|
 anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
 Sentience, and self determination. 
#27740597 - 04/18/22 05:11 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I'm looking for tips on how to live a better life.
By this, I mean :
1. Targeting what I value and pursuing it.
2. Not procrastinating.
3. Actions taken in life, aligned with values.
Do you know what you should be doing? Are you doing it?
What's stopping you.
I'll try to update with concrete steps towards my better tomorrow.
Good stuff from today:
-Ran with dog
-Grew things
-Took car to garage
-Journaled, wrote down what the plan was.
-Bought books online
-Deactivated FB and deleted my reddit acc.
Bad stuff:
-Not enough time with loved ones, gonna call gramma rn.
-Refreshed the Shroomery compulsively. I wanna be able to use it in a positive way.
-Had lots of anxiety about my little projects. Things out of my control.
-Didn't stretch yet.
-Didn't read.
-Had to reschedule a thing with my mother, she was pissed.
-Needed to study, gotta get cracking.
All in all, it's not too late to put somethings from the bottom list, into the top one.
I know the Shroomery isn't my personal journal, or a support group. Not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish with this.
It felt good to write this down.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
 redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
 Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27740785 - 04/18/22 06:55 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
you do need a private journal, but you may also need this as a support network.
I have been keeping one for years,
it gets pretty handy,
i do it in word, copy in images, web addresses, a new file each year.
at the top are future dates with appointments in order and as I catch up I add a week or two at the head, in front of the days below,
below are the past days, so it looks upside down.
--------------------
 _  🧠 _ 
|
BrendanFlock
Stranger
Registered: 06/01/13
Posts: 4,368
Last seen: 2 hours, 43 minutes
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: redgreenvines] 1
#27740978 - 04/18/22 08:31 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
You should be totally satisfied with what you CAN do. Not what you want to do..
Therefore you accept everything at its max value.. max effort.
|
The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,625
Loc: The Primordial Mind
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: BrendanFlock]
#27740988 - 04/18/22 08:35 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Oh, Should I be now?!
What if what I want to do is all I can do?
|
Nillion
Nobody
Registered: 04/14/22
Posts: 1,001
Loc: Terra Firma
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27741395 - 04/19/22 05:01 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Conditioned response works on repetition and either avoiding unpleasant or seeking pleasant.
It is extremely effective at evoking psychological change and people are always conditioning themselves, but rarely aware that they are.
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Nillion]
#27741442 - 04/19/22 05:47 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Nillion said:
Conditioned response works on repetition and either avoiding unpleasant or seeking pleasant.
It is extremely effective at evoking psychological change and people are always conditioning themselves, but rarely aware that they are.
yes
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
Pinkerton
Koanist
Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,324
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: redgreenvines]
#27741443 - 04/19/22 05:51 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
|
 Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27741472 - 04/19/22 06:28 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
anatomality said:
I know the Shroomery isn't my personal journal, or a support group.
"Peril lurks in definition, so runs an ancient maxim of law" - Benjamin N. Cardoza
Here you will learn of higher matters, like a moth to a flame you are drawn into our embrace.
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27741493 - 04/19/22 06:56 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Plan:
-Go to school, then work after school.
Not much room for anything else today.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 2
#27741498 - 04/19/22 07:03 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
My dad graduated from Harvard and my mom is a doctor of psychology. Between them they begat an alien who marched to a different drummer.
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27741539 - 04/19/22 07:47 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
anatomality said:
Plan:
-Go to school, then work after school.
Not much room for anything else today.
give yourself some sabbaticals,
work it out.
the fundamental idea of the sabbath is a good one, start with psychedelic sabbath and go from there
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Nillion]
#27741579 - 04/19/22 08:10 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Nillion said:
Conditioned response works on repetition and either avoiding unpleasant or seeking pleasant.
It is extremely effective at evoking psychological change and people are always conditioning themselves, but rarely aware that they are.
That's what I'm aiming to harness.
Excellent is a habit.
If I must die, then I must live on my terms.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Kickle
Wanderer
Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,978
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 2
#27741590 - 04/19/22 08:15 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Excellent is a habit.
