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OfflineShrooms4menow
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Registered: 01/31/22
Posts: 194
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
I hate inceldom
    #27769279 - 05/08/22 11:36 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

I have recently found myself unwittingly pushed into inceldom territory as a result of my not getting laid. This is really frustrating to me as I try not to be an asshole and objectify people, but it gets hard to rationalise my not having sex. Humans are animals, so if I have not yet become the object of sexual desire this must be due to some proble with me right?
This is lamestream thinking on the subject and I guess theres some sense to it, but you cant devise all these stereotypes and biases around virgin men then pretend that they dont have a right to be frustrated at not getting sex. This is often equated to seeing women as objects but this association is beyond dubious. If women were objects none of this would make sense. The incels would only be resentful towards men who get sex, and not women, as you canot hate or be resentful towards things.

What I really hate is when I was called an incel not too long ago. As if that reflected my charactar. An ince is just smeone who wants sex but cant get it, so all Icould do is either have sex or stop wanting it. Of course if I could have sex I wouldnt be incel (wanting sex is part of the definition of an incel) while not wanting it still leaves me a virgin which still has social costs associated. 
Almost as bad is when people tell me Im attractive, This only happened a few times, but as far as Im concerned if no one has showed their interest to me they were not attracted to me. Someone else claiming Im attractive (in this case my sister who I am not fucking) simply has no meaning for me. If I was attractive I wouldnt still be a virgin.

The conclusion I came to on the mater is that I am under no obligations towards society as it has nothing to offer me. I would be wrell within my rights to start using heroin or speed if it werent for the fact that it would harm those around me. Not that Iwould, I just don't blame people who do- that tweaker you see rambling in the street could have been an incel or a neo-nazi instead.


Edited by Shrooms4menow (05/09/22 01:47 PM)


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InvisibleEminence
Male


Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow] * 1
    #27769316 - 05/09/22 12:36 AM (1 year, 8 months ago)

If someone calls you attractive, it's up to you to do something with that. You don't tend to just get complimented and then all of a sudden find yourself in someone's bedroom, unless you're with some drunk chick that is really sexually assertive or something. Either they found you attractive and you did nothing about it, or they said so because you were complaining about being unattractive and they said so to cheer you up lol. Either way, you have to try harder than just expect it to happen right away, assuming you're a man and not a woman.

I got all kinds of compliments on my looks but they never lead to anything until I decided to act on those compliments.

But I would advise you not to get so hung up on getting laid and focus more on just general social skills with women which obviously is a huge factor in actually sealing the deal. And stop caring so much about peoples' opinion of you being a virgin. It's not that big of a deal, only teenagers and vapid vain people really care about that with other people.


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OfflineShrooms4menow
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Registered: 01/31/22
Posts: 194
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Eminence]
    #27769829 - 05/09/22 01:49 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Ive only ever been complimented by my family- thats a large part of why I dont believe it.

Where can I find such a drunk chick? I actually want a assertive partner


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OfflineShrooms4menow
Stranger

Registered: 01/31/22
Posts: 194
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow]
    #27769888 - 05/09/22 02:36 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

The problem is that feminists insist women want sex just as much as men do, when in reality most of them just flat out don't.

I don't really mind this per se as there are women for whom it is the case, and as a matter of fact that's my target market. But when we are berated with this combined with their insistence that "men only see women a objects" and that we "feel entitled to womens bodies," thats when we run into problems, because now men are being put in a position of being blamed for their sexuality.

The fact is if I wanted a sex toy I could get one, and in fact I'm within an inch of finding a guy to fuck instead as I am bisexual and increasingly care less and less about what people think. The problem is that men ARE differnt from women, so while it may be easier to hookup with guys, these guys will tend to be very gross.

This is why i dont blame women for not just wanting to fuck any guy who shows interest in them, but at the same time, you don't get to insist that men and women are exactly alike then proceed to socially punish men for not conforming to this ideal.

If I want sex with a woman I can hire a prostitute, but the difference between this and a guy on grindr seems dubious to me, so in discomfort I try to think of alternatives.
Prostitutes are people, we aren't talking about fucking corpses or objects or animals or sex toys or even other men.

