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OfflineRache2020
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Men and emotional support * 1
    #28075854 - 11/30/22 10:48 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

What's the best way for a woman to give a man emotional support? I have a few male friends and extended family members that I don't see often as we don't live close anymore and mainly catch up online. If they tell me something bad has happened to them I try to be super supportive and all like "here if you need to talk", "sending hugs", "thinking of you"-that sort of thing. They always thank me and then proceed to just talk about practical things. This is fine as I know men tend to be more practical and less likely to talk about their feelings (generalising here) the only issues I have is if I'm making these guys uncomfortable?

I just wonder if they are thinking "why is she being so weird and emotional and making more of a big deal out of my problems than me?" or whether he appreciates the sentiment and offer of support? Cos if it's the latter then that's all good, I just don't know with guys. Is it better to be short and sweet and say something like "sorry to hear that, hope things improve for you" or do you want to know there is an offer there to talk etc. I do the same thing with my girlfriends, so it's normal for us, I just don't know what guys make of it. I should say it's always fairly major things like health issues/bereavement etc. not doing this over little problems in their life.

Do you want emotional support like that from female friends? Or only from girlfriends or close family? Or not even then? I just don't know if I'm coming across too emotional and waffling on too much and making these guys uncomfortable because I don't know if guys want this type of support.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020] * 1
    #28075880 - 11/30/22 11:05 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

I think you're already doing the best you can in that regard. Sending them food or like, work gloves or practical things is another good show of support.

IME, it seems that on average, when gals are going thru things, they just want someone to listen and sympathize. I think most of the time, if a guy mentions he's going thru something, it's more of warning that they're stressed and might not be as with-it or jovial as they might usually be untill they process.

So I guess food and patience might be the most effective ways to demonstrate support.


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OfflineRache2020
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #28078490 - 12/01/22 05:37 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Thanks! Yeh maybe I'll tone it down a bit, I could even be coming across as patronising or something I don't know... Yeh with girlfriends we like to get together and just talk things over, it helps you feel supported, even if it doesn't solve the issue (I mean some issues you can't solve anyway) but I guess men more often just like to quietly process things themselves?

If I want emotional support I try and remember I'm more likely to get it from female friends. Whilst also appreciating a boyfriend or guy friend will try and help in more practical ways (no right or wrong just different approaches) and that's lovely too. But I can see where this could be one of the big areas men and women fail to understand each other too well. I'm not a big sharer anyway, but I feel like I'm good with advice and a good listener so that's how I like to try and help...but with guys, if it's not going to be the best way to help I guess I should try other ways. Thanks for the tips some good ones there, this will be new to me cos I don't think in a practical way when it comes to this sort of thing but I'll try!


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020]
    #28079065 - 12/02/22 04:10 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)



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OfflineRache2020
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #28080085 - 12/02/22 06:02 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Lol! Love it!


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InvisibleRaven44
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020] * 3
    #28080143 - 12/02/22 06:29 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

A lot of people don’t know how to accept support. They don’t know how to talk about their feelings and emotions ect. So realizing that people don’t know how to accept support is a part of this lesson.

If someone doesn’t know how to accept support they simply won’t. It’s not currently an option for them. They don’t appreciate it very much because they don’t know how. It can easily become uncomfortable for them

My suggestion is to use jokes to help them laugh about their problems.

Most men will only talk to their GF if they’ll even do that lol. So it could be confusing to some

Connecting w people isn’t always good for both parties and your basically trying to connect w them and form a deeper relationship even if it’s just a friendship to you.


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InvisibleBikerB
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Raven44] * 1
    #28083329 - 12/04/22 02:31 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

As a guy, I gotta say that, no matter what the problem is, a bj is never wrong.  That said, most of my friends turn me down when I offer it to them...


Edited by BikerB (12/04/22 02:32 PM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020] * 1
    #28083429 - 12/04/22 03:25 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

A lot of Men dont know how to talk about their feelings. A lot of stigma around it. Society as a whole teaches most men to not talk about their feelings as it can be "demasculating" to do that. Theres not a lot u can do but just what u are currently doing.

Also i have a platonic friend named Rachel so this topic is quite synchronicistically ironic :cool2:


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InvisibleTheStallionMang
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28084099 - 12/04/22 10:52 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

True LC. I’m reading this thinking, do I want to make some flowery helpful mushy felt post about what I think men really need in terms of support or should I make a joke like, men just want a woman to make a damn sammich and shut the hell up

I guess I made my choice


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: TheStallionMang]
    #28084101 - 12/04/22 11:00 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

A choice was definitely made :sadyes:


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OfflineRache2020
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Raven44] * 1
    #28085041 - 12/05/22 05:27 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

People are always talking about the crisis with men's mental health, so it's a tough one. I've had offers to talk and all that when my dad died and I didn't take them up on it (tbh most people probably don't except with their really close friends) but I super appreciated the sentiment and it meant a lot. I think I'll pull back a bit though and just be like "sorry to hear that" and keep it short.


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OfflineRache2020
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: TheStallionMang]
    #28085063 - 12/05/22 05:38 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

BikerB said:
As a guy, I gotta say that, no matter what the problem is, a bj is never wrong.  That said, most of my friends turn me down when I offer it to them...




Lol! I'll try and keep that in mind-with the male friends that is!

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
A lot of Men dont know how to talk about their feelings. A lot of stigma around it. Society as a whole teaches most men to not talk about their feelings as it can be "demasculating" to do that. Theres not a lot u can do but just what u are currently doing.

