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Anonymous #1

Trouble Developing Relationships * 1
    #28119494 - 12/31/22 11:24 PM (1 year, 27 days ago)

I mainly want to write this out to vent, as I have been enduring an immense amount of stress over this. But advice is welcome!

I am a 20 year old guy, I have never had a girlfriend. Generally I have been okay with being alone, I enjoy my own company. However, I am feeling lonely. I have had sex, but intimacy is few and far between. I have friends, most of which are from high-school, I don't feel trouble maintaining those relationships. What I want more than anything is someone to share myself with emotionally, and someone to be there for.

I feel it is incredibly difficult to understand the transition between casual conversation to friendship to dating. Because I cant figure it out, I can't even bring myself to try. I won't back away from people if they come up to me, but that doesn't happen often. I can't even go up to people at bars.

I started watching porn at a young age, I think 9 maybe even 8 I don't remember, and I believe this has had an impact on my ability to navigate and form intimate relationships. Thankfully, I haven't watched porn in 5 months (thanks mushrooms).

At this point in my life I am not sure if I am missing signs, not talking to enough people, or I am a huge dick and I don't realize it. I also feel like my lack of experience and female friends makes it difficult to maintain relationships with women. There is a girl I liked a bit last semester, I let her know, she wasn't interested. That was okay, there are tons of people I am not interested in. Anyway, she wanted to stay friends and so did I. The more that I talk to her, and the more comfortable I feel, the more I like her. She really is a good friend and a great person, and I would like to remain friends, but I am not sure if I will be able to. There was a period I was interested in someone else, and for that time, I didn't have those thoughts at all.

In the past few days my head has been running in circles around all this, trying to pre-plan relationships in my head, trying to understand social norms in regards to dating. After all this time, I feel like I am seriously doing something wrong, and there is no chance of meeting anyone if I cant identity the problem and fix it.


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OfflineVibetyme
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28119557 - 01/01/23 01:39 AM (1 year, 27 days ago)

Have you tried speed dating? Or Online dating?  A lot of people feel just like you do.  You just need to meet them.

Also It might be worth it to pick up a waiting tables gig on the weekends to meet young waitresses you feel comfortable with.

Do you smoke weed?  You might want to start if not.  Weed makes people open up more and it makes most people a little horney.

Happy new year!  I hope you find somebody!


--------------------
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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Vibetyme]
    #28119990 - 01/01/23 12:24 PM (1 year, 27 days ago)

I think your biggest problem, OP, can be summed up with one thing you said: you can't even go up to people at bars.

This is what you need to fix. Practice talking to people. Not with any expectations of a relationship, but just in general. Honestly, bars are not a great way to start learning. That's more of an intermediate level of skill.

Try talking to cashiers. Don't try to get in their pants, but just talk. Joke around a bit. It's a perfect practice interaction, because you're there for a good reason (buying shit), you're forced to interact with someone, and there is a natural end to the interaction (complete transaction).

That's what I did, a while back. I'd actually break up my shopping to hit a bunch of stores and interact with 5-6 cashiers in a given day. Even ended up on a date with a cute cashier after a few interactions.


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28120057 - 01/01/23 01:24 PM (1 year, 27 days ago)

Your problem is that you're overthinking the fuck out of this. Pre-planning relationships?? Stop dude. Stop. There's nothing to figure out, no secret. You've had sex before, you have a female friend, you've tried asking her out.. You know all the steps already.

Try. Fail. Try again. You'll be fine.

Maybe your female friend has a friend? Talk to her about it.

Also, fuck bars. You'll meet more people at the gym, a yoga class. Take an art class, something where you'll have time to talk and something to talk about.


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InvisibleHartford
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28120139 - 01/01/23 02:50 PM (1 year, 27 days ago)

You are experiencing a very real barrier that is extremely unfair.

You need to play the long game which means making lots of money and living at a much higher standard of living than your sociopath competition.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28120155 - 01/01/23 03:03 PM (1 year, 27 days ago)

Dont listen to Hartford - Were pretty sure hes a S.O.


