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InvisibleLara
Lost Wolverine
Registered: 08/24/22
Posts: 40
letting go - trusting life
    #28006452 - 10/19/22 01:06 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Hi,

I'm going through an identity/mid-life crisis, and one of the things that popped up in therapy was my lack of trust. I need to ruminate about everything, and calculate every possibility, and it usually goes out of control (negative thought patterns), and I just can't let go.
Since my early years, I needed to build defence mechanisms, that served me well also in adulthood, and which helped me to feel in control. I thrived in life based on willpower and effort. I wasn’t always in control, obviously, but my work and way of thinking made me feel like I was.
My usual "controlling" self doesn't seem to work well now that my life has taken a turn and I also face a professional crisis, and my therapist suggested that I should begin trusting life more. Trusting life, myself, the process I am in. Session ended and we couldn't get farther into it, and although I guess it will be a matter to work on later, I’d like to start reflecting on it.
But I don’t know where to start, how to build that trust. I can’t just switch off ruminations, or “decide” I’m going to change. So I’d like to ask other people if they’ve found themselves in the same situation, and how they changed their behaviours or approach to life, or also know if there’s anybody that finds it easy to just let go and how they do it.


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OfflineBuster_Brown
L'une
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Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
Re: letting go - trusting life [Re: Lara]
    #28006562 - 10/19/22 02:41 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Higher powers - supplication to the God's for support - you see it all around you but it doesn't mean much untill you need it - it's an option.


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OfflinePatchouli_Savage
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Registered: 12/26/13
Posts: 712
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Re: letting go - trusting life [Re: Buster_Brown] * 1
    #28006896 - 10/19/22 06:59 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

If I am worried about something, I ask myself if it's within my control. If it is not, I accept that I can't control it and assess how to cope with the situation.


--------------------
"You are a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust. What do you have to be scared of?"


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
Doctor
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Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 3,115
Loc: Earth
Re: letting go - trusting life [Re: Patchouli_Savage]
    #28006927 - 10/19/22 07:21 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

If you practice new age hippie bullshit without talking much about it, that seems to work for me. Burn some Palo Santo, find a good mantra (can be any English affirmation even), go on hour long walks, get plenty of natural fiber and drink lots of water, cut back on coffee and other stims, do your best to eat mostly home cooked meals, jerk off as close to daily as you can manage...

Sports, frisbee counts.


--------------------
If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,010
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 1 day, 5 hours
Re: letting go - trusting life [Re: Lara] * 1
    #28008035 - 10/20/22 03:49 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Lara said:

Since my early years, I needed to build defense mechanisms, that served me well also in adulthood, and which helped me to feel in control.




I relate that this strategy helped you survive, but ultimately it fuels suffering.  An obsession with feeling in control usually creates wild mood swings - where you feel very good when you feel in control but become quite disturbed when you feel out of control. Some folks call this condition "bipolar"

Trust is not simply about accepting the fact that people and life do not always align with our wishes.  Trust is about embracing that we are able to handle what arises.  Life is full of unexpected events. 

Ruminations are repetitive intrusive thoughts. It takes a lot of awareness and practice to not get sucked into the whirlpool.


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OfflineBuster_Brown
L'une
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Registered: 09/17/11
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Re: letting go - trusting life [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28008510 - 10/20/22 10:03 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

∆∆ Good stuff

I think the term "Let go, let God" can be overly simplistic because we have our affections; we like tidy rooms, a mowed lawn and a clean car and we're not going to let them go just because God has an affection for termites.


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