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Anonymous #1

My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex
    #28162773 - 01/29/23 11:53 AM (11 months, 23 days ago)

I'm in a new relationship with a woman that is in the process of separating from her husband. I met her at work a few months ago and one of the first days I talked to her she mentioned being married so I didn't flirt with her at all. But over time she kept dropping hints that her marriage is basically over and he doesn't care about her and she's over him. A few weeks ago I asked her out on a date and we've been together almost every day since.

After 1 week of dating she printed the divorce papers and that triggered him to assault her, demanding to know if she's cheating. She called me crying one day saying he grabbed her by the hair and took her to the ground then sat on top of her, choking her while questioning her and going through her phone. He sent me a message from her phone basically saying "ooo I want your red dick, I just fucked my husband and came thinking of you" with a cumshot video attached. Childish but whatever. As soon as he let her up she called police and ran to her car. Apparently he had her apple watch and kept hanging up on the dispatcher but they could hear a female struggling and sent a unit. Police arrived and found him approaching her car door and yanking her phone out of her hands and turning back toward the apt while she chased him crying. They charged him with disorderly, battery and strangulation. He admitted everything to the officer.

The reason she's leaving him (besides not being in love anymore) is because he's abusive and cheated on her multiple times, mostly with his coworkers. She had already left him once and moved home with her mom but gave him a chance of forgiveness which he fucked up by actively dating a 19 yr old nicaraguan immigrant from his job that he got pregnant. Long story short, this dude has a new person in his life and his marriage is over and when he came home from jail I was happily sitting in his living room with his wife having a great night and we talked it out briefly and respectfully. He acknowledged that there's nothing left between them and it's his fault and he's not angry at me and not going to show up at their apartment because he's going to go live with his new girlfriend and loves his son etc. I was relieved that we weren't going to have problems and we agreed to grab a drink sometime.

Well since then he's been a total pain in the ass. Basically the goal is for everyone to just be happy in their new relationships and coordinate childcare for the son that they have. I intend to take over the lease when it renews in 5 months but he's on the lease with her currently. The rest of what I say about him is from what my girlfriend tells me. I haven't seen him since that day and they speak spanish to each other so I can't understand their phone conversations. But I can hear her tone and her frustration and I believe what she says is true. She says he wants to have access to the apt any time of day but doesn't want to pay any of the bills anymore. He says he wants her to be poor, homeless and have to move back home to puerto rico. She can't afford the rent by herself, but she was already paying half of the bills so it's not a huge gap for us to fill together if we have to.

We've basically given up hope on him paying for his share of the bills anymore, so we're trying to budget and work more hours but he's doing everything he can to make it hard for her. She doesn't want to talk to him at all, but he calls like 20 times a day, no joke. She has told him she only wants to talk about their son and only when necessary, but he's started leveraging their son to keep her answering him. In the same hour he cycles between asking for forgiveness, insulting her, demanding she lie to the police, demanding she lie to her mom and everyone they know about the reasons they're separating, asking personal questions about our relationship, stuff that has nothing to do with their son. He does it every day and particularly if he knows I'm with her.

The real problem is he tells her that if she hangs up on him or doesn't answer quick enough or doesn't call him back, he's not going to watch their kid. And if he doesn't watch their kid, she can't go to work. (He works nights, she works mornings, and they trade childcare shifts) He keeps changing their child arrangements last minute to keep her from working or to keep her from sleeping. And he uses the calls the same way to keep her from sleeping or enjoying her time with me. It's become an every day attack and she doesn't know what to do anymore. He's demanding she leave the job that we work together at or he's not going to take care of the kid at all or something. Apparently he has another kid he's abandoned in the past and threatens it as an example.

It's just getting out of control and I feel like we can't give in to his demands or he'll just keep exercising any power he has over her. In addition to leaving the job he wants her to lie about the strangulation incident and she's actually considering it simply because if he goes to jail he won't be able to watch their kid at all anyway. To me it seems obvious they need a custody agreement but I don't know anything about this stuff. She just doesn't seem willing to pursue the divorce and custody options until the criminal case is settled. I think she thinks that if the charges get dropped that he'll just cooperate from then on. But I told her if she lies or says she lied then they'll just charge her with lying and she'll lose any credibility and leverage she had over him.