A habit of what?
Wayne's world thought it was party time, most excellent.
I'm undecided on what excellent means beyond a feeling of excellence. Maybe you can help me see something more
--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Kickle]
#27741602 - 04/19/22 08:25 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I guess I want to maximize my sovereignty over my existence.
By that I mean to be as present as possible, and to consciously act the way I wish I did. The opposite would be absence and avoiding the things I truely want.
Purposely move and think and act.
Most things are outside of my control, I know that. But some things aren't.
A big part is observing myself, and adjusting forever.
What's the old quote? Don't fear excellence, you'll never achieve it?
There's nobility is the struggle forward, despite the complexity and unpredictability.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Kickle
Wanderer
Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,978
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 2
#27741614 - 04/19/22 08:32 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Yeah I see. The purpose of being present is quite impactful on everything. And that journey will look different for each of us.
I wish you well with your journey 
--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Kickle]
#27742899 - 04/19/22 10:51 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I did fairly well.
We practiced our craft. I met with old friends and had two beers. We shared our intimate meaningful stories.
I ran to get on the last train. It was amazing to make it. Fortuitous.
I didn't wear a mask on the train, to show people how to be brave.
Listening to music. I'm thinking alcohol may actually be ok.
Happy to have someone waiting at home.
Then the doubt. What if this wasn't what I wanted?
What about tomorrow?
Time will tell. Let's be proud for now.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
TrancedOutBrah
Stranger
Registered: 08/17/21
Posts: 1,374
Last seen: 3 days, 5 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27742916 - 04/19/22 11:02 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
1. Make a list of shit you want to do today
2. Do that shit, check that shit off. Be realistic. Don't lie to yourself.
3. Try to do better than yesterday
4. Make a conscious effort to BE better, even if it's one baby step at a time
5. Relax man. Take a deep breath.... and then go fucking work harder than you ever had before.
6. Repeat Step 1-5.
--------------------
Lead by example, words mean little when your actions don't reflect what you say.
Spread kindness, love, empathy, compassion.
Learn from mistakes. Try and do better. Each day is a new day, try to make it a better one.
Coconut and Avocado is awesome for the skin.
MIND OVER MATTER
 
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: TrancedOutBrah] 2
#27743422 - 04/20/22 10:27 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
realistically, good to have a course and mostly stay on course, but it's no fun sailing if you are brutal about it. breathe, smell the seaweed or other weed...
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
TrancedOutBrah
Stranger
Registered: 08/17/21
Posts: 1,374
Last seen: 3 days, 5 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: redgreenvines] 1
#27743453 - 04/20/22 11:04 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Exactly. The most important step is step 5. Life can't be about work. What is life if you are not enjoying it?
But after a long day of hard work, it feels good to let loose, relax and have fun... and there's no guilt about it.
There's a sense of self-satisfaction about doing everything you should have done, or even better if you went the extra mile.
Be positive, spread positivity and try YOUR best. That's all you can do.
--------------------
Lead by example, words mean little when your actions don't reflect what you say.
Spread kindness, love, empathy, compassion.
Learn from mistakes. Try and do better. Each day is a new day, try to make it a better one.
Coconut and Avocado is awesome for the skin.
MIND OVER MATTER
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
|
SO!
Yesterday was spent tired and kind of hung over. Two beers while fasted, then bed at 2 AM on Tuesday really fucked me for Wednesday.
I tried to take it easy.
The good :
-Went to the garage, made a call, going to pick up the car with a changed alternator today.
-Spent the day doing some cult stuff, got on top of a couple things I wanted to get done.
-Walked my dog, visited a family member briefly.
-Took a bath with music, my muscles ache.
The bad:
-Didn't study (like I wanted to)
-Didn't exercise (I was too tired)
-Was too tired to get baked with my gf, and wanted to go to bed early. Missed 420, and was disappointing.
-Was grumpier with her than I would have ever wanted.
The reflection:
- I feel anxious about the topics I chose to talk about while drinking on Tuesday, wonder if my friends will think less of me, now that they may have a clearer and more honest picture.
