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InvisibleLost at Sea
Time Traveler

Registered: 03/06/23
Posts: 52
Loc: TBD
Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28224101 - 03/10/23 05:16 PM (10 months, 13 days ago)

I agree that there are a lot of religious organizations/individuals who have twisted the Bible and Jesus teachings in order to gain profit or power over others who desire to do good and go to heaven, but the Bible clearly says the opposite...

"But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
Ephesians 2:4-10

To me, the Bible is more about having a deep connection to God, the Creator of all things, the Supreme Universal Power. And due to the selfish nature of humans that connection was severed so the Creator had itself have a son/become human, Jesus, to live and die which allowed humanity a door to go through so humans can be right and pure as the Creator is, so we can be connected to It once again. It's so fascinating and humbling and doesn't stop there because its a relationship and we all know relationships take time and patience working through things together, listening to one another, etc.

The aliens theory is an interesting one. There is scripture about us not being of this world because our home is Heaven, but I've never heard of the 12 alien races.

You make a lot of good points. Questioning isn't a bad thing. There's a local TV station here with a program called "Hard Questions" with a panel of pastors who answer questions like that... people call or write in with questions. And another that I like even better called Bible Discovery. Where they don't just study it but look into the culture and traditions of those days. Have you heard of any of those shows? I think they have youtube channels.

I hope you and your wife continue to move forward little by little, and that counseling helps guide and enlighten you both too. Good vibes


--------------------
...Rome wasn't built in a day, but burning it down only took a few...
:thatsinteresting::thatsinteresting:

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us."


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28224769 - 03/11/23 07:35 AM (10 months, 13 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

Further up I mentioned that we met on NIN.com




I noticed that, and wondered if you were referring to Trent's band. I pondered if there is a dating site called, "Neurotics In Need".  Just looked it up.  I listened to a lot of Pretty Hate Machine in 1990.  I was working in a furniture store and my coworker would blast it in the back warehouse, where we'd assemble futons, tables, and chairs.  I saw NIN once in concert around 1993.  A wild show.  Marilyn Manson opened.

It was a dark and difficult time in my life. I shifted from listening to The Cure (Faith & Pornography era) to industrial groups such as Front Line Assembly, Ministry, KMFDM, White Zombie, Front 242, & the Revolting Cocks.

I hated Christianity when I was younger.  Now I feel fairly positive about the teachings of Christ.  I don't believe he intended to create an organization. I think Jesus would be horrified at many aspects of the bible, especially the Old Testament.  Much of it would make him roll over in his grave.   

I'm on board with embracing unconditional love & compassion for all beings. Yes, all beings. It's a radical idea. And the wisdom about avoiding judging others (which only compounds our suffering).  Ultimately, I believe that humans are the source of most of their own suffering. I love the concept of temptation.  To be human is to be tempted to cause suffering to ourselves and others (sin).  The voice in my head is frequently encouraging me to suffer.  Hell is not a painful torturous retirement home in the sky.  It's right here right now.

It was pulling me down . . .

I was up above it

Now I'm down in it


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Anonymous #1

Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28225737 - 03/11/23 09:35 PM (10 months, 12 days ago)

Thanks again guys.

I hoped things are turning for the better but it's probably been wishful thinking on my side. It seems like I am meant to go through this alone, but this thread has helped me to cope with the situation in a better way as if I would have bottled it all up.

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
I noticed that, and wondered if you were referring to Trent's band. I pondered if there is a dating site called, "Neurotics In Need".



This part was interesting for me to read and I understand that I probably come across as having neurotic personality traits. I probably do to a certain extend, but usually I am quite a positive person that is greatful to be alive. Things don't usually bother me as much as it appears here.

You got to understand that I am dealing with the prospect of basically loosing my children here. If this would be just about me and my wife, I'd be mature enough to accept the situation for what it is and move on.