I'm just tired of seeing her crying, he's making their separation harder and our relationship harder and she's not doing a damn thing to him. He's apparently NOT over her and is obsessed with getting her back or getting back at her. Even though he cheated on her first and is living with his girlfriend. Can we do anything to stop this? I suggested she screenshot or record all the conversations of him asking her to lie for him and the amount of times he's calling and the times of the calls and send that all to the prosecutor to have them tack on harassment but idk if that's a real option or what it would accomplish.


Edited by Anonymous (01/29/23 12:04 PM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28162800 - 01/29/23 12:10 PM (11 months, 23 days ago)

Sounds like she's cheating on you. I'd drop her like a sack of potatoes. Her real man seems to get around like don juan and probably is going pass you the STDs.


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Anonymous #3

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28163853 - 01/30/23 06:34 AM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Getting his criminal proceedings finalized would be a benefit when it comes time to take him to court for custody and child support, maybe even alimony. She needs to keep answering all his calls for this reason but if she does she needs to record their conversations. I'm sure there are a million apps that will accomplish this. If she won't do that then she needs to not talk to him. Just cut contact. If she can't be convinced he's not a problem that's she's able to fix then you may be stuck with someone in your life that WILL become a problem for you. Do you want to deal with jealous ex husband the rest of your life? Does she want to have to worry about her kid? There are two of you. Figure out the child care thing between the two of you. If you think you have the capacity to really care about this woman in the way she and her child deserves then step up, be less of a passive influence. Because right now there are too many questions this all leaves when there wouldn't need to be answers if it was just approached in the right way. She's gonna be emotional regardless, people want their kids to have two parents. Remember she's only known you for a few weeks and DV cases are often between two consenting parties, meaning just because he smacked her around that doesn't mean she wouldn't get back with the man she married. If you can foresee a better result then step up. If you can't then walk away.


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OfflineB Traven
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28163878 - 01/30/23 06:58 AM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Honestly, her finalizing the divorce and moving back to PR for a while would probably be the best thing. If this is truly a real connection you have, and you both really are committed to the relationship, then that'll be true in 6 months too. You yourself need a cooling-off period, to decide whether and how you're gonna take all this on. "Hit me up when you've gotten rid of this loser and are ready to date in a normal way" is still a valid thing to say.

Relying on him to watch the kid and living in "his" apartment is just fucking insane, and a recipe for perpetual drama at the very least. The only time he should see that kid is when he has custody according to a legal agreement, quite possibly supervised custody given his tendencies. And she/you definitely need to live somewhere other than their former apartment.

Gonna be real, can't imagine having a "great night" with a man who just got out of jail for choking a woman in my life. A great night of knocking his teeth out, maybe.

Sounds like, if you're really all-in on this situation, you need to start picking up Spanish.


--------------------
Beware of advice- even this.


Edited by B Traven (01/30/23 07:11 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: B Traven]
    #28164352 - 01/30/23 12:58 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Sounds like she's cheating on you. I'd drop her like a sack of potatoes. Her real man seems to get around like don juan and probably is going pass you the STDs.



Lol thanks for trying but you're wrong.

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
Getting his criminal proceedings finalized would be a benefit when it comes time to take him to court for custody and child support, maybe even alimony. She needs to keep answering all his calls for this reason but if she does she needs to record their conversations. I'm sure there are a million apps that will accomplish this. If she won't do that then she needs to not talk to him. Just cut contact. If she can't be convinced he's not a problem that's she's able to fix then you may be stuck with someone in your life that WILL become a problem for you. Do you want to deal with jealous ex husband the rest of your life? Does she want to have to worry about her kid? There are two of you. Figure out the child care thing between the two of you. If you think you have the capacity to really care about this woman in the way she and her child deserves then step up, be less of a passive influence. Because right now there are too many questions this all leaves when there wouldn't need to be answers if it was just approached in the right way. She's gonna be emotional regardless, people want their kids to have two parents. Remember she's only known you for a few weeks and DV cases are often between two consenting parties, meaning just because he smacked her around that doesn't mean she wouldn't get back with the man she married. If you can foresee a better result then step up. If you can't then walk away.




