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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: burntkitty]
#28227048 - 03/12/23 10:56 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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Quote:
burntkitty said: I've stolen plenty of candy bars in my time. I never feel bad about it. I never even feel bad that I'm in that position. I've gone through horrible trauma too many times to count though. I couldn't imagine anyone feeling bad about it, but it does seem someone who has had it tough would be less prone to feeling guilty for petty crime.
Have you ever found yourself feeling bad about something insignificant like that? Would it be some kind of mental disorder to feel guilty about something like that?
My ex used to steal beenie babies from stores, then she owed money and got her car Swiss cheesed like a golfball. Another guy stole from bikies and got beat.
I took some coins from my parents cabinet as a kid to go eat deep fried sushi but otherwise I haven't stolen, I might've felt a little guilty but not much at the time.
There's a lot I don't feel guilty for, and although guilty seems like a strong word, the things I've felt 'guilty' about have seemingly been related to a perceived loss of self agrandisement, or a lack of grasping opportunities.
I treat others with dignity and respect as far as I can and I don't feel guilty for honest interactions, but one example was when I went to a forest and took photos of a wild lyre bird, and when I got back to the Carpark an older couple with one unable to walk properly asked how the walk was and I told them about the bird. They seemed interested and although i kind of wanted to, I didn't show them any photos of the bird.
This weighed on my mind for weeks, like nothing else had in years.
Something that might seem so damn insignificant to others, maybe it's because I wanted to share a passion with someone I thought would appreciate it and I didn't take the opportunity.
Another example that weighed on my mind but might not exactly have been guilt was declining chocolate from a boss and telling him I was lactose intolerant while eating a pizza with cheese on it! He was nice about it but I felt I shouldn't have said it and could have just graciously accepted.
Cheese has a lot less lactose than milk solids, and a little I can sometimes handle but the chocolate would have been overboard and explaining that would probably be pretty weird.
But yeah that's my 2c.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
Edited by sudly (03/13/23 01:11 AM)
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BrendanFlock
Stranger


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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: sudly]
#28227262 - 03/13/23 02:39 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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Guilt is a material like anything else. Learn to understand that you are at that level of thuergy where your guilt is just a material substrate that can be reworked into anything that will transfer from it. Or this substance can be turned into nothing..
This knot in the side of the left belly.. is made here for magikcal purposes.
Litches.. 70% magic. Magic universes.. Dimension within a given universe.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: BrendanFlock]
#28227333 - 03/13/23 05:46 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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holy - deep fried sushi, never knew - I probably want it & it'sprobably not good for cholesterol.
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RJ Tubs 202



Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: burntkitty]
#28227427 - 03/13/23 08:11 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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Neurotic guilt is aggression turned against oneself. It is out of proportion to the event that occurred.
Chronic guilt is one of the many ways we degrade ourselves and beat ourselves up for not being perfect. We adopt a vison of our perfect self, and when we don't live up to those expectations, we react with aggression & hostility towards ourselves.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28227436 - 03/13/23 08:17 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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someone else has a more obedient and skillful ox so maybe we are frustrated that our ox is a lazy slob
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Buster_Brown
L'une


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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: redgreenvines]
#28227557 - 03/13/23 09:54 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: deep fried sushi
Isn't that a false syllogism non-sequitur?
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RJ Tubs 202



Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: Buster_Brown]
#28227589 - 03/13/23 10:14 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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The sushi restaurant across the street serves a deep-fried roll they call a "heart attack roll". I've had it a couple of times. I try not to feel guilty about it.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28227633 - 03/13/23 10:44 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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guilt is reinforced by all the iconography in the churches
sushi and guilt inevitably collide no matter what religion.
we are all fried before we even swim. pre-fried. lived and died
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Buster_Brown
L'une


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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: redgreenvines] 1
#28227636 - 03/13/23 10:47 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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So like you have a "permanent scar" like from that song?
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RJ Tubs 202



Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: redgreenvines]
#28227642 - 03/13/23 10:50 AM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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The difference between shame and guilt is interesting.
Sometimes I feel shame about my guilt 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shame/201305/the-difference-between-guilt-and-shame
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28227761 - 03/13/23 12:35 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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now you're cooking with gas (shame it's not electric/solar)
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#28227875 - 03/13/23 01:59 PM (10 months, 11 days ago) |
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I think feeling guilty is a misnomer. Acknowledging guilt is as the article says awareness of a hurtful action. Shame is what one may feel when acknowledging guilt. IWO, guilt is not a feeling. One may feel shame over guilt.
I do agree that shame can be excessive, though I suppose when that's the case things are complicated in some way. Shame as a utility is something which holds potential for resolution, most simply by acknowledging guilt and not repeating actions.
And of course, having a brain, it's part of the process to question guilt and see if things are complicated, whether it was instilled, whether there's harm being done, etc. It may be the case on thought that guilt is either well placed or misplaced. The brain also allows for perceptual variation in guilt which is reasonable but could also be used to either justify harm or inflate shame beyond it's utility.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: Rahz]
#28228095 - 03/13/23 04:01 PM (10 months, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Rahz said: I think feeling guilty is a misnomer. Acknowledging guilt is as the article says awareness of a hurtful action. Shame is what one may feel when acknowledging guilt. IWO, guilt is not a feeling. One may feel shame over guilt.
I do agree that shame can be excessive, though I suppose when that's the case things are complicated in some way. Shame as a utility is something which holds potential for resolution, most simply by acknowledging guilt and not repeating actions.
And of course, having a brain, it's part of the process to question guilt and see if things are complicated, whether it was instilled, whether there's harm being done, etc. It may be the case on thought that guilt is either well placed or misplaced. The brain also allows for perceptual variation in guilt which is reasonable but could also be used to either justify harm or inflate shame beyond it's utility.
those may all be extra words for associated mental contents from experiences that may be hurtful, but I can certainly see feeling guilty - immersed in both shame and remorse for what I had done that I knew was wrong.
Separately and differently, I can see feeling shame - embarrassed for being noticed with my pants down in a public toilet with no doors, or wearing the wrong color - or not knowing my lines at a play. I did nothing wrong, but failed to escape being singled out.
shame goes with the public exposure of some failure to conform or comply, guilt is a failing, but a specific kind of thing to be shamed about while others are not guilty in the same way - it is a more isolating thing.
all the same it is about how we marshal our conduct in social contexts, and how we feel about that. it's a yucky way to spend time.
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Lfl93
Wandering Nugget



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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: redgreenvines]
#28258325 - 04/01/23 09:37 PM (9 months, 22 days ago) |
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For sure. Story of my life.
-------------------- We are the deciders of our own realities. Perception is everything.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: Lfl93]
#28258534 - 04/02/23 12:34 AM (9 months, 22 days ago) |
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I have a lot less guilt nowadays, less the more experience I gain, and confidence I show.
What's there to be guilty about when we have enthusiastic consent, good communication and strong boundaries we're all aware of.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,530
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: sudly]
#28258637 - 04/02/23 05:19 AM (9 months, 22 days ago) |
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That does bring up a good point. One never seems to negotiate shame, it is inseparable from the experience. eventually we own it and move on.
However, with guilt there is negotiation, one is driven to edit it from one's history, or find new ways to present the facts. One retains it, "karmic-ly". One pays for one's sins in reviews.
eventually we own it and move on.
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Abombs
Chaotic Neutral



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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: redgreenvines]
#28262503 - 04/04/23 05:54 PM (9 months, 19 days ago) |
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Chaotic neutral. So I don't really care if I break the law to serve my needs. I more follow my own rules. Though it's the moral decisions that tear me.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: Abombs]
#28262636 - 04/04/23 07:04 PM (9 months, 19 days ago) |
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that tearing feeling is you owning it.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,229
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: Abombs]
#28263706 - 04/05/23 01:55 PM (9 months, 19 days ago) |
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Quote:
Abombs said: Chaotic neutral. So I don't really care if I break the law to serve my needs. I more follow my own rules. Though it's the moral decisions that tear me.
I wouldn't equate following one's own rules (which may be in conflict with law) as neutral or chaotic.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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sudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,797
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Re: Do you ever feel guilty for insignificant things [Re: Rahz]
#28266256 - 04/07/23 01:07 AM (9 months, 17 days ago) |
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I don't feel guilty about insignificant things in general, but I don't always feel good about myself either.
Sometimes.. I want more from myself. I walk up a few steps in life, even in the day to day, and it's easy to see the next ones but the longer I look at them, I think the less good about myself I tend to feel sometimes.
Sometimes I do feel good about myself though too. Through the journey and at the end. But when the next plan starts, the hope begins hapless before the big day that it takes a step and grows.
The hardest part I think, is when you are kindling the flames of hope, in hopes they may burn brighter.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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