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Anonymous #1
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Is this a threat?
#28201694 - 02/23/23 11:12 PM (10 months, 28 days ago) |
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I have a friend that is convinced I am his soulmate. He is a very good friend to me. I do not like him for more than a friend. He is convinced he is in love. When he realizes it he gets angry and goes and drinks all night. Recently, he has been lashing out. i.e. more and more. He just lashed out at my son (24yo) a few nights ago. Blaming my son that he and I are not together. Tonight he sent me a text that said I am about to see his bad side, that he can be my best friend or enemy. I am fucking mad. I don't ask him for anything. But he does alot to help me out. In fact I am in a relationship with someone else. I am really pissed off, I took the text as threatening. I dont do anything to be held against me with the exception of shrooms. Would you interpret it as a threat? He is living in my RV at my other house, where my son lives.
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Anonymous #2
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yes
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Anonymous #1
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Idk how to respond
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
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Sounds abusive. It's definitely a threat, and from the way he sounds, I bet he'd go through with it. You should be careful and take care of your own safety.
He's not a good friend if he's threatening you, that's not what a good friend does. He's jealous, he doesn't respect the boundaries you're setting, he doesn't respect your relationship, he's threatening you, all of that taken together sounds pretty serious. You should cut ties with him.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Is this a threat? [Re: nooneman]
#28201768 - 02/24/23 12:23 AM (10 months, 28 days ago) |
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obaku
student of theuniverse


Registered: 01/31/03
Posts: 142
Loc: Northwest Oregon
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Are you sharing all this info with your son?
-------------------- The master's gone herb gathering, somewhere on the mountain, cloud-hidden, whereabouts unknown.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Is this a threat? [Re: obaku]
#28202344 - 02/24/23 10:57 AM (10 months, 28 days ago) |
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No my son would kick his ass And he'd call the police on him I can't tell my son
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Pluviophile
Stranger


Registered: 10/26/17
Posts: 3,093
Loc: Massachusetts
Last seen: 14 minutes, 6 seconds
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Tell your son to beat the guys ass, kick him out of your trailer and cut ties. What seams like empty threats and minor verbal abuse can escalate very very quickly.
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Pluviophile
Stranger


