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Offlineacrobaticelk
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How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post
    #27990770 - 10/09/22 06:57 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

A lot of this relates to my childhood, sorry for the long post.

I was circumcised as a baby, and this has caused me problems my entire life. My dad was not circumcised for some reason and this made me feel weirder. I have spent a lot of my life disguised with myself and thinking there was something wrong with me until I was probably 14 until eventually I brushed it off and assumed everyone had these thoughts. I have never had a relationship despite having girls hit on me and have always been very sexually repressed. I even learned the other day that my dad asked my sister if I was gay lol. I am not.

About two years ago I learned that I was circumcised and what that meant and I freaked the fuck out. Started having emotional outbursts and cutting myself and I now have a bunch of hideous scars so there's that issue as well. One night about a year ago I was feeling really shitty about this stuff so I took a hit of acid and I'm pretty sure fucked with my head even more.

I did some reflection recently and I think I would like to have a romantic relationship but it just seems so pointless. The advice I am looking for is how I can stop hating myself.
Thanks.


edit: acrobaticelk123 is me


Edited by acrobaticelk (10/30/22 09:02 PM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk] * 3
    #27991305 - 10/10/22 03:53 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I would seek professional therapy. Maybe start reading some self-help books. Sounds like u have some deeply-rooted issues that extend to childhood.

Its gonna take a lot of inner work to fix.


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OfflineIma TrooperS
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 3
    #27991374 - 10/10/22 05:50 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

+1 on professional therapy. People who have never been think it's like some super clinical, scary thing, but in reality it's like talking stuff out with a friend, one who is highly knowledgeable about how the mind works and has spent years learning how to help people.

I'm circumcised and it's fine. Personally I think it looks better than uncircumcised, but that's just me.

OP, you REALLY need to talk with a therapist who can help you, or you might just keep self-sabotaging yourself because of your self-hate.


--------------------
"Its moving of its own accord...and I like that in a shirt!" - Me, tripping.

deCypher said:
Schizophrenia beats dining alone, you know.


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Anonymous #1

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk] * 3
    #27991482 - 10/10/22 07:53 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Seems to me like you're taking out something deeper on this one thing. Being circumcised is such a normal thing so this reaction is really out of left field don't you think? You're lonely and want a reason for it, because it's something out of your control you place all the weight on circumcision so you don't have to think about the things you are in control of. If you think about that then you have to admit it's your fault you feel alone. Professional Therapy could be a godsend, it could also reinforce negative patterns. Not everyone needs someone to cry to, in fact it makes some people worse because there's always something else to blame. By all means try if you need to but I just think you need to tell yourself to shut up more often.


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Offlineacrobaticelk
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #27992244 - 10/10/22 03:31 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

You're right that my reaction is out of left field. I have this strange obsession but I've been trying to make myself stop thinking about it constantly. I haven't been able to make myself shut up about it for more than a few hours. It hasn't occurred to me that I'm trying to blame my problems on something I am not in control of, that's an interesting idea. I don't know about that though, since the fact I am not in control of being circumcised is what bothers me the most about it.


Edited by acrobaticelk (10/30/22 08:59 PM)


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InvisibleBeeZee
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #27993002 - 10/10/22 11:12 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

There are lots of things in life you can't have full control of, you will have to learn to deal with things that there isn't control over and make yourself find a better way to deal


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: BeeZee] * 1
    #27993577 - 10/11/22 11:23 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I agree with the others about seeing a counselor. If you've been hating yourself and hurting yourself for this long, then something else is going on. That stuff can be really sneaky and hide in the background until your compensation mechanisms start to get overwhelmed. It might be useful to have somebody help you sort through it all, and a psychologist will probably be able to get you pointed in the right direction in a safer and more productive way than a forum can. It's better to get ahead of this kind of thing. You can explore you're own mind as much as you want, but I'd advise you to quit fucking around and schedule an appointment with somebody now. It can take a while to get one scheduled, and it's better to have one setup if you need it. you can always cancel it if you don't.