-Will be in a similar situation on Sunday (the day before I start my 12h shifts cycle). I don't think I'll be drinking (I need to be on my game for work the next day).
Or maybe I'll have a single beer, WITH FOOD. Thing is, the company and conversation were amazing.
The cost was steep though.
-My avoidant behaviors are amplified when I feel discomfort (hunger/fatigue), I seek distraction from the pain, and try to find refuge in easy fixes (shroomery, netflix). The modern world is full of consolation and comfort, hard to not fall into repetitive behaviors.
I am grateful that today is another day off, I feel pride in the work I did yesterday, though I have some doubt about the quality of some of it. I reflect on the fact that the mycology hobby is more about calmly planning to do a complicated task, executing in better and better iterations each time. I find solace in the fact that I'll to better next time. I know that I must be patient, and live with the actions I took. I'll proceed from where I left off. Can you live with the uncertainty of the future? Yes.
Success is a only a by-product of careful planning, and improving on many failures. I resolve to keep doing it, it is a quiet time of self reflection.
There is something to practicing planning and execution. Additionally, the ability to shift plans in an imperfect execution is maybe even more important.
Can you proceed when things go south?
Anyone can fight a winning battle, give me the ones who can lose bravely.
Plan for today:
- Grab car/pay the man
- Run with dog (he loves it and it's good for us)
- Buy eggs, have meal with my girl.
-Read (for school)
-Mail a check to my pension plan (for retirement)
-Contact someone about renovations
-Clean aquarium
Try to read my book instead of seeking solace in netflix.
-Stretch before bed (this needs to be a new habit).
Thanks y'all, hope you can feel good about what you'll do today.
Edited by anatomality (06/05/22 08:14 AM)
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27745144 - 04/21/22 11:58 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
"The modern world is full of consolation and comfort..."
Rational kindness; 'be kind to me and I'll be kind to you.'
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27745232 - 04/21/22 01:22 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Thank you for your answer, what did you mean by it?
So far today is much better than yesterday.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27745470 - 04/21/22 04:01 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
anatomality said:
Thank you for your answer, what did you mean by it?
A conjecture that kindness is repaid.
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27745486 - 04/21/22 04:13 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I was thinking about synthetic and ultimately unfulfilling Experiences.
Comforting and numbing experiences of absence and pleasure.
Things like TV or videya games that take your mind off things, and afterwards nothing is better.
A kind of misleading comfort.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27745648 - 04/21/22 06:11 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Yeah, right up to the end we will have something instead of nothing.
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown] 1
#27746162 - 04/22/22 03:28 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
what is the nature of restlessness
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
BrendanFlock
Stranger
Registered: 06/01/13
Posts: 4,368
Last seen: 2 hours, 43 minutes
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: redgreenvines]
#27746172 - 04/22/22 03:43 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quantum atoms looking for a place.
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: BrendanFlock]
#27746178 - 04/22/22 03:55 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
empty autonomous particles?
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: redgreenvines]
#27746307 - 04/22/22 06:24 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
My youth in England was pickled with pubs moreso than America. In England at that time it was common to retire to a pub at lunch for a pint or two without I'll effect. Ergo everyone was pickled.
Perhaps the OP is led to distraction by his use of alcohol and might profit or enjoy the foment of a different particle.
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27746333 - 04/22/22 06:49 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
The source of the restlessness is a good question.
Perhaps adding some mediation to just be with the uneasy feeling would be a good thing, vs occupying my time. That's what I want to avoid, the mindless occupation to escape restlessness.
I get that all time is 'occupied', (there will be something until there is nothing).
I just wanted the occupations to be purposeful, or I should say, beneficial as much as possible to me and those around me.
Sometimes I think of the TIME I lost doing things like refreshing Facebook.
No more.
As I'm drinking my coffee I'm researching stocks that are long term care facilities, I figure that's a good investment. Largest wealth transfer ever is happening, and I want in on it.
https://incendar.com/baby_boomer_deathclock.php
The menu for today are leftovers from yesterday:
-Study
-Aquarium
Pack for weekend trip, departure is 1900 tonight.