My wife made clear that she would hate to move to my home country ("because they forced them to get the jaaaab there"), but she would, since she also thinks life is about suffering, which I think is BS.

She has sent me on a massive guilt trip. Besides the other things she accuses me of, I am suddenly also responsible for her having to work till 74, in case she wants a pension that'll make her get along. This is apparently because I haven't worked during the last 6 months (this is the time frame I would have been allowed to make money).
By the time she's 74 this country very likely won't be able to pay out pensions anyways.

I am obviously not happy and it shows here at home. For her it's the withdrawal symptoms of not smoking weed. I know how it feels like to go without weed for a while and this is definitely not it. But I realized that in her mind this is the cause and that there's not much I can do about it.

...like about all the other things she made up her mind about.
By now I feel like an empty vessel. The only times I find enjoyment in are the moments I spend time with my children, especially with my daughter since she's very clever for her age and has a beautiful sense of humor. Though it's also bittersweet spending time with her and my son, because the time I got with them is running thin. My flight to my home country is going by the end of the month.

Yesterday I my daughter asked me to take her to the nature reserve. While we were walking, which I really enjoyed, she found a flower, plucked out a petal and said "Dad, I wish for you to find happiness again." This was one of these bittersweet moments and I don't even want to think about the moment we say goodbye to each other at the airport.

The night before yesterday, I realized that no matter how much I try to fix things there's no way my wife is going to change her mind about me.
I fell asleep thinking about that and then I woke up in the middle of the night, at 2am thinking about that. Feeling empty and hopeless.
I got up, got dressed, put on my hiking boots, grabed a backpack with some water, left the house and started walking. You got to imagine that this country is comparable with mexico, in terms of criminal statistics and I was aware that this isn't probably the best idea. People get killed for a mobile phone over here. I didn't know what to do otherwise. Maybe I hoped this will give me a sense of control or anything like that.
I headed for the beach. I love to surf and the beach always allowed me to be in the present moment.
When I arrived, I sat down in the rain and just stared out the to the waves for about 3 hours, contemplating going into the water and just vanish. Of course I can't do that. It's selfish and not fair towards the people in my life that love me, but I don't know what else I can do.

I know I should seek professional help by now, but that would cost money and I don't want to be more of a financial burden than my wife makes me believe I already am.

Speaking of professional help, my wife hasn't made the appointment with a marriage counsellor as I believed, which shows a lot. I don't see any hope by now for us. I just go through the motions, till the day comes my flight is scheduled.


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InvisibleWarrk
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28226030 - 03/12/23 07:22 AM (10 months, 12 days ago)

Keep trying dude, don't give up. Is intimacy missing, are you two still doing it? If not it could be a reminder that sex is a glue that binds.

You might feel hurt as well as despondent by the things your wife has said, however I think it is good that she has had a chance to say what is on her mind and for you to digest the information. Likewise it is also good that you have your say and that your respond to the things she brings up.

Relationships are really hard work and in an ideal world a couple grow together over time while remaining separate individuals. Good relationships are like a fine wine that improves with age. If I were to guess I would say less than 10% of marriages have good relationships at its heart.


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Anonymous #5

Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28226792 - 03/12/23 07:26 PM (10 months, 11 days ago)

I don't have much to add, my friend. However, I would like to say that l believe your wife may have narcissistic personality disorder. It's sort of a buzzword right now, and identifying narcissists is somewhat of an internet trend leading to over-and inaccurate-use of the term, but narcissism is a very real thing that can be difficult to spot in real world situations due to much of it being quite subtle.

For instance, your wife putting all the responsibility of repairing the relationship on you while doing very little herself. I bet if you were to look back on your relationship, you'd find many examples where she placed excess burden on you, which you likely took on for the sake of "doing the right thing". And situations like that are usually accompanied with guilt trips and general negative reinforcement to make one feel inferior if expectations aren't met. But try giving those same people some expectations to meet as well, and suddenly you're being too demanding :lol:

Also, does she seem at all concerned about the children? Not that staying together solely for the kids is ever a good idea, but she should still at least be expressing concern for their happiness during the changing times.

