Someone said become a level of status/personal growth that countless women will chase you.
Although wealth, status and looks can play a role in attracting women, this is largely a myth. Many average looking guys (and below average) get many gals because they lack fear and know how to seduce a woman. Many attractive wealthy men are terrified of women, and this fear kills their chances. Women smell a man's fear from a million miles away.
I've recently learned the more a man seeks a woman, or women, the more desperate and needy men appear, and this is a huge turn off to women. One of the reasons aloof men who are jerks often get many gals is they do not emanate needing a woman. This makes these men intriguing and attractive.
The art of seduction is a bit of a game. It's not manipulation - it's catering to what women are attracted to. It's important to not be too available and maintain autonomy and never show all your cards. Maintain some mystery and occasionally be unpredictable.
It's critical to have the skills of having interesting topics to discuss, and to be able to engage in humor. Don't be Mr Nice Guy. Sometimes reveal a bit of your dark side. Find out what she fears, makes her angry, and what brings her joy.
And learn how to use eye contact to stimulate intimacy.
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,339
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii]
#28288062 - 04/21/23 11:33 AM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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I have never chased a man for his status or wealth. Love.. yes
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“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
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RJ Tubs 202



Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,014
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 hours, 18 minutes
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: loladoreen]
#28288075 - 04/21/23 11:43 AM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Have you noticed a pattern in the characteristics of the men you're attracted to?
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,339
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28288093 - 04/21/23 11:50 AM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said: Have you noticed a pattern in the characteristics of the men you're attracted to?
Absolutely not. It is all over the place.
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“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
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towndaze
Diviner



Registered: 04/20/19
Posts: 361
Last seen: 8 days, 11 hours
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii] 1
#28288105 - 04/21/23 11:55 AM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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thelanzii said: Very solid reply and thought provoking.
Thanks, I try where I can.
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I have fell into talking with her about real deeper issues but we have also goofed around and flirted. It's frustrating because she is very pleasant to talk to but since I opened up the more emotional talk it set a precedent. I am a bit older than her and have already worked through a lot of the similar issues she has.
I getcha but this just ain't the way (unless you're someone's first that's very different).
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The other guy is an acquaintance of mine and she jumps around from liking and disdain for him often.
Cause he's interesting. You're comfy & relatable. Father/brother figure as opposed to lover.
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At this point my goal is to work on myself and meet other women.
Amen.
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Someone said become a level of status/personal growth that countless women will chase you. Sounds corny but it's the only move that makes sense rn.
Work on being interesting/funny/entertaining. Dumbest/most easily explained/fastest way: Un-freaking-ironically? Learn how to dance. No. Really. Just learn how to dance off YouTube. Once you got that down, learn how to spin Poi and do "Gloving".
A lot of us psychedelics people are often way too much in our own heads and out of touch with our own physicality. I don't know your ethnicity but I'm guessing Caucasian, which makes this an even more pressing issue.
-------------------- Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
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RJ Tubs 202



Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,014
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 hours, 18 minutes
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: towndaze]
#28288151 - 04/21/23 12:23 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
towndaze said:
Work on being interesting/funny/entertaining.

This is a very important point. Being boring is never attractive. BTW, being perfect (or trying to appear perfect) is boring.
Women might say they want Mr. Dependable (and they, in part, may) but at their core they want to have sex with someone they find interesting and exciting. Part of this is not being 100% predictable. Ya got to mix it up! And she doesn't want to "be your everything". You must never depend on a woman to fulfill your emotional needs.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28288238 - 04/21/23 01:27 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Personally I don't want to be responsible for the emotional security of another person, and neither do the people I meet and get along with well.
Finding those who want what you want is critical imo.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,711
Last seen: 2 hours, 42 minutes
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii]
#28288254 - 04/21/23 01:37 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
thelanzii said:I have flirted plenty with her, shes sent me nudes. but I am not the one fucking her
and was wondering if it is hindered by having these conversations. no I don't think I deserve sex by talking about pain
If she's sent you nudes then you might have a chance, depending on how long ago she sent the nudes. Did you even respond to her sending you nudes? Did you say something like "damnnn gurl, you lookin' aight, I wanna spank that ass and see you crawl on the floor." ? Did you let her know you find her sexually attractive?
Since she's sent nudes, I don't think you're hindered by the convos about past pain.
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  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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loladoreen


Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,339
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii]
#28288266 - 04/21/23 01:43 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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she may of become more into someone else between the time of the nudes being sent and now. And sometimes that has NOTHING to do with you. And only about connection between the other two.
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“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: lifeiswhatyoumake]
#28288694 - 04/21/23 05:05 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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l
Edited by thelanzii (05/30/23 02:17 PM)
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: loladoreen]
#28288702 - 04/21/23 05:10 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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l
Edited by thelanzii (05/30/23 02:17 PM)
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,711
Last seen: 2 hours, 42 minutes
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii] 1
#28288869 - 04/21/23 06:41 PM (9 months, 3 days ago) |
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Quote:
thelanzii said:
Quote:
lifeiswhatyoumake said:
Quote:
thelanzii said:I have flirted plenty with her, shes sent me nudes. but I am not the one fucking her
and was wondering if it is hindered by having these conversations. no I don't think I deserve sex by talking about pain
If she's sent you nudes then you might have a chance, depending on how long ago she sent the nudes. Did you even respond to her sending you nudes? Did you say something like "damnnn gurl, you lookin' aight, I wanna spank that ass and see you crawl on the floor." ? Did you let her know you find her sexually attractive?
Since she's sent nudes, I don't think you're hindered by the convos about past pain.
she sent them a few months back but then had a mental breakdown and has been in therapy/recovering in life in general since. She knows I find her sexually attractive and have shown interest in that area. She is complicated, on plenty of px drugs and is still processing her brother committing suicide 3 years ago.
I chatted with her briefly today. She is "operating in her own little world" which is why she said she bailed last night. She is great and fun but also comes with plenty of other baggage which ultimately is a waste of time and not conducive to anything real or any of the other positive relationship adjectives.
Oh, well it sounds like she's going through a lot and maybe isn't ready for anything sexual. I personally would stop pursuing anything sexual with her, unless she makes it obvious she is interested again. Maybe it's just meant to be friends then.
Quote:
thelanzii said: the connection her and the other guy faded, he is left frustrated as well.
I plan to meet other women, but there are other areas of my life that are more pressing right now. Leaving my old job to find a career position and starting my own business.
I won't have full confidence in myself until I am making a proper income and not living off of savings.
That sounds good. And yea, that makes sense. I support that plan.
--------------------
  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: towndaze]
#28289441 - 04/22/23 06:24 AM (9 months, 2 days ago) |
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;l
Edited by thelanzii (05/30/23 02:17 PM)
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii]
#28290142 - 04/22/23 04:11 PM (9 months, 2 days ago) |
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Different religiosity is a killer imo, deep down I don't respect those who hold it and as such I don't even try for them.
Like if some gal thinks she's a witch or that the moon only exists when she looks at it, I'm out!
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: sudly]
#28290825 - 04/23/23 04:42 AM (9 months, 1 day ago) |
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;
Edited by thelanzii (05/30/23 02:17 PM)
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: thelanzii]
#28290827 - 04/23/23 04:47 AM (9 months, 1 day ago) |
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kk
Edited by thelanzii (05/30/23 02:17 PM)
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thelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
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Re: Women talk to me about their pain then fuck other guys [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28290852 - 04/23/23 05:18 AM (9 months, 1 day ago) |
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k
Edited by thelanzii (05/30/23 02:17 PM)
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