This is good advice for us both, thank you. You're right, ideally I would be stepping up more. But with everything being so new, it feels like it's moving fast. When I got into the relationship I thought we'd just be sneaky about it for a few months for the obvious reasons. They were already sleeping in separate bedrooms and planning to drop the lease so I expected them to just continue that arrangement until the end of the lease so I would have 5 months to prepare to take over responsibilities. Having everything in the open is new to me. It feels great because she's showing me she's not afraid to show her feelings and has continued to commit to me despite all the challenges being open has caused.

But I have my own apartment lease too and literally can't afford 1.5 rents right now. Her rental company has agreed to take him off their lease but they won't approve her for it alone with just her income. And the only way that's going to change is if I re-start my side hustle growing weed and mushrooms in my apartment. Her idea for a solution is that I don't grow or worry about money for two apartments and just move in with her.

Her kid is fine but just last week got diagnosed on the spectrum. He's pretty functional but I have lived with a family that has two autistic kids and it was really a sad, incredibly challenging life compared to not having kids or having normal kids. If it were possible to detect whether your progeny will be autistic, I would 100% choose to not have kids. It's been a mystery so far how to bond with a 6 yr old autistic kid that doesn't talk. Anyway, since we both work the same shift at our job it would be impossible to split the childcare up how it needs to be. She's thinking about getting a different job to resolve that which sucks; right now we basically spend all day together and it's awesome. But that's one of the only ways we wouldn't have to depend on her husband.

It's just stupid because their separation was already happening and they'd basically both figured out how to do it quite amicably. But just because she found someone new like he did, he's trying to punish her for it. Petty shit.

Quote:

B Traven said:
Honestly, her finalizing the divorce and moving back to PR for a while would probably be the best thing. If this is truly a real connection you have, and you both really are committed to the relationship, then that'll be true in 6 months too. You yourself need a cooling-off period, to decide whether and how you're gonna take all this on. "Hit me up when you've gotten rid of this loser and are ready to date in a normal way" is still a valid thing to say.

Relying on him to watch the kid and living in "his" apartment is just fucking insane, and a recipe for perpetual drama at the very least. The only time he should see that kid is when he has custody according to a legal agreement, quite possibly supervised custody given his tendencies. And she/you definitely need to live somewhere other than their former apartment.

Gonna be real, can't imagine having a "great night" with a man who just got out of jail for choking a woman in my life. A great night of knocking his teeth out, maybe.

Sounds like, if you're really all-in on this situation, you need to start picking up Spanish.



I don't think her moving back to PR is a good idea. Besides not being together which is the whole point, the economy in PR is shit. She left for a reason. Going back would just slow down the steps we need to take. She's making a big difference in my life; physically, emotionally, mentally. I need her here.

Yea the trouble is until a court-ordered custody agreement they're just having to cooperate on his word which is apparently the word of a pathological liar. He moved out of the apartment which is totally fine and up to him, but I thought he had an obligation to look after his kid. If he's not going to commit the time he should do the right thing and pay support. That's my idea, but he apparently wants to do neither.

Maybe I didn't word it right but it was just a great night with her, not him. Knocking his teeth out, really? So I should get myself charged and escalate shit even further?


Anyway while I was home writing this thread she called his bluff and told him fine, she's done with his BS and doesn't care if he doesn't want to take care of their kid anymore, she's going to cut him off and deal with it. Then he's apparently got more cooperative and is taking the kid for half the day again. So she's been able to go to work and everything feels less stressful. I think it's just because he's still trying to gain her forgiveness tho, and or just feigning cooperation until his trial or to convince her to forge her statement.


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Anonymous #4

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #28164365 - 01/30/23 01:04 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

It is a very very bad idea to get involved with a woman in this situation.  Please do better.


