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Anonymous #1

Contemplating
    #28003504 - 10/17/22 05:49 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

My marriage was sexless for years. And the last 2 years we had an open marriage. But not happily. He told me go do what you got to do , and don't tell me about it.
After the divorce we started having sex, good sex. We got back together and he got sober and it stopped.
He is unable to have the same sex sober. And no longer tries and has now developed issues, like lasting 20 seconds-1 minute.
I think it is mental. He has not seen a doctor.
It has been 3 years... and I am beyond frustrated. He gets upset if I start to steer a conversation towards going back to being open.
He is an amazing person.
But I miss being in love, I miss orgasam's. I miss intimacy.
What do I do?


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Anonymous #2

Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28004053 - 10/18/22 12:05 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I would say you tell him this is important to you, offer to go to therapy with him and hopefully things improve. If they donโ€™t and you canโ€™t live like that then I guess you try for an amicable divorce.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28004217 - 10/18/22 06:20 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I took some time to think about this, and what I came to is about the same as when I started. Usually the first thing everyone says is to straight up just tell him what you just said. It's really quite hard to argue with that. But I'd caution to treat lightly. His feelings need to be important. Consider that going sober is learning to live a new life. I'd say he's depressed because he's not drinking, or he needs a hobby to replace the drinking. Or your relationship feels different. Maybe the divorce was traumatizing in one way or another. People also go through periods of activity and inactivity.. Does he jerk off often watching porn?

I think what you need most is some measured honesty but you need to build on your relationship. Did you just end up going back "through the motions" of the relationship when you got back together? Or did something fundamentally change? I feel like I'd be on the nose guessing that you didn't suddenly go out of your way to find new common interests and activities, spending time together in refreshing ways. Reinvigorate the relationship.

If you did then he has stuff to work on, but that's purely if your relationship is perfect. How often do you act real slutty for him? Do you tease eachother still and flirt? Ever just been like "We should get some Molly and I'll choke on your cock for 6 hours?" Ever considered just buying viagra and leaving it around until he can't resist the temptation and fucks you silly?

See the thing about long term, commited relationships is, as we all know, we're supposed to better eachother. Not just comfort but guidance, compassion. If you love him, then stop taking him so seriously and break him out of his shell in a way only a wife can. Make his dick hard until he has to do something with it


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Anonymous #1

Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28004430 - 10/18/22 09:31 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Our external circumstances have changed. We are raising our grandchildren. We have had both for almost 3 years, one since birth the other 1 1/2 years old.
He has expressed to me frustration, like he will say I have never been able to make you orgasm, which is not true. But he also wont do what I like.
For example the last time we had sex, he was kissing me and nothing else. He rushes straight to intercourse, kissing and then putting me on top of him. For me... I am not even aroused.. I stopped him and said you haven't even touched me.. so he started to rub my arm.. My arm!!
I stopped completely.
I dont get any foreplay and if I do he does what he wants, not what I say I like. And it is fast, foreplay is like 2-3 minutes. He will let me give him head forever or touch him forever... but not the other way around. And now.. I dont want to.
We 100% went right back in.
In fact when I moved back in we were not together. I moved in with the kids because he got the house in the divorce and it was bigger than my house.
He has viagra and doesnt take it. He bought some numbing stuff, doesn't use it. I will tell him to use it. He says he forgot.
I told him to have sex with someone else and he got mad.
I have told him that the only reason we are back together is because we were having sex. But it stopped... and when we do it is awful.
And what upsets me is he always orgasams and I have no opportunity to at all.
We did shrooms in an attempt....
In my opinion he doesnt enjoy it, it is a conquest... just trying to get himself off fast and he is done.
When drunk he is not like that at all. It was good.
I dont know what to do.
Obviously he is capable because he did.. but now he doesn't.
Other then this we get along great.
But this is big enough for me to leave.We literally don't even touch. We sleep in the same bed and there is no touching, we never kiss, hug, nothing.. nothing at all.
It is killing me


Edited by Anonymous (12/21/22 03:30 PM)


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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28004874 - 10/18/22 03:08 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Sounds miserable.  But you make choices and you can chose at this very moment to make ones that isn't dumb drama.

Dealing with two woman who I am both fucking and both know each other and were OK with that for awhile and now it is, choose. 