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InvisibleHartford
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28120389 - 01/01/23 06:09 PM (1 year, 27 days ago)

Let the best idea be the best, regardless of who speaks it.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28120452 - 01/01/23 07:10 PM (1 year, 26 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Dont listen to Hartford - Were pretty sure hes a S.O.




A significant other?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Vibetyme]
    #28120618 - 01/01/23 10:14 PM (1 year, 26 days ago)

I haven't tried online dating yet. In my opinion apps like Tinder and Bumble turn people into commodities, and that has really turn me off to the idea of swiping on people. However maybe I just need to chill out about that, swallow my pride, and give it a shot.

I think picking up a job would be a great idea, I live in a large college town during the school year, so its not like there is a lack of simple jobs with people my age around. The past few semesters I have been stressed with keeping my grades up, but rent won't pay itself!

I am not a smoker, I have in the past, but I just don't really enjoy it. Since my decision to not smoke in general, I have done so in social settings.

Happy new year to you as well, and thank you!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Kryptos]
    #28120624 - 01/01/23 10:23 PM (1 year, 26 days ago)

I think you are on to something with the simple practice. The thing is for me is I have never considered myself a shy person, or even really that socially anxious. So for me I figure I could do those things if I wanted to, so I don't see the point. Maybe I need to consider the whole picture more. When I was younger I could talk to anyone, and speak my mind, but once I hit high-school that changed a bit, I became more introspective and a bit less outgoing with people I wasn't familiar with. I am definitely going to try starting up more casual conversation this coming semester. Thank you for the advice!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Lynnch]
    #28120631 - 01/01/23 10:36 PM (1 year, 26 days ago)

Quote:

Your problem is that you're overthinking the fuck out of this. Pre-planning relationships?? Stop dude. Stop. There's nothing to figure out, no secret. You've had sex before, you have a female friend, you've tried asking her out.. You know all the steps already.




In the past day, after more stewing over this, I feel as though maybe I just lack confidence. I know there is no secret, and I think that what scares me. I can't be confident in what I am doing if there are 1000 other ways to do it, some good, some bad. In highschool I would argue with my friends over math homework answers, and I was confident in myself almost of the point of arrogance. I am hoping I can figure out how to apply the confidence I had then in what I was doing, to my social self in the future.

Quote:

Try. Fail. Try again. You'll be fine.




I have been trying to keep this mindset, for the most part successfully, but there have definitely been more fails.

Quote:

Maybe your female friend has a friend? Talk to her about it.




I am hoping I can make some connections through her. I actually asked her for advice for this other girl I was interested in. She hyped me up enough to actually ask the girl out, no date, and I was literally shaking (hopefully not noticeably haha) but I was so happy I was able to overcome my thoughts in that moment.

Quote:

Also, fuck bars. You'll meet more people at the gym, a yoga class. Take an art class, something where you'll have time to talk and something to talk about.




I agree, I am only interested in bars for hookups, which are definitely much less preferable to a relationship, but it's better than nothing. I am hoping to join some clubs, but my school has so many its hard to find the ones I would be interested in.


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Invisiblestubb
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28120671 - 01/02/23 12:34 AM (1 year, 26 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
In highschool I would argue with my friends over math homework answers, and I was confident in myself almost of the point of arrogance. I am hoping I can figure out how to apply the confidence I had then in what I was doing, to my social self in the future.




It's easy to be confident in answers to math problems that are immutably correct.  Relationships aren't like that, there are no 'answers' at all, right or wrong. 
I still don't understand how conversation turns to friendships turns to relationships, it just does sometimes, and it can be difficult to just let things simply do and be.

And with respect, you're too damn young to be stressing like this.  I didn't really date in HS either but I met my wife when I was your age, at it's pretty young compared to ages most of our married friends met each other.
The 'happily ever after' concept is a load of hogwash anyway, life is too dynamic and multidimensional for cop-out fairy tale endings.


--------------------
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It is pitch black.

