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OfflineAvidTraveler
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Registered: 02/27/23
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4 grams Steel Magnolias infused Chocolate Bar * 1
    #28228593 - 03/13/23 10:51 PM (10 months, 10 days ago)

It was 10 pm when I ate a chocolate bar with 4grams of Steel Magnolias infused

Steel Magnolias are supposed to be a bit stronger than the average cube as they are a cross between Penis Envy and Blue Magnolias

A week ago, I took 1.75 grams of these, raw and though I could feel it, I didn't trip...so I needed to up my dose as I take 80mg of Prozac, daily and SSRI's interfere with psilocybin


So I ate the whole chocolate bar. It was disgusting chocolate. Cheap chocolate and super sweet. It was hard to eat the whole thing. (I will not be getting anymore of these)

Within about twenty minutes of ingesting, it hit me hard. I could tell it was going to be intense and I worried if I had taken more than I should have. (But I was relieved to know that despite the SSRI I could still trip)

I was surprised at how quickly I felt the effects. I used to trip regularly when I lived in Japan, twenty years ago.

My whole purpose for going back to mushrooms is to alleviate major depression. I have tried everything and I take my meds consistently but nothing really makes the depression go away.

I struggle with dark seasons about three or four months out of the year. It's debilitating and it leads to suicidal thoughts.

I had a very serious suicide attempt on April 1st 2008 that left me on life support for three days.

I am so numb to life. I used to really love life...even though I've struggled with depression my whole life.

I am a former Marine. I did two tours to Iraq in the worst places...Rammadi and Fallujah...

And when I was 17 I caused my grandmother to be run over by a tractor and I found her body the next morning...so there is some significant trauma in my past.

So when it started to feel very intense I became worried. I know I have to work through things and that's why I'm dosing mushrooms now. Everything that I've read says to just roll with what comes to mind. To work through it and not fight it or try to block it out.

I'm also a devout Christian and God has seen me through some extremely difficult seasons in my life but its also kind of scary for me to go back to psychedelics as I'm so uncertain as to what God thinks of it and with my trauma, it's just scary to face these things.

There is much more and worse trauma in my past but I won't go into it. Just know it's very deep and scary stuff.

So I got scared but I just made up my mind that I'm gonna roll with it. I also had a dose of Kratom on hand in case things got so dark that I couldn't handle it.

By 1030 I had to lay down. I was cold and I wrapped up in a blanket.

I started to get intense visuals when I closed my eyes. Fractals.

I saw demon faces when I closed my eyes and my mind started to tell me that maybe this wasn't a good idea.

But also, I've read the come up can be anxiety inducing. I def felt anxiety. Too much uncertainty of exactly what I was about to have to face/go through.

There was a mixture of emotions. I turned off the TV and it was quiet.

I said a prayer and asked God to heal me.


My partner dosed at 1030. She ate half a chocolate bar.

At 11pm I was tripping pretty hard. Nausea hit me.

I knew I was gonna throw up so I just did it. It was violent and the chocolate was just as disgusting coming up. It was weird to throw up while I was tripping. Colors and fractals exploded behind my closed eyes. Sparks flew from my face.

I felt better after, but the taste of the chocolate persisted for hours.

My partner took the rest of her chocolate bar about 12am


We put on Dave Matthew's and Tim Reynolds live at Radio City. I wanted to listen to The Wall as I've always done this when I tripped but she thought it was too dark so we compromised.

This album is especially poignant for me as it was what I was listening to when I had my suicide attempt...so emotions and memories were floating to the surface.

My partner has been through a lot of trauma in her life as well, and this is her first time ever doing mushrooms...so I'm wondering if this was a good idea for her and how her experience would go.

But I also know how healing mushrooms are. I told her just to work through her issues and we talked about them as they came out. I was patient and listened to her...and she was patient and listened to me. We worked through a lot of darkness as it came up.

I saw lots of fractals and designs as I stared up at the ceiling with the glow of multicolored lights illuminating the room. I saw beautiful designs and patterns and shapes.