I'm speaking from experience. 15 years with a physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive controlling woman. But the mother of my son, so I stuck it out. I would always rationalize the abuse, whether physical or mental, feeling like I deserved it because I could do better. If I were better she would be happy and we wouldn't be having this fight, right? A good man spends every waking moment either working or doing what his wife wants, right?

Wrong.

In my case, she would never take any responsibility for any issues in our relationship, or in our lives in general. It would be as bad as me being held responsible for her getting up too late despite her setting multiple alarms.

Does your wife often accept responsibility, no matter how small? Does she make you feel loved?

You mentioned how you believe her idea of who you are is far different from who you actually are. Again, I can relate. And this tells me that she doesn't truly know you, she only knows you superficially. Does she make, or has she ever made, an effort to get to know YOU? Does she tend to be superficial and place a greater emphasis on appearance rather than the real, deeper things?

My psychedelic use was always used against me, too. A bad guy because I eat mushrooms. Never allowed to smoke DMT in my own home because she didn't like the smell. Yet she tried both things herself a couple of times, and to this days plays it off like she's "experienced" :lol:

I say all this to remind you that you should have expectations for her as well. Expectations that she should meet as your wife. Not demanding, misogynistic things, but fair and simple things, such as an effort on her part show that she cares and appreciates you.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28227377 - 03/13/23 07:21 AM (10 months, 11 days ago)

Anonymous #5, you make some relevant points & ask some pertinent questions :thumbup:

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:

I noticed that, and wondered if you were referring to Trent's band. I pondered if there is a dating site called, "Neurotics In Need".




This part was interesting for me to read and I understand that I probably come across as having neurotic personality traits.




I later feared you would take that comment personally. I was trying to lighten the mood a little. We are all neurotic. I was not referring to you. It was the only N word I could think of for my attempt at a tiny bit of humor. I guess I should have said "Neanderthals in Need". I don't find anything you said neurotic. I tend to stay far away from such labels. I find your comments quite reasonable. I apologize if you took the comment personally.   

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

You got to understand that I am dealing with the prospect of basically losing my children here.




I appreciate this agony.  I really do.

The best you can do is the best you can do. All you can do is try. I won't dribble on and on about fully accepting the reality of what is happening, but it might be helpful to think about this situation as similar to being in a wreck and finding yourself permanently paralyzed from the neck down or learning you have cancer and have 2 years to live.  And try not to be crushed and destroyed by what might happen. 

Your kids will benefit greatly if you can do it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Warrk]
    #28227798 - 03/13/23 01:09 PM (10 months, 11 days ago)

Thanks all for your input guys!  RJ, I didn't take that comment personal, I just pondered if you had a point, even though I was quite sure you didn't meant it in a personal way.

Today was a rough day and I need sleep but I will get back here to respond to you all tomorrow when I find a moment.


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OfflineLucisM
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Registered: 03/28/15
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28239630 - 03/21/23 01:28 PM (10 months, 3 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

I am not in a good place. Just cut down my flowering cannabis plants, threw out jars of mushrooms, my dmt and mescaline extract.
These substances played a huge role in my life (in a spiritual way, not in a "I need to get my fix" kind of way), but my family is priority.







Substances come and go, but love is hard to find. 

One doesn't need substances to develop spiritually, once you get the call hang up the phone!

I have known people that were super kind and they attributed this to their psychedelic adventures but once they gave up consuming certain things in excess their lives improved immensely.

The dose makes the poison, some things which are good can be harmful if given to much attention, even drinking to much water can be harmful to our bodies and kill us but we need water more than we need food.  Life is strange sometimes.