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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28120715 - 01/02/23 04:17 AM (1 year, 26 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I think you are on to something with the simple practice. The thing is for me is I have never considered myself a shy person, or even really that socially anxious. So for me I figure I could do those things if I wanted to, so I don't see the point. Maybe I need to consider the whole picture more. When I was younger I could talk to anyone, and speak my mind, but once I hit high-school that changed a bit, I became more introspective and a bit less outgoing with people I wasn't familiar with. I am definitely going to try starting up more casual conversation this coming semester. Thank you for the advice!




Yeah, I never worried about it either. Because until my final year of college, I routinely met people every single night. It was actually hard for me to go out and not end up with at least a few new randos.

Then college ended, and everything changed. Suddenly, there was a point to socializing casually, because if I didn't, there was nobody around when I wanted to go out.

Social skills are skills, and require practice. College is easy mode because nobody has much going on and everyone is in the same boat.

Also, you'll very quickly realize that the vast majority of people have no social skills. One of the weirdest things I've ever experienced was a work event where I tried to get to know people outside of my department, and the next day I overheard one of my coworkers talking to someone else about how naturally I "worked the crowd". I didn't think I was doing anything special, but then I realized that most of the people at that event stayed within their circle of immediate coworkers.


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Hartford]
    #28121247 - 01/02/23 02:04 PM (1 year, 26 days ago)

Quote:

Hartford said:
You are experiencing a very real barrier that is extremely unfair.

You need to play the long game which means making lots of money and living at a much higher standard of living than your sociopath competition.




What a miserable worldview


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Anonymous #3

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: koods]
    #28121282 - 01/02/23 02:29 PM (1 year, 26 days ago)

Basically, romantically speaking, everyone is fucked

Women in general feel they are worth more than they are because they've had enough guys occasionally climb down the ladder to drunkenly fuck them that they think they're more attractive than they are.  They are also sold the false idea that they should be able to expect a man to be the best in all areas (6'2" or taller, +150k/year, 8.5-10 in looks, smart, morally intact, and so on) while offering very little to the relationship themselves.  This sets a woman up for nothing but disappointment and misery but this is the lie they're being fed and puts them in the mindset to be a completely shitty and entitled partner


Edited by Anonymous (01/03/23 12:59 AM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28121887 - 01/02/23 09:54 PM (1 year, 25 days ago)

Sounds like you need more interactions with women.

I highly suggest joining a club or class that is female-friendly.

Heres some suggestion:

Yoga
Aerobic Exercising
Cooking
Arts/Crafts
Dancing
Live Music
Sports like Soccer, Softball, Basketball
Fashion Shows
Conventions
Volunteering/Co-Ops
Hostels

The joining a resturant is a great idea. I once worked as a bus boy at a busy resturant in Hawaii. I met a girlfriend there and before that, i had a intimate kiss/weed pass with another girl from that resturant like a week before i had the other girl as my girlfriend. That job made me feel like a pimp. Wild, sexy times back then. If the money was good, Id work as a waiter just to meet cool women.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #3] * 1
    #28122151 - 01/03/23 05:38 AM (1 year, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
Basically, romantically speaking, everyone is fucked

Women in general feel they are worth more than they are because they've had enough guys occasionally climb down the ladder to drunkenly fuck them that they think they're more attractive than they are.  They are also sold the false idea that they should be able to expect a man to be the best in all areas (6'2" or taller, +150k/year, 8.5-10 in looks, smart, morally intact, and so on) while offering very little to the relationship themselves.  This sets a woman up for nothing but disappointment and misery but this is the lie they're being fed and puts them in the mindset to be a completely shitty and entitled partner




Word of advice, other men: don't listen to this incel shit if you want to experience any sort of romantic success.

Just be decent and friendly.


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OfflineB Traven
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28122169 - 01/03/23 06:19 AM (1 year, 25 days ago)

You're only 20, in school full-time, and at least somewhat responsible for supporting yourself. It also sounds like you take your studies seriously. And you're interested in a relationship that you'd also take seriously.

And you're surrounded by other 20 year olds, most of whom are just as confused as you are but are also just getting wasted and hooking up, getting completely caught up in the illusion of endless options that porn and dating apps provide, etc.

