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R3ppy
Stranger



Registered: 08/29/22
Posts: 58
Loc: Montana
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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My Story
#28055789 - 11/17/22 08:05 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I don't know why I'm posting this other then to maybe relate to others who are going through similar issues.
i can barely find the energy to shower, brush my teeth, eat, anything really I haven't even shaved in months.
I just wake up when I have to and go to sleep as soon as I can, trying to fast forward through life as much as possible. I know what it would do to my family if I killed myself, but I basically am anyways, just slowly.
I can't even keep a job and everything I do results in failure. My luck is always shitty and nobody knows how to help me, especially not me.
I earned $41,240 from stocks after 3 years and an initial invest of only $500, I was so excited and happy about it, but then I lost such a great job as a Vet Tech at my favorite animal hospital, then I decided after a meltdown/panic attack, that it was a good idea to call my boss and tell them I don't think I can ever be a great employee and that I'm worthless even telling a coworker that I was considering overdosing on my oxy.
I couldn't afford rent or, really anything anymore so I had to pull most of the money out early and lost almost all of it. In my downtime, which is more and more often now, I don't go out and do anything, no.
I sit at home and watch the same shows I've seen 100 times everyday.
I had to move out of my home state after my brother in law kicked me out to be homeless because I was severely depressed and he triggered me by telling me I shouldn't be such a pussy and that I don't know shit cause I haven't been in the army like him.. I blew up on him and told him to shoot me if he doesn't care about me then and he called the cops very casually acting like I was out my gourd and he did nothing wrong.
I ended up getting sent to a mental institution unwillingly after being stuck at the ER for over 24 hours waiting for a ride to the mental facility.
While there I cried every night while my crackhead roommate watched over me and tried to touch me sexually at night when he thought I was sleeping. The employees also did not give a fuck and we're very power hungry.
This guy (my brother in law) also tried to groom my fiance and let her stay there the entire time, (him and my sister are poly as well) and he stole one of my kittens, also stole $5000 from me that was used to pay for HIS cats emergency medical bill.
He said it was his choice to make even though his cat died from an infection, because he didn't want to pay to keep her there. I was the one who knew something was wrong with her and rushed her to the vet at 3 am trying to find somewhere that could take her during busy COVID times. I was NOT going to let that little baby die on me. Unfortunately she did anyways when she could have survived. And he blames me.. He makes me seem like the devil to everyone now and this guy also has statutory rape, domestic abuse, and almost choked his ex wife to death, all on his record. Where I don't have anything on mine luckily
I also don't have any friends anymore, which really sucks, because I had to move states and I'm pretty socially inadequate to begin with and not many people can relate to me ..
My fiance struggles everyday thinking I must hate her and not care because I have such a terrible negative energy all the time. I've never been good at showing emotion or being romantic and that's always bothered her. I just never have the mindset to be sexy or romantic or engaged in anything really.. She threatens to leave me at least once a week because she can't handle it anymore and doesn't know how to help and she needs to help herself, I get it I really do I can imagine it must be hard to deal with me because I have to deal with myself everyday. I want to be better and I've tried so hard, but I can't keep going like this when everything I do ends up worthless. I feel like I was born to suffer.
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pslyke
fantasmagoric



Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 4,095
Loc:
Last seen: 2 minutes, 42 seconds
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Re: My Story [Re: R3ppy]
#28055871 - 11/17/22 09:22 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Make today better than yesterday. Rinse and repeat. If you fail to do so, make it a priority the following day to get back on track. Be absolutely deliberate with these attempts. Plot them out and execute on them. For instance, if you didn't brush your teeth yesterday, brush them today and consider it a victory. That's one day of self improvement in the bank. Compound that interest by shaving tomorrow, or hugging your fiancé for more than 5 secs. Keep doing these small things and they will build into a critical mass of self improvement.
Feel better R3ppy
-------------------- "What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein "The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
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Re: My Story [Re: pslyke]
#28057340 - 11/17/22 11:39 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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It's the chemical balance IMO, seratonin overload and a dopamine inadequacy requiring carbohydrates and strenuous excercise.
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Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
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"LeMoal suggest that opioids cause addiction by initiating a vicious cycle of changing this set point such that the release of DA is reduced when normally pleasurable activities occur and opioids are not present. "
DA= Dopamine
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2851054/
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Anonymous #1
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Re: My Story [Re: R3ppy]
#28059637 - 11/19/22 07:59 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I'm in a very similar situation. I feel for you.
Quote:
succubusonshrooms said: straighten up or you're going to lose her.
Yeah, R3ppy, alls you gotta do is straighten up! Hop to it, I know that this advice will change my life
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delos4life
Human



Registered: 11/20/22
Posts: 131
Loc: Somewhere over the rainbow
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Well if you really feel like this mate, here is a webpage you may find helpful:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/988
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Kryptos
Stranger

Registered: 11/01/14
Posts: 12,258
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
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Have you tried saying this to your fiance, OP? That way it's a problem you can both work towards fixing, instead of you working alone and generating confusion.
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