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starpig
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How to get a personality or make friends?
#27904465 - 08/15/22 02:54 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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I’ll keep it short I always manage to lose friends because I don’t have a personality. People are nice to me sure but when I try to make something more it never works out, people no matter the walk of life get bored and leave. It’s very lonely.
I mean I generally like myself and all that, more or less. But I’m thinking it’s wrong that if you like yourself the rest is easy, or however that saying goes.
It’s been a constant thing since I was a kid, I’ve always kind of felt like no one. It make it next to impossible to relate to and befriend others because there was “no one there.”
People don’t notice me at all, I can leave and enter without attention. It’s like I’m a ghost.
But so far trying to have a personality feels like I’m faking it. What do I do?
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27905464 - 08/16/22 10:41 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Sitting in your room on your phone turns you into a boring person.
You have to go out into the world and do things. Then you'll have a story to tell. Successes and failures build personality.
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starpig
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: Lynnch]
#27905481 - 08/16/22 10:51 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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I’ve had both though and emerged relatively unchanged by them.
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schpat
psychesomadelic



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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27906299 - 08/17/22 04:27 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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This may not help you make friends directly but doing these things will make you an awesome person. People like to be friends with awesome people
A basic enumeration of the five tenets of schpatism (an ism in flux)
1. Look after yourself Much like children, and disabled passengers, the rest of the world/universe/multiverse can not be made better by your presence if you are not able to act at your full capacity. Make sure you are looking after yourself in whatever way is best. Take care of the things that will stop you from performing at your peak. Be one with yourself. Let go of things that are holding you back or making you unhappy. Do not dull the brightness of your days.
2. Look after others Be kind, help others, provide “hoschpataility”. Do what you can to create contentment in those around you. Provide what they need if it is within you. Help them find what they need if it isn’t.
3. Be honest with others Tell people what you are thinking, be honest. If you need help, ask for it. Communication is key to mutual understanding and benefit.
4. Open your mind Life, the universe, and existence are unfathomably complex. None of us can truly understand everything all at once. Accept this, but seek understanding anyway. Don’t get stuck, enjoy the novel.
5. Intentionally create joy to offset the unintentional harm you inevitably cause. No being can live life without unintended consequence. Negative externalities are inevitable. Balance these by intentionally creating as much joy as possible. This is where the pinatas fit in.
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Jewstress
Momma


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Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: Lynnch]
#27906318 - 08/17/22 05:09 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Lynnch said: Sitting in your room on your phone turns you into a boring person.
You have to go out into the world and do things. Then you'll have a story to tell. Successes and failures build personality.
LOL NOT TRUE.
I’m a stoop kid and I drive my whole town crazyyyy.
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Jewstress
Momma


Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 42 minutes
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27906321 - 08/17/22 05:11 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
starpig said: I’ll keep it short I always manage to lose friends because I don’t have a personality. People are nice to me sure but when I try to make something more it never works out, people no matter the walk of life get bored and leave. It’s very lonely.
I mean I generally like myself and all that, more or less. But I’m thinking it’s wrong that if you like yourself the rest is easy, or however that saying goes.
It’s been a constant thing since I was a kid, I’ve always kind of felt like no one. It make it next to impossible to relate to and befriend others because there was “no one there.”
People don’t notice me at all, I can leave and enter without attention. It’s like I’m a ghost.
But so far trying to have a personality feels like I’m faking it. What do I do?
Come hang out with me on my front porch cause this is a fucking vibe.
Only difference is people notice me now since I started spaZzinf out. I have lost a lot of “friends” over the past decade. Typically for the better too.
Sometimes it’s better just to be a loner; especially if people aren’t on the same energy wave length as you.
DONT LET THE VAMPIRES GET YOU
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starpig
Stranger
Registered: 07/09/21
Posts: 290
Last seen: 20 days, 2 hours
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: schpat]
#27906570 - 08/17/22 09:40 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
schpat said: This may not help you make friends directly but doing these things will make you an awesome person. People like to be friends with awesome people
A basic enumeration of the five tenets of schpatism (an ism in flux)
1. Look after yourself Much like children, and disabled passengers, the rest of the world/universe/multiverse can not be made better by your presence if you are not able to act at your full capacity. Make sure you are looking after yourself in whatever way is best. Take care of the things that will stop you from performing at your peak. Be one with yourself. Let go of things that are holding you back or making you unhappy. Do not dull the brightness of your days.
2. Look after others Be kind, help others, provide “hoschpataility”. Do what you can to create contentment in those around you. Provide what they need if it is within you. Help them find what they need if it isn’t.
3. Be honest with others Tell people what you are thinking, be honest. If you need help, ask for it. Communication is key to mutual understanding and benefit.
4. Open your mind Life, the universe, and existence are unfathomably complex. None of us can truly understand everything all at once. Accept this, but seek understanding anyway. Don’t get stuck, enjoy the novel.
5. Intentionally create joy to offset the unintentional harm you inevitably cause. No being can live life without unintended consequence. Negative externalities are inevitable. Balance these by intentionally creating as much joy as possible. This is where the pinatas fit in.
I do all that stuff already but I’m just invisible to other people around me
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schpat
psychesomadelic