I'll run the dog so that he'll be good and tired for my woman tonight.
Hope you are all doing well.
Thanks for reading these, I feel like I'm being held accountable by benevolent strangers.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
Edited by anatomality (04/22/22 06:50 AM)
|
Kickle
Wanderer
Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,978
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown] 1
#27746335 - 04/22/22 06:51 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Yeah that's good. Restlessness seems like habitual behavior bumping against an energetic movement towards something better.
Can restless leg syndrome be seen as interpretive dance?
--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Kickle]
#27746410 - 04/22/22 07:57 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Kickle said:
.. an energetic movement towards something better.
Can restless leg syndrome be seen as interpretive dance?
Could that be a foment of a carnivorous diet? To chase...
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27746420 - 04/22/22 08:05 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
https://sharing.mayoclinic.org/2019/09/25/from-restless-legs-to-dancing-feet/
Following a physical exam and a blood test, Dr. Kotagal told Kelly that Savannah had restless leg syndrome, and what she needed to jump-start treatment for the condition was an iron supplement. A short time later, Savannah received an IV iron infusion.
"As soon as they performed that iron infusion, Savannah slept through the night for the first time in her entire life, and she was symptom-free for weeks afterward," Kelly says.
|
Kickle
Wanderer
Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,978
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27746421 - 04/22/22 08:08 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Yes. Quite a deep look there Buster 
Better can only be the product of availability tho. Probably helpful to keep that in mind. Omnivores found the maximal approach with what was around. Now in a larger context humans are chasing something else imo
--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Kickle]
#27746441 - 04/22/22 08:32 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
RLS approaches 10% in vegetarian culture apparently
|
Kickle
Wanderer
Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,978
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27746471 - 04/22/22 08:47 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I wonder how many of those 10% are the result of a forceful choice as opposed to a naturally occurring one.
Could be an interesting study
--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Kickle]
#27746575 - 04/22/22 10:13 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I like to think of everyday as a dance.
I try to do it in an ever increasingly complex pattern, to the rhythm of life.
The good steps are repeated, and the bad ones get replaced, the dance improves.
RLS is that lifeforce manifesting unharnessed?
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Kickle
Wanderer
Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,978
Last seen: 2 days, 19 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27746590 - 04/22/22 10:28 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
In a way maybe. I think of it as the body's dream.
Sometimes we go through our daily events in a dream, trying to unpack and solve the problems. I think RLS may be similar.
I had a neurology professor who had RLS. He also seemed to be very much a materialist, in the sense that he was losing sight of the meaning and only seeing the material. I sometimes wonder if that RLS was his bodies way of reminding him that it has meaning he was suppressing. Subconscious manifestation in sleep
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Kickle]
#27746725 - 04/22/22 12:44 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Kickle said:
the body's dream.
Yesterday I imagined my feet were in charge and I was just along for the ride as I walked barefoot around my neighborhood, the grass and pine needles were a sensous treat.
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27751350 - 04/25/22 09:38 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I returned from the trip, made a couple dollars.
Back to working with the sick, currently doing a required, unpaid, internship.
Eager to make it to the payed part.
I don't have the energy to be restless tonight. Water and bed for now.
I'm popping things down a list for Wednesday and Thursday, those are my days off.
Not much to say right now, other than nothing makes you value your time more than having very little free time. I am looking forward to those days, and I am already planning them.
Never hang around people that feel like they are wasting your time.
Maybe prison is really meant to help you think about what you would do, if you were allowed to be free.
Today I met a sad man, he had emphysema, and heart failure. He was dirty, neglected, and things weren't going to improve.
If the future may hold this for me as well, that makes the healthy days valuable.
Momento mori.
Mortality Salience
Peace, and gratitude.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27751613 - 04/26/22 06:08 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
anatomality said:
Thanks for reading these, I feel like I'm being held accountable by benevolent strangers.
If the 7 dwarves can be 7 wise men / 7 pillars on a candlestick; then who plays the role of Snow White without blemish?
|
RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA 
Last seen: 5 days, 22 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27752109 - 04/26/22 12:47 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
anatomality said:
Good stuff from today:
-Ran with dog
-Grew things
-Took car to garage
-Journaled, wrote down what the plan was.