My theory on the matter is that men are secretly afraid of being rejected for their sexuality- this seems to always have been somewhat the case and I think Freuds castration anxiety is an expression of it. Men want affection, they cannot feel affection if they feel rejected, but since they have undoubtedly stronger sex drives than women, this means that nature has basically given them an ultimatum that if they dont get sex they are worthless, unloveable, or ineffective.

Women, on the other hand, have weaker sex drives. They dont want sex so much as they want to want sex. Women have a hard time admiting they want to be dominated, this is because they dont just want to be dominated but in a specific way by a specific partner who is simultaneously very unspecified. Really what they want is someone who can fulfill these desires of theirs without seeing them as an object or wanting to demean them. The reason for this is openly that they are embarassed about their bodies and particularly embarrased of them during sex. Sex in general has been described by women as embarassing, and embarassment can easily escalate to humiliation in the wrong context.
They might stomach embarassment, but they will not be humiliated to fulfil their desires.

Even men are socially punished by other men for doing this but this is typically in the form of having sex with a whore or slut who is regarded as gross or a worthless person. Men are far more prone to such behavior but even then most men dont want to fuck a sub-par partner.
For women, then, who not only have weaker sex drives butfor whom sex literally costs them more physically in the potential for physical pain, being raped or getting mixed up in their heads, to expect this would be absurd.

The issue I am trying to deal with is simply one of how to bridge this gap. So far no one has bothered to touch on this question so far as I know.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
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Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 3,115
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Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow]
    #27769906 - 05/09/22 02:52 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Dude just go to a massage parlor and join a sports team or something.

The problem isnt the amount of sex you aren't having, the problem seems to me to be how much time you spend thinking about it.

Jerking off is almost as good as boning when you factor all the risks and emotions into it

Fuck that guy, buy that sex toy, but please, focus on the things in life that make you actually happy.


--------------------
If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow] * 1
    #27769924 - 05/09/22 03:00 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

I’ve seen you posting along these lines for a while and I feel for you. It’s not an easy road for some guys. But becoming a black pilled incel isn’t a great road either. Honestly before you do anything you need to be very honest about what you want. Do you just just want to have sex, or do you want a relationship? Or both? Be warned that one doesn’t always guarantee the other.

If all you want is sex you are going to need a strategy and a place to execute it. Dating apps can be unforgiving if you are not physically exceptional or quite good looking. Men outnumber women quite a bit on those apps so the ladies have the pick and are going to be far more choosy than a guy will. Even a slightly above average guy will be just another face in the card stack. Factor in the loads of creeps that women deal with on those apps and it’s very easy to get ghosted. Most women won’t swipe right unless you are quite good looking, have professional photos, and/or seem to have a fair bit of resources.

It’s not much better in clubs bars and meat markets although a talking game can help there. If you are a quiet introverted type of guy you won’t get far in those places though. Again you will want to be good looking, at least 5’11” and have some good style. If you can be witty and funny that might help a bit more than it would on an app so you could at least lean on that.

If you want to put the work into a relationship what you will need to do is work on yourself first. Get some hobbies, hit the gym, expand your social circles. Work more and make some money. Get financially literate. That’s going to take some time and effort but the upside is at least your improving yourself along the way. Those things might actually increase your chances of success. You might also manage to find a relationship at school or work but those settings carry a lot of risk, especially if things go south. Creep a woman out at your work and you could be fired or worse. Learn to read the cues so you can back the hell off before you get yourself in trouble. Become someone interesting and you will have people want to be around you. Don’t just be some plug who plays video games all day.

If all those sound difficult you can always save a few hundred bucks and go to a professional. It’s not nearly as satisfying but it would be a way to at least get some. Really when you look at the cost of taking women out on dinner dates, or cruising clubs, or buying clothes and getting good photos taken for the apps, going to a pro isn’t really all that expensive in the long run. Hookups are only cheap for guys who are super good looking and already have some means.

This probably sounds pretty bleak to you. My advice is to work on yourself as a person, and do it for yourself. Try to not think about women. Definitely don’t simp and fawn on them, they generally are turned off by guys who are too available. Go to the gym and eat right. Quit your vices and take care of your body. Work hard and get money. That way in a few years you might be able to attract a good partner or at least catch the eye of a potential one night stand. Reward yourself with a pro once in a while along the way but don’t get too caught up in the game. I know it’s hard to ignore a strong biological urge like a strong sex drive presents especially for a young man but I promise there are worse fates. It’s far worse to get baby trapped by a psycho than it is to be a virgin.