It's probably a good idea to have a plan for how you're going to ask for help if you start to lose control and feel the drive to hurt yourself. It sucks to end up in the psych ward when you don't have to, and having a plan ahead of time, just in case you'll need it, can help you maintain some control when the shit hits the fan. Sometimes this stuff is connected to repressed early life trauma, and you want to make sure you're ready to deal with that when you start unpacking it. Opening the flood gates can be overwhelming, and it can be damn near impossible to rationally think through that stuff in the moment. I'm not sure about what's going on with you, but having a fallback plan can give you something to rely on rather than self harm if you need a way out.

All that being said, it's alright not to have sex until you feel confident that it will work out well, and sexual anxiety and insecurity are pretty normal. Experiencing those kinds of feelings doesn't make you less of a man, and dealing with them productively will probably make you a better partner and lover in the future. If you're not feeling the love and attraction with somebody you trust and respect, then the only thing you're missing out on is bad sex and the shitty consequences that go with it.


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Anonymous #2

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #28001052 - 10/15/22 09:10 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:
it's alright not to have sex until you feel confident that it will work out well, and sexual anxiety and insecurity are pretty normal. Experiencing those kinds of feelings doesn't make you less of a man, and dealing with them productively will probably make you a better partner and lover in the future. If you're not feeling the love and attraction with somebody you trust and respect, then the only thing you're missing out on is bad sex and the shitty consequences that go with it.




Read this a couple times until it really sinks in, because this is some damn good advice!


You can also do skin stretches that aim to restore the foreskin. It’s long tedious work, but there are plenty of success stories that detail the techniques online.


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Offlineacrobaticelk
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #2] * 2
    #28003013 - 10/17/22 11:31 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Thanks for the advice, guys. I have been skeptical of therapy / psychiatry but I think I'm going to give it a shot as soon as I move out of my parents' house in the next month or two.


Edited by acrobaticelk (10/30/22 09:00 PM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #28003207 - 10/17/22 02:24 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Good thinking! It will definitely help you out with understanding your insecurities and issues.


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Offlinesmguffer
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #28006406 - 10/19/22 12:25 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Are you a Virgin?

Sex is only a "big massive overwhelming" deal to people who haven't had it

All vaginas feel essentially the same.. and while women enjoy a nice big fat pretty cock, it's about the least important factor to them when they consent to sex with you... even during the sex itself. 

The way you touch them.. kiss them... make them feel as a human while performing the act is what they care most about.

I have a buddy with a dick literally the size of most people's middle finger in length and girth .. and he has no problem with women.. at all


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Offlineacrobaticelk
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: smguffer]
    #28007790 - 10/20/22 12:14 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Yes, I'm a virgin. I'm not concerned about my dick size. I'm not so worried about being bad at sex, just that I will hate having it. I get way too wrapped up in my thoughts, I don't even like jerking off.


Edited by acrobaticelk (10/30/22 09:00 PM)


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OfflineFriend of the Fae
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk] * 1
    #28008505 - 10/20/22 09:59 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

I can't wait until the day circumcision is abolished in the U.S. unless for a valid medical reason. Until then, stories like yours will sadly be all too common and swept under the rug by society... nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way and the people saying just to get therapy don't seem to quite get what you're going through. I say all this as a straight woman who has only ever been with men. Most of those men were circumcised and had some level of sexual dysfunction with the exception of one guy. It's a bodily mutilation that seems to have a lot of unintended consequences on a man's sexual performance and mental state even.


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OfflineIma TrooperS
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Friend of the Fae]
    #28010482 - 10/22/22 10:03 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Friend of the Fae said:
I can't wait until the day circumcision is abolished in the U.S. unless for a valid medical reason. Until then, stories like yours will sadly be all too common and swept under the rug by society... nothing is wrong with you for feeling this way and the people saying just to get therapy don't seem to quite get what you're going through. I say all this as a straight woman who has only ever been with men. Most of those men were circumcised and had some level of sexual dysfunction with the exception of one guy. It's a bodily mutilation that seems to have a lot of unintended consequences on a man's sexual performance and mental state even.




