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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: Roflspammer]
#28059200 - 11/18/22 09:57 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Roflspammer said: Play stupid games, get stupid prizes.
Being inlove is stupid now?
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  "Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And don’t leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: it’s all one. It’s one energy." -Ram Dass
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BikerB
Shucket Bitter


Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: r3volution.gurl]
#28059576 - 11/19/22 07:13 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
r3volution.gurl said:

Yes all men are the exact same right.
You're the one that catagorised all men as the same while I pointed out that some men would introduce them to a side chick.
You do seem to struggle with comprehension at times, so right back at you.
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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: BikerB]
#28059595 - 11/19/22 07:25 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
BikerB said:
Quote:
r3volution.gurl said:

Yes all men are the exact same right.
You're the one that catagorised all men as the same while I pointed out that some men would introduce them to a side chick.
You do seem to struggle with comprehension at times, so right back at you.
It was a thought of mine, not a claim or categorization. I forgot to put "some" infront of men. Holy shit.
You guys are assholes.
Doesn't matter what forum.
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  "Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And don’t leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: it’s all one. It’s one energy." -Ram Dass
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CreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: r3volution.gurl] 2
#28059662 - 11/19/22 08:19 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Well rev, I'm sorry to see the dogpiling and unfair attacks against you in this thread. I don't want to assume things, and I usually don't infer maliciousness, but I'm sure that sexism has something to do with it.
There are plenty of posters here that talk about having loads of sexual partners, and they are congratulated about it in most cases. If they are criticized, it is not brought into unrelated threads to attack their character. But in your case, just because you have talked about open relationships in the past, people are trying to use that as some kind of discredit to you. It's just the demonization of female sexuality. How many of the people who are criticizing you are monogamous themselves? They seem to think having sexual experience is good so long as you are male.
And I see a lot of people in this thread who do make good points, but others are twisting reasonable arguments and stretching facts to be as insulting as possible. And I can't help but feel there's a sexist underpinning of this. I'm not usually one to imply some kind of systemic issue behind things, but it seems obvious here. Posts from guys talking about dating partners with strange situations - divorced, with kids, etc - are not met with this kind of character attacks. I don't know 100% that sexism is involved, and I can't know others' intentions, but it looks like a double standard to me. Where are the male shroomery members being criticized for having multiple partners? Does that even happen?
That's not to say there hasn't been some good measured advice in this thread, because there has been.
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BikerB
Shucket Bitter


Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: r3volution.gurl]
#28059667 - 11/19/22 08:23 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
r3volution.gurl said: You guys are assholes.
Doesn't matter what forum.
Now that's the pot calling the kettle black.
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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: CreonAntigone]
#28059736 - 11/19/22 09:11 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks CreonAntigone
I agree, both with the unfairness(myself in general related to sexuality) and the useful advice provided in this thread as well.
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  "Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And don’t leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: it’s all one. It’s one energy." -Ram Dass
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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: BikerB]
#28059738 - 11/19/22 09:12 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
BikerB said:
Quote:
r3volution.gurl said: You guys are assholes.
Doesn't matter what forum.
Now that's the pot calling the kettle black.
How so?
When have I been an asshole to anyone that wasn't already to me.
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  "Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And don’t leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: it’s all one. It’s one energy." -Ram Dass
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Patchouli_Savage