--------------------
©️


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Lucis]
    #28244012 - 03/24/23 01:47 AM (10 months, 12 hours ago)

Anon 1, how is it going.  I just read the thread.  Very interesting.  I hope for your best, and fams best.  For now I wanted to leave the note, that kids sometimes can be very resilient.  The stuff mine, and myself, went through with their mom, who we haven't seen for almost 5 yrs now, was very hard.  Very sad and painful.  It's almost like losing someone in death, when they choose a path so dark that no one can follow.  My situation was very different than yours seems like, but the way children can grow despite it all is heartening. 

I wanted to ask you a question.  The religion aside, and the Simon Parks or alien stuff aside as well, do you think you are being a bit dismissive about her thoughts on the virus, the pandemic, the shots, "conspiracy theories" etc? You mentioned it a couple times though briefly. Would she be happy if you took up researching what has happened and what is going on with this whole situation?  If you acquainted yourself with the VAERS database from the CDC, and the VIGI access system from the WHO, as well as things being discussed currently by ex CDC director Robert Redfield for example, and also Texas A&M head cardiologist Peter Mccollough, as well as congressman Ron Johnson and his round table he led a while back, and of course AFLDA, Americas Frontline Doctors, you may find her interest piqued - as well as your own.  Look all of this up.  Dont use youtube or Google either for research, or any of the other big tech platforms.  Sad to say, but they wont allow much info.  You truly need to go straight to the sources. If she is on that path of learning, and you are not, and if you are dismissive over her concerns with this virus situation and the shots without being acquainted with this, I could see that being very frustrating for her.  I'm not absolving her of her other failings or needs for improvement and fairness, and certainly am not trivializing your others concerns, but maybe this could be a positive place to find connection if you do get well acquainted with the info. At least get informed on this if for no other reason than debate. Message me if you need any help or suggestions on this, or want to talk.

Now as far as Simon Parks.... the guy seems like a kook and a grifter in many ways.  Aside from if he is right or wrong about alien races, he seems like a major grifter.

Lastly, whatever happens..... dont think of yourself as a "video dad" if it does indeed happen that you all split and you go back across the pond.  Whatever happens make the absolute best light of it if possible! 

Just some thoughts, and a suggestion.  I wish you and fam the best.


--------------------
This was an experiment.


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Anonymous #6

Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #28244066 - 03/24/23 04:44 AM (10 months, 9 hours ago)

this ain't no covid conspiracy thread dude take it elsewhere its bullshit


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: DoneKildatReason] * 1
    #28244205 - 03/24/23 07:58 AM (10 months, 5 hours ago)

Quote:

DoneKildatReason said:

If she is on that path of learning, and you are not, and if you are dismissive over her concerns with this virus situation and the shots without being acquainted with this, I could see that being very frustrating for her.




It's amazing how intolerant many of us have become to opinions that differ from our own.  You make a good point using the term "dismissive".  Can we accept others opinions without demeaning the person? Can we avoid degrading name calling such as "conspiracy theorist"?  I've recently talked to people who believe in a flat earth, and I've decided they are allowed to believe what they want - without my ridicule and damnation. Why do we care so much about the opinions of others?  Are we terrified for some reason?


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Offlineashfiken
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 2
    #28244245 - 03/24/23 08:26 AM (10 months, 5 hours ago)

The only problem I see, and this is attempting to be objective, not damning or necessarily any judgment fired.
If one simply "allows", by just accepting and moving on, ppl to believe or have opinions rooted in just any old quackery, without atleast trying to shed fact and substance to the ppl,  well that is fine and typically won't affect you, per se.
Ya know it's just some person I've met, they don't have any real role in my life that kind of deal, ofc why argue or engage.... BUt

Depending on the subject matter, can essentially be enabling delusion.(just like is possible with addiction)
With delusional thinking, ppls make bad decisions, bad decisions and acting often DO affect, those around them.. and it can even be viral to think this way(flat earthers getting together).