Also i have a platonic friend named Rachel so this topic is quite synchronicistically ironic :cool2:




Yep there is still a stigma, getting gradually better though I think compared to 50 years ago, not that that's saying much! No one should be afraid to show feelings or ask for help just based on what society is telling them. If they genuinely don't wanna talk or don't need to that's totally fine of course (obviously and same goes for women)-it's not even about that, and I think everyone gets it but I just have to reiterate so I'm not coming across as if I need them to open up-I just want to know they appreciate the offer and feel supported. Or as long as they don't feel weirded out or uncomfortable by someone offering it.

I'm sure your Rachel friend is probably more clued up than me! Totally clueless here haha.


Quote:

TheStallionMang said:
True LC. I’m reading this thinking, do I want to make some flowery helpful mushy felt post about what I think men really need in terms of support or should I make a joke like, men just want a woman to make a damn sammich and shut the hell up

I guess I made my choice




Haha! Yeh loud and clear lol.


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InvisibleTheStallionMang
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020]
    #28085494 - 12/05/22 10:45 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Yeah I guess I’m feeling a little hardened to the world at this juncture


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OfflineRache2020
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: TheStallionMang]
    #28086148 - 12/06/22 02:52 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Sure, I wish I could make you a sandwich from here :smile:


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InvisibleTheStallionMang
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020]
    #28086392 - 12/06/22 06:25 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Well thanks, it's the thought that counts


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Onlinepslyke
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020] * 3
    #28086430 - 12/06/22 06:42 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

As a male I think it's always nice and appreciated for someone to ask. I may not want to talk about it (probably not) but the simple act of asking shows that you care a lot more than most. I also find it slightly easier to discuss emotions with a female friend than male; probably because of stupid guy machismo.

I think it is important for the person you are speaking with to know and trust that your query was genuine and heartfelt. There is a lot to be said for non-verbal communication in such situations. I've had someone ask if I'm doing ok while barely glancing up from their phone and clearly not wanting or expecting an emotional download to ensue.

Seems to me there are too many people suffering emotionally right now and a little more interest and compassion would go some way to lessoning that burden. This was a major theme in my last strong trip, but is also very present on my mind right now as a man I knew ended their life a couple of days ago with little warning of the suffering they were dealing with.


--------------------
"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein

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InvisibleHartford
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Rache2020]
    #28086433 - 12/06/22 06:43 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Ask his pastor what in God's name can you support this man in and tell him his response. This will provide much satisfaction.


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OfflineRache2020
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: pslyke]
    #28087725 - 12/07/22 05:48 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TheStallionMang said:
Well thanks, it's the thought that counts




You're welcome!

Quote:

pslyke said:
As a male I think it's always nice and appreciated for someone to ask. I may not want to talk about it (probably not) but the simple act of asking shows that you care a lot more than most. I also find it slightly easier to discuss emotions with a female friend than male; probably because of stupid guy machismo.

I think it is important for the person you are speaking with to know and trust that your query was genuine and heartfelt. There is a lot to be said for non-verbal communication in such situations. I've had someone ask if I'm doing ok while barely glancing up from their phone and clearly not wanting or expecting an emotional download to ensue.

Seems to me there are too many people suffering emotionally right now and a little more interest and compassion would go some way to lessoning that burden. This was a major theme in my last strong trip, but is also very present on my mind right now as a man I knew ended their life a couple of days ago with little warning of the suffering they were dealing with.




That's really good to know-thanks. I'm glad it's appreciated, or at least probably will be by most guys. I was worried I was going too over the top, but someone playing with their phone, that must just feel like they're thinking "I've done the required asking them if they're ok tick, now I can go back to my own stuff" which is not great!

That's really interesting having a trip focused on that theme, must be quite draining but cathartic? Sorry to hear about your friend-poor guy that is so sad, must be devastating for everyone.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: Raven44] * 1
    #28093231 - 12/11/22 11:19 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Raven44 said:

A lot of people don’t know how to accept support. They don’t know how to talk about their feelings and emotions ect.




I equate emotional support with intimacy.  Many men are terrified of intimacy with a female.

(Especially a female that triggers deep feelings of romantic attraction) 

Lots of men suffer from shame, fear, and self-aggression. Men who struggle with anxious attachment issues have a lot of difficulty initiating and maintaining an intimate relationship. Men experiencing attachment anxiety are hungry for connection yet also very afraid of it. Insecurity, jealousy, and depression are often part of the situation. (Yes, women can suffer from anxious attachment issues also) 

As a man, do I want emotional support from female friends?

Yes. I've been mostly unsuccessful in forming intimate non-sexual relationships. There are significant challenges to forming close emotional bonds with non-single women, and single women are often wary of a guy that claims to "just want to be friends".  We all know that males only have one thing on their mind.  Men always think with their other head.


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Offlineashfiken
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Re: Men and emotional support [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28094474 - 12/12/22 11:54 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

The non-single ones have a husband, w the same trepidation in mind as the single ones. Which makes it basically impossible to carry on such friendships, let alone cultivate them.
Hell if a man told my wife he just wanted to be friends I'd tell him to get fucked(somewhere else)
This is prob a two prong problem.
The stigma carried that men only are maintaining emotional efforts to the end of sex.
And also the distrusting self serving culture that proliferates, keeps both sexes feeling cornered and defensive.
All of that playing into that terror and shame of intimacy you speak abt


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