Registered: 10/26/17
Posts: 3,093
Loc: Massachusetts
Last seen: 14 minutes, 6 seconds
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Also you should take a break from any illegal activities such as mushroom grows or whatever until everything is resolved and there is no threat of getting ratted out.
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Anonymous #1
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You are getting very close to learning about Scorpio rising. You probablydon't want to do that right now. Not in your best interest. Trust me. I can be a friend or I can be an enemy. The choice is yours.
I try to be balanced. Getting very difficult.
Thats the text
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Pluviophile said: Tell your son to beat the guys ass, kick him out of your trailer and cut ties. What seams like empty threats and minor verbal abuse can escalate very very quickly.
My son is out on bail He can not risk this
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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That is a very clear threat, and he clearly wanted you to feel threatened. That makes it objectively reasonable to take some action to protect yourself and your loved ones. I'd talk with your family first, so he can't surprise any of them, and then give the dude a clear reply and tell him that threats are completely unacceptable. I'd tell him to find a new place to live too. He's not trusted enough to live with and he's causing real problems. That's already intolerable, and it could easily snowball into worse troubles.
You should definitely let your son and your partner know what's going on and form a reasonable plan together. The guy might do something that affects them, and you don't want either of them to get surprised because you kept them out of the loop. Trust them a bit and form a unified front against the threat. I can understand the desire to beat the dudes ass, but you can probably workout a better way to get rid of the guy and keep your son out of trouble if you involve your son in the planning now and agree on a good plan to solve the problem together.
Dealing with a threat effectively is the best way to feel better about it. That applies to you and the people who care about your well being, like your son. Make it clear that you can find a way to get rid of the guy without your son getting in trouble. Protecting everybody should be a priority in solving the problem, and your son definitely doesn't need to end up in jail to deal with this guy. Explain that to him, make sure he's onboard, and I'm sure he'll be happy to help you get rid of the guy in a way that doesn't fuck himself over.
I'd get rid of any mushrooms for a while too. At least until you're in the clear.
EDIT: Don't rush to reply to that text BTW. Form a plan first, then use the reply to get rid of him. You don't owe him an explanation just for the sake of communication. He's using the open communication to cause problems and to try to control you. I'd say ghost him if he weren't living on your property by your son. Since you still need to tell him to fuck off, you should take the time to do it correctly and carefully.
Edited by Mr.GuessWork (02/24/23 11:37 AM)
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said: That is a very clear threat, and he clearly wanted you to feel threatened. That makes it objectively reasonable to take some action to protect yourself and your loved ones. I'd talk with your family first, so he can't surprise any of them, and then give the dude a clear reply and tell him that threats are completely unacceptable. I'd tell him to find a new place to live too. He's not trusted enough to live with and he's causing real problems. That's already intolerable, and it could easily snowball into worse troubles.
You should definitely let your son and your partner know what's going on and form a reasonable plan together. The guy might do something that affects them, and you don't want either of them to get surprised because you kept them out of the loop. Trust them a bit and form a unified front against the threat. I can understand the desire to beat the dudes ass, but you can probably workout a better way to get rid of the guy and keep your son out of trouble if you involve your son in the planning now and agree on a good plan to solve the problem together.
Dealing with a threat effectively is the best way to feel better about it. That applies to you and the people who care about your well being, like your son. Make it clear that you can find a way to get rid of the guy without your son getting in trouble. Protecting everybody should be a priority in solving the problem, and your son definitely doesn't need to end up in jail to deal with this guy. Explain that to him, make sure he's onboard, and I'm sure he'll be happy to help you get rid of the guy in a way that doesn't fuck himself over.
I'd get rid of any mushrooms for a while too. At least until you're in the clear.
EDIT: Don't rush to reply to that text BTW. Form a plan first, then use the reply to get rid of him. You don't owe him an explanation just for the sake of communication. He's using the open communication to cause problems and to try to control you. I'd say ghost him if he weren't living on your property by your son. Since you still need to tell him to fuck off, you should take the time to do it correctly and carefully.
I feel he will try to get my son arrested. I'm 2 hours from home today. I have not replied to the text. My partner hasn't said much. He didn't know the guy wS in love with me. And I have not spoken to my son. What the fuck This is twisted
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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You need to get your son in the loop. That's the only way to protect him. I think your suspicion sounds fair, and you don't want your son to get ambushed. Can you talk to your son and have him not react impulsively? Let him know you're figuring out what to do next and that the guy might try to get him arrested or try to manipulate him or get him to do something stupid that will get him in trouble. Basically tell him not to take the bait.
Whatever the law is, if everybody stays cool and focuses on getting rid of the guy in a rational way then this guy will either make a move that justifies calling the cops or he'll leave like he's been asked too. He already made a bad move, and it won't work out if nobody plays into his hands. The situation calls for a little patient action. I don't think you have enough cause to call the police ATM, but I could be wrong. Maybe somebody else knows more on that subject?
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Anonymous #1
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I guess he yelled at my son the other day. After I discussed me debating leaving my partner or staying. He told my son he yelled because he was angry at me. He has never been a romantic option for me. If im honest my son will probably not take it well.
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Anonymous #1
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I did message my son & say stay away from him But not why
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Your son only needs to take it well enough to avoid getting in trouble. I'm not sure how bad the situation is, but if the dude is blaming your son and yelling at him, then it's reasonable to assume that your kid's in some danger. I'd say take the risk and tell your son the guy might have it out for him and tell him what you think he might do, then help you son calm down and get started on protecting himself from the guy. Maybe he needs to stay at your place for a few days or something. Getting away from the dude and staying out of jail should be an easy thing to focus on. If you can give him that option, then that's what I'd do.
The only other piece of advice I have to give off hand is not to get distracted by other parts of the problem. I know it's overwhelming, but you only need to address the immediate threats in an urgent matter. Focus on what you need to do to get rid of the dude and how to do it, and how to protect your son from this guy. There's no reason to let this guy make a victim out of your kid. You can work through the other BS when your kid's safe.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: I did message my son & say stay away from him But not why
that'll be hard if he lives with him, particularly if the guy is looking for him. If you can talk with your son and get him onboard with a good plan, then he'll be better off.
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Anonymous #1
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I told my son He flipped out
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Roflspammer
Strangest



Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 1,901
Loc: New Hampshire
Last seen: 10 hours, 45 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: You are getting very close to learning about Scorpio rising.
  tell him to suck my dick 
Anyone who states they are about to invoke the power of astrology needs a seat.
OP, call the police and have a restraining order initiated. The sooner you get the police involved, the better off you'll be. Even if they don't do anything, there will be a record and therefore he will be de-incentivized to do anything a "scorpio rising" ( ) will do. This is 2023, the United States is a society. You live in a society. Use society to do what it's supposed to: protect yourself. Make sure your kid is out of sight if he's in trouble with the law, and lock up your contraband.
Scorpio rising... rising on my dick.
Edited by Roflspammer (02/24/23 02:38 PM)
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: I told my son He flipped out
Is he okay? I understand being pissed. I'd be pissed too. That's okay as long as he doesn't get himself into trouble. Did you guys get a chance to talk about what to do next?
I think you did the right thing for what it's worth. The best you can do is give somebody the info they need to protect themselves and offer what help you can. I'd want to be told if I were your son. Hopefully he cools down and gets away from the guy and the situation. It might be worth sending him a text and offering him a place to stay at the other house for a few days. Maybe remind him to stay away from the guy to avoid the BS he's causing for everybody.
Edited by Mr.GuessWork (02/24/23 03:55 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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No one is taking it serious. He keeps texting me like nothing happened. Im livid My ex that I live with has said nothing Its why I asked... am I interpreting this correctly?
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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I'd take it seriously. It was definitely a threat, and it was pretty strait forward to interpret. Maybe the guy was drunk or whatever, but it's still fucked up. I'm not sure if your partner is avoiding a response because he's not sure about what to do or whatever, but that doesn't mean you can't lead the charge and handle it yourself. Again though, don't rush. You warned the people that needed to know, the so can take your time and make well thought out decisions. The main reason I said to warn your partner was so he didn't get surprised, and he's in the loop now so you did your part. It's more or less the same reason for your son, but he gets some extra consideration since he's your kid, he's living by the guy, and he's already been fucked with for no fault of his own.
Even if you're partner is being idle, then you can still put distance between you and the guy. Trying to coerce a romantic relationship is beyond fucked up, particularly from a friend. How is he going to behave if you're vulnerable and actually need a friend to rely on? I wouldn't trust him. Let him keep texting. Somebody fucking with my kid would piss me off pretty bad too. I'd probably end a friendship over that alone.
Your son is okay though? I'd confirm that and make sure he's got a decent plan and some options if the situation gets worse. 24 is still pretty young to have to deal with something like this. It sounds like he loves his mom at the very least, so try to keep him out of the shit if you can. Maybe he'll listen to you.
Edited by Mr.GuessWork (02/24/23 04:22 PM)
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Anonymous #1
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Partner is my ex husband My friend is driving his truck My friend is from Alaska I'm mad super mad When my friend yelled at my son his dad told me. Idk excactly what went down but he said obviously the guys in love with you & blames my son for us not getting together My ex husband won't rock the boat ir defend me it's always been that way I still have not said anything in response to his text & email S He hasn't acknowledged what he said
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Roflspammer
Strangest



Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 1,901
Loc: New Hampshire
Last seen: 10 hours, 45 minutes
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Is there a reason you are not calling the police?
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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I'd be mad too. It's fucked up, and I'd be moving towards getting the guy out of my life. Your friend already said enough IMO. I'd consider discussing it with him if he promptly volunteered an apology, but he hasn't done that. Instead he's letting a threat hang in the air, and that's not cool. Like I said before, as long as everybody is protected and in the loop, then you can take some time and think about what to do next. Keep the texts on your phone and don't delete them. They might be useful if he acts on the threat by trying to get your kid in trouble.
It sounds like your son's dad (different from your ex presumably?) is looking out for him too. Honestly, I'd clue him in to the threat if you haven't already so he doesn't get surprised either. It sounds like he's looking out for your son, and protecting the kid is worth some embarrassment or whatever. It's BS that you have to do all that though, and that's on your friend.
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Roflspammer said: Is there a reason you are not calling the police?
I'm the only one concerned about it. No one else is concerned. Until this week he has been the most supportive person in my life- ever. I know he drinks at night. I'm sure it is alcohol fueled.
When I got home I went over there & as my son walked away he came towards me. As he reached for my door I just drove off.
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Anonymous #3
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I think you knew it was a threat before you posted here.
Also would fancy my female landlord, but I don't push the limit. (She told me she has a bf when I moved in, why complicate shit. I need a place)
OP, Do you dress provocatively Infront of the guy who's "in love with you" (I think it's his obsession, really)
If I were your significant other and found out the extremes of someone being inlove with you, when the shit finally hits the fan. I'd be questioning loyalty and all sortsa BS.
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Anonymous #1
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I dress the same in front of him as I do anyone. I don't dress provocatively. We (my friend) are tight, he and I are super tight. He is the most supportive friend I have ever had. BUT He will send me all these things showing me how perfect we are together... I never reply, I just ignore it. I used to talk to him about dating, etc. But he would get mad so I dont know. I don't think he(my exhusband) cares if other guys are into me. We have had that a few times before, he doesn't care. My exhusband and I don't have like a strong relationship or anything. I moved in to raise out grandkids together. In the beginning I made strong boundaries with him. If I was able to leave, I would. My friend knows this. He has no respect for my ex husband, he talks shit about him here and there.
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Markamello
Stranger