I think you're wrong about it creating sexual disfunction and mental issues with sex, at least in a majority of men. Seriously, everyone I know is cut and they have zero issues. I think the exception is much rarer than what you think.


--------------------
"Its moving of its own accord...and I like that in a shirt!" - Me, tripping.

deCypher said:
Schizophrenia beats dining alone, you know.


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OfflinePsatellite
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: smguffer] * 1
    #28010502 - 10/22/22 10:41 AM (1 year, 3 months ago)

Quote:

smguffer said:
Are you a Virgin?

Sex is only a "big massive overwhelming" deal to people who haven't had it

All vaginas feel essentially the same.. and while women enjoy a nice big fat pretty cock, it's about the least important factor to them when they consent to sex with you... even during the sex itself. 

The way you touch them.. kiss them... make them feel as a human while performing the act is what they care most about.

I have a buddy with a dick literally the size of most people's middle finger in length and girth .. and he has no problem with women.. at all




I agree. We're all human, though. We're not meant to be monogamous. We cheat and it's uncontrollable. Animal urges. Asking a female to be faithful is unfair. It's just sex


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Offlineacrobaticelk
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Ima Trooper]
    #28010642 - 10/22/22 12:28 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

So what if everyone cut you know thinks they have zero issues? People convince themselves of crazy things. How would they even know what they are missing? (Assuming they were cut as children) I don't think everyone who has sexual problems due to circumcision is publicly vocal about it, or even knows the cause of their issues.


Edited by acrobaticelk (10/30/22 09:00 PM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #28010680 - 10/22/22 12:51 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

So there are a couple benefits to circumcision: https://medlineplus.gov/circumcision.html

Namely a slightly lower risk of HIV, STD's and slightly lower risk of getting UTIs. Plus its easier to clean, hence the UTI benefit. Its similar to wisdom teeth: some people dont need them and sometimes the wisdom teeth will cause issues. My ex-GF's son was uncut and kept getting infections in his youth and had to get a circumcision at like 12 (ouch!). So it really depends, sometimes it benefits the guy, other times its "neutral" and has little effect to have the circumcision.


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Offlineacrobaticelk
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #28010741 - 10/22/22 01:33 PM (1 year, 3 months ago)

The lowered risks of HIV and STD are lies based on what are probably faulty studies. They have failed to replicate those results in numerous other studies. It is interesting that the US has the highest rates of STD in the industrialized world. That doesn't show causation but clearly circumcision is not THAT effective at preventing STD. Did you read the link you sent me? The AAP doesn't even recommend it because they don't have strong enough evidence.

As for the lower risk of UTI, UTI very easily treated and rarely causes any long-term problems. It is like 8x more common in girls than boys, yet I don't see people advocating for female circumcision for some reason. The risk of dangerous complications from having body parts surgically removed is higher than risk of UTI. Thousands of boys die from complications of circumcision and many more are severely disfigured because of it.

I could spend hours arguing about this, I'm going to give you this for now: https://www.reddit.com/r/Intactivists/comments/186xlq/wrote_later_expanded_this_as_lengthy_response_to/

American doctors will try to retract the foreskin while it is still fused to the penis. This is the equivalent of detaching a fingernail from your nail bed. They will then prescribe circumcision for any issues this causes. Tell me if I am wrong but I am guessing that's what happened to you ex GF's son.

So it really depends, sometimes it benefits the guy, other times its "neutral" and has little effect to have the circumcision.
You forgot to mention the 99% of the time when it is harmful and unnecessary.


Edited by acrobaticelk (10/30/22 09:00 PM)


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OfflineDarwin23
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #28023767 - 10/29/22 10:22 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

I was born in 1992. I had a black and white TV as a kid and then got a color TV. I loved watching movies/shows and playing video games on that little TV. I can actually remember the first time I saw an HD TV at someone's party. They had a basketball game on and I was amazed at how much detail appeared on the presenters and the players. I could see the sweat on their faces! My TV at home just couldn't compare.