-Bought books online
-Deactivated FB and deleted my reddit acc.
Bad stuff:
-Not enough time with loved ones, gonna call gramma rn.
-Refreshed the Shroomery compulsively. I wanna be able to use it in a positive way.
-Had lots of anxiety about my little projects. Things out of my control.
-Didn't stretch yet.
-Didn't read.
-Had to reschedule a thing with my mother, she was pissed.
-Needed to study, gotta get cracking.
How about start by not calling the second list "bad stuff"?
That your mom was upset with your needing to reschedule is not a bad thing.
It would have been dishonest if you ignored your needs in order to meet hers.
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#27752268 - 04/26/22 03:14 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
What do you suggest calling it? Things to work on? Things to think about? Ideas to reformulate?
*It's a good idea to change that.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
Edited by anatomality (04/26/22 03:20 PM)
|
RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 days, 22 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27752323 - 04/26/22 03:47 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I'm not sure, but there's no good reason to call these things bad.
It might be helpful to explore the inclination to call these things bad. If I need to do a load of laundry and I choose not to, why would I call that bad? If part of me wants to exercise regularly, but today I choose not to exercise, it that bad? If part of me wants to change, and another part of me doesn't want to change, that's a common reality of being human. It's often called ambivalence. We often we struggle to do what we want to do - this is usually a result of resistance and aversion, which is a huge topic in itself.
But I do get your point. It can be helpful to define priorities. And make goals. To embrace purpose and intention. But to think of things (or ourselves) as "bad" when we do not live up to our ideals is harmful. We will never live up to our ideals. We have enough to beat ourselves up about. No need to throw fuel on the fire.
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: RJ Tubs 202] 1
#27752331 - 04/26/22 03:53 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
That was a very good post, thank you.
I'll think about and hit it back later.
I did CBT for a while and the "mussturbation" or perceived obligations was a big thing for me.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27752985 - 04/27/22 06:59 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I guess everyone gets to choose their level of personal accountability. Do you wish to be your own personal dictator? That's probably not the best way.
With benevolence towards myself, I note my preoccupations.
Luck from the outside, looks a lot like bravery, discipline and persistence on the inside.
But sometimes, it is just luck.
Preoccupations:
-I am overleveraged, and the stock market is plunging. I must make a choice, I will likely pay a 3-4k loss in order to avoid a margin call.
I want to look into transferring my positions into another brokerage with much lower margin interest...
This is occupying a lot of my headspace currently. It may be worth taking a loss just for the peace of mind. I knew, I knew, and I still overleveraged.
-I need to renovate my back balcony/staircase as it is wooden, rotten and dangerous. This is entwined with the above point (will cost me money).
-I'm excited to run with my dog, and I am just about to leave. Feel amazing that I have a whole to days of personal time. Full of coffee and hope.
-Am going to study today (I've been avoiding this one the most).
-Most of my cacti seedling are moldy, I used too much water. This is my fault, and a learning experience.
--------------------------------
The re-imagining:
-At least I have money to manage, and I am not completely fucked yet.
-The new balcony will be a source of pride and joy when finished.
-My dog loves me and I am increasingly a good runner
-I still have time to prepare for what lies ahead.
-Failing forward (cacti and ortherwise). Growing things is a learning experience. I am learning that there's always a better way, and you may not even know until it's too late.
The act of planting a seed is just as important and valid, whether the seeds lives or dies.
The positive.
-From Friday to this morning, I acquitted myself well of my tasks and duties. I didn't allow the personal to seep into the professional. I am compartmentalizing and accomplishing. I am on track for graduation and actually starting paying work (money again...)
-Many positive interactions with loved people. Helped many strangers who needed help.
-Finished a lovely book called 'Klara and the sun', Will start a new one today.
The main idea that really resonated with me is that, the observer is what creates the common reality. If we don't fully trust or believe, the experience becomes tainted beyond repair.
Faith matters.
