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OfflineMagicMan90
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Registered: 10/13/22
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12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. * 2
    #28046960 - 11/12/22 12:32 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

I'm not really sure what to do with this so I figured I would throw it up here.

A little background.  As a teen about 10 years ago I had an experience with shrooms.  I had found my way to the collective consciousness. We are all one. Each of us a different iteration of one being.

A mirror broken in billions of pieces.  Each piece unaware it is a mirror until the life has passed and it again becomes part of the one, before then again starting a new life. I was shocked when I found out much later this is a common experience with shrooms.

I have been chasing this experience for a couple of months wanting to relive the experience.  Which brings us to this experience.

6g ground with fresh lemon juice.  30 mins later 6 grams made into a tea and drank.

I feel like I should say I did not just jump in at 12g.  I have been working up from 1g doses for some time and absolutely would not recommend this much if you have little to no experience with shrooms.  This is NOT fun territory. Doses at this level are uncomfortable even in the best of cases.

The first dose was coming on very strong after 30 mins.  I had hesitations about drinking down the tea but I was driven to do so in my pursuit. I put on some music then went and laid down and had some mild visual distortions while staring at some of the paintings in my room. 

I have never seen anything that was not actually there.  I experienced all that follows as a stream of thought which almost seems to blur into a waking dream at times.

After an hour I turned off the lights. I don't know how long it was before I knew without a doubt.  I was being fed on. 

Something "other" was feeding on some part of me and had been forever.  I could not escape.  I was helpless. I again was the collective consciousness.  I had done all of this before.

Everything happens in cycles.  Cycles of my choosing.  I can be anything and anyone.  I have already been everything and everyone.  I had been the big bang. Pure energy exploding out to infinity.  An element throwing off electrons. A fish swimming.  The earth itself going through periods of change.  Feeling the volcanoes erupting, the oceans rising and falling the creatures living on my surface witch were also just me. 

I could experience reality anyway I chose.  But why did I? Why did I go through all of this, create all of this? It all came back to that one horrifying thought.  I was being fed on.  Fed on by something that was not me.  I can choose to forget.  I can choose to do or be anything I want all in an effort to escape. But I have already done it.  I've done everything there is or ever has been and eventually it will all just lead to this moment. this experience. This reality.

I am shaken by this experience. I will take some time to process.  I don't know why but there is some part of me that wants to go back.  To go deeper.  There were some parts of this experience that I am not willing to talk about even anonymously online to a bunch of strangers but I will summarize the lesson by saying this.  There were some very dark thoughts through some of this experience and I will not take more or even possibly this amount again without a sitter.

Good luck out there.


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OfflineWhoManBeing
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: MagicMan90]
    #28047035 - 11/12/22 01:14 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Why bother when you put it that way?  What reward are you getting from this?


--------------------
Hip, hip... WhoRAy!!!

Eye was thinking the other day...  ahh, thinking never done me no good.



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OfflineRusty2096
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: MagicMan90]
    #28047345 - 11/12/22 04:26 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

If you are as sensitive to shrooms as I am, things can go south really fast with doses that big.

Don't do it again, trust me I've been there. And if you have already made up your mind and you know you will, a trusted sitter could literally save your life.


--------------------
Currently looking for nothing. You guys who sent me stuff are straight up awesome!. :mushroom2:

We don't own things - things own us.

Semi-solid liquid culture (SSLC)


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OfflineMagicMan90
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: Rusty2096]
    #28048318 - 11/13/22 08:32 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

What am I getting from this?

I guess broadly I use shrooms to help with anxiety and generally elevate mood for days to weeks after the experience.  I don't really do them to have a good time.  I take them to explore aspects of myself and how my mind works and why it works that way.

Don't do it again.