We all go through our drama but it always comes back to oneself and what one creates and chooses in life.  Thank God I don't have any kids.  Then I would choose.  Never had protected sex, birth control to get off topic from the O.P. and his dilemma. 

Point is I choose though with my prophetic insights, she will leave me in time.  But it is not about sex, though it is great, the love and if one has experienced in life her love in when one knows they have given you their heart really one senses it, maybe a chakra thing, just it is great to feel her love and her adventurous type of being in life.  So I choose her.

Best in your love life O.P.  Women know their power and most misuse it.  I accept a monogamous relationship.  God her love and the sex is great as well but just sex for pleasure to me is like been there done that like vacations and different cities, it gets boring.

My unasked for advice.  Limit the drama.  You will be a lot more happier person and open relationships never have turned out well and is such stupid words to use.  I have yet to hear from anyone that as the relationships go on it keeps turning out great.

When it is deep rooted energetically in ones heart, literally, that level of connection and love, is quite amazing to me. 

You will figure out life and women your own way O.P.  Just found one over time that amazes me.  And she is really drawing the lines now.  Is amusing.  I love here but I have this gift and I know she will leave me in time. 

I am OK in life never having a child as the earth is overpopulated anyway.  But my comfort zone.  And no she hasn't asked for anything but just her and I.  Am fine with it.  You have your own decisions to make but believe me if you let the one that got away, as the saying goes, you will have regret.  I do, but she isn't bad.  But is temporary though she doesn't know it yet.  DMT, tap into time, she will leave me but I won't tell her that.  Her love now is the deepest love I have felt in my life.  I will be OK when that time comes.

:beer::chillpill:


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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Barnaby]
    #28005507 - 10/18/22 08:48 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Thank you
Theres no drama. There was none when we were open. We didnโ€™t discuss it.
There was drama before because he cheated. A lot
Im uncertain what ill do. I donโ€™t know


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28005528 - 10/18/22 09:02 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Really interesting story and situation. Its almost like alcohol makes him romantic. How bizarre. I would find a different guy ASAP. You two are not compatible sex-wise, in the lomg-term.


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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Contemplating [Re: loladoreen]
    #28005753 - 10/19/22 02:29 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I thought it was an open relationship.  Yet you meant it as being honest with each other?  A bit confused.  Big difference of course.  On with life.

And yes the people of the shroomery hate people that drink and have the stereotypical figure of alcoholic, cheating, wife beating, piece of shit which makes me laugh. 

Best in life.  Seriously.  I have no unasked for advice.:beer:  But God does this Heineken taste good!

As is life.  Coming out of a down period but it passes.  Then those that really love one come out of the woodwork and make one feel loved basically for what IME I took for granted.  Find your balance.  Mine got out of whack for a bit but, "by no fault of mine.". 

Life always gets better.  Their is some unasked for advice.


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Offlinesmguffer
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Barnaby]
    #28005963 - 10/19/22 07:41 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Pure speculation here... but if he has no desire to be intimate or get you in the mood.. he's probably not in love with you any more.

That's not to say he doesn't love you.. or deeply care about you. He might have fallen out of love.

Maybe he doesn't want you, but also doesn't want someone else to have you. Maybe he doesn't want to be alone.

I'd definitely sit down and brainstorm together. Consider role playing? Maybe make a rule no sex file first 5 minutes. Foreplay only.

Hope something here helps.. some idea.


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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Contemplating [Re: smguffer]
    #28006061 - 10/19/22 08:47 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

One can always turn to this years S.I. SUPERMODEL magazine and on-line.  But seriously was crazy when a friend of mine said, and she isn't a prostitute or anything like that, read the novel notice, but just said my hand or dick doesn't matter. 

Meaning using her hand or penis to have sexual pleasure.  And I was like, I am good.  IMO it does feel better to pull out and finish oneself then the full orgasm in the holy of holies.  But that is just me.

O.P. is going through way to much drama.  Make ones bounderies, what one wants and believe me there are endless people that will with one if that is what one wants but I am not one of those, or just not have a relationship or sexual interactions with people.  Not complicated.

It does hurt though and that is when it gets complicated, when in love and energetically feeling that gone I get it, been through it and will again.  Thank God I had a lot of marijuana last time I went through it but levels of love.  Nothing hurts like the first love and breakup but is part of life.  On with it.  Billy Joel, doesn't matter, you wake up with yourself.  The people I have met in life and so many women always need a man to be with.  I am kind of the opposite.  I have found that solitude is ones best company.  Love that line from Walden. 

