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Anonymous #1

Getting over someone important to you?
    #27776437 - 05/14/22 03:42 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

I'm getting over someone who was important to me (I know, it's what the title says) and it is extremely hard. I cut him out a few months ago. I'm 20F, met him when I was 17. And a lot has happened in that time like I left school, started uni, left uni, started to work etc. He left my city and moved on to another career. We were friends, I think. The main thing we connected over was hunting and hunting is one of my main hobbies.

After I cut him out recently I stopped hunting then realised I'd feel worse if I missed out on the season, so I picked up hunting again and it gives me a reason to live. I know people here are trolls sometimes but I'm sure many people can relate to feeling dead inside. I was obsessed with him.

I was just living my life going from work to home and back again. I would have urges to die because I felt like not much was going for me. Nothing was grounding me here and I was upset over the fact he was gone but it was my doing. And now I gotta live with it.

I remember standing on the edge of a river wanting to drown but now I wonder how I wanted to die because now I have something to anchor me here. If my hobby is that then so be it, this is not me and usually I go and latch onto another guy when a crush is gone from my life but not this time. I've always used guys in the past and I realised it is time to stop.

Anyway, I identified a few things I enjoy because for a while I wasn't feeling much happiness. I can now drive down the road without imagining myself crashing and dying and enjoying being gone. Life is worth a lot and I would rather be here but I want to stop feeling this pain.

When someone's gone it feels like you're in winter all the time, winter is my favourite season but it feels like you're not even real anymore, like you're drifting through life sometimes. It's felt harsh sometimes lately and for some reason when I'm going through a hard time I like to do hard things, maybe it feels like I can control something. It feels like there's no solace anywhere sometimes. Guys don't really seem to like me romantically although they look at me in public. I feel like I look good and that's good but it ain't getting me any guys. Well, I feel like I'm noticing more things that are making me happy even if this overshadows everything.

I heard you shouldn't let someone determine if you live or die and you shouldn't but this feels really heavy, however I'm glad I'm moving past those feelings. I still have some things like friends etc. Hunting.

Nowadays I go hunting alone and I'm facing my fear of the places that remind me of him even if it hurts. I think the pain is all in my mind. I want to know I'm making progress. This guy was almost like a hunting buddy, it wasn't a deep connection but I was hella obsessed.

Edited by Anonymous (05/14/22 03:44 AM)

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Anonymous #2

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27776438 - 05/14/22 03:46 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

Well if it makes you feel any better ( and it probs won't )
I just had a 10 year relationship end and I haven't seen my two beautiful boys in a few weeks.

My ex was constantly accusing me of stuff I hadn't done and had no trust in me, even though I was transparent and honest about everything, but she didn't believe me.

I just turned 30 and now I'm left with nothing and literally have to rebuild my entire life from zero.

So yeah I know it's hard but it will change over time.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #27776532 - 05/14/22 06:20 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Well if it makes you feel any better ( and it probs won't )
I just had a 10 year relationship end and I haven't seen my two beautiful boys in a few weeks.

My ex was constantly accusing me of stuff I hadn't done and had no trust in me, even though I was transparent and honest about everything, but she didn't believe me.

I just turned 30 and now I'm left with nothing and literally have to rebuild my entire life from zero.

So yeah I know it's hard but it will change over time.




Thanks for this - sounds tough. I have my better moments when I think that some things are always worth living for, even stupid, small things. Like the neon lights at night when you go driving, or the season of autumn with all the leaves on the ground. I guess in those moments I don't feel like everything is bland and grey.

I think it's gotten a bit better.

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Anonymous #2

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27776536 - 05/14/22 06:32 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

You have everything to live for and those little things aren't stupid.
Something that makes you happy isn't stupid.

I'm sure you've made the right decision otherwise they would be crawling back to you already.
Just try to remember that everyone is living in their own world and only you can really know and take care of yourself. Fuck other people lol.



I'm on this forum all the time so feel free to message me privately if you get a bit sad.
And take it from a guy with 18 inch scars up his arms  that suicide attempts arent fun

Edited by Anonymous (05/14/22 09:29 PM)

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Anonymous #3

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27776558 - 05/14/22 07:08 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

At 17-20 you're all hormonal. I'd say the same thing to a boy. Up until 25 or so we seem to keep developing in a way that most people don't learn what the "calm" version of themselves is until about then. Point being you should recognize that your feelings are being effected by a bio-chemical imbalance that we call "maturing." Not to imply your feelings are invalid because they are, but the intensity of your feelings will match the time in your life. You know how they say time goes by faster as you age? It's like if your life is a pie chart, every year each slice gets smaller. The same goes for experiences. So while I'd say that you don't forget love, over time the way you look at it will change because you'll continue to grow and form new experiences. Maybe it's the weed but for some reason I'm reminded of In The End by Linkin Park ATM, thinking about change. Guess I'm showing my age :shrug: how does one "show their age" at 20?