The talking was therapeutic. Around 1am I was peaking. She started seeing the floor move and roll like waves. I wanted more visuals but I got no more than what I've described.

She had a really good experience and I did as well.

Towards the end of the trip when it seemed to be about over I took my kratom and we just sat discussing these things and how her experience was.

We fell asleep around 430am and woke up around noon feeling very refreshed with a distinct afterglow. It was a pleasant day.

I haven't felt alive in many years but today for the first time in over a decade I felt enamored with life.

I could tell immediately it did what I intended. It is going to heal me...and her.

She also felt very good about the whole experience. We are looking forward to dosing again in a few weeks.

I'm looking forward to seeing how I feel in the coming days and weeks...and seeing how it heals us individually and as a couple.

Thanks for takinga moment to share this journey with me.


--------------------
"Approach thy grave like one who wraps the draperies of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams."

-W.C.B


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InvisibleWhyterye
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Registered: 02/23/18
Posts: 1,218
Loc: Colorado
Re: 4 grams Steel Magnolias infused Chocolate Bar [Re: AvidTraveler]
    #28228611 - 03/13/23 11:58 PM (10 months, 10 days ago)

Great read that’s too bad that the chocolate bar was gross but besides that sounds like a good experience. Props on doing 4 gs steel magnolia even 1 gram is pretty strong IMO


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OfflineAvidTraveler
Locked in an escape room...
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 02/27/23
Posts: 66
Loc: All over
Last seen: 7 months, 16 days
Re: 4 grams Steel Magnolias infused Chocolate Bar [Re: Whyterye]
    #28228612 - 03/14/23 12:00 AM (10 months, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Whyterye said:
Great read that’s too bad that the chocolate bar was gross but besides that sounds like a good experience. Props on doing 4 gs steel magnolia even 1 gram is pretty strong IMO





I was more impressed with my partner. It was her first time and she did 4 grams.


The SSRI kind of inhibits mine...but she's always been a go big or go home kinda girl.


--------------------
"Approach thy grave like one who wraps the draperies of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams."

-W.C.B


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InvisibleLost at Sea
Time Traveler

Registered: 03/06/23
Posts: 52
Loc: TBD
Re: 4 grams Steel Magnolias infused Chocolate Bar [Re: AvidTraveler]
    #28231354 - 03/15/23 10:36 PM (10 months, 8 days ago)

Oh man. Thank you for sharing AvidTraveler!

My ex-partner was very insistent that I try tripping, but I have been hesitant due to not knowing how God feels about them either. I'm nervous to open dangerous spiritual doors through intense experiences and being under the influence of a substance. It was encouraging how God answered your prayer immediately by having you vomit and I'm assuming the demon faces stopped?

It sounds like you have been through a great deal of trauma and I'm so thankful that you found a substance to help lighten those experiences that have tormented you.

As I mentioned about opening a spiritual door through "intense experiences", it made me think of how trauma can be a door for fear and anxiety to enter.

Thank God from saving you from yourself all those years ago and for a supportive partner! I hope to be that to my ex if the opportunity comes about again.

Praying for you brother
1John 4:18 & 19


--------------------
...Rome wasn't built in a day, but burning it down only took a few...
:thatsinteresting::thatsinteresting:

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us."


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OfflineAvidTraveler
Locked in an escape room...
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 02/27/23
Posts: 66
Loc: All over
Last seen: 7 months, 16 days
Re: 4 grams Steel Magnolias infused Chocolate Bar [Re: Lost at Sea]
    #28231539 - 03/16/23 04:34 AM (10 months, 8 days ago)

Quote:

Lost at Sea said:
Oh man. Thank you for sharing AvidTraveler!

My ex-partner was very insistent that I try tripping, but I have been hesitant due to not knowing how God feels about them either. I'm nervous to open dangerous spiritual doors through intense experiences and being under the influence of a substance. It was encouraging how God answered your prayer immediately by having you vomit and I'm assuming the demon faces stopped?