Does this difference always make me think delusion, no ofc not. Terrified, not so much.
However it can be a tiny bit scary thinking about delusional ie confusion ppl being a growing and rampant issue.
Just like Christianity r3ally

So I guess all of this is just me saying I think there is value in challenging CERTAIN opinions, but I can also do this without judgment or demeaning as well.
I've had a 2hr discussion with a county police officer(off duty at the time) abt drug legalization.
Clearly we were on opposing sides of opinion on the matter.
Yet discourse was easy, points were made, and each person's, opinion given due respect.
I feel this kind of discourse is harder for most ppl to participate in.
Communication is lacking.
Really we should all communicate more.
Instead of sneer, we should listen.
Instead of dismiss, try to respond.


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

My Trade List


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #28244829 - 03/24/23 02:28 PM (9 months, 30 days ago)

It's actually perfectly within reason to discuss this issue wherever its marks are found.  Look how it is affecting this young family.  This young man here is a good guy seems to me, regardless if I agree with whatever else it is clear he loves his kids, and family is most important. I know it can be an uncomfortable topic and tempting just to throw a blanket on it, or even give it the boot as you seem to prefer, but it must be worked through.  I am not suggesting you and I work through it, but OP and his wife.  I mentioned 4 or 5 specific points or places to begin research, none of which are conspiracy but "Horse's Mouths" sources, in an attempt to reestablish a connection or an understanding.  I have not validated them here, nor trying to change OPs mind or even flesh them out.  In trying not to derail the thread I offered a PM if anything further was needed as this is a fascinating topic! I'm suggesting that OP be able to say, "Darling, I watched the Dr Mccollough testify to congress, and it is so interesting what he said!  However, I think he is wrong because xyz," or, "Darling, the adverse reaction counts on VAERS is interesting, but when xyz is taken into account I dont find it concerning because xyz," or any other example of a debate.  I'm saying don't go in blind to a debate with someone who distrusts the covid narrative, alleging conspiracy etc, with no actual knowledge of what they are saying or what they've seen.  It is actually rude, and very small, very boring or common, and tiresome - especially if it's a husband or wife.... and it will not be your quick small words or stance to change their mind, but to push them further away.  Not what a couple wants to do I imagine.  Imagine how much of a turn off it would be to just have your growing concerns or beliefs trivialized and dismissed by your lover with such abruptness.  Now imagine they take the time to follow behind you for a time so to speak, and they find holes or missteps you made and bring them to your attention with love and respect, and maybe even bring you back from a skewed path.... now that's HAWT.🤣


--------------------
This was an experiment.


Edited by DoneKildatReason (03/24/23 03:05 PM)


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28244858 - 03/24/23 02:59 PM (9 months, 30 days ago)

Those are great questions and points, some I also wonder.  These times, with these issues, are truely mind blowing.  I would concur that it is better to realize that folks can believe what they want - and if anyone stands any chance of swaying another's opinion, whether it be towards or away from ideas either party deem as 'radical', then it is important to get acquainted with the points they are making, to understand where their 'belief' comes from, and not outright dismiss with a hand wave anything.  Maybe even trying to recreate their intellectual journey that brought them to a belief system. 

I will say, certain personality types have become quite authoritarian when it comes to information these days.  Alarming!!!!


--------------------
This was an experiment.


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: ashfiken]
    #28244876 - 03/24/23 03:19 PM (9 months, 30 days ago)

"Communication is lacking.
Really we should all communicate more.
Instead of sneer, we should listen.
Instead of dismiss, try to respond."

Well said, and I will add and reiterate that we should invest some personal time studying where why or how they came to whatever belief or concern in question.  Some would consider it "studying the doctrine of the enemy", which is a fine way to look at it as long as it gets you studying.  That kind of study will help you form ideas that are targeted to specific points giving strong swaying power. 

