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 Duckbilledcatapus
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Registered: 05/29/22
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Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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 ? Ego death 
#27797400 - 05/29/22 08:25 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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I have made an account because I just need to write this out and see if what I experienced was ego death on mushrooms.
So at first things were as usual, colours, shapes, patterns, feeling relaxed I lay down on my couch and put a cartoon on (don't judge it's just what I like to do haha).
It then felt like everything was speeding up, I felt hot and my heart was racing. The whole room became fast moving numbers and symbols, I started feeling sick. Then, and this is where it gets hard to describe, it was as if I was falling through space and time. Tumbling but never hitting the ground.
I didn't know which way was up or down, I didn't know who or what I was. I didn't know where I was. I couldn't physically feel my body. I didn't know if I was breathing. I felt anxious panic. Nothing made sense - words/sounds all meant nothing. I couldn't work out what I was seeing/looking at - or what was real or just in my head. It didn't feel like how some people say, that I was all at one with the universe and at piece. I was literally nothing and everything about me and my life and the world was gone. I wanted it to end. The noise of the cartoon in the background was frightening and disorienting but I couldn't move to switch if off.
After a while, no idea how long, it started to wear off. I was able to move. I still felt confused and I for a while I didn't recognise myself in the mirror. I was a bit concerned that I had had a stroke or something. The more it wore off I made the best of the rest of the night with some nice snacks and music.
Obviously it has given me a lot to think about. I wouldn't say it was a 'bad' trip as on reflection it's made me realise that all the thoughts and ideas I have about myself, especially the negative ones are all in my own head and of my own making and my brain has the power to completely wipe those thoughts out and be the person I want to be.
But yeah, it's not an experience I would like to repeat.
I have always had a light, fun, relaxed enjoyable experience with mushrooms and this has given me a healthy dose of respect for them.
Has anyone else had an experience like this? Was it ego death?
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darkcreature
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Registered: 02/14/21
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how much did you take?
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 rcraft
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Registered: 02/06/22
Posts: 37
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Quote:
Has anyone else had an experience like this? Was it ego death?
I have experienced this type of feeling on some trips - difficult, very confusing, hanging on for dear life until the storm passes. I'm not sure it is "ego death", but it's not that important. It doesn't sound like "you" ever dissipated - but it is your experience. Lots of writing and posts on these forums where people describe their ego death experience - that's a good place to search.
Quote:
But yeah, it's not an experience I would like to repeat.
In my limited experience, I don't think this is avoidable - but it is something you could reduce the risk of.
The main factors seem to be, rough order:
1. Pharmacology - dosage, other meds, tolerance. Generally, these experiences happen at higher dosages and almost never happen at low doses.
2. Digestion - consumed as tea, fresh, or dry - empty or full stomach? Tea seems to make a slightly higher and shorter peak than other methods, as well as having an empty stomach - there is less for your body to do before getting the drug into your head.
3. Set & Setting - how is your mood? Are you in a safe, comfortable place? Do you have safety nets in place that you know help ground you?
The challenge often becomes - how do I take just enough to feel amazing, but not so much that I spiral?
We often bias towards a "slightly higher dose" because we fear wasting an experience on a dose that wasn't quite enough. This is tough. It varies per person - but if you have the luxury of time, controlling experiments by starting on the lower side and slowly dialing it up until you hit your goal should help minimize this type of experience. But, if you're always changing variables - it's going to be harder to figure out, and you might hit a set of conditions that leads to difficulty.
The more you learn about how you specifically react to dosage, situation, etc. and the better you can recreate the same path, the more often you will hit a perfect trip 
Good luck!
Edited by rcraft (05/29/22 05:28 PM)
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high_desert
Pipe and Paper Afternoon
Registered: 10/25/16
Posts: 319
Loc: Hidden Study
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: ? Ego death [Re: rcraft] 1
#27798374 - 05/29/22 09:33 PM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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This sense or state of nothingness must be something you subconsciously have been thinking about or have been wanting to explore. I personally don't think there's a single state called ego death, rather there's watershed moments that are specific and meaningful to the individual.
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Duckbilledcatapus
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So I am quite responsive to them, I don't need much. I usually only take about a gram dried on an empty stomach. Usually munch them down with a handful of crisp. I weigh about 45kg. This time I took a gram dried with about 5g fresh. I usually have liberty caps, but this time I had golden teachers. I didn't think they would be as strong as libs. Which is why I ate the extra.
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