Best of both worlds.


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Offlinepslyke
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28013741 - 10/24/22 08:20 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Alcohol and opiates delay orgasm for most people. Stopping either after substantial addiction can result in rebound effects where orgasm occurs prematurely--especially in men. He probably feels shameful because he is unable to fuck you the way you want to be fucked-- or the way he used to do you when he was drunk.

Somehow woman are able to get women off in the absence of a dick. If his dick is betraying him right now you are only limited by your shared imaginations as far as what the two of you can do to make sexy-time more satisfying for you. Why does sex need to be him penetrating you and him cumming too quickly?


--------------------
"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein

"The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante


:kratom:


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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Contemplating [Re: pslyke]
    #28013783 - 10/24/22 09:19 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

"Somehow woman are able to get women off in the absence of a dick."

Were you born in the 50's?  Not trolling but I think the majority of people understand that point.  Opiods.  Really no one can do much of anything, let alone sex if one gets a heavy addiction and usage to it.  Just sayin.

Go to the other thread of sex is horrible and repulsive and their are lesbians and bi-sexual people in the world.  The worst experience one can have in life is sex and is repulsive and cut off your clit or balls.  Take up heroin and fent and oxy are the answer to all life and its woes and the uglyness of it and people.

FREEDOM!


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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Barnaby]
    #28013901 - 10/24/22 11:20 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

It doesn't need to be. That is all him. I continue to show him, tell him and guide him in me not needing his dick. HE is the one that insists.
Not me


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Invisibleloladoreen
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Re: Contemplating [Re: smguffer]
    #28013906 - 10/24/22 11:23 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I have been thinking this lately also. I had some good conversations with im this weekend. He said he feel that he is disapointing me. But... it really feels more like he doesn't try. Like if he cant pound me then he wants no sex at all.. as opposed to many degrees and varities to orgasam.


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Offlinepslyke
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Barnaby]
    #28013910 - 10/24/22 11:25 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Huh?

I think you have entirely misread or misinterpreted the spirit of my post. I find nothing even remotely repulsive about bi or gay sex.

I was merely suggesting that there are possible explanations to account for OP's challenges and that if premature ejaculation continues to be an issue there are many ways to work around that if there is a desire to do so.

And just to be clear, I was being facetious when I said "Somehow woman are able to get women off in the absence of a dick." I thought that would be obvious...


--------------------
"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein

"The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante


:kratom:


Edited by pslyke (10/24/22 11:31 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Contemplating [Re: pslyke]
    #28014052 - 10/24/22 12:53 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I am sorry. I probably misunderstood.


Edited by Anonymous (12/21/22 03:34 PM)


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InvisibleBarnaby
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28021239 - 10/28/22 11:58 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Glad he or she or whatever they identify themselves as, the contemplation is over.  He/she hung themselves.


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Re: Contemplating [Re: Barnaby]
    #28022354 - 10/29/22 03:51 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Barnaby said:
"Somehow woman are able to get women off in the absence of a dick."

Were you born in the 50's?  Not trolling but I think the majority of people understand that point.  Opiods.  Really no one can do much of anything, let alone sex if one gets a heavy addiction and usage to it.




Hes got a mouth and tongue and fingers and a credit card to buy a dildo and a yard that needs a teenager to mow the if you know what I mean.


--------------------
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โ€œif I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to herโ€


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Anonymous #1

Re: Contemplating [Re: koods]
    #28022945 - 10/29/22 02:43 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Hence my frustration...I do not understand why my satisfaction is not important to him. He just gave up.
I feel like his physical issues with premature ejac and keeping it up killed his desire and ego.
But not enough to go to the doctor. I suggested he have sex with someone else to boost his confidence. He said no


Edited by Anonymous (12/21/22 03:34 PM)


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OfflinePsatellite
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Re: Contemplating [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #28022958 - 10/29/22 02:49 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Yeah. Drugs can make you impotent, pre-ejaculating. especially stimulants. Viagra, Cialis and even store-bought Ed pills works for me.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Rule number one in a relationship is always to take care of your partners, sexually. Until you get old and gray. I really hope y'all can find a way to work through it, but if not, there's plenty of fish in the sea!

Good luck


Edited by Psatellite (10/29/22 02:49 PM)


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