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Fridgedoor
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Registered: 09/13/20
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Road Rage Support Group 1
#27750171 - 04/25/22 02:56 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Hi everyone,
I got a problem and I am sure that I am not the only one...
First a few facts about myself. Generally I am a peaceful, loving person that tries to be a part of the good in this world. But there is another side of me lurking and hiding and when it comes out it feels like it just waited to take over. It blurs my rational side till there's barely anything left of it. In that state I feel like being in a bubble, forgetting about everything, just focusing on the source of my irritation. There's always a tiny spark of rational thinking left though, which I am grateful for, because I just might do something stupid, which I will regret later. It doesn't happen very often that I get road rage, but it happens and when it does it feels like anything could happen and that worries me.
Let me give you an example. My day started of great. Got the kids ready for Kindergarten on a beautiful sunshiny morning. Everything is going smoothly, just how I like it. Just going with the flow of things.
Then, being on our way, there's this guy driving behind me. So close that I can only see the hood and wipers of his car. That's one of my pet hates and that's when my other side wakes up very quickly. It happens so quickly that I haven't found a way to calm myself down, so far. If you suffer from road rage you might know this feeling. It's like seeing red all of a sudden. So what I do in situations like this, is I get spiteful, which clearly isn't helping the situation. In this particular case I slowed down to half of my initial speed (Initially I was driving just as fast as I was allowed to). Of course the guy behind me gets really pissed now, getting even closer, hooting at me. This is when I really got pissed. But I somehow managed to just show him the middle finger and shortly afterwards luckily our paths parted.
I am very much aware that I shouldn't even be bothered. I should be above it. When something like that happens I don't even think about it anymore an hour afterwards. This guy was probably in a bad mood and tried to make everyone else's day miserable too (and I did him the favor and took the bait). Anyway I am worried that one day I might act on these feelings and thoughts going through my mind in situations like that. Forgetting about the last spark of rational thinking, getting into a situation that I will remember (and regret) for a long time.
This is something I tried to work on for a long time, but it seems to be so deeply rooted in my personality that I kind of gave up and tried live with it. I read up on Carl Jung's shadows or Eckhart Tolle's pain body, which helped me to analyze the issue in some kind of way, but it hasn't helped solving the problem.
I get the idea that there must be many people out there experiencing similar things, which made me decide to create this thread. Maybe there is someone who successfully silenced their road rage for good? If so how did you do it? I appreciate any input.
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Rotnpins
🤮 Rotten-Pins 🍄



Registered: 01/11/22
Posts: 4,738
Loc: in (front of) the hood
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Fridgedoor] 1
#27750586 - 04/25/22 12:11 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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I don't really have an issue with roadrage, but someone very close to me does.. I feel for you. One good thing you have going for you is that you're aware of the problem, and wanting to do something to change it.. that's an awesome step in the right direction..
Ive had many discussions about it with the person I mentioned, and he doesn't recognize that it's a problem. Unfortunately, it makes me think that things will only get worse before they get better.
I really hope you find something that works for you. From your story, it sounded like you had your children in the car with you.. Maybe try focusing on them next time, and see if it helps.. sometimes trying to do our best to be a positive influence for our children is enough to help us keep a cooler head in agrivating situations.
When I was a child, my dad flipped someone off in a parking lot for driving stupidly, and the guy pulled a gun and pointed it out his window... it always stuck with me, and I keep it in the back of my head that sometimes escalating a situation over spite will only push the other person to escalate things further..
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CapSlinger


Registered: 05/17/11
Posts: 983
Loc: Colorado rocky mountain high
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Rotnpins] 1
#27750633 - 04/25/22 12:52 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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What helps me to contain the rage is to remember that there are some crazy mother fuckers out there who will pull a gun and shoot it at you and your kids because they just don't give a fuck about anything. 
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Rotnpins
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Registered: 01/11/22
Posts: 4,738
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: CapSlinger] 1
#27750690 - 04/25/22 01:48 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
CapSlinger said: What helps me to contain the rage is to remember that there are some crazy mother fuckers out there who will pull a gun and shoot it at you and your kids because they just don't give a fuck about anything.  