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InvisibleCapSlinger
Male

Registered: 05/17/11
Posts: 983
Loc: Colorado rocky mountain high Flag
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27770004 - 05/09/22 03:57 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Good luck man you can do it!:fuckinawesome:

Maybe just get a whore so you are no longer a virgin.:shrug:


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OfflineMike hok
Stoner
Male

Registered: 01/17/22
Posts: 82
Last seen: 11 months, 5 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow]
    #27770203 - 05/09/22 06:15 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

All I'm going to say is confidence man! It takes a bit of practice and small amounts of alcohol will help! (Don't drink to much or you'll b a turn off)

Walk up to the hottest chick in the bar ask her what's she's drinking buy her one Nd yourself a drink then just talk shit don't try be someone else be yourself and be confident about it (that's you after all!) if she turns ya down AHH well go make the next one Ur prey and don't get hung up on it!

But yeah if u can learn to be confident and yourself I garuntee you'll get laid stop over analysing everything and what the woman are thinking etc etc.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Mike hok] * 1
    #27770234 - 05/09/22 06:33 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

If it was as easy as downing a couple drinks and projecting confidence, incels wouldn’t exist. Also I suggest not drinking, it’s terrible for you.


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OfflineShrooms4menow
Stranger

Registered: 01/31/22
Posts: 194
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27770327 - 05/09/22 07:45 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I’ve seen you posting along these lines for a while and I feel for you. It’s not an easy road for some guys. But becoming a black pilled incel isn’t a great road either. Honestly before you do anything you need to be very honest about what you want. Do you just just want to have sex, or do you want a relationship? Or both? Be warned that one doesn’t always guarantee the other.

If all you want is sex you are going to need a strategy and a place to execute it. Dating apps can be unforgiving if you are not physically exceptional or quite good looking. Men outnumber women quite a bit on those apps so the ladies have the pick and are going to be far more choosy than a guy will. Even a slightly above average guy will be just another face in the card stack. Factor in the loads of creeps that women deal with on those apps and it’s very easy to get ghosted. Most women won’t swipe right unless you are quite good looking, have professional photos, and/or seem to have a fair bit of resources.

It’s not much better in clubs bars and meat markets although a talking game can help there. If you are a quiet introverted type of guy you won’t get far in those places though. Again you will want to be good looking, at least 5’11” and have some good style. If you can be witty and funny that might help a bit more than it would on an app so you could at least lean on that.

If you want to put the work into a relationship what you will need to do is work on yourself first. Get some hobbies, hit the gym, expand your social circles. Work more and make some money. Get financially literate. That’s going to take some time and effort but the upside is at least your improving yourself along the way. Those things might actually increase your chances of success. You might also manage to find a relationship at school or work but those settings carry a lot of risk, especially if things go south. Creep a woman out at your work and you could be fired or worse. Learn to read the cues so you can back the hell off before you get yourself in trouble. Become someone interesting and you will have people want to be around you. Don’t just be some plug who plays video games all day.

If all those sound difficult you can always save a few hundred bucks and go to a professional. It’s not nearly as satisfying but it would be a way to at least get some. Really when you look at the cost of taking women out on dinner dates, or cruising clubs, or buying clothes and getting good photos taken for the apps, going to a pro isn’t really all that expensive in the long run. Hookups are only cheap for guys who are super good looking and already have some means.

This probably sounds pretty bleak to you. My advice is to work on yourself as a person, and do it for yourself. Try to not think about women. Definitely don’t simp and fawn on them, they generally are turned off by guys who are too available. Go to the gym and eat right. Quit your vices and take care of your body. Work hard and get money. That way in a few years you might be able to attract a good partner or at least catch the eye of a potential one night stand. Reward yourself with a pro once in a while along the way but don’t get too caught up in the game. I know it’s hard to ignore a strong biological urge like a strong sex drive presents especially for a young man but I promise there are worse fates. It’s far worse to get baby trapped by a psycho than it is to be a virgin.




I am planning on hiring a prostitute, but Im not really attracted to most people to begin with. I guess Id be attracted to a prostitute just because they dont feel embarassed by their bodies. If theyre just doing sex like theyd do anything else at a job, whereas Im this shy sensitive virgin, Im likely going to cry- I literally want to be dominated. Prostitutes seem empowered to me.


