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Anonymous #1

De-escalating drunk angry people in public
    #27894077 - 08/07/22 07:50 PM (1 year, 5 months ago)

I was at a bar recently and heard some guy tell another guy you got a problem with me a couple times. Nothing happened but it ruined the vibe and then everybody was acting cautious to not bump into each other, you can tell he stressed everybody out.

What’s a good response?

The other guy was just blacked out drunk and bumping into people, definitely a mess up on his part but the other bro was out of line too.
I was starring at him and then he shot a quick look at me right afterwards, luckily I looked away right in time so he didn’t say anything to me but it was a close call. I felt like I froze lol, I was just not expecting drama, super unexpected.

The only wisdom I remember is when I was younger and went out very often, before I went out I’d stretch and try to get the first jump scare out of my system. I hate being surprised, it trips me out.

It was extremely unexpected, expensive place with an older crowd. Safest bar I can possibly think of. I was completely sober.


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Anonymous #2

Re: De-escalating drunk angry people in public [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27894125 - 08/07/22 08:43 PM (1 year, 5 months ago)

I worked AAA for two years and now work recovery (AKA collections) at Bank of America. De-escalation is one of my most essential skills.

You always want to acknowledge someone's feelings. Sometimes, this can escalate things, but very rarely.
You also want to distract his focus. "Shit I'd be mad too, but that's just sad. Who gets that wasted out in public?" This acknowledges that he has a right to be angry, but helps him to empathize and converts his anger into pity.
It also sounds like angry dude might be a bit unstable and is probably insecure. Really calling him out might make him feel bad about himself which might make him more angry. Being casual about it is really the best bet.


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Anonymous #1

Re: De-escalating drunk angry people in public [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #27894195 - 08/07/22 10:32 PM (1 year, 5 months ago)

Ya makes sense but I realized why I kinda got shookened up. He came off as the fighting type big time, that’s why everyone was quiet.

I messed up too, I didn’t know an easy way out. Because he cut me in line while he was attracting a lot of attention, then I cut back in my spot then he cut me again. Then I waited but the blacked out guy was acting really weird and slopping forward, he was kinda backing his rear into me and kept asking the bartender stupid questions, holding up a busy line for literally several minutes. I was already sketched out cuz the blacked out guy came off as the nerdy unstable type, and  then the bro started bickering with him. I looked at the bro and he was turning his head really fast and suddenly. Bith if their body language was creepy as fuck. The bro looked violent.

I smoked a lot of cigarettes the next day and realized I think my ptsd was triggered, probably from when I was robbed one time. I’m too old for this stuff. Freezing can come off as staring at the person.
Honestly when I was young I talked my way out of fightings by putting my ego down and looking like a coward. That’s exactly what these bro types want. They want to scare the other guy. That’s hard to do now that I’m older and I respect myself more. Gatta find an easier way.
Funny thing is I interpreted his lightning fast look at me as he was a little scared. If I want to come of as confident, for other reasons, I’ve been practicing not making sudden movements, to not seem nervous.

I’m also bummed out my favorite bar has all new staff and people just seem hella tense these days. I won’t be back until the next holiday so I’m not tripping.

I’m a good negotiator but I was taught not to negotiate with biligerant people, only salesmen.


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Anonymous #3

Re: De-escalating drunk angry people in public [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27894257 - 08/08/22 03:04 AM (1 year, 5 months ago)

No, what they want is for you to react with anger, which gives them the excuse to take their anger out on you and fight.
Meet anger with calmness and they won't know what to do.
A good bar staff will deal with this sort of thing. Lightly cut him off by offering him water and giving him his check.


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Anonymous #1

Re: De-escalating drunk angry people in public [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27894263 - 08/08/22 03:23 AM (1 year, 5 months ago)

That sounds right.
Ya the staff is new. The blacked out guy should of been cut off, bartender was retarded. Then this wouldn’t of happened.
I can be more patient.
But it would of been cool if I lectured the other guy on the realities of fights and how someone could get seriously hurt or killed.
It’s a bummer seeing my favorite bar turn into that real quick. New staff sucks.
I’ve had serious realizations, knowing when the good times are over, and when it’s time to leave.
Most of my friends are either dead or crazy. It’s time to move on. No more bars unless it’s a really good concert.


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Anonymous #4

Re: De-escalating drunk angry people in public [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27894335 - 08/08/22 06:39 AM (1 year, 5 months ago)

The best way I know to deal with aggressive fools is to walk to the opposite side of the room and hang out with those people.
Fucked up aggressive people cannot be reasoned with, and if they aren't my immediate friends or family they aren't my problem and I will get as far away from them as I can until they find the conflict they are looking for.

Life's too short. Fuck em. Don't even think about them later. No free camping.


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Anonymous #5

Re: De-escalating drunk angry people in public [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27895322 - 08/08/22 11:07 PM (1 year, 5 months ago)

Telling stories about Gandhi is an easy way to get the vibe right


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