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Anonymous #1
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I'm a male virgin 2
#27748987 - 04/24/22 12:16 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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And over 25. I experienced some trauma as a child and it left an impression on my personality. I don't know how to go about things with women. I've never been in a serious relationship. I've had relationships with women but they didn't progress sexually because I had a mental block and I didn't allow it to happen.
I carried a lot of shame for what happened when I was younger and then I felt shame for being a virgin. I recently started telling people that I'm a virgin. I haven't told a lot of people, but I'm slowly becoming comfortable accepting who I am at this point in my life.
I don't know how to take on a new relationship with women. I want to have relationships with them but am a bit stuck. I think I see cues when I'm out that women find me attractive, but I don't act on them because I don't know how to go about things. I want to have relationships with them but I usually don't allow them to happen. I don't think I have regrets because I think everything is in it's right place, but there's situations where I reflect and smh because beautiful girls have made it plainly known that they're into me, and I let those potential relationships fade into memories.
I'm not a sex-deprived maniac that's looking to lose my virginity at the next possibly opportunity, but I am becoming open to letting an experience happen. I'm also somewhat reserved because I've gone my entire life without having sex and I fancy the idea of finding a girl who will listen to me and then take me on sexually, knowing the beginning might be weird. I don't know how many women are that patient, but I'm sure they're out there.
Regarding sex, I'm sure it's not rocket science, but I suspect it's like playing an instrument. If you practice regularly you can make music, but if you play once a year you're not going to feel very fluid on the instrument. If you're picking up the instrument for the first time you probably shouldn't expect it to sound good. This is merely an analogy for my thoughts. I also suspect it could be very simple. Maybe not the best experience for her, but a big moment of growth for me. Ideally I would like to find someone who would hear me out and take me on for multiple excursions. I think I found myself in a situation like that in the past, but I just wasn't ready to let it happen.
I want to get this out there and get some feedback. I don't know how to go about things but I want to overcome this hurdle in my life. I desire intimate relationships and don't want to continue this way of going about things.
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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True love involves letting go into each other.
Since abused people often make poor choices for people to be their partners, often seeking the wrong personality types, it might just be that it has never been True Love for you, or it would have unlocked your lock.
Don't worry - focus on finding True Love.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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TrancedOutBrah
Stranger


Registered: 08/17/21
Posts: 1,303
Last seen: 1 day, 1 hour
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Honestly if you are so worried about being a virgin just get a hooker and get experience yourself. There's nothing wrong or shameful about wanting sex. We all want it. Everything wants a release, and orgasm and some form of intimacy.
Is it the same as a relationship? No, of course not, but at least you'll know what sex is like and if you hire a good hooker you will have some bomb ass sex.
Don't be ashamed bro, I didn't fuck between the ages of 23-27 while I went to school full time and worked full time.
Just focus on improving yourself, focus on doing what you love and then find somebody who shares your interests. Like minded people attract, real love comes easy when you find the right person and you'll never want to be away from them, not even a second if you can help it.
-------------------- Lead by example, words mean little when your actions don't reflect what you say. Spread kindness, love, empathy, compassion. Learn from mistakes. Try and do better. Each day is a new day, try to make it a better one. Coconut and Avocado is awesome for the skin. MIND OVER MATTER

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Hartford
Lawful Good



Registered: 11/27/19
Posts: 1,106
Loc: Tennessee
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You will be confident when you have your own house, transportation and job that you love. Romance will flow naturally after you achieve those basic prerequisites.
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Anonymous #2
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The way I look at it is after 18-20 is when this kind of thing becomes reasonably available. Obviously lots of people have sex before then but a lot of them are jerks, tryhards, attention seekers, people who make poor decisions, sexually abused kids. So don't look at it like striking out for 25 years. Look at it like striking out for 5. While that may seem like a long time in the face of desire but in the grand scheme of things it's barely anything.
Work on yourself. Grow confident and comfortable. It will come to you. Probably sooner than expected. I promise. Just relax, Frankie. Impatience is not how a decent person gets laid. If you want a nice lady then patience is the key, but putting yourself out there is the lock we so often close on ourselves.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I'm a male virgin [Re: Hartford]
#27749259 - 04/24/22 08:03 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hartford said: You will be confident when you have your own house, transportation and job that you love. Romance will flow naturally after you achieve those basic prerequisites.
Xactly
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r3volution.gurl



Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada
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I would start seeing a psychologist to help you process the shame you feel from your past and learn the communicative skills you're looking to acquire. Cognitive behavioural therapy to be exact. This will all simultaneously lift your confidence levels more than you already are lifting yourself.
I am confident enough you can figure this out yourself because you know exactly what your issues are(which a lot of people don't). However, I do not trust the people you will potentially have an intimate relationship with. Not because people aren't trustworthy, but because you are in a sensitive position in your life so you do not need more experiences to feel shame or embarrassment without having the tools to process those emotions in a healthy manner.
Edited by r3volution.gurl (04/24/22 06:07 PM)
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6Trypp9
Stranger


Registered: 04/17/22
Posts: 165
Loc: Earth
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You are overthinking things young man.
Let your mind be at ease and do not fret and your penis shall find its way into a vagina without you even trying.
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Hartford
Lawful Good



Registered: 11/27/19
Posts: 1,106
Loc: Tennessee
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Re: I'm a male virgin [Re: 6Trypp9]
#27749901 - 04/24/22 06:48 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
6Trypp9 said: You are overthinking things young man.
Let your mind be at ease and do not fret and your penis shall find its way into a vagina without you even trying.
That's very bad advice.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I'm a male virgin *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#27749932 - 04/24/22 07:26 PM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Post deleted by Anonymous
Reason for deletion: Shroomery is full of bigots and I'm leaving.
Edited by Anonymous (04/24/22 09:19 PM)
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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1. You're right, it ain't rocket science. We're built to do it, the basic mechanics are pretty self-explanatory. Nothing to worry about. 2. Ya know, you don't have to tell anyone you're a virgin. It's not a moral obligation to admit like an STD. There's no secret handshake, nobody will know. Any awkwardness can be shrugged off with a "Sorry I'm nervous, you're so sexy"... 3. But Anon #3 seems to be on the right track, likely what will make you comfortable is to be in a situation of trust. Which is great, intimacy makes sex great. 4. So really, sex isn't the hard part, dealing with rejection and learning to trust people is. And really the key to that is building up some thick skin and learning that not everyone is for you. The only way to do that is put yourself in the position where you might get hurt.. you learn as much from the things that don't work out as the things that do...
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I'm a male virgin *DELETED* [Re: Lynnch]
#27750497 - 04/25/22 10:34 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
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Post deleted by Anonymous
Reason for deletion: Shroomery is full of bigots and I'm leaving.
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Anonymous #4
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Honestly i was a Virgin till i was 45 same problems as you , what it took was A friend of mine offered to be my dominatrix in exchange for a place for her and her boyfriend to live We fucked 5 to 10 times a week and traveled alot to different citys for Special club nights
Thatβs all it took now Iβm probably overly sexualized with three dominatrix and wife that gives we head daily, Got to make up for lost time lol
Once you get past the initial fear of sex itβs very very easy and you find out that there are a lot of people that are interested in you sexually
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,325
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 25 minutes, 51 seconds
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Ive been in a similar situation as well. And I kinda regret my first time having sex. It was not what I wanted but I was tired of waiting. Learn from my mistake....
My advice is to find a woman who respects you for who you are and who wants to take the time with you. To get over the hurdle of talking to women, you first need to build confidence with talking to women. Exposure is the best way. Like your metaphor, being comfortable around women takes practice like playing an instrument.
Heres some videos that might help you out in public settings (bars, clubs, etc) around the ladies:
You could also try some dating apps. It can be easier to first talk with a women thru text than in person, so its a good idea to try both methods, in person and online apps.
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