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OfflineTurd
Dr. Rock

Registered: 01/21/03
Posts: 1,909
Loc: Vulva, WA
Last seen: 15 years, 9 months
Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason
    #2760919 - 06/03/04 03:16 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

This is my first voyage into the S&P forum....  and my first offering to its inhabitants :smile:

I have been living my life a certain way for the 6 or 7 years, and I'm not sure if it's a unique way of living, or something that many people do.  I spent the last 2 years in a small college where I knew nobody who I could communicate with on a level deeper than small talk.

Around the age of 12 or 13, I decided (in my young, inexperienced mind) what I wanted to become eventually.  I was a huge nerd at the time (and still am), but I wanted to be more, and decided I wanted to be a nerdy stoner who can get along with just about anyone.  The past few months, I noticed a "decline" in my personality, my thoughts became dull and uninteresting, and my brain no longer buzzed with the constant processing of others' actions and my own.  I couldn't think or say anything worthwhile.  Then I discovered coffee, which stimulated me enough to realize what had happened.  I reached my goal finally.  I was who I had been shaping myself into for the past years.  I hadn't even been consciously doing it for the last 2 years, but I realized that it has been a subconscious motivation for most of my actions since I decided upon it many years ago.  However, once I accomplished it, I lost my reason, and became stagnant.

So, today I resolved to create a new set of goals, a new person I want to become.  They are:

-Become a bottomless source of knowledge on as many subjects as I can fit in my head. From this point on, until my eyes fall out, I will ALWAYS be in the process of reading a book. When someone I know is talking with someone about something, and they come across something to which neither of them has an answer, I want them to say to eachother "Let's ask Ted (me), I bet he knows".

-Act on my ideas and ambitions more often, more effectively

-Learn new ways to express my creativity, and myself, and practice them every chance I get



Does anyone else go through life like this?  What do you think of my methods?  Be honest please, if you even care.  I like hearing about ways people live their lives, and I'm sure of all places, the shroomery would be a vast repository of many varied lifestyles and philosophies.... so please, enlighten me.

:rocket:

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Offlinemetamind
(FormerlyEnlightened)

Registered: 04/14/04
Posts: 47
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Turd]
    #2771805 - 06/07/04 01:26 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

I think those are noble goals. You might also want to consider the importance of others. For instance, empathy might be desirable. In addition to "let's ask Ted, I bet he knows," perhaps "I'll talk to Ted, I bet he'd understand" might also be important to you. I personally like people to feel that they can come to me as a non-judgmental (relatively, at least) source of comfort and advice. Of course, everyone's different-- you might consider something like that bothersome. Either way, remember that there will always be room to grow. Realizing that you CAN improve yourself (at least in your eyes) is a step that a lot of people can't get a grip around. Good luck.

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OfflineMixomatosis
great ape

Registered: 10/28/03
Posts: 1,306
Loc: cipherland
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Turd]
    #2773283 - 06/07/04 09:43 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Become a bottomless source of knowledge on as many subjects as I can fit in my head.
That's a strange plan, my friend. Sometimes I come across people who have a lot of facts. They'll be university educated or whatever, but then I go and start inventing a brand new model of the universe from a totally new and fresh perspective, and all they can contribute to the conversation is shit they've read out of books. These people are handy to have around, because every now and then I might call on them to help me reinforce my shiny new belief structure, but that's all they're good for.

As long as you are reading things from other people's books you have to try to navigate within the paradigms they've created, and as they are the creator, and you simply an explorer, you'll never surpass them.

Better to create your own landscape of ideas.. be the master of your own domain.. Book reading can only take you so far. They are good resources.. guides to help you express your creative energy, but as long as all you do is try to understand other people's ideas, people like me will tap you like a sugar maple and brew the sweetest damn.. well, you can top off this metaphor.