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InvisibleLynnch
Strangerer
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Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,935
Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #3] * 1
    #27776794 - 05/14/22 11:09 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

I think #3 is hitting on an important point here, you're still young. You've got plenty of time to figure this out and let the feelings settle.
I've got lovers in the back of my mind that pop up from time to time, from years ago, decades ago; I still feel that pang of heartache, missing them, wondering 'why didn't that work out?' ... But it doesn't hurt anymore. It's a bittersweet sad-joy, a reminder that love is out there, and I'm happy to have had a taste.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27777081 - 05/14/22 03:57 PM (1 year, 10 months ago)

Thanks, guys. This guy was just a crush but it nearly feels like a breakup. I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about it or maybe it's better to face the thoughts but it drags you down.
Guess he wasn't really a friend if he didn't ever want to add me back on social media and last time we talked was October 2021, now I'm happy without talking to him at all.

Edited by Anonymous (05/14/22 03:59 PM)

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,302
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27777596 - 05/15/22 12:08 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

Is there no one else you can hunt with? Do you have to hunt alone? It'll help to have someone with you.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: r3volution.gurl]
    #27777802 - 05/15/22 04:59 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
Is there no one else you can hunt with? Do you have to hunt alone? It'll help to have someone with you.




No-one else.. Yet. I do most of my hobbies alone anyway, I was hunting alone till I met this guy. We never hunted shrooms together but we talked about our finds and stuff. He was very helpful.

I'm trying to do my best. I go and hunt because I am not dropping my hobby for anyone, then it brings back memories but I guess I'll go to new places too.

Just weird making your own way without the friend you thought you were gonna have for a long, long time. And I reckon I saw him today but could've been anyone. I was driving on the open road at high speeds and it felt freeing, just like video games. There is some happiness around. And I can identify a few goals I have otherwise I've felt like a storm cloud has been over me.

Edited by Anonymous (05/15/22 05:01 AM)

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Anonymous #2

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27777979 - 05/15/22 09:47 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
Is there no one else you can hunt with? Do you have to hunt alone? It'll help to have someone with you.




No-one else.. Yet. I do most of my hobbies alone anyway, I was hunting alone till I met this guy. We never hunted shrooms together but we talked about our finds and stuff. He was very helpful.

I'm trying to do my best. I go and hunt because I am not dropping my hobby for anyone, then it brings back memories but I guess I'll go to new places too.

Just weird making your own way without the friend you thought you were gonna have for a long, long time. And I reckon I saw him today but could've been anyone. I was driving on the open road at high speeds and it felt freeing, just like video games. There is some happiness around. And I can identify a few goals I have otherwise I've felt like a storm cloud has been over me.




Sounds like someone needs a heroic dose.

( Not actual advice please don't do anything you aren't extremely comfortable with and safe whilst doing so )

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,302
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Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27777997 - 05/15/22 10:05 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
Is there no one else you can hunt with? Do you have to hunt alone? It'll help to have someone with you.




No-one else.. Yet. I do most of my hobbies alone anyway, I was hunting alone till I met this guy. We never hunted shrooms together but we talked about our finds and stuff. He was very helpful.

I'm trying to do my best. I go and hunt because I am not dropping my hobby for anyone, then it brings back memories but I guess I'll go to new places too.

Just weird making your own way without the friend you thought you were gonna have for a long, long time. And I reckon I saw him today but could've been anyone. I was driving on the open road at high speeds and it felt freeing, just like video games. There is some happiness around. And I can identify a few goals I have otherwise I've felt like a storm cloud has been over me.




I really don't want to ask because I trust the reason why you cut him off, so instead I'm going to ask whether it was worth all the pain you feel now regarding him not being in your life anymore. You don't have to answer if you don't want to obviously.

You need some kind of real life support, like please tell me you have some family or friends you can talk to and to just have company or be their company. It would help you get through this easier.

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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,352
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Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: r3volution.gurl]
    #27778083 - 05/15/22 10:57 AM (1 year, 10 months ago)

My recent experience getting over someone important indicates it takes approximately 10 months.  After that the only things that can cause me to briefly relapse into feelings of heart broken despair & lamentation are if Todd Rundgren’s “Hello It’s Me” or Player’s “Baby Come Back” randomly happen to come on the radio during a particularly vulnerable moment.  :lol:

:tearchalice:


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps

Edited by The Blind Ass (05/16/22 10:08 AM)

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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #27803537 - 06/02/22 11:57 PM (1 year, 9 months ago)

I realised I'm over my ex who I will call W. Now it's just 1 guy to get over. I feel numb but the pain is less now that I'm going to all the old places. I think it's easing the pain.