-Realizing that I love reading, I read the Shroomery constantly, but I've been wanting to write as well. I could probably be writing this all in my private journal. Maybe I want people to know what I'm going through. Maybe I'm a little bit of an exhibitionist.
Airing the dirty laundry in a public forum.
Peace strangers. Keep on keeping' on
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27753142 - 04/27/22 09:47 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
"Know thyself"
I got about a dozen principles I try to live up to.
|
psilocybinmansions
Stranger
Registered: 06/13/21
Posts: 223
Last seen: 4 days, 5 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27753917 - 04/27/22 07:22 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
This is a hideous troll.
Go back to your lysergic programming.
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
|
On TV, a roadrunner stood in midair while the pursuing coyote plunged into a deep canyon. Poof.
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27755783 - 04/28/22 09:38 PM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Today was really good, I am spent.
I'll just leave a quote, but I am happy, and this writing has helped.
“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27756075 - 04/29/22 03:37 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
anatomality said:
Today was really good, I am spent.
I'll just leave a quote, but I am happy, and this writing has helped.
“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
really good one
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: redgreenvines]
#27756150 - 04/29/22 05:36 AM (1 year, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I have little respect for parades and the vanity that encourages them; isn't that what the poperazi is about, catering to the egos who need to be fêted? Women all dolled up, isn't that a parade of the ego that requires attention?
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality]
#27806675 - 06/05/22 07:49 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
|
|
I am back from a mental health self-ban.
Huzzah.
The biggest news: My girlfriend who had been living with me since Covid has moved out suddenly. We have a dog, who is now being shuttled back and forth between us.
I am going to take him for a run after typing out these thoughts and feelings.
I had been so bent on my goals, objectives and duties, that I was rarely relaxed and pleasant to be around. I was short with her, and she needed out. Too much tension. I hope she finds the relief she needs.
The future has destroyed the present. And the vision of the future has collapse as well.
A time of reimagining the self, and the future. It is unlikely there will big a marriage, children and a house (at least with her).
I find relief today. Being in a relationship, KNOWING you cannot put in the time and effort required, is an additional stress that I am glad is over. The daily confrontation to the fact that I am not being a good boyfriend is a least over. The weight of the future is reduced.
Free to structure simplify and train my little heart out.
Alone.
I hope we will be able to date outside of the home. I think being closed into a small apartment with a dog for two years was a terrible thing for us (and for anyone). That much proximity is too much for anyone to bear. We didn't move in together with purpose, and things were never negotiated properly. She encroached, and I resented.
Taking someone for granted is EASY, when they are ALWAYS there.
I needed space, desperately. Instead of asking for it, I just lashed out in anger and frustration at the situation. Needed to be left alone, to digest my experiences and thoughts.
It's hard to ask for space when the other person will just think you're rejecting her/her efforts.
Maybe I could have included her, and talked with her.
I kind of doubt she'll want to hang out now, I don't think she'll want to forgive me for the stress I put onto her.
You get what you focus on the most, and you lose the things you stop paying attention to.
I don't feel good that the relationship is (maybe?) over forever.
I do feel like my living space is much more manageable and simple. I wish I could have been better at finding balance, and peace.
It is hard for me to share space and time, when I feel like it's being invaded/taken. I am defensive of space and time.
Now I just have to focus on graduating, I have a big final test that will determine if I can do my job or not. This is the culmination of many years of effort, adaptation and change. It would be extremely rough on me me to fail this. This was undertaken before we started dating.
Some thoughts:
It's hard to care about dishes or supper when you're dealing with life and death.
I never wanted all those carpets.
It's hard to relax and waste time when your time is tightly scheduled.
It's frustrating to see people without a care in the world, when it feels like you can barely manage.
None of these things will matter on a long enough timeline.
You can't change the things you did.
I get what I want, then I realize I didn't want the correct things.
Anat.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: Buster_Brown]
#27806683 - 06/05/22 07:54 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Buster_Brown said:
I have little respect for parades and the vanity that encourages them; isn't that what the poperazi is about, catering to the egos who need to be fêted? Women all dolled up, isn't that a parade of the ego that requires attention?
aside from the military aspect of the parades which is deplorable,
getting out and showing your feathers is a fine thing to do ,
just as enjoyable is posting your thoughts in this lane at the shroomery.
get out, and get on with it, and let it be seen by all.