It's very often someone believes something, but cannot articulate to others why or how they've come to that belief - but they BELIEVE it very strongly.  Some even feel it in their gut.  Now whether they are correct or incorrect is up for debate, but the only chance for fruit in that debate is communication and an effort of finding info, and doing so with Love.  Not with an effort to stamp out or Win or be Right, but just simply because you love a person. 

Maybe with the average acquaintance or stranger this level of effort to gain understanding is unnecessary,  but with your Lover, there is no other way!


--------------------
This was an experiment.


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OfflineEnkidu
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: DoneKildatReason] * 3
    #28245983 - 03/25/23 12:06 PM (9 months, 30 days ago)

Hope you're doing OK OP just know you aren't alone :heart:

Remember to breathe

Listen to some deepak chopra


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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Anonymous #1

Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Enkidu]
    #28264581 - 04/06/23 03:59 AM (9 months, 18 days ago)

Hi everyone, one month has passed since I started this thread and some time passed since I last posted here. I checked in from time to time, but haven't had the energy and time to respond/update.

First of all thank you all for listening and your input. I can't respond to each one individually, since I got a lot of stuff going on, but I really appreciate it. I hope you understand.
One thing I'd like to get of my chest though, before I get to how things look like right now (I kind of feel this thread might help me in the future to remember what happened. It became something like an interactive diary for me).

I want to stress that I respect other people's ideas and believes. However when their believes and ideas have a negative influence on other people's lives it's a problem in my eyes. The ideas and believes my wife developed during the last 2 years or so will potentially lead to me loosing access to my children or to an ugly court case. You surely can imagine that I got an issue with that.
Usually I am pretty open-minded. Skeptical, but still open-minded and accepting towards the views of others.

Here's where I stand now. I still haven't used any substance. Other than coffein, because you know that's what my wife uses, so it's ok to do so. Funny where people draw these lines hey?
Right now I am in my home country, separated from my children. I am here to sort out some logistical things that I can only sort out from here. Also it's a good thing to see my parents and brothers, who I haven't seen for 4 years because the pandemic made it impossible for me to visit them.  Soon I will go back to the country my children are right now. I will stay with them briefly till I got a flat and car. I already signed a work contract over there and will get a decent salary from the beginning of next month. Simultaneously I just had a job interview here in my home country, because it was our initial plan to move here with the whole family and it's maybe good to keep several doors open when it comes to a source of income.

I really miss my children, but my wife makes it very difficult for me to contact them via whatsapp video call. I try to call them once daily, but haven't spoken to them in two days, because my wife doesn't pick up her phone when I call and doesn't really respond to messages.

I gave up my dream to move to my home country and came up with a new solution of what I thought to be the best plan for each member of the family. We'll stay in my wife's home country, I'll work there and we'll have to pay quite a fortune for our kids to go to a private school. I will move out for a while to get a healthy distance from my wife and we talked about doing marriage counselling for the next 12 months or so and then reevaluate the situation. I would see my children once everyday, picking them up from home and bringing them to school. During the weekends I'd like to spend one day with them, taking them out to the beach, nature reserve, etc. That's basically the plan. It sounds reasonable to me.

However I don't really think that my wife and I will get anywhere in terms of our relationship.
Two days ago she sent a message to my mom telling her how I used her for the last two years, that I was on drugs the whole time and that as a result of my substance abuse my mind and brain has changed. Not mentioning that she has changed a lot herself. By now it seems that in her mind I have become the bad guy, being responsible for all the hardships in her life. I don't feel I used her in any way.

I think I haven't mentioned one important factor in this equation. Her mother lives with us owning most of the house. She's totally absorbed in conspiracy theories herself, sitting in front of her computer, watching youtube videos all day long and writing down her notes.
She never really accepted me as her son in law and we never really got along, but I kind of tolerated her, because she's my wife's mother and other than her mother my wife doesn't have a lot of family left. My wife and her have a codependent relationship and whatever her mother says is the law.
I get the idea that right now my wife gets influenced a lot in terms of the decisions she makes regarding our relationship. I have seen that happening in the past when it came to other issues my wife had.