This wasn't my first time using 10g or higher.  Each trip is different.  There are some things more or less the same between each but there is always something new each time as well. I think most people would have some kind of profound experience at this high dose regardless of how sensitive they are to them. 
That being said your right and its kind of what I was trying to say at the end of my op.  This was a bit of a cautionary tale of where you might end up at this dose and if you are still drawn to the experience regardless of that I would strongly recommend a sitter. 
For me specifically I almost called off work when I didn't work the next day in the first place and I was close to leaving for a walk several times which would not have been a good idea.  Someone there to keep you from doing silly things is a good idea. 
If your dealing with emotional issues such as suicidal thought you should probably stay away from high doses which is what I think you were hinting at?

Good luck out there.


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OfflineRusty2096
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: MagicMan90]
    #28048367 - 11/13/22 09:17 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Nope, not suicidal for 1 bit but still would be dead or in jail if not for my friend that was with me at that moment.

Wasn't my first high dose trip either. But it was the first time I had stop believing reality is real an nothing more than an infinite loop.


--------------------
Currently looking for nothing. You guys who sent me stuff are straight up awesome!. :mushroom2:

We don't own things - things own us.

Semi-solid liquid culture (SSLC)


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OfflineMagicMan90
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: Rusty2096]
    #28048406 - 11/13/22 09:34 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

I guess that loss of reality is what I think of when people are talking about ego death.  It's where I have been trying to get back to for awhile now anyways.  I think I've had my fill for the time being though.  Going to take a couple of weeks off and take it down to 5g for now.


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OfflineSevR
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: MagicMan90]
    #28077690 - 12/01/22 09:30 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

'being fed upon'

I'll get around to posting some of my own experiences similar to yours in depth at some point- so for now I suppose you'll have to take at face value a faceless forum friend telling you that he understands where you went, and also the hesitancy in sharing the experience in full on the internet.

So- a few things

If I'm reading you right ' I never see things that aren't there'- Its the same for me- and I don't class mushrooms as hallucinagens- they're a substance that more than anything connects us to our bodies - to degrees far beyond that which the dissociated autopilot we normally operate on in daily life.

Imagine a lightbulb on a dimmer switch - what we accept as 'normal waking consciousness is maybe.a 2 on a scale of 10. Think about what your kitchen looks like under such a low light - shadows- you can't easily see details. Now , turn that light on full blast and you can see all the gory details of leftover crumbs and incompletely cleaned pasta.stains above the stove....cockroaches skuttling out of the bright....

Mushrooms is like turning the light on- in our organic flesh and bone house- making it far easier to see the shit hiding in the corners and shadows. And there is shit hiding in the corners and shadows.

People of a certain psychological preference will be quick to announce that 'were all one' and the shadow or ego or whatever is a part of us-  in this case this is an unhelpful, non- useful , harmful belief construct- as identification with that which is within (and feeding on) us, but which is NOT us means that attempting to expel it requires a form of intentional suicide- a literal existential crisis. On the other hand, if you can remember that anger/rage/guilt/pain/shadow/acid/carbonated/concentrated/DENSITY is merely occupying space within you- it becomes MUCH easier to get rid of .

By no means am I saying doing so is easy- it's basically wrestling with demons- ones which we've been living with and unwittingly identidying with for sometimes our entire lifes up untill l that point .

But casting them out is possible.

It's my opinion that the purge is one of the most important gifts the mushrooms give us- so much so that Ipersonally  go so far as to classify high doses of mushrooms as primarily purgatives and not hallucinagens at all .

Before continuing, look up Alex greys portraits titled
Purging
Despair
And
Endarkenment


Those will give you a good idea of the 'energies/entities' involved.

I came upon those paintings a while after my first forays into these high dose temple cleaning experiences- and shrieked in delight at seeing someone with an understanding of a clearly shared experience.


Things I've learned from continuing to venture into this.space in conscious intent to clear these 'not I' negative energies from my body

1. Candles. Something about electric light changes the vibe- using only candles ( I use beeswax candles I make myself) for illumination sets a tone for the journey- one which I consider essential and non negotiable. (((PlEASE be safe! Like op said, no one should jump into solo high dose trips without becoming an expert at low dose experiences first!!!)