Registered: 12/26/13
Posts: 712
Loc: Somewhere between here an...
Last seen: 7 hours, 25 minutes
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: BikerB] 2
#28059776 - 11/19/22 09:41 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Hello R3v,
I'm not going to quote everything because I always screw up the formatting, but I think it's a red flag too that you think he might be clinging to the marriage because he wants another child and he knows that his ex-wife will give him that if someone else doesn't. I think it shows that he sees women (or perhaps all people) as means to an end, so please be sure to protect yourself if you continue to be involved with this guy.
I think examining these questions might help you decide how much of yourself you want to pour into this relationship:
Do you want to have kids with him in the near future, or at all?
Do you see the relationship working out if you don't have kids together?
I think it's really good that your finances and living situation are separate from him, and would encourage you to keep it that way. If you can, please set up a bank account that he doesn't know about and throw some money into it in case of emergency.
There is nothing wrong with being in love, but in new relationships it is so easy to downplay or ignore serious red flags. From an outside perspective, I would consider this guy's red flags to be serious, and that is why I'm bringing them up; not to criticize but to try to reel you back in a little. If he lacks accountability and personal responsibility, and seems to treat people like means to an end, then any problem that arises in this relationship will always be someone else's fault (most likely yours) and if you don't give him what he wants when he wants it, who is to say he won't string you along just enough to keep you as backup (like what he seems to be doing with his wife) while he searches for someone else to fill whatever void he feels you don't fill?
It sounds like you've got a boundary set as far as when he needs to file for this divorce and that's good. Have you informed him of this boundary yet? I think his response will be telling. When it comes to the deadline you have set, I hope you remain firm and pay attention to whether he meets your deadline without issue or if he doesn't meet the deadline and then gives you a bunch of excuses as to why he COULDN'T meet your deadline.
Some people have encouraged some time alone after a long term relationship. That is good advice and I am a firm believer in this myself. I'm coming to the end of a year of voluntary celibacy and honestly it has been a game changer in my life, how I relate to myself, and how I plan to date when I do decide to start dating again. If you ever have questions about my experience with it, my PMs are open but I don't want to make this thread about me.
Also, I agree with Creon on how other people are treating you in this thread and am happy she has come in and shared her observations - these people need to keep that shit in OTD or RR instead of S&R. Thank you Creon.
-------------------- "You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust. What do you have to be scared of?"
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BikerB
Shucket Bitter


Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: Patchouli_Savage] 2
#28059797 - 11/19/22 09:54 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Excellent advice
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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: Patchouli_Savage]
#28059930 - 11/19/22 11:37 AM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I am not sure if the second child with his wife is really an option anymore. He mentioned to me recently in related conversation that he can't and doesn't see her sexually at all which would explain why he is sort of giving me talks about me being a mom. I explained to him I don't want kids, also I am fairly certain I can't conceive anyways. I will get that checked out for sure next month.
He is a narcissist, however he has fulfilled every promise he has made so far.
From what I understand in regards to what went wrong in their marriage was that she never trusted him and was always invading his privacy. He is extremely flirty like myself and we are pretty similar in that regard in respecting privacy and being more open about sexuality.
I honestly can't say if me not wanting a child if I can conceive would be a dealbreaker for him and I agree this will probably be an issue in the future, but as of right now I'm not too worried about it as he is still married and he genuinely makes me happy.
I had planned to be single once I moved out of my exes. This kinda just happened(randomly overlapped) and it's something I don't want to turn away from just because I just got out of a long term relationship.
Thanks for your advice Patchouli, much appreciated.
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  "Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And don’t leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: it’s all one. It’s one energy." -Ram Dass
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seldom seen
April Fool



Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 1,032
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: r3volution.gurl] 1
#28060050 - 11/19/22 12:44 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Praise jewstress
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Patchouli_Savage


Registered: 12/26/13
Posts: 712
Loc: Somewhere between here an...
Last seen: 7 hours, 25 minutes
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: BikerB] 1
#28060097 - 11/19/22 01:11 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah I was thinking he sounds like a narcissist but I try not to just throw that term around and accuse everybody who sounds like a bit of an asshole of being a narcissist. The thing about narcissists is they're so perfect in the beginning. They're also never at fault for the breakdown of their previous relationships, but don't worry, we (as in their new partners) are always SO much different and better than their exes were.
Enjoy the ride R3v, just make sure you are making yourself the priority here and maintaining your independence, boundaries, and freedoms.
-------------------- "You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust. What do you have to be scared of?"
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Markamello
Stranger


Registered: 04/13/20
Posts: 238
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: r3volution.gurl]
#28060109 - 11/19/22 01:29 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
r3volution.gurl said: I met his kid for the first time two days ago. He brought him to my place for a bit.
I think it's fair to say men don't introduce their kids to side chicks.
I'm not convinced that he has left his wife completely. How old is the child? Can the child comprehend the concept of a side chick? Although this gives the impression of him being honest, it doesnt. I had a friend who would take his kid to a bar and refer to the bar as the park to his young child. When they went home and the mother spoke to the child, the child would say they went to the park.
having Have you met his wife? For me, this would be the only way to judge if the situation/relationship is genuine.
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Roflspammer
Strangest



Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 1,901
Loc: New Hampshire
Last seen: 10 hours, 35 minutes
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: Markamello]
#28060148 - 11/19/22 01:58 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Rev the reason we give advice is because you ask for it, and based on seeing many stories like this, the outcome of your decisions are statistically predictable. Of course, statistics are never 100%. You could be the 1%. But why waste time betting on being the 1%? You are as free as you'll ever be, and I extend my hope that you don't waste your precious life on a loser.
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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: Markamello]
#28060184 - 11/19/22 02:19 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Markamello said:
Quote:
r3volution.gurl said: I met his kid for the first time two days ago. He brought him to my place for a bit.
I think it's fair to say men don't introduce their kids to side chicks.
I'm not convinced that he has left his wife completely. How old is the child? Can the child comprehend the concept of a side chick? Although this gives the impression of him being honest, it doesnt. I had a friend who would take his kid to a bar and refer to the bar as the park to his young child. When they went home and the mother spoke to the child, the child would say they went to the park.
having Have you met his wife? For me, this would be the only way to judge if the situation/relationship is genuine.
... he hasn't left his wife completely, they are still married.. so they are separated coparents.
Toddler. We weren't lovey dovey around his kid because that would be super disrespectful in my opinion.
I have not met his wife no. She knows I exist though. She heard us talking on the phone one time and thought I was his ex girlfriend.
@rolfspammer
I disagree it's 1% and he's not a loser, thanks for nothing.
--------------------
  "Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And don’t leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: it’s all one. It’s one energy." -Ram Dass
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BikerB
Shucket Bitter


Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: r3volution.gurl] 1
#28060195 - 11/19/22 02:33 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
r3volution.gurl said:
Toddler. We weren't lovey dovey around his kid because that would be super disrespectful in my opinion.
I have not met his wife no. She knows I exist though. She heard us talking on the phone one time and thought I was his ex girlfriend.
I agree that it's best to get the kid familiar with you without showing overt affection to each other at this point.
I hope the mom can be as mature and won't make it difficult for the kid or you.
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Roflspammer
Strangest



Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 1,901
Loc: New Hampshire
Last seen: 10 hours, 35 minutes
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: BikerB] 1
#28060201 - 11/19/22 02:35 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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I said you are as free as you will ever be (make your own choices) and I hope you don't waste your life on a loser (not that he is a loser). I'm extending you love.
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BikerB
Shucket Bitter


Registered: 12/14/10
Posts: 625
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: Roflspammer] 2
#28060257 - 11/19/22 03:14 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Roflspammer said: I'm extending you love.
That's my euphemism for an erection...
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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: BikerB] 1
#28060262 - 11/19/22 03:17 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Roflspammer said: I said you are as free as you will ever be (make your own choices) and I hope you don't waste your life on a loser (not that he is a loser). I'm extending you love.
My mistake, thank you
Quote:
BikerB said:
Quote:
r3volution.gurl said:
Toddler. We weren't lovey dovey around his kid because that would be super disrespectful in my opinion.
I have not met his wife no. She knows I exist though. She heard us talking on the phone one time and thought I was his ex girlfriend.
I agree that it's best to get the kid familiar with you without showing overt affection to each other at this point.
I hope the mom can be as mature and won't make it difficult for the kid or you.
Me too.
--------------------
  "Souls love. That’s what souls do. Egos don’t, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and you’ll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And don’t leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: it’s all one. It’s one energy." -Ram Dass
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Markamello
Stranger


Registered: 04/13/20
Posts: 238
Last seen: 5 hours, 9 minutes
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Re: When is the right time for my boyfriend to divorce his already separated wife? [Re: r3volution.gurl] 1
#28060856 - 11/19/22 10:12 PM (1 year, 2 months ago) |
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... he hasn't left his wife completely, they are still married.. so they are separated coparents.
Toddler. We weren't lovey dovey around his kid because that would be super disrespectful in my opinion.
I have not met his wife no. She knows I exist though. She heard us talking on the phone one time and thought I was his ex girlfriend.
@rolfspammer
I disagree it's 1% and he's not a loser, thanks for nothing.
So to be clear, he hasn't actually broken things off wih his wife? To be seperated would be, to be no longer romantically involved in any way. The divorce part is purely the legal side of things. Raises a lot of questions.
Does his wife think they are together? Does she wear a wedding ring? Does he wear a wedding ring? Why did he not correct her when she thought you were an ex?
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