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Anonymous #1

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28164377 - 01/30/23 01:13 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
It is a very very bad idea to get involved with a woman in this situation.  Please do better.



What are you talking about dude? He got involved with another woman and moved out to live with her. They don't have a situation anymore besides their kid, and that should be relatively simple. He needs to do better and fuck off with his new girlfriend.


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OfflineB Traven
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28164393 - 01/30/23 01:23 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Ok, lots of stuff not worded right, then. Which means we have no idea what's actually going on. And, honestly, it sounds like you don't, either.

No, I probably wouldn't knock his teeth out, but resisting the urge would certainly make sitting around and acting like everything was cool rather difficult.

Arguing with people on the internet who only have your side of the story anyway isn't going to help you with this clusterfuck, anyhow. Carry on. May the snark serve you well.


--------------------
Beware of advice- even this.


Edited by B Traven (01/30/23 01:32 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: B Traven]
    #28164432 - 01/30/23 01:56 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Quote:

B Traven said:
Ok, lots of stuff not worded right, then. Which means we have no idea what's actually going on. And, honestly, it sounds like you don't, either.

No, I probably wouldn't knock his teeth out, but resisting the urge would certainly make sitting around and acting like everything was cool rather difficult.

Arguing with people on the internet who only have your side of the story anyway isn't going to help you with this clusterfuck, anyhow. Carry on. May the snark serve you well.



What help? All you offered was your judgement. I know what I want and what the problem is. I'm only asking for experienced advice specific to ending an ex's harassing calls and ensuring that he takes some responsibility for his kid. The backstory was just for context and you apparently didn't even take the time to read it. Pretend I'm not even in this story and that a mom is going through a divorce single if that makes it easier for you. She has a right to her peace after separating and he has a responsibility to his kid. That's all this is about. If anyone knows how those things can be enforced before it goes to court please advise, we can figure the rest out ourselves.


Edited by Anonymous (01/30/23 02:05 PM)


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Offlineashfiken
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28164495 - 01/30/23 02:51 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Well first, you may want to learn you can't "enforce" anybody to do anything, period. Neither can your lady.

Best case is he ends up in jail bc of his violent outburst against her.
Then you are at square one with the child care situation. But atleast he won't be harassing anymore.

Then if he stays out of jail, but gets convicted (2nd best case), your lady takes that to court along with evidence of harassment and gets whatever she wants custody and child support wise.
Yall should already be clocking/recording his rampant harassment by whatever means possible for use later in court.

Last case, is he doesn't incur any punishment in court for whatever reason, then it is upto just the parents and whatever harassment evidence yalls side can bring forth. The harassment is way less striking in court without the precedence of the dv.

She does have a right to her peace, that right has now been undermined by marrying this fellow, and will remain undermined until they are divorced and things are sorted.

Try to be as little in his face about your new relationship together *don't be up in his previous home all the time when he comes*, and try to make it easy on him as far as the kid goes.
That's the only way he will continue to carry his weight, if it's easy for him to do so and he doesn't have to have the emotional tangle of his child and ex wife involved with somebody else. These things will make him feel like he "wants" to do it if he cares at all about his child.
Otherwise than that at any time he can choose to be a human fuckball and continue any and all of his antics. Until all cases are heard in court atleast(dv and divorce)

That's about any experience or advice can give you at this stage of the game.
Sorry man sounds like you are dealing with a shithead, unfortunately there's many of them out there, which is only reason why I could input anything at all here, lifetime usually gives one plenty opportunity to learn how to deal w those


--------------------
hmm...

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Anonymous #1

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: ashfiken]
    #28164503 - 01/30/23 02:57 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Thanks I like your advice. I've brought it up that we should be documenting all of this but I'll remind her again to start getting it organized just in case. And yea I can probably do some things to be less visible and impacting during their process.