I'd posit, to some extent, that there's nothing to get. You're just busy, and at a time and place in your life where what you're specifically looking for is in short supply.

Stay off the porn and the dating apps, stop thinking about this shit if you can help it, and carve out some time for social/recreational/cultural activities that you enjoy. Being unselfconsciously into anything can be very attractive. And this might sound a bit crass, but if you set out to just have a good time and end up making yourself attractive enough, then you won't have to worry so much about "making the first move" or "picking up cues," because it'll become pretty obvious when a woman is crushing/hitting on you.

I remember feeling a similar way when I was your age and in college. Within 6 months of graduating and moving away from college town life, I had met and hooked up with the woman who I've spent the last 3 decades with. There really hadn't been anything wrong with me or my approach to meeting women- I just hadn't met any yet who checked all my boxes and were looking for the same commitment I was.

Side note, it's good that you were able to take no for an answer and try to continue being friends with the woman you revealed your feelings for. And you should definitely move on, and try to stop thinking about it. But I also wouldn't be at all surprised if she ends up circling back around further down the line. I like the idea of asking her to introduce you to her single friends. Her reactions to that could be quite telling. If everything she said is to be taken at face value, great, you think she's cool and so she can maybe set you up with one of her cool friends. If there's a little more stirring beneath the surface, then she might take overt or covert umbrage at the suggestion, which could suggest a future circle-back.


--------------------
Beware of advice- even this.


Edited by B Traven (01/03/23 06:34 AM)


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Anonymous #3

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Kryptos]
    #28122309 - 01/03/23 09:15 AM (1 year, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Kryptos said:
Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
Basically, romantically speaking, everyone is fucked

Women in general feel they are worth more than they are because they've had enough guys occasionally climb down the ladder to drunkenly fuck them that they think they're more attractive than they are.  They are also sold the false idea that they should be able to expect a man to be the best in all areas (6'2" or taller, +150k/year, 8.5-10 in looks, smart, morally intact, and so on) while offering very little to the relationship themselves.  This sets a woman up for nothing but disappointment and misery but this is the lie they're being fed and puts them in the mindset to be a completely shitty and entitled partner




Word of advice, other men: don't listen to this incel shit if you want to experience any sort of romantic success.

Just be decent and friendly.




Yeah, be decent and friendly so you can live your whole life in the friend zone...good advice dork


Edited by Anonymous (01/15/23 07:56 PM)


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Anonymous #4

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #3] * 2
    #28122536 - 01/03/23 11:54 AM (1 year, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
This isn't incel shit, it's the way of the world
I've probably turned down more pussy than you've ever been offered





I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're correct in this. My point still stands: you're retarded.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28122644 - 01/03/23 01:16 PM (1 year, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:you're retarded.




:cantarguewiththat:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Kryptos]
    #28123752 - 01/04/23 12:25 AM (1 year, 24 days ago)

Quote:

It was actually hard for me to go out and not end up with at least a few new randos.



I wish this was my experience. I am not sure what it is about my school, but it just feels like people are more cliquey, have something to prove and don't straw from their groups. I am hoping that changes as I get involved with more upperclassman. When I visit with my friends at smaller schools, I feel like people are willing to talk to anyone. Of course I am getting dangerously close to "the grass is greener wherever I am not" mindset.
Quote:

Then college ended, and everything changed. Suddenly, there was a point to socializing casually, because if I didn't, there was nobody around when I wanted to go out.



This is what scares me. Right now I am in a place with thousands of other kids with similar interests, from diverse backgrounds, and many different life experiences. I don't want to waste the chance of taking advantage of that while I can.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28123756 - 01/04/23 12:29 AM (1 year, 24 days ago)

Quote:

I highly suggest joining a club or class that is female-friendly.



I appreciate this advice. I have always felt intimidated by structured clubs, even in high-school. They always just felt like another thing for me to worry about and possibly mess up, fail, or be bad at. I think its about time I at least try to turn that around.


