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Niggar please

Registered: 10/11/03
Posts: 386
Loc: Orange County
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Aging parents
    #2814088 - 06/21/04 02:56 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Any of you older peeps had to deal with this yet?

My dad just turned 79 yesterday and probably has Alzheimer's from the way he was acting. My mom's only 63, but she has a mild case of MS and isn't in great physical shape. I've seen 'em a lot since I moved 2 years ago, but we hadn't spent an extended period of time together 'til they stayed here last weekend.

My dad's always been the one who's on top of everything while my mom sits back & plays dumb. Now, my dad won't admit he's slipping & my mom either doesn't see it or is in denial.

I had to bitch at her 'cause he couldn't figure out which cord was the phone line & which was the power cord on their new phone. She was sitting there chuckling at him while he was struggling, so I went off. I know damn well she knows what a phone cord looks like, so she can't sit there & play dumb anymore.

My dad's got 3 kids from his first wife who are all 50+ (I'm the baby at 29!), so maybe I'll have help with him. Problem is, they're all ex-hippie burnouts who barely can take care of themselves, let alone help out. My half-sis is in town next weekend & we're gonna have a little talk about Dad.

To anyone who's been through this: How the hell do I get 'em to understand and be willing to discuss the situation?

I'm just see-through faded, super jaded, and out of my mind. - R.I.P. Layne

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Error: divide byzero

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 22 days, 6 hours
Re: Aging parents [Re: Renegade8]
    #2814126 - 06/21/04 03:04 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

> How the hell do I get 'em to understand and be willing to discuss the situation?

Lots of love and patience.

Just another spore in the wind.

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Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Aging parents [Re: Renegade8]
    #2814811 - 06/21/04 07:35 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

Be caring with them. I just lost my mother after she suffered a long illness. I wish I had her back in any condition. The pain in my heart won't go away.

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Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 2,915
Re: Aging parents [Re: Renegade8]
    #2816988 - 06/22/04 01:56 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

My parents aren't as old as yours but they are getting older. My father recently had to get a bunch of medical tests done. There was no results that revealed that he had a life threatening illness, but I knew there was a chance he'd one day come home and tell us that he was terminally ill. It made me sad, but I feel prepared for it.

My father knows me well enough to know that I am comfortable accepting that people die, even loved ones. The subject of his aging body and how this serves as a reminder of his mortality has only been a subject of discussion in our family because of these recent tests and I'm sure the subject will die down until later. However, most of these conversations, though morbid, are quite light hearted. We joke around about these reminders of our own mortality, probably because it does help lighten the situation, but also because stressing about it or getting depressed about it doesn't change the inevitable. In some ways, we have chosen to laugh along with death, as it laughs at us.

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Registered: 04/01/00
Posts: 459
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: Aging parents [Re: Renegade8]
    #2824349 - 06/24/04 03:53 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Well, I think I have some good sound advice for you. I was a social worker/discharge planner in a nursing home and a older adult rehab facility, and have lost both of my parents by the time I was 31, and oDin's parents are both deteriorating in health as I type this.

My first bit of advice to alway remember is: You can only control yourself. You cannot control your father, your mother or any siblings whether they are copers or not. I really cannot stress this enough, because that is where the guilt and resentment starts.

Next is just saying what you feel you need to say in a loving supportive way. It sounds like your dad either has dementia or the start of alzheimers, either way denial will not help the situation.

When people start to have mental decline they usually notice it first, and try to cover up, but then their secret eventually esapes. THey can become angry and frustrated with their change and the difficullty of having memory problems.

Number one priority should be their personal safety. If your dad is having a hard time with the little things now, he will probably start having judgement issues. I mean by putting himself in unsafe places and positions. for example, leaving burners on, falling down, etc which can then lead to physical problems.

I would suggest you start by saying, I have noticed a change.... & I think your whole family would benefit from your dad having a Dr. examine him to see what the problem is, it could be something totally different, but you won't know until it is diagnosed. THen you will know what you are up against and can formulate the best plan that is workable, ie: meds, etc They have good alzheimer's meds these days, but you need to catch it the earlier the better. Also, a Dr can sometimes explain things to family better and less threatening than you could. Always use the resources available to you.

My last bit of advice is...: take care of yourself first, because if you are lacking then you cannot take the best care you can of your parents.

Good luck

"Everything that limits us, we have to put aside."  Jonathan Livingston Seagull

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Plastic Person

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 13 years, 5 months
Re: Aging parents [Re: Renegade8]
    #2827193 - 06/25/04 09:49 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)


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