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Offlineashfiken
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28164520 - 01/30/23 03:06 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

I just know humans can be weirdly emotional and weirdly vengeful.
I mean there is a kid involved, jus that alone can make a parent get bent out of shape that idea of "MY child being around this person" that I don't know, like, trust, etc..
Enough to make some nasty shit come of it.
I guess the best question to gage if that could even be a part of this fools issue is, does he similarly bring his child around this new chick he's with constantly or does he have daddy/kid time, separately from her.
It might not help the situation any but could atleast classify him as a hypocrite as well as other things.
Which in court is good to know as well.
When  he's all like, "who's this guy she is bringing around my child?!" To judge, your lady can be like "stfu here's evidence of you doing same shit!"


--------------------
hmm...

"I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked."

"life isn't worth living without the threat of death"

"I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be"

"nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters"

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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28164534 - 01/30/23 03:13 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm in a new relationship with a woman that is in the process of separating from her husband. I met her at work a few months ago and one of the first days I talked to her she mentioned being married so I didn't flirt with her at all. But over time she kept dropping hints that her marriage is basically over and he doesn't care about her and she's over him. A few weeks ago I asked her out on a date and we've been together almost every day since.

After 1 week of dating she printed the divorce papers and that triggered him to assault her, demanding to know if she's cheating. She called me crying one day saying he grabbed her by the hair and took her to the ground then sat on top of her, choking her while questioning her and going through her phone. He sent me a message from her phone basically saying "ooo I want your red dick, I just fucked my husband and came thinking of you" with a cumshot video attached. Childish but whatever. As soon as he let her up she called police and ran to her car. Apparently he had her apple watch and kept hanging up on the dispatcher but they could hear a female struggling and sent a unit. Police arrived and found him approaching her car door and yanking her phone out of her hands and turning back toward the apt while she chased him crying. They charged him with disorderly, battery and strangulation. He admitted everything to the officer.

The reason she's leaving him (besides not being in love anymore) is because he's abusive and cheated on her multiple times, mostly with his coworkers. She had already left him once and moved home with her mom but gave him a chance of forgiveness which he fucked up by actively dating a 19 yr old nicaraguan immigrant from his job that he got pregnant. Long story short, this dude has a new person in his life and his marriage is over and when he came home from jail I was happily sitting in his living room with his wife having a great night and we talked it out briefly and respectfully. He acknowledged that there's nothing left between them and it's his fault and he's not angry at me and not going to show up at their apartment because he's going to go live with his new girlfriend and loves his son etc. I was relieved that we weren't going to have problems and we agreed to grab a drink sometime.

Well since then he's been a total pain in the ass. Basically the goal is for everyone to just be happy in their new relationships and coordinate childcare for the son that they have. I intend to take over the lease when it renews in 5 months but he's on the lease with her currently. The rest of what I say about him is from what my girlfriend tells me. I haven't seen him since that day and they speak spanish to each other so I can't understand their phone conversations. But I can hear her tone and her frustration and I believe what she says is true. She says he wants to have access to the apt any time of day but doesn't want to pay any of the bills anymore. He says he wants her to be poor, homeless and have to move back home to puerto rico. She can't afford the rent by herself, but she was already paying half of the bills so it's not a huge gap for us to fill together if we have to.

We've basically given up hope on him paying for his share of the bills anymore, so we're trying to budget and work more hours but he's doing everything he can to make it hard for her. She doesn't want to talk to him at all, but he calls like 20 times a day, no joke. She has told him she only wants to talk about their son and only when necessary, but he's started leveraging their son to keep her answering him. In the same hour he cycles between asking for forgiveness, insulting her, demanding she lie to the police, demanding she lie to her mom and everyone they know about the reasons they're separating, asking personal questions about our relationship, stuff that has nothing to do with their son. He does it every day and particularly if he knows I'm with her.

The real problem is he tells her that if she hangs up on him or doesn't answer quick enough or doesn't call him back, he's not going to watch their kid. And if he doesn't watch their kid, she can't go to work. (He works nights, she works mornings, and they trade childcare shifts) He keeps changing their child arrangements last minute to keep her from working or to keep her from sleeping. And he uses the calls the same way to keep her from sleeping or enjoying her time with me. It's become an every day attack and she doesn't know what to do anymore. He's demanding she leave the job that we work together at or he's not going to take care of the kid at all or something. Apparently he has another kid he's abandoned in the past and threatens it as an example.