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #28123771 - 01/04/23 01:01 AM (1 year, 24 days ago)

So, Confidence. There are a couple ways to look at it. You've heard: "confidence is key"
Does that mean you have to approach girls with complete confidence, complete certainty that they will say yes? No, of course not. You can approach a girl with all the confidence in the world, but if she's not into you, she's not into you. It's up to them to decide. On the other hand, maybe you take a wild shot while your hands are shaking and it works out, you never know.  So let go of needing that certainty.

The other way to look at it is self-confidence, being secure in your self, knowing yourself and what you want. Thing is, you're 20. You're not supposed to be confident yet, you don't quite know yourself yet, you haven't done anything yet. That's what these first few years of adulthood are for, to make some mistakes and learn. You can be self-confident in knowing that you don't actually know yet.

You wanna know a real good way to approach women? Talk to them with zero intent to hook up or move forward in any way. Just chat and then move on. Kinda like Kryptos was saying, but with even less intent behind it. Ask the girl next to you if she did the homework and then ignore her for the rest of the class. The point is to just relax, and interact without trying to force anything. Open up to that uncertainty.

It's good that you recognize the opportunities around you right now, I spent my first round of college drunk alone in my dorm room, and I regretted it afterwards. Enjoy school, take advantage of everything you can! (but really just pass, it's your best bet for long term success) I'm sure there is a club with activities you enjoy that is pretty low key, you don't have to become the president.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: B Traven]
    #28123772 - 01/04/23 01:02 AM (1 year, 24 days ago)

Quote:

Stay off the porn and the dating apps



Unfortunately I succumbed to the temptation just a day or two after making my original post. I am definitely disappointed in myself. Things just got too difficult with no way to release. However, the same feelings that made me quit in the first place came back immediately, thankfully not as severe. I was hoping I could continue without ever having to feel those things again. Hopefully that will make the next stretch easier on me. The short dopamine release is definitely nothing in comparison to: the loss of self-respect, the feeling of hiding something, the desensitization to sexuality and peoples bodies, the hit on self-esteem, the feeling of turning other people into a product and making them infinitely disposable, etc. One thing I noticed once I stopped was I just felt more valuable, I felt like I was worthy of more, and that I would be enough for anyone (for the most part barring other insecurities that would sometimes pop up), but unfortunately it didn't fix my social skills! Sorry for the short rant, just trying to vent a bit!
Quote:

Side note, it's good that you were able to take no for an answer and try to continue being friends with the woman you revealed your feelings for.



Yeah this was something I taught myself in high school. Not having feelings for anyone for any reason at all is completely valid. It makes absolutely no sense to fault someone for their feelings. I am thinking the other guy in this thread my need to ponder that. As long as I am not head over heels for someone, and they treat me with respect, I feel like that is an opportunity for a great friendship. By not being able to accept "no" you are just setting yourself up for a world of negative emotions, none of which are productive, and in the end, you are the one who looks pathetic.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Lynnch]
    #28123785 - 01/04/23 01:14 AM (1 year, 24 days ago)

I suppose I need confidence in not needing confidence. I should know sometimes you need to let go, and just let what happens happen. Lack of control or certainty can be scary, however sometimes it is a necessity. You would really thing someone who regularly does mushrooms would have figured this out. Hearing what everyone here has to say is really helping me open up to the idea. As much as I think I like being in control and knowing what is going to happen, I actually hate it. It is the cause for all my stress. I know I am not a complete moron (just a little bit of one haha), so I am pretty sure I won't do anything to make anyone uncomfortable. I am also someone who loves to laugh at myself, so maybe it won't be as hard of a change as I think, but I suppose I shouldn't be thinking that just yet.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28123792 - 01/04/23 01:34 AM (1 year, 24 days ago)

I am curious. Are you saying you are being offered more pussy because you walk down the ladder? Or is it being rude to everyone that makes women want to get in your pants?


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OfflineB Traven
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28123938 - 01/04/23 07:35 AM (1 year, 24 days ago)

I definitely appreciate everything you said about using porn, but just to be clear, my intent in that comment was largely more prosaic. And certainly not meant to condemn any lapses.