I try to use this analogy when talking about being circumcised. When you're circumcised, you will never know what that HD TV looks like, but it doesn't stop you from enjoying that old SD tube TV. Imagining sex with foreskin is like trying to imagine 4D shapes. You will never experience it and there is no reason to obsess about it. Denying yourself a relationship because you're circumcised is like never watching a TV because you don't have access to 4K. It's just absurd.


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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Darwin23]
    #28025013 - 10/30/22 06:35 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

foreskin restoration is an option


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Anonymous #3

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: wayworm]
    #28025076 - 10/30/22 06:51 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

It's almost like the people with foreskin want circumcised people to get therapy or surgery?? :rolleyes:


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Anonymous #3

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28025117 - 10/30/22 07:10 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

All the chicks I've been with tell me that the first time they seen an uncircumcised dick it freaked them out.

From my experience, women prefer circumcised over uncircumcised. They think it's prettier and cleaner. You don't want to be labeled a cheese dick.

I hope you get over any issues you have about being circumcised. It's the norm.


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Offlineacrobaticelk123
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28025193 - 10/30/22 07:59 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

I live on the west coast, where it is not the norm and I'm 20 years old. It's like 10% where I'm at based on what I've read. It's also decreasingly common all the time.

Besides I'm would never have cut my dick out of fear of some stupid whore calling me "cheese dick". That's a retarded protestant American thing.

Edit: I am OP, not sure why it shows this post as a different account.


Edited by acrobaticelk123 (10/30/22 08:02 PM)


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Anonymous #3

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk123]
    #28025196 - 10/30/22 08:05 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Quote:

acrobaticelk123 said:
I live on the west coast, where it is not the norm and I'm 20 years old. It's like 10% where I'm at based on what I've read. It's also decreasingly common all the time.

Besides I'm would never have cut my dick out of fear of some stupid whore calling me "cheese dick". That's a retarded protestant American thing.

Edit: I am OP, not sure why it shows this post as a different account.





I was just joking about the cheese dick comment. I really hope you figure things out. You're so young, your whole life's ahead of you. I'm sure a female is going to come along and straighten you out. Just let it happen it's the only advice I can give you.

Btw, cuts and scars Heal.. :heart:



uncheck the post anonymously box and it will show Who You Are


Edited by Anonymous (10/30/22 08:05 PM)


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OfflinePsatellite
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28025199 - 10/30/22 08:06 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Like this

I understand now, it's a British thing. Not sexual in nature. Don't let your culture control you. Or come to America where everybody's circumcised and chicks dig it.


Edited by Psatellite (10/30/22 08:14 PM)


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Offlineacrobaticelk123
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #28025218 - 10/30/22 08:22 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Thanks, anon. This gives me some hope.


Edited by acrobaticelk123 (10/30/22 08:24 PM)


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Offlineacrobaticelk123
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Psatellite]
    #28025219 - 10/30/22 08:23 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

No, I am American. I probably wasn't clear enough. I'm on the west coast of the US.


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Anonymous #3

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk123]
    #28025235 - 10/30/22 08:37 PM (1 year, 2 months ago)

You're welcome. I'm sure As you age it will get better.


Edited by Anonymous (10/30/22 08:37 PM)


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InvisibleMojo
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #3] * 2
    #28025545 - 10/31/22 02:35 AM (1 year, 2 months ago)

Hey OP,

It’s normal to feel a little upset about the discovery of your circumcision.  You are not alone.  I too was very distraught over the discovery of my own circumcision when I was a young man. 

Your autonomy was violated. You didn’t have a say, therefore none of this is your fault. Your parents were probably just doing what the doctor told them to do and thought they were acting in your best-interest.  It is an extremely common practice in the United States. So at the very least, if it is any consolation to you please know that women will not at all be surprised to see your cut penis. It’s normal.

I don’t really know how to talk to you about cutting yourself. I did it too when I was a teenager. Now I am 38yrs old, and to be honest with you. I regret it so damn much. Everyday I regret doing that to myself. You might have a long journey ahead of you before you find love for yourself. I would implore you to to be nice to your body until you get there. Our flesh has a very very long memory, and scars are can never be undone…


Edited by Mojo (10/31/22 02:38 AM)


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Anonymous #4

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Ima Trooper]
    #28072261 - 11/27/22 08:58 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Ima Trooper said:
I think you're wrong about it creating sexual disfunction and mental issues with sex, at least in a majority of men. Seriously, everyone I know is cut and they have zero issues. I think the exception is much rarer than what you think.




