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Anonymous #1

Marriage / Citizenship Costs
    #28057360 - 11/17/22 11:56 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

I got engaged to a nice girl a couple months ago.  The ring cost $4500 and it looks great.  This girl is a foreigner on a student visa.  Once we marry she will need to start paying for paperwork to citizenship.  Now she said before marriage that she didn't need a ring and that it was important for her that I help with the cost of her citizenship.  She found out that all cost is $2900.  We have a prenuptial agreement in place as well.  I have a good job, but not looking forward to these costs.  I got a nice ring because that's what good guys do.  I didn't want to skimp there.  What's fair when it comes to helping her with the citizenship costs?  She first suggested 70% (me) / 30% (her).  That's $2030 for me to pay.  In recent months she claims I am super concerned over money.  Well I am.  I'm trying to save for a house and my stocks are breaking me.  I still try to make things happen.  Pay for engagement dinner, hotel we stay at for wedding night, her food/drinks when she visits.  She does little things to show me appreciation like bringing over some fruit, avocado for our breakfast.  She takes the train 1hr 40m here and back to visit for a couple days.  She says thank you sometimes.


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Invisiblebudmanman
OTD Masterbater
Male


Registered: 02/07/07
Posts: 17,974
Loc: PNW
Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28057412 - 11/18/22 12:51 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Woh she says thank you? That is rare as fuck.

But it makes sense since she is a foreigner.


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Everything I have ever said is total bogus bs I am full of crud therefore everything I say should never be taken literal.

And I am mentally unstable.


Edited by budmanman (11/18/22 12:52 AM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #28057501 - 11/18/22 04:50 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Take the ring back and spend the difference on another ring. She was pretty explicit as to what meant more to her. Try actually listening to the female, instead of being big man, man know things. An expensive ring has nothing to do with being a "nice guy." Good girls know diamond are bullshit and it's much more significant to spend the money to keep her there with you than it is to spend the money on a status symbol for someone else to wear just so you get vicariously judged for being not affluent at all.


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InvisibleBikerB
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Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28057624 - 11/18/22 07:05 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Take the ring back and spend the difference on another ring.



I think that ship has sailed.  You'd be lucky to get 25% back on a diamond ring.  A high carot gold ring will hold it's value much better, especially if you buy used.


Edited by BikerB (11/18/22 07:06 AM)


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OfflineJewstress
Momma
I'm a teapot

Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 39 minutes
Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: BikerB]
    #28057633 - 11/18/22 07:10 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Oh man. This is a hot news take


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😇


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Anonymous #2

Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: BikerB]
    #28057714 - 11/18/22 07:52 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

BikerB said:
Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Take the ring back and spend the difference on another ring.



I think that ship has sailed.  You'd be lucky to get 25% back on a diamond ring.  A high carot gold ring will hold it's value much better, especially if you buy used.



Then he needs to take the L.

"She wanted help, I decided I wouldn't help in a meaningful way because I bought something I think she'd want if she didn't want the other thing and the value of it strokes my ego. Plz guyz what do I do"

The moment you propose is the moment she becomes your wife. A ceremony is a formality. Anything less than sacrificial here is going to be.. less than commited, IMO


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Anonymous #1

Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28057740 - 11/18/22 08:08 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

I can still easily afford both things - the ring and her citizenship paperwork.  I'm just asking what would be fair?  I'm think 70 / 30 split is ok.  Or is it fair that I just loan her this money until she gets into a career and can pay me back?


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OfflineJewstress
Momma
I'm a teapot

Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 39 minutes
Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28057984 - 11/18/22 10:01 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Quote:

BikerB said:
Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Take the ring back and spend the difference on another ring.



I think that ship has sailed.  You'd be lucky to get 25% back on a diamond ring.  A high carot gold ring will hold it's value much better, especially if you buy used.



Then he needs to take the L.

"She wanted help, I decided I wouldn't help in a meaningful way because I bought something I think she'd want if she didn't want the other thing and the value of it strokes my ego. Plz guyz what do I do"

The moment you propose is the moment she becomes your wife. A ceremony is a formality. Anything less than sacrificial here is going to be.. less than commited, IMO





Onto you.


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😇


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OfflineJewstress
Momma
I'm a teapot

Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 39 minutes
Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28057987 - 11/18/22 10:01 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I can still easily afford both things - the ring and her citizenship paperwork.  I'm just asking what would be fair?  I'm think 70 / 30 split is ok.  Or is it fair that I just loan her this money until she gets into a career and can pay me back?




If you love her; then you would move her and help her acclimate into a new culture before shocking her with financial responsibilities


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😇


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Invisiblebudmanman
OTD Masterbater
Male


Registered: 02/07/07
Posts: 17,974
Loc: PNW
Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28058168 - 11/18/22 12:29 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I can still easily afford both things - the ring and her citizenship paperwork.  I'm just asking what would be fair?  I'm think 70 / 30 split is ok.  Or is it fair that I just loan her this money until she gets into a career and can pay me back?





I paid for my wifes flight, Adjustment of status, entry into the country crap, the whole k1 process and all that kind of shit. Stop being a lil beotch.


--------------------
Everything I have ever said is total bogus bs I am full of crud therefore everything I say should never be taken literal.

And I am mentally unstable.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28058254 - 11/18/22 01:45 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I can still easily afford both things - the ring and her citizenship paperwork.  I'm just asking what would be fair?  I'm think 70 / 30 split is ok.  Or is it fair that I just loan her this money until she gets into a career and can pay me back?



It depends what camp you're in. Some people think there's still some huge manner of financial independence when in a commited relationship. Others think if you're together there's no getting around sharing financial responsibility. Being in camp 1 you could very well find yourself carrying the burden for money owed depending on her ability to earn. Hence the mindset for camp 2. If she's a good woman she will make it up to you in ways worth more than money. And I don't just mean sex. If this relationship really means something then I think it's a grand gesture to just pay for it, if it's not a problem financially. Or maybe I'm a romantic. I don't know. I know she'd love you for it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #28060466 - 11/19/22 05:38 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

I appreciate all your responses!  Thanks!  I'm going to pay for her expenses.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Marriage / Citizenship Costs [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #28072248 - 11/27/22 08:47 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
This girl is a foreigner on a student visa.  Once we marry she will need to start paying for paperwork to citizenship.



A student visa implies she would have to go home at some point unless something changed that allowed her to stay, right? Such as getting married...

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Now she said before marriage that she didn't need a ring and that it was important for her that I help with the cost of her citizenship.




But she let ya know she wanted a ring too right?

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I got a nice ring because that's what good guys do.  I didn't want to skimp there.




Nah, that's what they want ya to believe

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
In recent months she claims I am super concerned over money.  Well I am.



Does she say it like it's a bad thing? Cause that's a red flag that'll she'll push you to be irresponsible with YOUR money then complain that you don't have enough.  A good partner works with the other on the budget and supports him in his desire to be fiscally responsible

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm trying to save for a house and my stocks are breaking me.  I still try to make things happen.  Pay for engagement dinner, hotel we stay at for wedding night, her food/drinks when she visits.  She does little things to show me appreciation like bringing over some fruit, avocado for our breakfast.  She takes the train 1hr 40m here and back to visit for a couple days.  She says thank you sometimes.



Sounds like you bring a lot to the table and she's bringing very little.  Your post doesn't really paint her in the best light

I know this sounds harsh, but stop and take the pussy goggles off and take a good look at her, not her beautiful face, figure, or charming/sexy accent, but the REAL her.  Does she seem genuine in her care for you or are you a means to an end?  Better to see it in front of you and change direction than see it in hindsight 5-10 years down the road..


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