Registered: 09/26/21
Posts: 1,039
Loc: South Africa
Last seen: 9 days, 5 hours
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27906964 - 08/17/22 03:32 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Practice tenet three. Tell them you feel invisible, tell them it hurts you, ask them if they can see why you'd think that. Have a one on one, venerable conversation. Tell them what you want to offer, find out if they want it. If they don't it's ok find someone who will.
If you truly feel you have no personality and that there is no-one inside then practice tenet one and find a professional that can help you see yourself.
I know you are wrong that there is no-one there, everyone has a personality. It seems to me that you are a good person, a shitty person wouldn't care.
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starpig
Stranger
Registered: 07/09/21
Posts: 290
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: schpat]
#27907049 - 08/17/22 04:38 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
schpat said: Practice tenet three. Tell them you feel invisible, tell them it hurts you, ask them if they can see why you'd think that. Have a one on one, venerable conversation. Tell them what you want to offer, find out if they want it. If they don't it's ok find someone who will.
If you truly feel you have no personality and that there is no-one inside then practice tenet one and find a professional that can help you see yourself.
I know you are wrong that there is no-one there, everyone has a personality. It seems to me that you are a good person, a shitty person wouldn't care.
Telling them that doesn't work as it just makes you look desperate and clingy.
I've also been to a professional many times, several even and nothing came out of it because there was nothing inside.
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
Last seen: 6 hours, 46 minutes
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27907334 - 08/17/22 08:53 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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A personality is somewhat also a makeup of who you WANT to be as well as what brought you to this point. Maybe you need to work on what you wanna be, WHO you wanna be, and that would provide some substance. What are your values ? What level of morality do you expect from yourself and fellow humans. What makes you really tick or passionate? What do you wanna do with your time here? What have you done with your time here? What do you strive for? If anything. How many times have you set your mind to something and ensured it was accomplished to your own fulfillment? What were those things? What do you like to spend time doing? Do you have pets? Do you like psychedelics? What music are you into? Do you have any shareable hobbies like gardening or playing music, or hiking? Are you positive neutral or a pain to be around? What kind of fun, do you like to have?, just silly fun. What kind of humor do you enjoy? If any
All of these things are questions that upon an answer, can be rolled into many more to make up ones personality. I'm not requesting answers to these questions myself necessarily, but they may help you see or find a way to who you wanna be and who you are now. Recreating oneself is something we do and should do all the time. Bc if you are growing(if you ain't growing you're dying, I like to say), then you are in a potential state of recreation of yourself. Be who you want to be. Any attempt to carve out your own image of yourself, in your mind, will result in a better recollection of that and where your personality/character has gotten to up until now. That insight can usually garner a desire to continue reinforcing these traits about yourself as well as simultaneously negating other traits. Until you know your own character or personality and have some relationship with that yourself to whatever degree, it's very hard for others to see it and appreciate it or hate it, so instead they seem to not pay attention to what's not there. Unfortunately I feel for you, bc I'd almost rather be hated than ignored. Often I get to enjoy this depending what subset of our culture I'm am currently surrounded by. Which brings me to I guess my last thought, one usually tries to seek companionship in like minded people, bc that way it is much easier to be understood. That may be a path but you have to have a self background of what that may be before you can seek it out.
Also to do this recreation, or trying to have a personality as you put it, can feel fake , at first. But when you live something, and live it and live it and believe it in, even if at first it may be forced, you will eventually coincide with it, without any forced feeling or action
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
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starpig
Stranger
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: ashfiken]
#27907756 - 08/18/22 06:58 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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I don’t really have values, I don’t really expect any level of morality from myself or others. Nothing makes me tick or passionate, I don’t know what I wanna do with my time here,I strive for nothing. I haven’t really accomplished anything to my fulfillment. I mostly just find things to kill time, I have pets but they’re not really mine. I listen to anything that sounds good so it doesn’t matter, no hobbies, no one notices when I’m around. I don’t really enjoy any kind of fun and I don’t have a set sense of humor.
So you can see I really don’t have a personality and I’m not really anybody.
I can’t be who I want to be because there no one I want to be. I don’t have a character or personality, I know who I am and it’s nobody. There is nothing about me redeeming or interesting, I’m just a ghost.
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