It's just getting out of control and I feel like we can't give in to his demands or he'll just keep exercising any power he has over her. In addition to leaving the job he wants her to lie about the strangulation incident and she's actually considering it simply because if he goes to jail he won't be able to watch their kid at all anyway. To me it seems obvious they need a custody agreement but I don't know anything about this stuff. She just doesn't seem willing to pursue the divorce and custody options until the criminal case is settled. I think she thinks that if the charges get dropped that he'll just cooperate from then on. But I told her if she lies or says she lied then they'll just charge her with lying and she'll lose any credibility and leverage she had over him.

I'm just tired of seeing her crying, he's making their separation harder and our relationship harder and she's not doing a damn thing to him. He's apparently NOT over her and is obsessed with getting her back or getting back at her. Even though he cheated on her first and is living with his girlfriend. Can we do anything to stop this? I suggested she screenshot or record all the conversations of him asking her to lie for him and the amount of times he's calling and the times of the calls and send that all to the prosecutor to have them tack on harassment but idk if that's a real option or what it would accomplish.




Unfortunately this is a common response.
She can contact a Domestic Violence non profit and they can assist her with divorce papers, temporary custody and she should be able to file low income, which means no cost to her.
I would assume he is going to chose to not see the child as a way to hurt her. She needs to start keeping a journal with dates and times. This is considered evidence in court. She needs to prepare for raising her son with no financial help. And probably he won't continue to see the child once he realizes he can no longer manipulate her. She needs to file a restraining order and physically get away from him.
Pursuing everything during the criminal case is in her best interest.
You have some serious questions to ask your self.
You said you have been seeing her for WEEKS.
That is not long.
Is this a commitment you are ready for?
These sort of relationships that are built on trauma face many challenges when the traumatic event subsides.
Address some things with yourself. With what YOU want. She will be as ok as she wants to be. She needs to get professional help, and legal help. And some very strict boundaries with him.
You need to take a week and decide if this is what you want. She is very traumatized and probably not showing the symptoms since the trauma is happening now. She is going to need a lot of professional help.
Good luck. You are in a difficult situation for sure.
Be empathetic. The trauma is intense.


--------------------
“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”


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Anonymous #1

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: ashfiken]
    #28164569 - 01/30/23 03:32 PM (11 months, 22 days ago)

Quote:

ashfiken said:
I just know humans can be weirdly emotional and weirdly vengeful.
I mean there is a kid involved, jus that alone can make a parent get bent out of shape that idea of "MY child being around this person" that I don't know, like, trust, etc..
Enough to make some nasty shit come of it.
I guess the best question to gage if that could even be a part of this fools issue is, does he similarly bring his child around this new chick he's with constantly or does he have daddy/kid time, separately from her.
It might not help the situation any but could atleast classify him as a hypocrite as well as other things.
Which in court is good to know as well.
When  he's all like, "who's this guy she is bringing around my child?!" To judge, your lady can be like "stfu here's evidence of you doing same shit!"



Yea, that's a good point and it's exactly what he's doing. He said to her men are usually pedophiles so he doesn't want his son around me or something like that while he's reportedly got the kid to call his new gf mommy already.


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Offlinezora
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28167684 - 02/01/23 02:33 PM (11 months, 20 days ago)

Well - childish and high school drama, here.
women or man who just filled for divorce and  with a kid should not be quickly in another relationship right away and making it known. It can be trigger for bad things to happen which will never fade away.
You mine friend, need to step back quickly, as possible and not be selfish or try to be a hero - because today's relationship are complicated and stupid, as fuck in modern society.
Again, my advice step back; if the relationship is abusive he or she needs to get away and get family support and if needed professional support.