Anyway, that's good news that you're hell-bent on changing yourself and making something of your life, but here's the problem: As long as you are getting your confidence from someone else's perception of you, you won't have true self-confidence. I'm saying this cause "I want them to say to eachother "Let's ask Ted (me), I bet he knows"." Sounds to me like you need to do things that won't be recognized by other people. I've endured things and worked harder than most people here I can be sure, and I've certainly not won any recognition.. no cameras, no news stories, no medals.. just me and the elements.

Also.. you sound liek you gotta get laid.

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Invisiblemr crisper
.

Registered: 07/24/00
Posts: 928
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Mixomatosis]
    #2773407 - 06/07/04 10:44 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

As long as you are reading things from other people's books you have to try to navigate within the paradigms they've created, and as they are the creator, and you simply an explorer, you'll never surpass them.

Better to create your own landscape of ideas.. be the master of your own domain.. Book reading can only take you so far.




very nice advice - thanx mixo.

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Invisiblechunder
marker

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 966
Loc: The City
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Turd]
    #2774849 - 06/08/04 01:26 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

As irrigators lead waters where they want, as archers make their arrows straight, as carpenters carve wood, the wise shape their minds.
- Dhammapada, 80

Right on man. The best way to take control of anything is to set your self goals within certain parameters. Too many people just drift along, letting the currents of life tug them every which way until theyre too old to carry on and they die, confused and scattered. Good luck in your journies and efforts, I'll be right there with you, cutting a path through this crazy reality, trying to understand what the fuck is going on. Peace brother.


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OfflineGrav
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 4,454
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Turd]
    #2775207 - 06/08/04 03:26 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

I like what you said about the subconcious motivation. That really rang a bell with me.
Every now and then I get that feeling that I'm directly speaking with my deepest truest self, and there's just this sort of 'air' of "Yup, it's still this same strange journey that it's always been, only minor details have changed." Know what I mean?

I'm working on a change
im trying to expel certain negative ways that I view the world, and trying to get back to my ravenous, mysterious center where life is chaotic and new, but where I am firmly and resolutely grounded in my ego. its a balance I've been working with for a long time, I've made the most progress over the past year. I feel alot better than I used to.

nice post, Turd. got a wheel turning

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InvisibleSwami
Eggshell Walker

Registered: 01/18/00
Posts: 15,413
Loc: In the hen house
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: chunder]
    #2775218 - 06/08/04 03:30 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Too many people just drift along, letting the currents of life tug them every which way until theyre too old to carry on and they die, confused and scattered.

Or, like Reagan, you can set out some amazing goals, achieve them, and still die, confused and scattered.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.

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Offlinedeff
just love everyone
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 9,425
Loc: clarity Flag
Last seen: 25 minutes, 40 seconds
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Swami]
    #2775482 - 06/08/04 05:32 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Haha, made me laugh :smile:

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Invisiblechunder
marker

Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 966
Loc: The City
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Swami]
    #2775807 - 06/08/04 07:37 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

True enough!


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Offlinesandar
medium wheel

Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 18
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 19 years, 1 month
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Turd]
    #2776248 - 06/08/04 10:05 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Well, sir, I believe across the way here we have said "Let's ask Ted, I bet he knows" a few times. To me, and others, you are already a well-cultured and well-educated young man filled with plenty of random information and new ideas on which to feast. Don't underestimate the effects of your thoughts and personality on others, just because they are familiar to you!

But, as for your new goals, I understand completely. I think at one point last year, I decided I would practice communicating until I was able to be the most eloquent writer and speaker on earth. And that I would always have an answer for random history facts and intellectual issues, and that I would have millions of dates and names stored away up in my brain.

Still working on those.

Being a gentle, knowledgeable creature is a good thing to work on.

--
Dolemite. ... Er, Sandra!


--------------------
The grass was juicier than ever, the days were bright, and the nights full of stars...

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OfflineShroomDoom
Friend of the Medicine
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 4,435
Loc: A Psychedelic State Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: Turd]
    #2777687 - 06/09/04 10:51 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Change is good. The process of self transformation is not an easy
one though. its like a snake shedding it's skin. if you've ever seen one, in real life or in a nature show, they look pretty damn uncomfortable trying to rub the dead skin off on everyhing they pass.
and the snake doesnt undergo such big change because he doesnt likes something about himself, he changes because it's necessary. its good that you want to become more creative. there is always room for more creativity in everyone's life.