2. Asking the mushrooms a head of time to guide you through the purge and they will do so - express any doubts/hesitations/anxieties/fears - they will listen.

3. Understand that we- our bodies- are designed to be full of light and life and free flowing energy- while modern living provides us with pretty much zero evidence of this and all of civilization giving us examples otherwise- Truth is not a function of the belief of the majority.  Pain/illness = stagnation and excess accumulation of energy- - - which I thought I was a genius for distilling into words of wisdom after my first experience, only later to find that the daoists were saying the same thing 4000 years ago albeit in Chinese 'bu tong ze tong'.

3. You won't get it all in one go. Dont. Even. Fucking. Try.

4. Have on hand AT LEAST 5 gallons of potable water. (Overkill yea- but you do not want to run out.) One majorly helpful technique/substance for clearing the body is Water- with maybe a tablespoon of salt to a half gallon.
If ever the purging gets 'stuck' I'll drink half- to one liter of this and that's generally enough to get it going. Stretching and moving the body right after drinking is an excellent way to 'move' the water into the spaces it needs to go. Sounds wooey- it isnt- do it and you'll understand and if youre one of those who needs 'science' to validate everything go study the fascia.

5. I'll normally set up an altar - for me it's totally non religious/- a place to put candles and to focus energy and intent- with some blankets/pillows to sit on in front- and spend the come up there or stretching my body in yog(ish) poses in front.

Then, when I feel the bodyload start to come on ( which generally coincides with the mental fogginess/confusion/desire for distractions... Which I interpret as ploys from these energies to avoid getting kicked out of the house ), that's when I head to the bathroom with water/lighter, sage/palosanto- other herbal allies ( not a weed reference- literally other plant medicine tinctures/oils etc that i have relationshipS with). Already set up there is an altar with candles on the back of the toilet-

Then it's go time.

6. There will be mental chatter and confusion and attempts to distract/ make you forget what your intention is- these occur in progresively stronger attempts the closer to actually purging you get-  these are defense mechanisms from whatever creatures are living plush on our energies. Don't lose faith!

Dosage for me is 5 grams and up during these experiences sometimes re-upping 3 or 4 hours - around the peak if I feel I really need assistance.

For me, originally I asked to understand the purge- and was guided (by the mushrooms) through a series of 3 progressively more intense trips- that format was exactly the introduction I needed.

And holy wow- the lightness/embodiment felt afterwards!


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OfflineNeurotech
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: SevR]
    #28077857 - 12/01/22 11:21 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Dark Thoughts. Sometimes people become so aware of the thin line between life and death and are so impressd by the awareness of a part of themselves that may continue after death that they feel tempted to actually die. Don't do it. Time is an illusion. You were never born. You will never die. Your body will. But don't leave because you would be missing out on some interesting necessary lessons. Or, yeah, get a sitter.

That being said, I had some thoughts about the idea of being "fed upon". Our bodies are made of (literally) all the food we eat. Every living thing is made of the food they eat. Your body is just one more piece of food for this biological organism we call earth. Perhaps you were somewhat in touch with that. After all, all the energy we produce goes somewhere, and "feeds" our system here on earth. Ultimately, your body goes back to the earth and the food you have eaten returns to the environment, feeding mo0re living things. Perhaps the collective consciousness understands that and you should se that you are not your body. It is temporary, impermanent, a vehicle for your individual experience of self. While the material universe will feed on your body, You do not get fed upon. You Are Not The Body.

maybe?

Namaste


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OfflineMagicMan90
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: Neurotech]
    #28079711 - 12/02/22 02:24 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Ill start off saying I am hesitant to believe that the spirits and entities encountered in altered states of mind are more than metaphoric representation of our own ideas and thoughts. 

That being said a week after the experience I posted about I took a little over 5g of tea. It was a very strange week in between these two doses in which I kept seeing movement out of the corner of my eye and a general uneasy feeling in dark places that I haven't experienced since childhood.

