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Anonymous #1
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Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits
#28173212 - 02/05/23 10:08 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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We are both quite mature and strongly love each other for 7 years now, 6 of which living together. So, I like to think we are settled in our relationship in terms of who takes which responsibilities and when/how we make love.
Well... A week ago my partner has a heartfelt conversation with me, during which she says that while she really loves the beginning of giving me oral sex, she doesn't like the end of it, stating that the texture is just too thick and stays in her mouth too long.
For me, oral sex without the end of oral sex is like "A Ferrari without an engine. You have a Ferrari but, also, you don't really have a Ferrari". I gently told her that it's not a small part of oral sex and there's really no point just to do the beginning part...
Now, if she liked giving head - that would have been great! If she was OK with it and doing it because she knows it's blowing my mind - also great! But I don't want to bitch to her about it or blackmail her so that she's kinda forced to do that - this is not what I am about!
So, to feel a little better, I am going to take off one of the things I do, which I am OK with but only doing because it's blowing her mind: Caressing. She has this thing where she really likes to be pet and gently kissed around the ear, back of the neck, decollete, etc... It's really boring to me because she insists on using tools (feathers, hair brushes and other things she found tingling just right). So, I don't even get to touch her and it's really boring.
I mean, when she asks for caressing, she asks for it like when we are watching a movie and most of the movie I am caressing her - we are talking around an hour each time!
Frankly, I sometimes have neck or shoulder pain, which I am not telling her because I want her to fully enjoy her caressing, which she says brings her to an orgasm sometimes.
Anyway: I am just going to take it away, without telling her the reason. The last thing I want her to think is that I am running some accounting on who does what in bed. I just want to feel a bit less "fucked over".
Also, maaaayybbe in the back of her head, she'll recognize some sort of pattern like "what's a few seconds of inconvenience to let this man have a top-tier experience once in a while?"
Needless to say, I am impeccably clean and fresh everywhere and I drink plenty of water. Also needless to say, I give earth-shattering oral sex and have never felt this cost me anything or that I should withhold this from my partner.
Really bummed out about this When I did get oral sex like once a month, this usually is the highlight of my week and it's not like I have access to this anywhere else, considering that we run a pretty classical relationship and I am not a cheater.
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ModernShitake
Mind if I smoke?



Registered: 10/25/22
Posts: 72
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#28173224 - 02/05/23 10:16 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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If you really need to have your load swallowed than you should probably find someone that is ok with doing it.
Maybe you should explain to her about how you also don't enjoy caressing for long periods of time but you do it anyways for the sake of her pleasure, and maybe she'll come around, but if not.. I do think that the "Silent retaliation" is a dick move best of luck
edit: also, have you ever had jizz in your mouth? No bueno
-------------------- Your existence is not impossible, but very very unlikely
Edited by ModernShitake (02/05/23 10:28 AM)
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: ModernShitake]
#28173239 - 02/05/23 10:27 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Well I am not going to change my partner just for that...
And not sure I want to bring up an accounting system where we make each other do things out of guilt.
As a matter of fact, once she told me it's so unpleasant for her, it's really not going to ever feel the same, even if she does come back to previous levels of service 
It's like when her dad got Parkinson's and she wants to spend more time with him while he's alive. So, we never plan on nice hiking trips or adventurous travels abroad, just low intensity walks - I am trying to make it a good time for them, I am not going shit over the vacation with saying it's actually nothing like what I want to do so... I see she cherishes that time and I am happy that she's happy.
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ModernShitake
Mind if I smoke?