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Offlineprettyboy
Stranger
Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 19
Last seen: 19 years, 4 months
Re: Changing oneself, and the necessity of a reason [Re: ShroomDoom]
    #2778562 - 06/09/04 04:47 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

one of the best ways to motivate change in yourself is to tailor your environment to break free (temporarily or better!) from being bonded to the 'way you are' by the things that are familiar to you.

this means friends, family, routines, jobs, social circles, geographical location, etc.

the shortcut for that is solo travel. it is really one of THE single best ways to explore a 'new skin' for yourself. develop a new character and live that character as you travel... what may start as a goofy self-test ("what if i tried to talking to a random stranger?") can slowly become totally congruent with your "real" self... the changes are incredible and genuine.


BUT, also try and change your environment in subtle ways within your "everyday" life. how? here's some ideas to get your started:


-if you are straight, go to a gay club by yourself.

no, i don't mean "go gay". i mean, physically walk into a gay club and stand there, for even 10 minutes. when you interact with people, observe how differently they may interact with you. how does your new persona react to this situation? can you hold a conversation is this new, unfamiliar and possibily intimidating situation? or do you wig out and leave, and run back home to the safety net of "normal" surroundings?


-break up with your girlfriend.

(these are general ideas for everyone). no, you aren't breaking up with her because you hate her or the sex sucks or she's getting fat... rather, you are feeling the need to change yourself and unfortunately, the people that make up our most intimate relationships (family, friends, lovers) are often what holds "us" back the most. it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too difficult (if not impossible, realistically) to drastically change under the immediate eyes of a lover. just accept that as reality, if you are talking about SERIOUS change. i would say, don't even bother trying, you'll just end up hurting each other a lot as the "growing pains" drive a wedge between you and eventually erode a "good thing" into bitterness and disgust ("you've changed, i don't even know you anymore!"). best thing to do, if you are REALLY sure she is 'the one', is break up, go through your changes, and rekindle things later (should be months or even years later... serious change is a long process)


-avoid superficial / cosmetic changes touted as a "real" answer for change

that means: don't run out and dye your hair some dumb colour, or get a tongue ring, or a lame celtic tattoo, or start dressing in camo and spikes... and think that you are really 'changing' yourself. IF those things come as a result AFTER some fundamental *INTERNAL* change within your personality, sure. by all means, dye the hair, peirce whatever, etc...... but we all know those people who try to make their drastic change by just jumping on some style bandwagon and "talking the talk" without that all-important internal congruency.


-be congruent

from above, this means, if you want to change yourself for real, your external behaviour has to eventually match your internal persona. for a while, in the beginnings of change, it sometimes feels like you are "acting" or "pretending" to be something you are not... YET. though my above point makes it seem like i'm against that, i'm not actually.... SO LONG AS you realize it is an interm step, and not the end-all of your metamorphisis as all too many hipster urbanites seem to think. base any "acting" toward your new persona in terms of your BEHAVIOUR and ATTITUDES (internally felt and externally expressed), not the kind of hat you wear.


-beware the "small pool" of geographic convenience (or in other words, make some new friends)

alas... probably the hardest one to just go out and "do". because the best friends are usually made by seeming chance. when you just "connect" with someone and not even realize its happening. the biggest problem that's plagued me personally has been geographical proximity: i only become friends with the people i'm around, so when the people i'm around is limited to a small pool, so are my selections for friends. college / university is decieving for that.... sooooooo many people, yet realistically, a very small group consistently encountered. so be aware of this and realize that even if you go to a school of 40,000 people, you are probably only talking consistently to a smaaaaaaaaaaall ass minority.

friend networks should be like a good stock portfolio: diversify, diversify, diversify.

if all your friends know each others' names, its probably time to add some new ones.



hope that helps!


prettyboy.

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