It sounds like you have been through a great deal of trauma and I'm so thankful that you found a substance to help lighten those experiences that have tormented you.

As I mentioned about opening a spiritual door through "intense experiences", it made me think of how trauma can be a door for fear and anxiety to enter.

Thank God from saving you from yourself all those years ago and for a supportive partner! I hope to be that to my ex if the opportunity comes about again.

Praying for you brother
1John 4:18 & 19






I am definitely blessed. Contentment is a precious gift.

I wish I could tell you either way whether they are ok or not but I cant. I will share this with you.

I couldn't imagine Jesus munching down on some mushrooms and tripping out but I also couldn't imagine Jesus making love to a woman...

But these things are lawful for you and me within boundaries.


I think a relationship with Christ is a very personal thing. It should be, anyway...


So in my opinion it comes down to what you feel convicted by in your spirit.


If you walk with Christ, daily...however that looks for you...you will have peace one way or another.


We are all on this journey together but every one of us is at a different point. If you're searching for Truth...God will lead you to it.


If it alleviates your fears, I will say that I've never had a mushroom trip where I wasn't aware of reality. I mean, I've never had such hallucinations that I couldn't tell where reality ended and hallucination began.

Some drugs (like methamphetamines) I believe allow us access to spiritual realms...evil places.

I never did meth before but once in Bangkok, Thailand in 2012 I snorted two grams...not knowing what I was doing.

I hallucinated for weeks.


I ended up on the roof of a hotel in Pattaya City, talking to a demon who was as real as you or me...and he was trying to get me to jump. I was seven stories up, standing on the roof peering down to the busy street below...more afraid than I've ever been in my life.

To this day, I don't know if that was real...or if it was hallucination. It was as real as anything to me in the moment.


I've had that kind of experience on harder drugs also...but never on mushrooms.

Mushrooms are healing. I don't think God would make something so beneficial and not intend for us to use them...anymore than he would make prozac to fix my mental darkness.

But the thing is...context. use them wisely.

The Bible says cast down any wicked imaginations that exhalt themselves above what you know to be true about God.

God can't be put in a box. We can't ever understand something infinitely complex but God is love.

We know His character. We know His traits.

We know the example Jesus set. Though some people can't seem to get the actual point of His message...Christians, I mean.


Jesus summed up all the commandments in two...

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind...and love your neighbor as yourself.


I have a lot of complaints with people who claim Christianity and yet make Christ look so bad.

Ghandi said, if it weren't for Christians, I would be a Christian.


I could go on for days talking about God. I love the Lord.


I don't feel convicted about using mushrooms for healing. But I do question my motives, constantly. I think we need to...all of us, continuously.

If I had never done them before and seen their benefit...I probably wouldn't try them now...but I know from experience how healing they are...and they're not the bad monsters that a lot of Christians make them out to be.

If you wanna chat sometime..just PM me.

Thanks for your kind words, your response...and your love for the Lord. It's so needed.


--------------------
"Approach thy grave like one who wraps the draperies of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams."

-W.C.B


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OfflineNotSheekle
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Registered: 02/05/23
Posts: 2,055
Loc: Libertatia
Last seen: 1 month, 24 days
Re: 4 grams Steel Magnolias infused Chocolate Bar [Re: AvidTraveler]
    #28234984 - 03/18/23 12:19 PM (10 months, 5 days ago)

What a complex background you have..
Good luck with your self work

:seriousthankyou:


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OfflineAvidTraveler
Locked in an escape room...
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 02/27/23
Posts: 66
Loc: All over
Last seen: 7 months, 16 days
Re: 4 grams Steel Magnolias infused Chocolate Bar [Re: NotSheekle]
    #28235851 - 03/18/23 10:39 PM (10 months, 5 days ago)

Quote:

NotSheekle said:
What a complex background you have..
Good luck with your self work

:seriousthankyou:





It's been a journey for sure.

I'm hoping the best years are ahead of me.

And, thank you...

The mushrooms are definitely helping.


--------------------
"Approach thy grave like one who wraps the draperies of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams."

-W.C.B


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