In the absence of that release, or the option of scrolling through the online hookup market, one is forced back into olden times. You might not be hitting on everyone you encounter, but you'll eventually be thinking about things a little differently. Maybe having that extra impetus to pursue an opportunity, or even just leave the house. Maybe end up regularly flirting or spending time with someone and making deposits to the spank bank. No shame in that, and for all you know she's doing the same.


--------------------
Beware of advice- even this.


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OfflineMLPismyOPSEC
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: Lynnch]
    #28124349 - 01/04/23 01:16 PM (1 year, 24 days ago)

Quote:

Kryptos said:
I think your biggest problem, OP, can be summed up with one thing you said: you can't even go up to people at bars.

This is what you need to fix. Practice talking to people. Not with any expectations of a relationship, but just in general.

Try talking to cashiers. Don't try to get in their pants, but just talk. Joke around a bit.




Quote:

Lynnch said:
So, Confidence. There are a couple ways to look at it. You've heard: "confidence is key"
Does that mean you have to approach girls with complete confidence, complete certainty that they will say yes? No, of course not.

So let go of needing that certainty.

The other way to look at it is self-confidence, being secure in your self, knowing yourself and what you want.




Commenting to reinforce these cliffnotes, both posts were very good and i fully agree with them.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: Trouble Developing Relationships [Re: MLPismyOPSEC]
    #28124617 - 01/04/23 04:36 PM (1 year, 24 days ago)

Confidence is the knowledge that no matter what happens, you will be fine. That's really it. Some girl says no, great, move on. Some girl says yes, great, move on. You get invited out, great, move on. You don't get invited, great, move on.

Doing your own thing consistently and reliably is a great way to build confidence...because it distracts you from the world. It's like being a pro athlete or whatever--they are confident not because they have social skills or anything like that, they just have plans for 14 hours a day until they get too old to play. So when something doesn't go their way, they don't care, they're too busy to care.

You can also fake confidence, in a way, by...not responding. And not being needy. Like, I'm talking to a couple girls right now, one that I really like and would like to date. I texted her, she responded twice, and hasn't continued the conversation yet, because she is at a bar. Now, I have three options:

(1) the needy option, to blow up her phone and demand her attention until she tells me to fuck off

(2) the incel option, to call her a dumb slutty prude that I wouldn't fuck with a ten foot pole anyway, which will get me blocked

(3) the confident option, to wait until she texts me. Which will probably almost certainly happen tonight, when she is no longer busy at the bar.

Now, my current immediate situation, I don't actually have anything to do tonight. I'm sitting bored in a hotel room with a 4am flight. I would absolutely love to be talking to this girl. Or one of the other options, who for various reasons are also not responding RIGHT NOW. I am not in control of the situation and that feeling sucks, but that's the thing with other people. You don't control them, unless you're into being an abusive shit.

And yeah, there's a chance she won't text me back. There's a chance I'll never hear from her again. But the last time this happened and she was at the bar, suddenly my phone started going off at 115am. On top of that, we already have plans going forward. I know that things will probably go my way, and if they don't...well, I'll be fine. There are other girls.

---

I should also say, there's nothing wrong with dating apps. You just need to have a bit of a thick skin, and know how to market yourself. I.e., good quality pictures of you doing cool shit, and learning to keep a conversation going and into a date direction over text. You will run into a lot of flakes, and you will deal with a lot of rejection, both outright and by not getting matches, which can affect your self image and self confidence. Be prepared for that.

On dating apps specifically, you could do the incel thing of advertising that you're 6'3, make 100k a year, and have a 9 inch dick. It will definitely help if it's true, but that will attract one very specific type of girl: the Indian scammer pretending to be a girl to sell you softcore porn.

---

Since you're in college, you should make full use of ALL THE CLUBS. And the dorms, really. When I say I met randos every night, I mean I'd walk from my dorm room to the front door and pass an open room, or some people hanging out, or something similar, and I'd talk to them. Clubs just make this a little easier because there is already a topic of conversation. Back in my day, the smoking benches out in front of every dorm were a great place to meet people. That's probably less true now, smoking isn't as cool.


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