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27806688 - 06/05/22 07:59 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
anatomality said:
...
Taking someone for granted is EASY, when they are ALWAYS there.
I needed space, desperately. Instead of asking for it, I just lashed out in anger and frustration at the situation. Needed to be left alone, to digest my experiences and thoughts.
It's hard to ask for space when the other person will just think you're rejecting her/her efforts.
Maybe I could have included her, and talked with her.
...
try to keep the door open to friendship, you both grew through this.
people can share intimacy with you, but no matter who it is, eventually you must have whole blocks of time in which you do not want intimacy at all. You just cannot remain intimacy tolerant each and every day for 24 hours. Getting to the point where can manage that aspect of reality can take more than one relationship.
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
anatomality
Nothern Counterpart
Registered: 05/31/20
Posts: 1,355
Loc: North East
Last seen: 2 days, 12 hours
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: redgreenvines]
#27871262 - 07/21/22 07:22 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
|
|
Bumping my own thread, because I liked doing this while I did.
The current situation as perceived:
The woman has moved out, we remain on good terms. I get to see my dog on my days off, so that's good. He helps me a lot when I have him.
When I see my ex, all the things that bothered me still bother me. She's still disorganized, where I am ruthlessly organized. Opposites attract, but they don't stick together maybe. I don't know if I actually miss her, or if I miss the idea of the imagined future I had. Maybe I am just envious of her unburdened free way of being, no deadlines or hardlines.
You must be inhuman to deal with inhuman situations. But...
"Wer mit Ungeheuern kämpft, mag zusehen, dass er nicht dabei zum Ungeheuer wird. Und wenn du lange in einen Abgrund blickst, blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Kids and a family are something that I deeply want, but that in itself isn't enough to be with someone. My new job is brutally unpredictable, so I tend to control things where I can. I may have been developing some kinds of OCD in reaction to the things that have been happening.
It's weird to admit, but having my own space is amazing, and I feel much better. She does too, she hated being around me and my need to regulate chaos. Another person in the house is unpredictable... but I need to be flexible.
I've been internet dating, have become involved with another woman. It's a thing, makes me nervous, where does it go? what does it mean? I'll just go with it and see.
On the job front, I am exposed to lots of things. I feel blessed to have the strength and will to be there, at the times I am needed. I don't mind the sacrifices or the privations.
It is alienating. I try to be kind to everyone, but I catch myself being cruel sometimes. Mostly towards people who aren't brave.
To hold myself to a harder and sharper standard, I don't have to expect the same of others.
Today I have the day off, I am going to clean, and read and relax. Pursue my interests. Get some administrative type stuff done.
Having hobbies is always at odds with giving yourself to another.
Do people who have children have freedom? Did they choose the sacrifice willingly, and with open eyes? Do they resent it...
Peace Shroomerites.
--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”
|
Buster_Brown
L'une
Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 minutes, 22 seconds
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 1
#27871365 - 07/21/22 09:57 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
|
|
"I catch myself being cruel sometimes. Mostly towards people who aren't brave."
Ah yes, keeping a check on the animal nature to enjoy weakness can be character building, however if you believe in forgiveness...
|
redgreenvines
irregular verb
Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 38,171
|
Re: Sentience, and self determination. [Re: anatomality] 2
#27871380 - 07/21/22 10:09 AM (1 year, 8 months ago) |
|
|
If you need to procreate, no judgement on the sanity or insanity of that, then it is best if you can get along when you are not really getting along so that the child does not get abandonment issues as a side effect of the adults proving their sincerity and opposition to eachother by breaking up.
without children you have the freedom to break up.
with children breaking up is a mess.
last comment from me, reversible vasectomy is really annoying (painful process with lingering painful side effects).
avoid unnecessary surgery in all cases.
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
|
|
Threaded
Previous
Index
Next
Edit 
Reply 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 all )
Diploid
Veritas
sudly
teknix
n0xious
NiamhNyx
teen