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Anonymous #1

INHERITENCE
    #28185049 - 02/13/23 07:02 AM (11 months, 8 days ago)

Suppose you knew all of a sudden that your spouse found out they will get a trust fund of 3 mill at age 60 and another 2 mill at 65. They have a killer job making 250 a year already and are about to be promoted to a position that will give them more money. The spouse feels committed to the job and has issues with the money somewhat and thinks that they will "get bored" or doesn't want "to just lay around watching TV" etc. They want to continue to work until they are 65 for some unknown reason only they justify in their head. Both of you agree that traveling is on the table and not be too lavish and foolish with it but nice and comfy and decent.

How can you make them see that most people in the world dream of this opportunity and work for years to have this dream? Another 5 years won't matter and that time could be spent just enjoying not working and just living. Never have to worry about anything ever again. Even if an illness pops up that takes hundreds of thousands of dollars you'd still have millions left and killer insurance to cover things as well.

BUT, they still worry. I can not wrap my head around that mindset as they can't imagine not working. It's very strange and wonderful at the same time. I have to be very tactful and not focus on the money. Luckily we're both very frugal and like nice things but not gaudy horse shit that is just flashy and gross. The grandfather set them up so their last years would be comfy and they could relax and enjoy the golden years in life. They don't see it quite yet but that's why I'm with them, to make them see and relax and enjoy.

Their kids are also set with the same thing at the same ages and they are 30yo and that money just adds interest and grows until they get it so it'll be like they get around 5 each too! They see it as in issue instead of a blessing. How do I get them to see the absolute wonderful beauty of this? Also to top it all off I get to retire at age 62 and I'm near 60 already! I will willingly travel on their business trips once I retire but what is the point of it all if you don't have to do it?

I wish I could make them see my POV but I know I can't push it or they'll get a bit angry. I'm just so fucking lucky and relieved of any and all stress and I never though I'd ever be here or feel this way. I do not take this for granted and if I'd have had this at any other time in my life It would not be as good as it will be. The best part is that the person I'm with is the decadent frosting on the cake. I've been in the pits of hell and now I'm in the clouds of heaven. I just can not understand the mindset of working and feeling obligated to a company that would cut them in a second no matter how much they feel that they are respected loved and needed at that job/position. They just can't see it. It's weird.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28185321 - 02/13/23 11:08 AM (11 months, 8 days ago)

This is more of a thought journal for me than anything.


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Anonymous #2

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28185604 - 02/13/23 02:23 PM (11 months, 8 days ago)

If the person makes $250k/year, they may be invested in their job and enjoy it.  They likely find it a meaningful thing to do.

The other issue is, frankly, it sounds like you're kind of a grifter that just wants the money.


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Anonymous #3

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28185713 - 02/13/23 03:44 PM (11 months, 8 days ago)

That’s not really all that much money for someone in a position like that, I would say encourage spouse to invest wisely, acquire property and work on their own businesses so they can be dependent on themselves.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28185784 - 02/13/23 04:41 PM (11 months, 7 days ago)

LOL, I am extremely lucky and we're very happy and set even without the inheritance. We didn't know all this until last month actually. I thought they were slacking when we met as they quit their job a couple months after moving in together. I paid all the bills for about 7-8  months until they landed this incredible career. If I was a grifter I'd have done it when I was much younger and prettier, lol.

@#3 - There's already a retirement and investments that will have been plenty without any of the inheritance as they have planned for years. What freaks me out is I see the stress of the job as they work from home and why wouldn't a person just quit when they have more than what they planned for and have a date for it even. It's hard to understand that mindset because I'd be counting the days until I got it and planning all kinds of vacations.

BUT, there is something in the back of our minds that does not completely believe it until we actually see so we do not count on any of it. We're being wary and careful and that's another beautiful thing about it all. If we were younger we'd have been more foolish most likely.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28186822 - 02/14/23 08:03 AM (11 months, 7 days ago)

Meh, there's a little less than 4 years to plan stuff and we could both die or one of us die by then.:shrug: It is incredibly soothing to feel at ease mentally and physically. Just knowing a minor or major emergency will be taken care of monetarily makes a universe of difference in ones state of mind and that radiates throughout all of my existence.


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Anonymous #3

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28186827 - 02/14/23 08:10 AM (11 months, 7 days ago)

You could also live 30-40 more years, your ability to generate income will dwindle but your living costs wont.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28186864 - 02/14/23 09:01 AM (11 months, 7 days ago)

We have a plan for the next 30ish years. No fatalists here. Just stating what could happen.:shrug: If all goes well I see living until mid to late 80's and that's enough for me. It would be cool to die on ones 100th b day that day but haven't you seen 100yo people? I just don't want to be feeble and weak and that old unless there's some medical miracle meds that make one feel and look 20-50 years younger than ones actual age forget it.

I'm pretty sure with the budgeting and frugal nature we have that 5 mill will be plenty enough to account for any inflation or hiccup that might occur. We're not ones to buy expensive cars, jewelry, clothes and other such BS and when we stay at a hotel or whatever we will do nice but not extravagant. Hilton is more than luxurious enough for our tastes and we're not ones to eat caviar and drink crystal and all that horse shit.