Registered: 04/13/20
Posts: 238
Last seen: 5 hours, 18 minutes
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You should set him up. I assume you live and the states which means you own a gun. You need to invite him around and when he arrives have an unloaded gun sitting on the bench in clear view for him to pick up and attempt to shoot you with.
You just need a reason for him to shoot you so maybe get his brother or dad to come over and, this is the important part, you need to be fucking the shit out of them when he opens the door. Hopefully he picks the gun up and when he does. Boom! You shotgun him in the face as soon as he drops his prints on the piece.
Now you might have to be careful because his dad or brother or who ever you use as bait may be pissed off too after blasting him so make sure you have another shot to take them down too if need be.
But seriously. Just report it to the cops.
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Anonymous #1
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To be honest I am heartbroken. He is my best friend. I still have not talked to him. He texted me a nice text this morning. I only responded with you threatened me.
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Anonymous #4
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He is not your best friend. Heās not even a friend. Heās been putting in an act to manipulate you into āloving him backā and as you saw, the thought of all his work not paying off caused him to threaten you
None of what you describe of him is normal for a decent man
Heās a threat to your son and yourself. Be on guard please because obsessed/rejected dudes can do some very fucked up things in a hurry and THIS is the time period where you have a chance to make a move to protect yourselfā¦or not
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Anonymous #4
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: He keeps texting me like nothing happened.
BIG RED FLAG
Iām sorry you considered him so close and I know it feels horrible to think of him not being what you thought he was. I may be wrong but better safe than sorry
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Markamello
Stranger


Registered: 04/13/20
Posts: 238
Last seen: 5 hours, 18 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous #4 said:
Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: He keeps texting me like nothing happened.
BIG RED FLAG
Iām sorry you considered him so close and I know it feels horrible to think of him not being what you thought he was. I may be wrong but better safe than sorry
You're not wrong. This looks bad and dangerous. It's sad but the danger of the situation should not be underestimated.
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Anonymous #1
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I finally sent a text that said "You threatened me" He replied: I'm so sorry. It was not a physical threat. then sent another text : More out of casting you out of my reality threat. And then the rest of his texts were normal I dont even know how to respond.. I have only been responding to texts that have questions. I am stunned He is like 65 years old
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
Last seen: 6 hours, 49 minutes
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I believe boundaries maybe should have been set prior. With the signs of his "obsession" seemingly pretty clear, I feel like more should have been done before now to squell this issue. Now it seems more difficult and things are a little close for comfort..
When a man sends lustful or obsessive texts, esp being your best friend, lines need to be drawn. It seems instead of taking the opportunity to do so, you say you just ignored it.
Almost like your ex not really giving a shit, has rubbed of on you and the way you handled this. Obviously the dude has some issues if he is 65 threatening any kind of thing, as your "friend". When those sorta texts got sent, a response should be sent by you, if those insinuations of feelings are not mutual.
Something like, "I'm glad you hold me in such high regard, but we will never be more than friends". And be consistent with that. Ignoring just makes him think it is OK, for him to continue this behavior, thinking maybe, "she's just not emotionally available now", or "I'll always be there for her, I can wait" or whatever other ideas persist in his mind that allow his continuance of feelings/obsession.
At this point, I'm sorry you are losing a fri3nd, but it should be made clear that if he wants to stay where he is living, he needs to respect the boundaries, on3s you maybe have set but not have reiterated or been rigid enough in ensuring they are understood.
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Is this a threat? [Re: ashfiken]
#28206743 - 02/27/23 12:38 PM (10 months, 25 days ago) |
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He knows. I have made it crystal clear that I am not interested. Apparently when he yelled at my son, that is why he was so angry. I was talking if I should continue to put energy into my relationship or move on. I have talked to him about him dating other people. He talked to me about him dating others. I have drawn a solid line. There are no blurred boundaries. There is no confusion .
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Anonymous #5
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You have scary things in your life š„µ
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Anonymous #1
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sigh..... I am overwhelmed today.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Don't let it eat you up. It sounds like you did what you could do, and handled it pretty well. keep paying attention. I'd want a better apology than that with some more future accountability. I don't really understand the explanation either. I guess it's nice that he didn't plan to murder you and burry you in a shallow grave, but that's still pretty weak. He should be able to handle his feelings without threatening you.
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Anonymous #1
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I have a lot of other things going on. It is in the back of my mind all the time. He is rude and I told him so. He told me he is on day 4 of alcohol withdrawals. So he thought being rude was appropriate. I told him to not contact me then. I am so over it. he is very far from home, no transportation etc. He is a problem I dont have time for right now. And it sucks
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Maybe give it a bit and touch base later if you care about the friendship and want to give it another chance. I was mostly concerned about you getting into trouble that could escalate when you were panicked, and it sounds like you did what you could to handle that situation responsibly and respectfully. Withdrawals and alcohol use can make people crazy for a bit, but that's not an excuse to rely on after they've passed. Withdrawals are also a sign of some pretty serious drinking habits. You can let that be his problem unless you want it to be yours too. You were honest, clear, and fair with your friend. I'd say the ball is in his court to be a better friend in return.
And it does suck, but I think you did well with it. For whatever it's worth from a stranger, I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself even though it was hard and risky.
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Anonymous #1
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THANK YOU So much. That made me happy. I tent to sit on things and figure out the best response before replying. And often it looks like I am doing nothing. But I am.. I am trying to logically figure it out. I am more concerned with my son then myself. Today when he was rude, he was talking about my son. That shit is not happening. My son is in early recovery and he is a drunk My son is more respectful then he is.
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thirtygoats