Registered: 09/06/06
Posts: 3,072
Loc: SCranton
Last seen: 6 hours, 46 minutes
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27908518 - 08/18/22 04:56 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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So what do you do all day? Sleep and eat? Do you cook for yourself? Do you hate doing so? Do you like it? You really must set your goal to be to find things you like in this reality. Or things you want to see or do or taste or whatever. Find a way to have any amount of joy or fun. If you search long enough, there has to be things that would atleast pique your interest. I am sorry you haven't found any enjoyment or even pain really out of life bc if nothing is important and nothing is to your taste and you do nothing. Then your experience must be a very barren landscape I suggest you try new things until you run out of time, money, or you find something that you can say you enjoy. If you don't like anything at all how can anyone like you? You must find some interests. You must find some drives or something that drives you. Having goals and destinations and interests only behooves people to see you and be interested. What would you talk about with friends, if you are so unenamored by the world. I hope you can find a way to get some better answers to the above questions bc that is definitely the problem. Seek seek seek until you have something anything to begin building a foundation of your individual life, instead of essentially abyss. Even negative shit and ppl are more attractive to others than a neutral unmoved colorless person or object.
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
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starpig
Stranger
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: ashfiken]
#27908626 - 08/18/22 06:42 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
ashfiken said: So what do you do all day? Sleep and eat? Do you cook for yourself? Do you hate doing so? Do you like it? You really must set your goal to be to find things you like in this reality. Or things you want to see or do or taste or whatever. Find a way to have any amount of joy or fun. If you search long enough, there has to be things that would atleast pique your interest. I am sorry you haven't found any enjoyment or even pain really out of life bc if nothing is important and nothing is to your taste and you do nothing. Then your experience must be a very barren landscape I suggest you try new things until you run out of time, money, or you find something that you can say you enjoy. If you don't like anything at all how can anyone like you? You must find some interests. You must find some drives or something that drives you. Having goals and destinations and interests only behooves people to see you and be interested. What would you talk about with friends, if you are so unenamored by the world. I hope you can find a way to get some better answers to the above questions bc that is definitely the problem. Seek seek seek until you have something anything to begin building a foundation of your individual life, instead of essentially abyss. Even negative shit and ppl are more attractive to others than a neutral unmoved colorless person or object.
I effectively just sleep and eat, everything else is just sort of filler for the day. I don't cook for myself and when I have to I don't enjoy it.
I've pretty much tried everything and so far nothing really interests me, it's all just passing fancies that once I try to delve into I lose interest.
There is nothing in this life I can't live without though by contrast that means there's nothing I really care about either.
I have no idea what I would talk about with other people or friends, I just know I'm lonely.
I've been all over and tried everything, more or less, but nothing sticks. It all just blows away the next day. Been that way since I was a kid, made college suck because nothing really grabbed me.
I guess I figure "Why try hard at life when you don't have to" "what's the point" "we don't HAVE to do anything". None of it really matters at the end of it all since you can't take it with you. Deep down I sort of knew that as a kid, I questioned why people gave a damn about all this stuff when they can't take it with them.
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ashfiken
TotalCrazyasshole