Exactly..
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Fridgedoor
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Registered: 09/13/20
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Rotnpins] 1
#27751476 - 04/26/22 01:15 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Thanks for the input, both of you!
I read your reply yesterday already Rotnpins, but I was too tired to respond and thought about it a little more.
Quote:
I really hope you find something that works for you. From your story, it sounded like you had your children in the car with you.. Maybe try focusing on them next time, and see if it helps.. sometimes trying to do our best to be a positive influence for our children is enough to help us keep a cooler head in agrivating situations.
This is an excellent point! My children mean everything to me and I hate it when they see me angry. I want to be their role model and I think I am doing a good job. It's only the anger issue that I need to work on. The problem is that it is this kind of rational thinking that kind of says good bye, when emotions take over. I live with this since I got my drivers license and I am close to 40 now. I try to find a solution for a long time.
Quote:
When I was a child, my dad flipped someone off in a parking lot for driving stupidly, and the guy pulled a gun and pointed it out his window... it always stuck with me, and I keep it in the back of my head that sometimes escalating a situation over spite will only push the other person to escalate things further..
Quote:
What helps me to contain the rage is to remember that there are some crazy mother fuckers out there who will pull a gun and shoot it at you and your kids because they just don't give a fuck about anything.  
Guns are a good point too. I currently live in South Africa, so it's not unlikely someone pulls a gun on me. I know it's absolutely not worth it getting worked up about idiots in traffic, but that's easier said than done for me. My problem is the rapid change of emotions, I think. I don't really have time to contain my rage. It's just a matter of a second. Also I want to mention that I don't get angry without reason. I don't bully others, I just dont like to see people throwing garbage or cigarettes out of their window, pushing me to drive faster and all these kind of things. I guess most people would agree that some road users show unacceptable behavior. I just over-react way way beyond of what would be appropriate in that situation.
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GenericHero
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Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Fridgedoor] 1
#27759438 - 05/02/22 12:07 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Anger isn't bad, totally justified when someone threatens you with a two ton battering ram. Tailgating is unsafe, the reasonable response is to slow to a safe speed. Zero car lengths=zero miles per hour.
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Fridgedoor
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: GenericHero] 1
#27760867 - 05/03/22 02:41 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
GenericHero said: Anger isn't bad, totally justified when someone threatens you with a two ton battering ram. Tailgating is unsafe, the reasonable response is to slow to a safe speed. Zero car lengths=zero miles per hour.
Right? Especially when there's a sign on the back of my car indicating that I got children on board.
I used to actually do what you suggested, slowing down to zero or a few mph, but that was in a saver country.
...and I agree anger is part of the emotional soup and it's not necessarily a bad emotion one should suppress or something like that. But when I get triggered on the road it does not feel like a healthy emotional response from my end.
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GenericHero
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Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Fridgedoor] 1
#27761658 - 05/03/22 04:40 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Blinders then maybe. Sometimes I'll angle my rearview mirror up so I can't see behind me. Generally I have a better experience that way.
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halfass mycology
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seldom seen
April Fool



Registered: 11/03/07
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: GenericHero] 1
#27762523 - 05/04/22 09:05 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Microdosing helps me with similar issues, I can relate.
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Kryptos
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Fridgedoor] 1
#27762533 - 05/04/22 09:12 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fridgedoor said:
Quote:
GenericHero said: Anger isn't bad, totally justified when someone threatens you with a two ton battering ram. Tailgating is unsafe, the reasonable response is to slow to a safe speed. Zero car lengths=zero miles per hour.
Right? Especially when there's a sign on the back of my car indicating that I got children on board.
I used to actually do what you suggested, slowing down to zero or a few mph, but that was in a saver country.
...and I agree anger is part of the emotional soup and it's not necessarily a bad emotion one should suppress or something like that. But when I get triggered on the road it does not feel like a healthy emotional response from my end.
Emotions are not good or bad. You cannot control them. Your response to your emotions is under your control, and can be good or bad.
Interestingly, owning a gun is correlated to higher probability of road rage. Having a gun in the car, even more so.
