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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28085753 - 12/06/22 08:25 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

transactional seems like a very black-and-white way of looking at things

I paid for dinner = you owe me sex.

it's weird

feel like its more about a deep appreciation and affection for each other, and the natural benefits that come from it just are and don't feel transactional


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Invisibledelos4life
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Registered: 11/20/22
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: thelanzii] * 1
    #28086971 - 12/07/22 05:56 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Just the word transactional will make many uncomfortable! It’s ironic, on a forum where majority would be open for new insights on the human consciousness and to expand the conversation? Very strange way of viewing a relationship as non-transactional! Everything in the world is based on inputs/outputs.


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: delos4life] * 2
    #28087034 - 12/07/22 07:36 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

delos4life said:
Just the word transactional will make many uncomfortable! It’s ironic, on a forum where majority would be open for new insights on the human consciousness and to expand the conversation? Very strange way of viewing a relationship as non-transactional! Everything in the world is based on inputs/outputs.




I perceive this as a pretty righteous statement for a drug forum. Some people view transactional as having a connotation of business; love for some is not "business." Business for some is an act of love. Depends on how you define "transactional."

I think the logical conclusion came to in this thread is that:
For some, relationships are transactional. For others, relationships are not transactional. If you view relationships as transactional, then your relationships are transactional. Don't be trying to impose your belief systems on others; makes you sound like a fundamentalist or some sort of dogmatic preachy types.

For me, there are many aspects of relationships which don't give me anything directly. It's through manifestation and amalgamation of multiple smaller details that the concatenation of a relationship can provide some non-trivial level of value for me. I would say relationships are emergent, not transactional. There are multiple little "transactions" (i.e. unbalanced interactions of value) which are ultimately balanced as a relationship. Intimate relationships have a unique feature of including the intention of romantic love within each of these interactions. This emerges as an intimate romantic relationship. Much of these "exchanges of value" don't have extrinsic value to others i.e. others cannot get the same value in your relationship that you do from the same actions. This is why I find the transactional definition of relationships to fall short. There's something out of a relationship we get that the other person doesn't provide intrinsically. The satisfaction of seeing my friend smile is not something that my friend is giving me; it is emerging out of the transient actions I am taking.


Edited by Roflspammer (12/07/22 07:52 AM)


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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: delos4life] * 1
    #28087101 - 12/07/22 08:42 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

relationships can be transactional

but im not the kind of person to keep tabs on the one I love

i want to love for the sake of love, not love for the sake of an expected output or debt to me


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Invisibledelos4life
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: Roflspammer]
    #28087120 - 12/07/22 09:07 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Again all forms of daily interactions regardless is transactional. Not trying to impose any belief system. From your response you seem bothered? If my input in this thread is not valid to your personal belief, that’s ok.


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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: delos4life]
    #28087154 - 12/07/22 09:50 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

im not bothered

zooming out were arguing/discussing semantics

transactional's primary definition relates to business and I don't want a relationship to feel like a business transaction

your loose definition of transactional to me relates to the interconnectivity of all

were transacting with earth because were alive on it, I feel like it could be better said but who cares

the definition of transactional love on google is primarily around money or literally prostitution

what is there to gain in a loving relationship by tracking inputs and outputs?


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Invisibledelos4life
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: thelanzii] * 1
    #28087158 - 12/07/22 09:58 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Yes, my view of it is very loose compared to the dictionary. No worries I totally understand and respect ✊, accept your belief, that’s the only way to make the world go round.


Edited by delos4life (12/07/22 09:59 AM)


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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: delos4life]
    #28087164 - 12/07/22 10:06 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

im curious of your thoughts on the last line in my former poster


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Invisibledelos4life
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: delos4life]
    #28087168 - 12/07/22 10:11 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

I guess that would be up to the individual?


Edited by delos4life (12/07/22 10:14 AM)


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Anonymous #3

Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: thelanzii] * 1
    #28087292 - 12/07/22 11:57 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

thelanzii said:
what is there to gain in a loving relationship by tracking inputs and outputs?



How do you gain a loving relationship without having some form of acknowledgement for what they do for you? Looking up the definition for "interaction" one finds "reciprocal action or influence." Reciprocal: "given, felt, or done in return." Also "of an agreement(or obligation) bearing on or binding each of two parties equally.

If you want to argue definitions then relationships are linguistically transactional. But what exactly is a relationship if she doesn't recognize you do things for her and reciprocates or at least appreciates what you do? Does unconditional love have any conditions? Does your wife care if you don't take out the trash when she's asked you ten times? What are your odds of her doing nice things for you if you never do anything for her? What do most relationship problems revolve around? Would I make this post if I didn't at least expect you to read it or get some understanding from it?


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Invisibledelos4life
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28087331 - 12/07/22 12:37 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Anonymous #3

Agree.


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Invisiblethelanzii

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 5,434
Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: Anonymous #3] * 1
    #28087348 - 12/07/22 12:51 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

I agree with a lot of what you said

the thought that pops in my head is it feels odd looking at a relationship like what do I get from this person? what material possessions do they have? 

feels like there should be connection on a deeper level than that but I guess you could say a deeper level connection is  transactional as well


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: thelanzii]
    #28087522 - 12/07/22 03:46 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Sometimes I feel that sex is transactional.

I feel like I'm using someone's body for pleasure.

And that they are using my body for pleasure.


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Invisiblehummingbird

Registered: 06/29/14
Posts: 2,134
Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28087852 - 12/07/22 06:59 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

At the most basic level, it's an exchange of energy...which is a transaction. Lots of things can be attached to that after the fact and described from different points of view.

Even without sex involved though, all interactions between people can be viewed as a transaction of sorts. There doesn't need to be anything material exchanged.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Are relationships “transactional”? [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #28088096 - 12/07/22 11:55 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Sometimes I feel that sex is transactional.

I feel like I'm using someone's body for pleasure.

And that they are using my body for pleasure.




Definitely. And sometimes one person gets more "transactions" out of it, leaving the other person "neglected" in a way. In that case, a debt is owed in the form of pleasure :strokebeard:


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