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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27908666 - 08/18/22 07:12 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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I can understand and relate to the nihilistic thought patterns. I really believe you need to keep at it. There's no possible way you have tried EVERYTHING. However seeing that what piques your interest ends as passing fancies means that nothing you have found so far fulfills you, and that is tough. You definitely need fulfillment to make connections to your self. You must ask why everything is so languid and boring to you. If you are not protecting yourself by detachment or holding detachment on a pedestal, then you need attachment. Prob need it more than anything I can think of regardless of these things. Do you enjoy your food? Or do you just feed your machine? Do you like to be massaged caressed or cared for? Even simple sensation can catalyze into human building stuff.. Do you ever enjoy or like the personalities of other ppl you meet? What about them do you enjoy? If any. Caring is human also, you need to care about something, same goes for values. If you don't value your own life for instance, and what it can give Bring or take away, then how would someone else be able to value you in a friendship? There would be no mutual anything. One cannot expect someone to value them, when there is none going the other way or any way for that matter. Even something basic like valuing the food that keeps you alive can turn into a fruitful endeavor. Appreciation goes far too. It sounds like you feel you have nothing to appreciate anything for and no desire to do so. Would you rather have not been born, and not to have lived? Even the most basic idea like this should be appreciated and can begin a path where you realize the other things that brought you here and can take you much farther if you learn to live on this earth humbly and grateful. Honestly that kinda appreciation/grace is the first thing I really look for in a human that I would like to encounter more often. None of this is simple for you I can see, but is the only way I feel you can recapture your life to fulfillment in the ways you seem to want and need. Nobody deserves to remain lonely and outcast, unless they did some heinous shit. I sincerely hope you can find some passion to life/live for, and can then share that amongst other possible friendly entities.
-------------------- hmm... "I'm naked and fearless... And my fear is naked." "life isn't worth living without the threat of death" "I got my plans in a ziploc bag, let's see how unproductive we can be" "nobody lives their lives fully except for bull fighters" My Trade List
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starpig
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: ashfiken]
#27908852 - 08/18/22 09:56 PM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Do you enjoy your food? Or do you just feed your machine? Do you like to be massaged caressed or cared for? Even simple sensation can catalyze into human building stuff.. Do you ever enjoy or like the personalities of other ppl you meet? What about them do you enjoy? If any. Caring is human also, you need to care about something, same goes for values.
Food is food I guess. It tastes good but I don't put too much thought into it. I guess I like other personalities, but that doesn't really light anything in me.
I don't really have any hard values, I don't really care about anything. As a kid I wanted to see the end of the world so I guess that answers things.
Quote:
Would you rather have not been born, and not to have lived? Even the most basic idea like this should be appreciated and can begin a path where you realize the other things that brought you here and can take you much farther if you learn to live on this earth humbly and grateful.
Still on the fence about that, though I'm leaning more towards rather not having been born for lots of reasons. Once I saw how much of a chore life is it's hard to see it any other way.
I've tried gratitude but it felt fake and like I was lying to myself because I wasn't really grateful for anything. I exist simply because I lack the strength to take my own life.
As I keep saying I've done pretty much every hobby there is and nothing, I feel no real investment in any of it.
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RescueU
Friend

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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig] 1
#27910579 - 08/20/22 12:56 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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You gotta go mingle and work at it.
Join a social group that forces interaction in person. An activity that requires cooperation such as a team sport, a running club, pickle ball league, etc. Go to a trivia night, have a drink to loosen up the lips.
If you're enjoying yourself, people will enjoy you. If you sit there being the quiet wierdo.....well...
-------------------- UT ALII VIVANT
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig] 2
#27910614 - 08/20/22 01:42 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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You sound clinically depressed my dude.
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starpig
Stranger
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: RescueU]
#27910948 - 08/20/22 09:09 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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They actually don’t. Often when I enjoy myself people don’t really talk to me or engage. I’m ignored whether I’m quiet or having fun.
I’ve been to social groups that force interaction, I’ve done team sports, even karaoke and stuff like that. But the result is the same, nothing changes no matter how much I change my approach or who I’m with.
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starpig
Stranger
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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: Lynnch]
#27910949 - 08/20/22 09:10 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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Maybe. But I just know I’ve been like this since I was a kid, perpetually hollow and never really interested in much of anything. Never enough to bond with anyone over
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TrancedOutBrah
Stranger


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Re: How to get a personality or make friends? [Re: starpig]
#27911094 - 08/20/22 10:48 AM (1 year, 5 months ago) |
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You sound severely depressed and honestly should consider talking to a doctor and consider anti-depressants.
The way you talk about life is pretty clear that you just get no joy from life.
-------------------- Lead by example, words mean little when your actions don't reflect what you say. Spread kindness, love, empathy, compassion. Learn from mistakes. Try and do better. Each day is a new day, try to make it a better one. Coconut and Avocado is awesome for the skin. MIND OVER MATTER

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