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InvisibleEminence
Male


Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow]
    #27770418 - 05/09/22 09:30 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Ok well I'm not going to get into all that, but I will say, if you bang a dude you're still gonna be a virgin :lol:


--------------------




Edited by Eminence (05/09/22 09:55 PM)


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OfflineShrooms4menow
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Registered: 01/31/22
Posts: 194
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Eminence]
    #27770439 - 05/09/22 09:49 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

so gay men are all virgins


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
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Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow]
    #27770469 - 05/09/22 10:07 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Alot of men don't want sex either. Or only want it under very specific circumstances. It's just less socially acceptable for them to say so.

Plenty of people think asexually is an illness of some sort.

Just more ways to other those that don't live up to social expectations.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow] * 1
    #27770517 - 05/09/22 10:47 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

I think this thread shows a lot of the same problems as other threads like this. There's just a fundamental misunderstanding going on here. Diving into inceldom is only going to make that misunderstanding worse.

Here's the core of it: instead of focusing on sex, try to focus on getting to know people, dating people, maybe finding some kind of a relationship. Asking women out involves a lot of rejection, no matter who you are. Rejection sucks, no one likes it, it feels bad, but that's just what you have to do. Maybe it's going to be 90% rejection, well get over it and do it anyway. That's just what you have to do, and it's fine. Everyone does it.

Where to find these women: you should try singles events, singles bars, dating websites, singles cruises, craigslist, everything you possibly can simultaneously. Many of these will get you nothing most of the time, but you just have to keep trying. And don't just focus on getting laid. Sex is nothing special, and most people want more than just to fuck. So instead try to get to know the other person. Above all, try to do something together where both of you are having fun and talking.

You know some of the best moments I've had with women just involved doing something fun together and talking, getting to know them and vice versa. And hey, if they don't like you, at least you get a friend out of the deal. Maybe they can then introduce you to some of their friends, and that might lead to meeting someone who does like you. Even just spending time with a woman who is your friend will increase your skill at talking to women in general, and it will increase your understanding of women. Just don't get hung up on someone who is never going to pan out. Have that friendship, but keep looking.

You have to keep your head up and keep optimistic. There's a lot of focus in this thread on physical appearances, and sure they help, but not as much as you'd think. Stop focus so much on physical appearances. If a woman has a choice between a really hot guy who is boring as fuck selfish jerk, and a really fun guy who she likes spending time with, she's going to chose the guy who she likes to be around. Sure, maybe she'll fuck the hot guy (maybe, maybe not), but she's going to date much more seriously the guy who she actually likes.

Think about it like this: the women who you really liked in life: was it just about their physical appearances? Was that the only thing you liked about them? I bet actually that how they looked had very little to do with why you liked them. You probably admired them, maybe they had a great personality and super cool interests. Maybe you thought they were cool. Most of all, you probably enjoyed just being around them. If I asked any man in a relationship "what do you like most about the person you're with?" very few of them are going to say "she's so fucking hot, and that's all I like about her."

If you had lots of opportunities to be with women, what kinds of things would you look for in a woman? You probably wouldn't be that interested in physical appearances as much as you'd be interested in stuff like: is this person fun to be around? Do we get along and have a good time together? Are they supportive, do I like things about them? Do we have common interests? Do they do helpful stuff that enhances my life? These are the kinds of things many women look for in potential partners, much more so than sheer physical attractiveness.

I have heard so many guys talk about attractive women ending up with supposedly unattractive men, so I don't know why it's such a big surprise that women don't place as much emphasis on physical attraction as you think they do. If you could choose anyone in the world, would you really decide purely based on physical attraction? Hell no. Women place some emphasis on physical attraction, for sure, but not as much as it gets made out to be online. The internet would have you believe it's 99% physical attractiveness, when it isn't at all like that. Men aren't like that either. Sure attractiveness plays a role, but guys don't select women based purely on physical attraction. They base it more on liking the person as a whole, their personality, their interests, having fun together, liking talking to the person.

You keep claiming that women are less interested in sex, yet you don't seem to realize that even if that were true, it would actually work to your advantage. If that were true (and I'm not saying that it is), that would just mean that actually you have an even better chance with women because they don't care nearly as much about the stuff you're obsessing over like physical appearances.