The trip was an odd experience that consisted mostly of body feel and clouded mind.  I ended up under the covers in a fetal position staring at "The old Guitarist" by Picasso which hangs in my room.  On many of my trips this painting has been incredibly disturbing to me.  This time I found that something was staring back at me from this painting.  A disfigured entity morphed from the face of the guitarist horrible to behold but not malevolent.

Although I had not been stuffy or had a runny nose before I began to get very congested. After blowing my nose  I realized that this thing in the painting had helped me purge whatever it was that had made itself known previously.

After 10 years of addiction I have not used nicotine in the 2 weeks since this experience.  Nor have I had the movements out of the corner of my eyes.

Again I am not ready to say any of this was anything truly outside of my mind but I am that much more steadfast in my belief that when used properly this is a healing medicine.


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OfflineNeurotech
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: MagicMan90]
    #28091170 - 12/09/22 11:10 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Maybe there isn’t much difference between what’s in our mind and what is out.


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OfflineMagicMan90
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: Neurotech]
    #28097782 - 12/14/22 07:29 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

I don't dwell on those type of questions for very long.  At least not in a serious manner.  Nothing has messed up my mental health as much as taking existential and meta trains of thought to seriously.  For me that's a ticket to disassociation.
They are fun things to think about but to keep my grounding my bedrock has to remain.  "It can't be known so it shouldn't be worried about."  What I am physically presented with daily is what I spend the overwhelming majority of my time with and so is what must be taken seriously and viewed as reality.


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OfflineAldebaran
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Re: 12g P.cube, Being fed on by the other. [Re: MagicMan90]
    #28098926 - 12/15/22 02:58 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

It all came back to that one horrifying thought.  I was being fed on.  Fed on by something that was not me.




That sounds dark. When you say "Something 'other' was feeding on some part of me and had been forever," do you feel like this relates to some aspect of your day-to-day life, or was it more like part of the architecture or nature of the trip itself?

:hypnotoad:

Your experience has a familiar tone to it, a sort of solipsism where it feels like you are God and created everything.

I do think a strong trip can make it feel like you are being, in some sense, "eaten." The sense of an extremely ominous and powerful 'other' can also be very strong, as though something is reaching you from the 'beyond' within the trip.

Quote:

I guess that loss of reality is what I think of when people are talking about ego death.




To be on the brink of that sort of "ego death" experience can be a bit like approaching a black hole which threatens to obliterate your conscious experience, your sense of self. Maybe that was related to the sense of something feeding on you? It can feel like a very threatening, sinister 'other' that you are trying to resist, but the nature of the experience is that you are drawn into that abyss, even if it feels like death, and end up becoming part of this 'other' which is no longer separate from yourself, entering a very blissful state.

:trippinbawelz:

My general approach to tripping is just to surrender to whatever 'other' I find in the trip with me, on the assumption that it's ultimately part of my own mind, an encounter with some part of my unconscious, even when it feels more like something alien. Things can get weird though, like this section of a trip journal where I get that sense of something "other" present:

Quote:


Did you only now stop to ponder the mysteries of your consciousness? Then you are an unwary traveller. Let me in. Let me show you the way. The request is a formality, for I am already here, as you long suspected.

Let us visit the midnight places. Let us travel the roads that are not roads, between the places that should not be, in the spaces that are not there where you see them. Inside. Within. Within.

You write in the half-light. I see the pen move in your hand. Through your own eyes.

This is dissociation experienced within a paranoid delusion. Writing about it doesn’t fix it. Do not dream of this. Do not come here. Do not wake up into this. Do not sleep.

...And something crawls into the void where you used to be. It may be you. It may not.





I know that feeling of wanting to go deeper, although I've dialled back the doses in recent years after reaching the limits of what I wanted to explore. At some point, taking more seems to have diminishing returns. I think at high doses you have to accept the mindfuck and the insanity, and try to keep your sense of humour alive even when the trip is sliding towards panic and doom.

If you go back to those realms, I wish you all the best :mushroom2:

:aliceshocker: :owl: :scaryshroom:


--------------------
I wrote that, but I meant something else


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