Trip report 30g fresh - Melmak
9:30 pm, downed the whole 30g fresh with some pineapple juice. I went to my room to keep reading the book I'm on, with some classical music, waiting for the onset. About an hour later It was becoming difficult to focus and concentrate (I was sort of expecting the words to start moving around on the page or something). That didn't happen, but when it was hard to focus, around 10:30 p.m. I just shut my eyes and turned on my side....
I felt warmth (I usually feel shivers) wash over me, the softness of my quilt was like caressing the underbelly of a cotton world, and the drifted in to worlds and landscapes that matched the musical mood (CEV). As always, very kaleidoscopic. Sometimes dragon heads (if the music was more trumpety), sometimes fields.... This I know and have experienced before. Moving my head on the pillow would shift the landscape, as did moving my arms. At points, I guess at the gaps between songs, I suddenly "remembered" to breathe, and was aware and heard my taking a deep breath. This happened a few times.
However, as "time" went on, I lost the sense of βor "forgot"β who I was: it felt like being a locus of consciousness, drifting in and out of different times and worlds. I don't remember all the worlds clearly, I did not feel as though I were at one "point" in space, or in my bed β I felt that I was this free floating "locus". You know how we feel that we "have" a body "below" our head, below ourselves? Well, that feeling was lost. I was just a point floating through something. At one point I saw or floated above concentration camps (the book I'm on is a dialogue between two Jewish holocaust survivors, a psychologist Viktor Frankl and a theologian, Pichas Lapide), and for a while thought or felt as though I was someone else. Although I was "somewhere", I at the same time felt as though I were entering some sort of un-constructed "space". It's actually quite hard to put into words. I had to try to remember who I was, tried to imagine my daughter and the love I felt for her. I write "felt" because I "FELT it" during the trip, in a sort of "past tense". At one point I also thought that this is what it felt like to be dead (had I died?), just free floating in a "somewhere", having severed ties to your past life and loves, remembering them like a "long forgotten dream" (sort of like Saito at the beginning of Nolan's movie "Inception"). I felt incredibly distant from life and "reality", which I thought there was, but could not remember properly.
At some point, I returned to my room and saw my headboard, my hand, my pillows. The shadow projected by the candle I had on the shelf at times seemed not to flicker, just to stay still (they do, I don't know why this seemed strange). I had to try to remember WHO I was though, and what I had done β had to try HARD to remember eating the mushrooms what seemed like a lifetime ago. Video chatting earlier to friends abroad, seemed two lifetimes ago. I felt or saw no OEV (however at one point going to the bathroom, everything seemed like I was looking at it through a movie screen, distant, I felt detached from myself and my body). At one point I managed to think "I'm tripping balls" and also asked myself why I thought it was a good idea to just eat the mushrooms (a very dim memory). My brain felt like mush, fragmented, I had a really hard time trying to grasp my own identity, until I just remembered "this will pass" and to just let go. I have never gotten paranoid before, but this time I did feel at one point that I was never going to be the same. All this was going one at around 01:30 a.m. The words "bad trip" did enter my mind, but I wasn't really having a bad or frightening time, I just had to let go of what I thought I knew. I could see the date and time on my phone, and that helped ground me, as did stroking a Buddhist bracelet I am wearing.
After this (what I can best refer to as) sort of loss of identity / temporary amnesia, I realized my classical playlist was over, and it was playing random classical music. I switched somehow to my liked songs playlist, and this is when (already knowing who I was again, around 02:30 a.m.) the songs, the notes, the chords, just seemed to stretch out foreveeeerrrr.... I have a nice speaker, and the songs I know helped ground me, even if the music seemed to go on, and on, and on, and on. The light from the candle seemed bothersome, so I got up and blew it out. Some weak CEV showed up, but at this point It was more of just a feeling. I wanted to go get my laptop to document what I had experienced, but each song was just so looonnngggg (I have some "long" 8 minute songs), and felt the living room was reallyyy far away.
Anyhow, I kept "coming down" until when, at about 04:00 a.m. I just realized I was listening to music and wanted to go to sleep. So, I hit pause, and went to slumber until about 09:30 a.m. I don't remember any dreams.
I don't know what I was expecting, I just wanted to eat those fresh shrooms and not dehydrate them (they had been in a paper bag in the fridge for a couple of days), and have a proper fresh experience. I guess I was expecting more visuals, but all in all, it was a very psychological, very hard, intense experience (thinking at one point you've lost your mind).
Please, all those with similar experiences, share your thoughts. I would not know how to "rate" this trip on the 1-5+ scale. I do know it was intense.
Peace.
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