If you and everyone you knew were lobotomized, how would anyone know if it had a negative effect?

It's normalized in US, unnecessary, and when the media catches wind of female genitalia mutation stories in other countries (not much different than circumcision) everyone acts like it's barbaric, but not when it happens to males in the US...weird


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OfflineGlacia
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #28073312 - 11/28/22 04:19 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

acrobaticelk said:
You're right that my reaction is out of left field. I have this strange obsession but I've been trying to make myself stop thinking about it constantly. I haven't been able to make myself shut up about it for more than a few hours. It hasn't occurred to me that I'm trying to blame my problems on something I am not in control of, that's an interesting idea. I don't know about that though, since the fact I am not in control of being circumcised is what bothers me the most about it.




I'm not a guy but your reaction seems normal. It's okay to be upset over it, you can't control the past or other people - to a degree but you can control what you do.


Edited by Glacia (11/28/22 04:20 PM)


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OfflineIce9
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Glacia] * 3
    #28073990 - 11/29/22 04:54 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

@OP I hope you get the courage to go to therapy and to see a psychiatrist.  I hesitate to say this, but it seems like you may have some repressed issues that are manifesting on this manner. Regardless, how you are coping with the sexual guilt you have is very unhealthy.  At minimum therapy will let you explore these issues with an individual who has a qualified understanding of them.  You are reaching out here, so it seems like you want to be able to talk through this, that is best done with a professional.  Good luck.


--------------------
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -- George Brenard Shaw


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Ice9]
    #28077346 - 12/01/22 12:15 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

So well said Ice9 :justastonishing:


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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #28077387 - 12/01/22 01:17 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Is it possible the fear, shame, and self-hatred you're experiencing has nothing to do with being circumcised?

Quote:

acrobaticelk said:

I did some reflection recently and I think I would like to have a romantic relationship but it just seems so pointless.




Why would you conclude an intimate relationship is pointless?

That's some seriously dangerous territory.


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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #28078799 - 12/01/22 08:55 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Because I hate sex.


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Anonymous #4

Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #28079196 - 12/02/22 07:44 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Quote:

acrobaticelk said:
Because I hate sex.




Don't knock it till ya try it bud!
Maybe you aren't someone who's gonna be into sex, some people truly aren't for who knows what reason despite most people wanting it so badly.  I love sex but I don't have to have it and can quite happily go months without it.  When things aren't right in life, I don't seek it out but when things are good and I do have sex, I freakin love it

Also, just because you don't like masturbation you can't say you wouldn't like sex.  It's two totally different things

You really do need to get out of your head though.  Many problems with people today involve being stuck in their own heads. It's a horrible place to live no matter who you are

I believe you'll find your way :fistbump:


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Offlineacrobaticelk
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #28084081 - 12/04/22 10:23 PM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Don't knock it till ya try it bud!

Fair enough, I'm working on it. I got a better job, changed my diet and started working out in the time since I made this post. I'm also trying to make some friends. Hopefully I will stop being such a self-pitying bitch over time.

You really do need to get out of your head though.

This is a good point and very true. It's also kind of why I made this post. I don't know how to get out of my head.
I feel like no matter how much work I do on myself, the sexual aspect of my lift will be fucked up. It's very demotivating.


Edited by acrobaticelk (12/04/22 10:23 PM)


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InvisibleRaven44
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Re: How can I overcome insecurity with regards to sex? Personal info in post [Re: acrobaticelk]
    #28084390 - 12/05/22 08:24 AM (1 year, 1 month ago)

Find an energetic healer who can help you deal w the trauma

For example Andrew Bartzis or Eric Raines

I agree most people wouldn’t be aware the root of the issues. Sex is a primal instinct I assume the trauma is what lies between you and enjoying sex

Therapy is good too if your ready to embrace it and truly work on accepting things the way they are/were


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