If there's a major medical thing there is a family trust with 300 mill that would cover either one of us. I have never been in this position and feel extremely lucky. I don't see why the other person wouldn't be completely free from ANY mentality of wanting to ever do "work" of any kind ever again once the initial payment happens. I think part of it is that their parents were from an era that burned certain ways of thinking into the psyche of the kid.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28186950 - 02/14/23 10:32 AM (11 months, 7 days ago)

Another thing about all this is that if the family decided to try and liquidate the trust the people who set all this up made sure it would go to charities and such so the family can't be greedy fucks and take it all and waste it or do whatever they want. They were very smart when they planned the whole thing. I need to make the mate see that the money was set up for them to enjoy and make the last years of their life easier and was intended to just enjoy and not worry about anything like any semblance of work or a job to keep finances flowing. It's all there to enjoy but they don't quite see it that way, yet.

The kids also have been set up with around 1 mill so far and they are mid 20's and early 30's. They also get it at 60 so the interest will just grow on theirs and they too will have around 2 mill or so when they reach age. It's all so beautiful. Plus what we don't use/spend they will get to add to it.


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InvisibleAsante
Mage
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Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28188473 - 02/15/23 10:49 AM (11 months, 6 days ago)

Dollars stuck for over 5 years?

I would not rest until its all in gold in bullion bank storage.

there is a very big chance money will be murdered in the coming years.

Then none of you have anything, and you won't love it.

Live NOW.

death graphs go up steeply between 60 and 65.

you or your spouse can die and you will never have enjoyed each other.

And that is what i fucking miss in her response.

She speaks in terms of hanging in front of the tv and not in termns of enjoying each other in early retirement.

She might break up with you just shy of turning 60.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Asante]
    #28188769 - 02/15/23 01:59 PM (11 months, 6 days ago)

Not tied up for 5 years, 3 mill at 60, and then another 2 mill at 65. All the while it still is gaining interest and growing. This is in a little less than 4 years for them/us.

Yes, I know there are many factors at play and probabilities. We are not counting on this 100% or even any percentage really. This just became knowledge in detail as of January. The planning of retirement and monies has already been solidified and in the works without ANY of that money at all. I've come to the conclusion to respect the decisions of the partner and keep on saving and working until I retire and then fully support any decisions by them to continue working and just travel with them on their business trips and enjoy that time as well.

Both of us have stopped smoking and haven't had any problems with alcohol or drugs/opiates/opioids thankfully. We started healthier eating habits and workout programs to be in the best mental and physical health possible for the next phase in our lives. There is still some partying but it's monthly or very sporadic and not too excessive. Luckily we are semi-healthy and not too out of shape to begin with. I just never thought I would ever be even close to possibly having this kind of life after retirement age.

I was planning on working until I died basically. I was already at peace with that and expected it. I was born into a poor family/life and knew a long time ago that I could only get so far in life and I'd rather enjoy my life than make certain sacrifices to get to a level that I probably wouldn't really like anyway especially since the longer I lived and the more people I met I could see how unhappy some of them were if they had certain things or were from a more privileged family or became a workaholic trying to make millions to be happy. The money doesn't make one happy, it just makes it easier to be happier when you don't have to worry about having enough of it.

I'm asking in here if anyone faced with this kind of thing what they would do/think/feel. Just not having to worry about things like maintenance/tires on the car, grocery money, bills, rent/house/insurance payments, some nights out on the town and just general things that a LOT of people have to worry about and budget so they don't go under if some emergency happens (big or small) has an incredible effect on a persons state of mind and that dominoes into the persons health and every aspect of living/being alive.

Coming from a poor background makes it easier to go back to it than coming from a wealthy and more privileged background. I know how to gut and skin an animal for food, start fires from scratch and rough it. I never want to have to do that, but I can. It's just really comforting knowing my last years alive will possibly be really good and most of all spent with someone who I love more than anyone I ever have and they feel the same. I told them even if this wasn't a possibility and we had to work as a walmart greeter or some other job in old age we'd still have each other and that would make things the best no matter what.


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Anonymous #2

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28189750 - 02/16/23 04:40 AM (11 months, 5 days ago)

Have you discussed this with your spouse?

Typically, this is what couples do.  Most discuss their future (and current) plans, and decide together how they want to live.  This includes retirement and approach to money.  It's an unfortunate byproduct of today's society, but money is fairly central to determining your overall lifestyle.

What does your spouse say when you ask them why they want to keep working?  What are future goals, how do you want to live and what do you want to do with all this money?