It's really fantastic when I can't even get a boyfriend too.

It took me about half a year to get over W, I knew him for just a few months.

Edited by Anonymous (06/02/22 11:57 PM)

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OfflineBill_Bumpskin
New Kid on the Block
Registered: 07/02/22
Posts: 60
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27850700 - 07/05/22 04:24 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

I was with my fiancé for four years up until about a year and a half ago. We lost a baby pre-birth. It was something she wanted more than anything in the world. We were each others person…perfect for eachother. We decided to take a little time apart to heal and see if we could work things out after that. She ended up leaving the area on our break, meeting a guy, getting pregnant having a baby, getting married to him all within a little over a year after our “break”. I still hurt about it a year later. I thing about her often….and have probably ruined a couple of possible relationships because I’m broken.. not trying to sound like a Debby downer, but sometimes it’s not possible to get FULLY over someone. I am 40 years old and have never had someone even come close to stealing my heart like she did. The way I cope? I use our experiences together as a way to better myself. Sure, she’s still on my mind, she always will be in fleeting moments…but now I’ve learned to use those moments to better myself and my relationships. Hard to explain, but in Leymans terms….true love really does hurt. You will find your person. You will heal, move on, and continue pushing forward. There are plenty of fish in the sea sounds stupid, but is a true story. Don’t let the loss of said person get in the way of you doing things for you. Keep pressing, and hell, I’m sure plenty of people here are willing to talk! Head up 😊

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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Bill_Bumpskin]
    #27853021 - 07/07/22 01:31 AM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Thank you.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27890053 - 08/04/22 04:46 PM (1 year, 7 months ago)

Update: my GP said I have depression or am depressed so that explains the emptiness. I've stopped hunting for mushrooms again because I've lost interest in my hobbies. I'm now on an antidepressant as things have been a bit rocky lately.

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Anonymous #3

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27890219 - 08/04/22 06:53 PM (1 year, 7 months ago)

Use with caution. People will laud the medications but fact is they're throwing shit at the wall and hoping it sticks regardless of the mess it makes. The most important tool for the depressed is your own mind.

-a clinically depressed person



The shit always really scared me because both use and cessation of a number of them can cause suicidal ideation and I already think about that enough. Not to mention everything else.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27890629 - 08/05/22 03:23 AM (1 year, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #3 said:
Use with caution. People will laud the medications but fact is they're throwing shit at the wall and hoping it sticks regardless of the mess it makes. The most important tool for the depressed is your own mind.

-a clinically depressed person



The shit always really scared me because both use and cessation of a number of them can cause suicidal ideation and I already think about that enough. Not to mention everything else.




I've begun to get headaches from the SSRIs but I was not in a good way. Washing was piling up and I have OCD yet it just got away from me! Had to wake up at 6:30 to put on a load of washing, before work. Tried alcohol a few weeks ago, self-harm over the guy before stopping it. Self-care slipped a bit and I've heard bad things about antidepressants but even with all my strength I could not pull myself out of this slump. Not doing well at work, being burned out, not cleaning my room, letting rubbish pile up, etc.

I had suicidal thoughts back in April but am past them mostly, one of the things keeping me going is my burning desire to get over this guy. It's rocky, but I'm now in the phase where I typically relapse except I'm not going to this time.

I found myself relating to depressed people which is scary but when it hits you everything feels black or grey and like nothing matters hence why I've been sleeping a lot. Depression.. It sucks.

Edited by Anonymous (08/05/22 03:24 AM)

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OfflineBlueAndOrange
Psychedelic success story…
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Registered: 01/11/22
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Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27890990 - 08/05/22 11:20 AM (1 year, 7 months ago)

I wish you the best with this. As a survivor of the psychiatric industry who was once so depressed I was hospitalized, the things that got me off the meds and back into life (and I know this is easier said then done) was diet, exercise, sleep discipline, sunshine (vitamin D), and giving up all beverages except water, and drinking 1/2 gallon+ daily.

It’s hard work, especially when you’re depressed. Biggest changes came after giving up grain, sugar, and then processed food. Later improvements came from giving up caffeine. Definitely quit drinking and pot if you’re using them. Mushrooms are good though, but be careful while on serotonin meds.

Just my experience. YMMV.

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
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Re: Getting over someone important to you? [Re: BlueAndOrange]
    #27891841 - 08/05/22 09:02 PM (1 year, 7 months ago)

I feel like that's where I need to be again in life.

I've never been hospitalized for psychiatric purposes or used any meds though.

I was relatively healthy, mentally and physically, but I let go of my consistency, mostly diet and exercise and I've been on a downward spiral health wise. I feel extremely sick and I've had more illness in the last 6 months than I've had in my entire life.

I fear if I don't go back to that routine and make an even greater effort than ever before, I might regret it.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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