Anyway, get to know people, date them, don't worry about sex. Many women aren't even that attracted to guys until they get to know them. Many women want to know a guy before they sleep with them (shocking as that idea may be), so you're not going to get very far until you start really getting to know people and spending time with them.

If you can find someone who enjoys talking to you so much that you end up talking on the phone together all night, I fucking guarantee that person will end up sleeping with you eventually. But you've got to be patient, and don't focus on the sex.


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OfflineMike hok
Stoner
Male

Registered: 01/17/22
Posts: 82
Last seen: 11 months, 5 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27770573 - 05/10/22 12:10 AM (1 year, 8 months ago)

It literally is that easy though I didn't say u need to drink but if Ur a shy bastard it definitely helps.


I know just saying to be confident doesn't help at all but once u master it you'll realise that is all it takes. It's the best but of advice you'll ever get for getting laid.


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OfflineMike hok
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Male

Registered: 01/17/22
Posts: 82
Last seen: 11 months, 5 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: nooneman]
    #27770575 - 05/10/22 12:12 AM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Your advice is really damn good too!!


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OfflineShrooms4menow
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Registered: 01/31/22
Posts: 194
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: nooneman]
    #27771944 - 05/10/22 09:38 PM (1 year, 8 months ago)

I agree with basically everything you are saying, but you misunderstood the point of this thread. I think this is mostly my fault for improperly explaining my intentions.
For one thing, an incel is defined as someone who wants sex but cant get it, so I am an incel by definition so long as I still want sex and dot get it. However, as Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, a man can do what he wants, but he cannot will what he wants- so aside from trying to detach myself from my desires as Buddhism would recommend I do, the only thing I can do to cease being an incel IS to get laid.

Furthermore, you misunderstand the nature of my desires. I can jack off and I know it, the point of a partner is that there is just something different about having sex as opposed to jacking off.
You can accuse me of seeing women as objects all you want, but the fact is that absolutely no one actually sees women as objects. In fact thats the whole fucking point otherwise wed stick our dicks into watermelons on account of ease and convenience.
Even rapists fall into this category- the whole point is to humiliate their victim. You cannot humiliate an object and no one gets off on trying to humiliate cantelopes or watermelon. The fact that their victims are subjects and not objects is incorporated into their desires to begin with.

Viewing a sex partner as an object is literally incoherent- its impossible to actually view a partner this way.

Finally, I am attracted to personality- particularly powerful personalities. So far I have never met anyone who I genuinely wanted to have sex with- Ive had musings, light fantasies about circumstances surrounding people, but nothing more.

I get it that most people are still sexually repressed, but Im not interested in women like that. Im interested in psychologically powerful women, I want a partner who will blow my mind wide open. What I want is a Schitzophrinic Girlfreind like Sid Viscious had.


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Anonymous #2

Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Shrooms4menow] * 2
    #27772194 - 05/11/22 03:36 AM (1 year, 8 months ago)

Bro go pay a hooker a hundred bucks and get it over with. Stop making 6000 word essays on a normal human function just because you're scared to talk to a women.

I'm not being judgey or insulting ( on purpose ) but the only one stopping you from having sex is YOU!!!

You need to seriously stop putting it on some kind of magic pedestal and get it over with.

And I can tell by your massive MASSIVE over analysis of the situation that your expecting something that's not there.

It's just sex it's not oxygen or water so stop acting like it. Everyone does it except for those guys that write posts like yours. Just ask a fucking girl to have sex and tell her you're a virgin.
Most women will enjoy that shit.


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Anonymous #2

Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Anonymous #2] * 1
    #27772196 - 05/11/22 03:38 AM (1 year, 8 months ago)

I can see this thread being used in a murder trial in the coming months.

Just ask a female. Simple.
It's like people have never heard the word no in their life and are shaking in their boots that a girl might say no.


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OfflineShrooms4menow
Stranger

Registered: 01/31/22
Posts: 194
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
Re: I hate inceldom [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #27772439 - 05/11/22 09:54 AM (1 year, 8 months ago)

"just go talk to women" "women dont owe you sex" "the only one stopping you from having sex is you"

I dont give 2 shits about rejection, just dont bullshit me


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