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28190017 - 02/16/23 10:10 AM (11 months, 5 days ago)

We have talked and both agree on everything and have the same goals and wants. I just can't fathom working anymore as I've always dreamed of not having to. I can see the POV that they are coming from and have decided to just roll with that decision and travel with them when they go on business trips which is about 25% of the year. I see it as an opportunity to be with them while they fulfill their desires and it's a win for both of us in every way. I am in no way complaining, lol! I just need to stop trying to get them to retire when I do. It's only another 3 years after me anyway. Writing all this out and getting responses has helped me more than you know. That was the purpose of this thread. This place is cathartic and like a psychologist to me at times, lol.:heart:

I just couldn't see why they would work for another 5 years past getting around 3 million dollars because of where I come from and how hard things were. Their career is very important and I was blinded by my own thoughts on it. I can see and understand why they want to continue to work and complete it and retire at 65. Plus that's still young enough to enjoy traveling without being in our  mid to upper 70's (which we will still do I'm sure). I was being a bit selfish and wanting to start traveling right after I retired at 62. There's about a 3 year gap in age so no big deal there (I'm the older one). 

It is quite the rush to know we will get this but like I said we're not counting on it until it's actually in the bank. I need to really calm down about it and just take it easy. My state of mind and sense of security and well being was already satisfied when I met this person. Another thing I thought I'd never know/experience. This is just the extra icing on the cake for both of us. I'm free and unencumbered by thoughts of money and how we would pay for anything in an emergency or just in general.

It feels liberating in ways I never thought I would feel (only dreamed about). We are set for retirement without it all and that's the beauty of it as well. Their yearly bonus is what more than I make in a year. We're also not ones to buy flashy clothes and cars etc. Very grounded and have excellent budgeting skills. Both have almost zero CC debt (cc score is 825 for me and zero cc debt) and car paid off. Soon to have the house paid off as well. I never thought it would be this way.

The only issues are with my mentality on it all and I got really hyped when we found all this out. Can you imagine if it happened to you? I'm really glad it happened at the age I am and at this stage in life. If it doesn't come through I can have an "oh well it was a nice thought/easy come easy go" attitude as we are going to be set in our old age either way. Like you said money is a major factor of life and how it affects/effects ones state of mind and physical sense of well being unfortunately.


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Anonymous #4

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28190371 - 02/16/23 02:41 PM (11 months, 5 days ago)

I inherited a good chunk of money and other things.
I told no one. It was very uncomfortable to me .
At the time I was still married but knew we were divorcing. I did not even tell him. He knew about the material things because they were obvious and large.
Money has never been real important to me. I have always worked, when I was younger I had 3 jobs at once. NOT for material things. I was barely surviving.
Everyone views money differently. There is no right or wrong.
Is your partner a little uncomfortable or feeling pressured?
FYI
I love to work.. love it. I would not want to stop either.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28190452 - 02/16/23 03:59 PM (11 months, 5 days ago)

They're only pressured about being bored after retirement. I'm pretty sure I pressured them about retiring early when I do but I'm not going to push that anymore. I never should have. We are in a very solid relationship thankfully. Sex life is great and everything. I can not believe it actually. It's surreal. I loathe work and have always dreamed of retiring or having enough money to just relax and enjoy life traveling and pursue art and music without it having to be a job for money. I do not understand peoples mindset when they say they'd never retire.

It astounds me due to my past. I've never loved work completely, only loved it because of what it gets me. If I could just have done art, music, or drafting or graphic arts or something like that sure, that would be great. I had to get immediate work and start making money to survive and being an artist takes a lot of luck to make it, not to mention who you know and what part of the country you live in etc and then it becomes a job/work doesn't it? I probably might have burned out on it who knows, it didn't happen. Like I said we are set no matter what and that is incredibly comforting knowing all will be well without the extra money.


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Anonymous #4

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28192112 - 02/17/23 07:07 PM (11 months, 3 days ago)

I could work and never retire.
I think it is different when you love what you do and you are not working to survive.


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Anonymous #4

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28192114 - 02/17/23 07:08 PM (11 months, 3 days ago)

I take that back.
I have grandchildren and I think if I could be with them and show them the world.
I would.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28192157 - 02/17/23 07:35 PM (11 months, 3 days ago)

I am the youngest and I have no children and all of my immediate family is gone. Anyone I am related to I am completely disconnected with and have no idea where they are or if they are alive. I am the last in my line of heirs as far as I know and there is no one but my mate and a few friends. Maybe a nephew, a niece, and 2 great nephews but that is it I am am not really close at all to them. There's 3 step siblings but I am estranged and no connection at all with them. Father's side. I didn't know him either. Really dysfunctional family tree here so that may put things in my perspective for anyone reading this.


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Anonymous #4

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28192180 - 02/17/23 07:52 PM (11 months, 3 days ago)

I hope you enjoy it and hopefully help those less fortunate.


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Anonymous #1

Re: INHERITENCE [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28192193 - 02/17/23 07:58 PM (11 months, 3 days ago)

I will give freely and not be a greedy McScrooge duck/ebeneezer scrooge type, lol. BUT, we're not foolish and will enjoy it as well. I take none of this for granted am VERY thankful and feel very fortunate to even be speculating about it all. Even without the inheritance. The person I'm with makes life worthwhile no matter what. They are priceless to me and I would give it all up if I had to make a choice.


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