Registered: 10/25/22
Posts: 72
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28173245 - 02/05/23 10:35 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: As a matter of fact, once she told me it's so unpleasant for her, it's really not going to ever feel the same, even if she does come back to previous levels of service 
I feel this. but even more reason to not retaliate. now it wouldn't be good for anybody. the load swallowing ship has sailed. treasure those memories bud
-------------------- Your existence is not impossible, but very very unlikely
Edited by ModernShitake (02/05/23 10:36 AM)
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28173253 - 02/05/23 10:44 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Dude, so much of that sounds like my life, except the swallowing part. Mine has never had a problem with that, but the one-sided rubbing, the pain while I'm doing it, not wanting to tell her it hurts, yeah, all that is me too
I assure you, she could get over it and even into it if she wanted to. She's showing signs of being self-centered and not much of a giver. I'll tell ya from experience, that doesn't improve with time, it only gets worse. I'd seriously think about if you could be ok with things going further in that direction because someone like that doesn't want to be talked to about it and will likely take offense causing more problems even though I know you'd be trying to resolve problems. Still I would recommend talking to her about it so she has a chance to make things better with you. It's a funny-not-funny catch 22 women like to play
You're totally right about the ending being the whole point of it though and yes, she's already fucked it up for you by telling you she doesn't like it.
Also, some part of her has wanted to tell you she didn't like it the whole time. Her telling you after this long means she knows it makes her less desirable but she's hoping you're too invested at this point to break up over it. It's a pretty big bitch move in my opinion
I don't think you'd be an asshole to pull back on something. Gotta give a little to get a little and if she can't understand that then that's too bad for her
You sounds like a good and reasonable guy who actually thinks about how make his relationship better and I commend you for that
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28173281 - 02/05/23 11:00 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Sounds like your relationship is in serious trouble. Theres no easy solution here. Maybe ask her for an open relationship? What about just going straight to sex after the BJ instead?
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
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Eminence



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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28173316 - 02/05/23 11:33 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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I had a girlfriend say the same thing a long time ago. Apparently guys who eat a lot of fruit and have a low sperm count don't have this issue lol.
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Eminence



Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: LogicaL Chaos] 2
#28173318 - 02/05/23 11:35 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Quote:
LogicaL Chaos said: Theres no easy solution here. Maybe ask her for an open relationship?
This is a good way to end a relationship for many people. But hey I don't know his girlfriend. But I get the impression the type of women to be into "open relationships" whatever that is supposed to mean, typically don't have an issue with bj's.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Eminence]
#28173356 - 02/05/23 11:58 AM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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OP Here: Nah, neither of us are into that. I don't want anyone else, she's not going to allow that and I am not the kind of guy that women get with just for fun.
Problem is I am a horny little bastard and while I am not going to be making demands or put sex as a high priority, I also know my PP has an expiry date and I don't want to have run that course getting nothing out of it.
Honestly, I had this exact problem before with my first GF but she had amazing skills and some reputation. So, I was doubly mad when she decided her decent life starts now that she's with me and I thought the "forever man" is the one you give EVERYTHING to, not the other way around. So, I cut that relationship loose... - And then rest of my life regretting I didn't find ways to fix the situation because she made me stomp my feet with how good it was and later I found out not all women can do that
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Abombs
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28173396 - 02/05/23 12:32 PM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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I didn't read everything but I think you are wrong.
That's unfortunate for you that she doesnt like your cum. Are you really going to have a fit and take away her pleasure. Grow up
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burntkitty


Registered: 01/02/23
Posts: 494
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1]
#28173399 - 02/05/23 12:34 PM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Sounds like you got no pull out game old man. Stop consuming Tremadol. I lost all my holes to it.
-------------------- Hating America doesn't make one racist, it probably means they're the complete opposite. That's not it's name pilgrim Shia wang a genius he just kept showing his soft til the paparazzi stopped following Thought capitalism was suppose to stop these soviet union lines If you give me herpes, Ill give you AIDs What kind of sickness do they have for wanting the creative not creative. I can only imagine it's satanism
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LogicaL Chaos
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Eminence]
#28173419 - 02/05/23 12:54 PM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Quote:
Eminence said:
Quote:
LogicaL Chaos said: Theres no easy solution here. Maybe ask her for an open relationship?
This is a good way to end a relationship for many people. But hey I don't know his girlfriend. But I get the impression the type of women to be into "open relationships" whatever that is supposed to mean, typically don't have an issue with bj's.
True. It could be a relationship-ender. But I see this as the only option other than OP cheating on his woman, which is where this relationship seems to be headed...
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ModernShitake
Mind if I smoke?



