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Anonymous #1

Venting about brothers suicide and aftermath
    #27925360 - 08/30/22 07:34 AM (1 year, 4 months ago)

A few months ago my brother committed suicide. This has been the worst pain I've ever felt. Everyday my heart just feels broken. I feel the weight just pulling me to the ground. My dad died a year ago and that was difficult too, but this is different. I could make sense of my dad dying because he was sick.

My brother struggled with mental health for many years. He had previous attempts. I actually intervened with one of his attempts a few years ago. He was in his truck and had opened a tank of argon. He was suffocating to death. By the time I found him he was unconscious and I pulled him out of the truck.

I don't blame anyone but my brother for the choice he made. With that said, there were certainly circumstances that contributed to his decision. He had lost his job a few months prior. He was having trouble in his marriage. He had been drinking again, which he'd had trouble with in the past.

Earlier this year his wife kicked him out of the house. He told my mom that she wanted a divorce, wanted him to sign the car over to her, she was going to keep all the furniture, and she wanted nothing to do with his children (from previous marriage).

He ended up moving back in and trying to work things out. The night of his suicide they had been out on a date. He asked if things were better and according to her she said they still had a lot to work on and they'd talk about it more the next day.

I feel like their conversation was more heated than she will ever tell us, but I guess that's just something I'll never really know.

So now my family has been trying to get his belongings back so that his children can have something of their fathers. His wife initially told us that her lawyer told her not to let us take anything until something was done with his will. His will left everything to my mother to divide equally among his children.

My mom didn't want to mess with probating the will and relayed that to his wife. We didn't want this to be a big legal mess. We just want his children to have what is rightfully theirs.

So nothing ever happened with getting his things back until recently. He had a very large life insurance policy. The money from this policy is froze up in federal court because the insurance company questions if the signature on the change of beneficiary is his. They filed an interpleader which basically leaves it up to the court to decide who is the rightful beneficiary.

The beneficiary before it was recently changed was my mom. A few months ago it was changed to his wife. So because of all this his wife finally reaches out to my mom about getting his things back, but she wants my mom to talk to her lawyers to settle this out of court.

We were able to get some of his things back, but there are a lot of things that have not been returned.

My family felt like my mom should have legal guidance and not just go along with whatever her lawyers suggest. So she recently got a lawyer and would prefer this be settled out of court as well. We just want to know the children get their fair share of that life insurance money.

Unfortunately we don't trust his wife to do what is right. My sister had tried to talk to her after my brother's death and the wife tried to downplay the value of the policy saying "it's not that much". She didn't realize that we know what it's worth, and it is a lot of money.

The wife even blocked and unfriended our entire family on Facebook. Not that I care, but then she tried to say she got hacked and that's what happened, which is total bullshit. So she adds everyone back and after my mom gets a lawyer she blocks everyone again.

I should also mention that last year this wife attempted suicide. My brother told me he woke up to her crying and she was on the floor with a gun to her head. He took the gun from her and went to lock it in the safe. When he did this he found a suicide note she left saying she didn't deserve him or the children (she has kids from a previous marriage). She had been up drinking and when my brother returned to the bedroom she had taken a bottle of his Xanax. He called for an ambulance and she had to be intubated and sent to a larger hospital with an ICU. After being released from the hospital she had to go to a psych facility for a few days. I looked after their dogs while they were out of town during this time. My brother stayed by her side the entire time.

Her children were home when she attempted this and her ex husband doesn't know what happened. I feel like he deserves to know.

Anyways, this whole situation has been very stressful on my family. I just want all this shit to be over so that I can move on with my life.

Thanks for listening


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Anonymous #2

Re: Venting about brothers suicide and aftermath [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27925585 - 08/30/22 10:20 AM (1 year, 4 months ago)

Very sad story.

As far as telling her ex about the suicide attempt, I would wait until immediately after the will is settled. For the safety of her own children, it’s the responsible thing to do on your part. You need to think about your own flesh and blood first though. It sounds like a volatile situation and you need to be careful until the money is squared away. Definitely don’t let your mother meet with this woman without her lawyer present.


Edited by Anonymous (08/30/22 10:35 AM)


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Anonymous #3

Re: Venting about brothers suicide and aftermath [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27934030 - 09/04/22 05:27 PM (1 year, 4 months ago)

Fuck that is a lot to have to deal with. I'm sorry to hear about your brother, and I hope you and your family find peace soon.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Venting about brothers suicide and aftermath [Re: Anonymous #3] * 1
    #27941298 - 09/08/22 11:24 PM (1 year, 4 months ago)

I'm really sorry to hear that, man.

I've dealt with two suicides in the immediate family and attempts from my brother and wife. I worry more about my brother doing it. I can't imagine how it would change me for the rest of my life. He's the only person in this world that I can truly communicate with and be understood without having to water myself down.

The two that did kill themselves were my father and my uncle, who began dating my mom shortly before my dad's death and up until his own suicide, so like a second father. To this day, my grandmother believes my mom and I conspired to kill the two of them. She's on her deathbed and has ignored my messages that hope to create some reconciliation. I think it can be tempting to get lost in these kinds of ideas. It's fucked up that the life insurance is causing a rift between your family and his. I hope both sides can just be open and helpful to each other through their grief.

I saw an interesting quote in the documentary "White Light, Black Rain" about the atomic bombings in Japan. One of the women interviewed talked about her sister who had fallen into despair after the bombing. Her sister jumped in front of a train, leaving her alone in the world. The woman, tried to copy her sister, but every time the train would draw near, she'd jump from the tracks. She said she realized that there are two forms of courage: the courage to live and the courage to die.

I think that idea could be comforting when you get to the "what-if" and blame stage of grief.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Venting about brothers suicide and aftermath [Re: Anonymous #4] * 1
    #27957918 - 09/19/22 06:59 PM (1 year, 4 months ago)

That's a lot to deal with. Suicide is the worst thing that can happen. That being said, I hope your family gets the money. If your mom was always the beneficiary then I would definitely question the change on the form, especially with the suicide being so soon after the change.

Also, I hate to sound like I'm digging up wounds, but since there was a change, are you 100% sure it was suicide? Seems like the "Wife" had a lot to gain from this situation, and it seems like she wanted to leave and take most of the stuff even before the suicide. I know how toxic relationships are, so that's not out of the ordinary, but just seems odd he would change her to a beneficiary at that later point when their marriage may have been in question, especially since his will still left everything to your mom


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Anonymous #1

Re: Venting about brothers suicide and aftermath [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #27958031 - 09/19/22 08:06 PM (1 year, 4 months ago)

That's a valid concern, and certainly one I considered. I watched the bodycam footage of the responding officer and do not suspect murder. Her behavior seemed to be genuinely shocked. Another consideration though, is that she knew he had suicidal ideations. Could she have possibly been pushing him emotionally toward this end? It's difficult to say. I hope she isn't that twisted, but her behavior since my brother's death has been concerning. We found out that she just recently got a DWI and child endangerment charge.


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