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Fridgedoor
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Kryptos] 2
#27762582 - 05/04/22 09:50 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
GenericHero said: Blinders then maybe. Sometimes I'll angle my rearview mirror up so I can't see behind me. Generally I have a better experience that way.
This is a good trick I used to do sometimes . Thanks for reminding me! 
Quote:
seldom seen said: Microdosing helps me with similar issues, I can relate.
I tried microdosing back in the day, but I am one of the unfortunate ones who get irritable from a microdose. I bet Cannabis would help, but I don't drive under the influence, especially when my kids are on board.
Quote:
Kryptos said: Emotions are not good or bad. You cannot control them. Your response to your emotions is under your control, and can be good or bad.
Interestingly, owning a gun is correlated to higher probability of road rage. Having a gun in the car, even more so.
Well, maybe I chose the wrong term. In general I would agree with you. But don't you think that emotions can get out of control? Like Anger issues or depression, etc? This is basically the reason why I made this thread. Because I want to find ways that allow me to keep my emotions under control and I hope that others will benefit as well.
I admit that I am happy, that I don't own a gun.
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Kryptos
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Fridgedoor] 1
#27762762 - 05/04/22 12:17 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Can emotions get out of control? Yeah, sure. I know what depression is (and I'm off my meds for...several years now).
But you still respond to those emotions. Emotions themselves aren't going to do anything, they just make you want to do something.
It is often easier in the moment to surrender to emotion. Over time, you learn the proper way to respond to your various emotions.
Emotions can be very powerful, but it is still your decision as to how much control to give them.
That's the hard part.
Edit: Also, I will add that strong emotions are literally physically addictive. There's a reason the term "rageaholic" exists. Someone who gets used to dealing with anger by throwing things starts to like it. It becomes the primary coping mechanism. Then when they're in a meeting at work and have nothing to throw, the real problems start.
Edited by Kryptos (05/04/22 12:19 PM)
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: Road Rage Support Group [Re: Kryptos] 1
#27763726 - 05/04/22 11:05 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Do you feel like they're actively threatening you because you feel responsible for your children?
I have some road rage too and I notice I snap more when I have external pressure. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done but it's like something in my brain gets turned on and it turns off other things... Like judgement. I don't like that version of me.
But I've noticed it's very much like a PTSD/fight or flight trigger. I feel actively threatened so my response, without thought or intent, is too fight. Like if it's real bad I'm completely prepared to kill someone. It's not good.
How you think about these things leading up to the situation does alot for that knee jerk reaction.
So if it helps modern vehicles are extremely safe, especially if you are driving safely, and your children are much safer than they've ever been if they're properly belted in. Most fatalities occur because the driver themselves was doing something unsafe. Driving on the wrong side. Not being belted in. Ect. So if you're being responsible you are probably being safe.
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Fridgedoor
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Registered: 09/13/20
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Quote:
CookieCrumbs said: Do you feel like they're actively threatening you because you feel responsible for your children?
It depends a bit on the situation... But yes, during the scenario described in my initial post I definitely felt threatened. But not because of my children. There was actually no good reason for the other driver to behave the way he did. I got extra angry because my children where involved in the situation though. He knew I got two toddlers in my car and still drove the way he did. He likely has other issues and looked for someone to get rid of his frustration.
Quote:
CookieCrumbs said: I have some road rage too and I notice I snap more when I have external pressure. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done but it's like something in my brain gets turned on and it turns off other things... Like judgement. I don't like that version of me.
But I've noticed it's very much like a PTSD/fight or flight trigger. I feel actively threatened so my response, without thought or intent, is too fight. Like if it's real bad I'm completely prepared to kill someone. It's not good.
I can pretty much relate to this. I don't like myself in these kind of situations too.
Just imagine two people with this problem get into a fight... The thing is, it's really not worth it getting into trouble about something like this. I only lost it completely twice in my twenty years on the road and I remember both events as if they happened yesterday. I want to mention that I haven't gotten into a physical fight though. The other hundrets of times I got angry, but didn't really act on, are mostly forgotten long ago.
All in all I consider myself a save driver. As long as I don't get triggered, that is.
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