Edited by zora (02/01/23 02:50 PM)


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Anonymous #5

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28168280 - 02/01/23 11:15 PM (11 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm in a new relationship with a woman that is in the process of separating from her husband




That's a fucking mistake.  You never fuck another man's wife, no matter what the bitch tells you

I didn't read more than the first line but whatever is happening, you're bringing it on yourself by not living by this man rule


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Offlinezora
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #28168752 - 02/02/23 09:20 AM (11 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm in a new relationship with a woman that is in the process of separating from her husband




That's a fucking mistake.  You never fuck another man's wife, no matter what the bitch tells you

I didn't read more than the first line but whatever is happening, you're bringing it on yourself by not living by this man rule




Exactly ! And the worse part is -  the women he is with is making it known. Losers!


Edited by zora (02/02/23 09:33 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #28168763 - 02/02/23 09:26 AM (11 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

zora said:
today's relationship are complicated and stupid.



That's why I think it's actually pretty normal. Divorces are normal these days. It's not taboo anymore to get with a married woman if she's emotionally available. I've been with sluts, whores, polyarmorous relationships, swingers, etc. There's really no normal anymore, at least not for me. Someone else said to do better - this is doing better, for me. We have a real connection. Whether that lasts or not is not something I'm concerned about. Just going to enjoy the time we have together and that's really all anyone can ask for.

Quote:

loladoreen said:
These sort of relationships that are built on trauma face many challenges when the traumatic event subsides.



Can you give an example of what challenges I should expect? She compared her separation to the stages of grief over a death. She says she's been through each phase; first denial, then anger, bargaining, depression, and now acceptance. She's completely moved on emotionally. It's him that is still emotionally tied and trying to build a second relationship on top of that. The DV incident doesn't seem to bother her either, she told the police and prosecutor she doesn't feel endangered. For those reasons I'm not sure if I'd call our relationship built on trauma but you may still be right if she's hiding it.

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm in a new relationship with a woman that is in the process of separating from her husband




That's a fucking mistake.  You never fuck another man's wife, no matter what the bitch tells you

I didn't read more than the first line but whatever is happening, you're bringing it on yourself by not living by this man rule



I knew our relationship would be doomed if it was founded prematurely. But I was careful not to entertain the thought until she made it very clear that she's available.  Her husband cheated on her first, with multiple women... that's the only reason that I felt okay with it.  He made the mistakes, not me or her. If he'd done the right thing they would have been divorced years ago. She's just been stuck with his lies and his kid. That rule seems misogynistic when the reality is many women are stuck in relationships with shitty men. I'm not afraid to fix that.


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OfflineB Traven
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Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28168773 - 02/02/23 09:30 AM (11 months, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:

B Traven said:
Ok, lots of stuff not worded right, then. Which means we have no idea what's actually going on. And, honestly, it sounds like you don't, either.

No, I probably wouldn't knock his teeth out, but resisting the urge would certainly make sitting around and acting like everything was cool rather difficult.

Arguing with people on the internet who only have your side of the story anyway isn't going to help you with this clusterfuck, anyhow. Carry on. May the snark serve you well.



What help? All you offered was your judgement. I know what I want and what the problem is. I'm only asking for experienced advice specific to ending an ex's harassing calls and ensuring that he takes some responsibility for his kid. The backstory was just for context and you apparently didn't even take the time to read it. Pretend I'm not even in this story and that a mom is going through a divorce single if that makes it easier for you. She has a right to her peace after separating and he has a responsibility to his kid. That's all this is about. If anyone knows how those things can be enforced before it goes to court please advise, we can figure the rest out ourselves.




I didn't offer either help or judgement, really. Certainly never used the word help, so you straight up made that shit up.

I have all sorts of experienced advice to offer based on this exact scenario, but you would never listen to any of it anyway.

Do me a favor and put me on ignore.


--------------------
Beware of advice- even this.


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Anonymous #1

Re: My gf keeps getting harassed by her ex [Re: B Traven]
    #28168783 - 02/02/23 09:36 AM (11 months, 19 days ago)

Why did you even reply again if you don't want to be seen? Appreciate you taking the time anyway.


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