Registered: 12/29/11
Posts: 1,985
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
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I think the person you're dealing with is an idiot. I think he probably just feels happy because of you, and you're probably the only thing in his life that makes him happy. People are supposed to be happy with their life and then find someone they love, because if they don't, then all of their happiness is depending on the person they're with, so breaking up with them can be dangerous. If he isn't smart enough to know what to do to stop himself from feeling like he wants to harm you, then he was never your friend, and he was always your enemy, just hiding who he really was.
Alcoholism is a huge red flag. I would suggest that you completely remove him from your life because you can probably get someone better. If you're allowed to have a gun, I'd advise you to keep it within arm's reach at all times, or atleast a folding knife. I've heard a lot of crime stories and many of them are of the same circumstance that you're describing with him, and those crime stories don't end well. They usually end with someone dying and someone going to prison for the rest of their life.
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Mr.GuessWork
Stranger

Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: THANK YOU So much. That made me happy. I tent to sit on things and figure out the best response before replying. And often it looks like I am doing nothing. But I am.. I am trying to logically figure it out. I am more concerned with my son then myself. Today when he was rude, he was talking about my son. That shit is not happening. My son is in early recovery and he is a drunk My son is more respectful then he is.
We all need a little validation sometimes. It was no biggie. I felt like you deserved the compliment and I was happy to share it with you. If you feel good about yourself, then it's easier to feel good about what you're fighting for in a conflict. It's definitely okay to fight for your kid, particularly if he's already vulnerable and needs the help. Giving your kid a chance to finish growing up is a good thing.
That sounds like a good way to work through stuff, and I'd like to think I'd have the same priorities in your position. You also took action when it was important to act promptly. Beyond that, buying time to make good decisions is almost always a wise strategy, particularly when you don't know what's going on or what to do about it. Thinking through stuff and feeling out a situation is the best way to avoid unnecessary regret when you can afford it.
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said:
Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: THANK YOU So much. That made me happy. I tent to sit on things and figure out the best response before replying. And often it looks like I am doing nothing. But I am.. I am trying to logically figure it out. I am more concerned with my son then myself. Today when he was rude, he was talking about my son. That shit is not happening. My son is in early recovery and he is a drunk My son is more respectful then he is.
We all need a little validation sometimes. It was no biggie. I felt like you deserved the compliment and I was happy to share it with you. If you feel good about yourself, then it's easier to feel good about what you're fighting for in a conflict. It's definitely okay to fight for your kid, particularly if he's already vulnerable and needs the help. Giving your kid a chance to finish growing up is a good thing.
That sounds like a good way to work through stuff, and I'd like to think I'd have the same priorities in your position. You also took action when it was important to act promptly. Beyond that, buying time to make good decisions is almost always a wise strategy, particularly when you don't know what's going on or what to do about it. Thinking through stuff and feeling out a situation is the best way to avoid unnecessary regret when you can afford it.
š
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