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OfflineCognitive_Entropy
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Why is there so much stigma to not being a socially oriented person? * 1
    #28204266 - 02/25/23 03:01 PM (10 months, 26 days ago)

I am diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and am objectively not a socially oriented person. It does not affect my intelligence or ability to learn information, but instead causes a range of what polite neurotypicals generally would refer to as "social abnormalities".

At work, I struggle to concentrate with all the noise and prefer to keep my office door shut. People do not like it even though the managers allow me to do it. I am much more productive with the door shut. I can understand why a manager may not like it, as it limits their ability to supervise me. However, I have noticed that other people seem to take issue with it. It apparently makes me seem antisocial or weird. One coworker has started a rumor that I am jerking off in the room with the door closed (because apparently any unusual social behavior from a man has a perverse sexual motivation).

I finally had a full argument with another coworker about the closed door issue. Basically I told him that I function better without the noise and he seemed very irritated and told me that nobody else does it and therefore that makes it socially abnormal and unacceptable to keep the door shut. Well nobody else has the same sensory issues, so they have no need. Autism related issues though aren't seen as the same as say, arthritis, and are instead seen as a form of immaturity. A woman at work is allowed to blast the AC ice cold all day due to her health problems, but because my problem is in a domain that neurotypicals consider to be related to maturity and professionalism, I am not given the same understanding.  At the end of the day, they just see it as me being an adult with behavioral issues that I should have outgrown or something.

I also experience hyperfocus when I work and don't generally engage in small talk. It isn't that I am rude, I just don't really move between discussion and work very readily.  For some reason, not participating in office talk earns me a lot of negative points.

I have a Master's degree and while my professors loved me in school, it seems like my bosses have all had issue with my problems being "socially normal" and it has cost me opportunities.  Good luck explaining in an interview that although you can do the job, you struggle coming across as normal.

What is the big deal? I can communicate ideas just fine, therefore technically have good communication skills. However, I don't have the same social preferences as other people and this seems to result in other people doubting my abilities or seeing me as incompetent in some way. It feels that the majority of people don't see social non-conformists as real adults and don't feel like the issue should be accommodated at all in professional setting. I didn't fully realize this until I finished graduate school and started working.

The second you start explaining to someone that you need a certain accommodation for autism, they act like you are mentally challenged in some way or can't handle responsibility. You can't really disclose this issue to an employer without limiting the chances of a promotion. It is seen as a form of incompetence or profound immaturity.  Or they think you are just making it up. On the other hand, it seems like people freely discuss other conditions, even mental health conditions, without facing the same level of stigma.


Edited by Cognitive_Entropy (02/25/23 03:12 PM)


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Invisibleburntkitty
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Registered: 01/02/23
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Re: Why is there so much stigma to not being a socially oriented person? [Re: Cognitive_Entropy]
    #28204313 - 02/25/23 03:34 PM (10 months, 26 days ago)

Tell them there's nothing wrong with masturbation and smile when you do it. They don't like people working hard it makes them look bad. I've always had the same problem. The NSA is for those stupid kids in class who just wanted to socialize and your not in their gang.


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What kind of sickness do they have for wanting the creative not creative. I can only imagine it's satanism


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OfflineAbombs
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Re: Why is there so much stigma to not being a socially oriented person? [Re: burntkitty]
    #28206321 - 02/27/23 02:20 AM (10 months, 25 days ago)

I am also not socially oriented but work in a pretty social environment. My displeasure for socializing is often misunderstood for lack of intelligence :frown:


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Why is there so much stigma to not being a socially oriented person? [Re: Abombs]
    #28216725 - 03/05/23 11:22 PM (10 months, 18 days ago)

Don't engage. So what if people talk? You do your job, and as long as your direct manager is satisfied, the only people who get to decide on your office door are you and your manager. Nobody else really matters in this situation. That is how work works. You come in, you do your job, your manager is happy, you leave.

Same thing with everything else that may seem weird. And definitely don't try to explain, any explanation is just a foothold for argument. Don't give them the opening.

Maybe don't do this at work, but I would also treat social skills as skills. Things you can practice. Like a game you do with people. Motions that you go through. Almost like a ritual. You can choose to make it as complicated as you want.


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Offlineangelcatdemon
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Registered: 03/03/23
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Re: Why is there so much stigma to not being a socially oriented person? [Re: Cognitive_Entropy]
    #28216875 - 03/06/23 06:49 AM (10 months, 18 days ago)

Quote:

Cognitive_Entropy said:
I am diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and am objectively not a socially oriented person. It does not affect my intelligence or ability to learn information, but instead causes a range of what polite neurotypicals generally would refer to as "social abnormalities".




I'm a little autistic myself and it has caused some problems at the work place. I would usually try to find a compromise in a situation like this, such as leaving the door just slightly open or sometimes closed sometimes open. But every individual situation is different so you may have to figure out what is the best decision. I actually have been vilified for keeping my door closed in living situations because I'm not flirtatious I'm very celibate and solitary and my roommate had so many men over. It actually became a real problem with constant harassment at my closed door and any budge on my end was distorted. So maybe a compromise isn't the best idea, it's just that it worked in the past, in work situations rather than living situations.
There should still be understanding and compassion in this world
I also struggle with "ordinary" conversation with co workers. I often feel like I'm forcing it but I just pretend I'm acting, like it's time to be "normal" now and say something about the weather, etc
I hope your work situation improves. I'm sure you deserve the job. If your supervisor is ok with you keeping the door closed then it should be ok, it's just challenging to have friction with co workers. So decide for yourself what will make you comfortable and happy and stabily employed


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