How do I feel? Not too good. I cried a lot and lost a lot of weight. I feel scared that my kids will be taken away from me, that I'll loose contact to them despite all the efforts I made to make things better. I am also scared that my wife might influence how they look at me, that they'll grow up thinking their father was/is a junky just thinking of himself.
I want to contribute financially to my kids education, food and whatever they need. I don't mind staying out of my wife's face (in case I am really such a problem for her). But I want to be part of my children's lifes. I want to be there for them as I feel they need me and love me as much as I love them. I never had anyone looking up to me the way they do. There's a healthy bond between me and them and I wish I could keep it that way.
It all feels unfair and I don't think I deserve this.


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Offlineashfiken
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Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
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Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28264728 - 04/06/23 07:31 AM (9 months, 18 days ago)

You don't.
Relationships are hard af.
I'm sorry there are kids and the feelings involved with that, makes kt even more emotionally difficult.
Sounds like you are thinking str8.
Keep your head up, don't lose your goals of being there for your kids


--------------------
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Invisibleloladoreen
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Registered: 05/25/20
Posts: 5,327
Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28265942 - 04/06/23 06:55 PM (9 months, 17 days ago)

I am curious to how things are going?


--------------------
“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”


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Anonymous #1

Re: I just quit all psychedelics and weed for good to save my marriage [Re: loladoreen]
    #28266198 - 04/06/23 11:23 PM (9 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

loladoreen said:
I am curious to how things are going?



I will have to wait and see. I don't really know how the kids are doing. Last night I received a short video. I felt they aren't happy/something is wrong, but they could have been just tired.
You see, I think about them a lot and sometimes I feel like I am going nuts or overanalyze the whole situation. That I read something in between the lines that actually isn't really there.

I have no clue what my wife plans or what she thinks about the whole situation as we haven't really talked to each other since I left, accept for organizing video calls between the children and I. I can only interpretate her actions and there's lots of room for misinterpretation.

What I know is that she and her mother talked for hours during the last few days I have been there. In the evening, when the kids slept, she would go over there and stay there for hours, which isn't part of her usual routine. My mother in law lives in a little flat on the property.

On the day my flight was scheduled to leave I wanted to do the online check-in and print out my tickets. As the only printer is owned by my mother in law I went there while she was going to the shops. I try to avoid my mother in law whenever I can, so I waited till she was gone. So I do my online check-in, but didn't want her to know I did, because I didn't ask and by now I feel I need to ask for allowance before I do the smallest thing.
That's why I decided to delete the browser history after I was done. That's how paranoid I got, so you see this whole thing is truely taking it's toll on my mind. I usually do not work like that... (this is also another good reason why I think it might be good to move out for a while)

Anyway it wasn't my intention to snoop around, but I saw what my mother in law was doing online on that very morning before she left. She visited pages of several divorce lawyers and even checked out information about debt collectors. I ask myself what business does she have getting involved in the first place and in which reality does she think I owe her any money? Even though I don't like her I did a lot of things for her over the years. As she never really liked me she might enjoy crushing me. She's a very toxic person, thriving on negativity, complaining about everything and nothing is ever good enough for her. Have you ever met a person that finds something negative in the most beautiful things? Or let's rather say looks for something negative in perfection? She's one of them. She's also the only human being in my life that I just can't stand being around.

So anyway, there's definitely something going on that I am not aware of. I might return home and there will be papers waiting to get signed. Maybe not.
In case of a divorce my permanent residence permit that I received only recently will be scrapped and I will be forced to leave the country.
In about a week I will know.

For now I just hope the time till I see my children again will go by fast. As you can imagine this whole thing is definitely not good for them. For me it's all about getting them through this with the least amount of damage.
I wish things could go back to normal, but I don't think that's possible anymore at this stage.


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