Registered: 10/25/22
Posts: 72
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Abombs]
#28173452 - 02/05/23 01:24 PM (11 months, 16 days ago) |
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Quote:
Abombs said: she doesnt like your cum. Are you really going to have a fit and take away her pleasure. Grow up

I see this as an opportunity to change things up a bit. Maybe start going down on her instead. Eating good pussy is just as good for me as having my dick sucked Also, if its not that ba to the point of breaking up, you're overthinking this
-------------------- Your existence is not impossible, but very very unlikely
Edited by ModernShitake (02/05/23 01:38 PM)
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Patchouli_Savage


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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: ModernShitake] 3
#28173887 - 02/05/23 07:17 PM (11 months, 15 days ago) |
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I think what makes you the assshole is the refusal to communicate. If your partner gently told you that she likes all of giving head except the swallowing part and your response is to stop doing the entire act of something she enjoys without telling her why, you are playing a tit for tat game where you "take away" something from her because you feel she's "taken away" something you like, but you just aren't telling her what game you're playing. Just because you havent told her what you're doing doesn't mean you aren't initiating an "accounting system" where you make each other do things out of guilt. She will likely see that is withholding affection in response to asking that you don't expect her to swallow every time she gives you dome.
As far as the swallowing your load need not being met, I don't know what to tell you honestly. A lot of women don't like doing that and view blowjobs as an integral part of foreplay and not an end goal. You're going to have to find a way to compromise.
I'm going to suggest that you nut into a cup and then swallow your own piping hot semen to put yourself in your partner's shoes amd understand why maybe she doesnt want to do that every time she sucks you off.
I'm also going to suggest open and honest communication because without it, your relationship is doomed. Maybe you can find a compromise instead of playing games and withholding affection because here's the thing- if you don't want to be with anyone else, your choices are to communicate and compromise, end the relationship to find a partner who likes to swallow your loads so this particular need is met, or allow the relationship to deteriorate over time due to mounting resentment as a result of unmet needs on both sides after ya'll play silent tit for tat instead of working together to find a solution.
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Mojo
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Patchouli_Savage] 1
#28173946 - 02/05/23 08:12 PM (11 months, 15 days ago) |
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Just tell her that the recent conversation about blowjobs helped you realize you can talk to her about your personal preferences in the relationship and you prefer not to do caressing activities anymore.
I know in your mind she will realize the direct correlation between taking away blow jobs = taking away caressing activities but experience tells me that most of the time things will be misinterpreted unless you communicate about it directly.
She confided in you with a struggle she is having, if that helped you realize some of your own struggles than tell her about your issues with caressing. This scenario places you both on an equal playing field.
Resentment is often met with resentment. So if she thinks you taking away caressing is due to resentment she may respond in kind. A conversation should prevent that.
As an aside.
If the blow job situation makes you second guess the relationship you should let her know that to. Maybe you can talk it through and come together on a solution. And maybe you can’t and it makes the ending of the relationship more clear. Either way it’s a win because the last thing you want is some long drawn out breakup.
Like you I am also very into oral. My gf will typically give me a bj in the morning with my coffee; and another before bed because it helps me sleep. A lot of positive reinforcement and appreciation led to my arrangement. You can definitely find a woman who will enjoy giving you daily blowjobs so don’t believe that you are relegating to a life without. But it might not be this partner…
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Mojo]
#28174655 - 02/06/23 09:44 AM (11 months, 15 days ago) |
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Here's another idea. How about when you're close to blowing yur load, you stay quiet and don't let her know Discretely put your hands behind her head and let er rip in her mouth without warning, she tries to pull back and you just hold her there until your done
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Abombs
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #2]
#28174787 - 02/06/23 11:30 AM (11 months, 15 days ago) |
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Also there are ways to continue stimulating you during orgasm other than using her mouth.
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blackhawk
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Abombs]
#28175265 - 02/06/23 07:02 PM (11 months, 14 days ago) |
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drink a ton of pineapple juice, then tell her to snowball it in your mouth. Brag about how it tastes like pineapples and that you are not willing to share. Instant jealousy, she'll be begging for your load after.
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Abombs
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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: blackhawk] 1
#28175336 - 02/06/23 07:41 PM (11 months, 14 days ago) |
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Hahaha I bet the op is too uptight
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Glacia



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Re: Am I the asshole here? Silent retaliation for discontinued oral benefits [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#28175488 - 02/06/23 09:35 PM (11 months, 14 days ago) |
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You guys need to have clear communication and make a few sacrifices for each other.
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