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InvisibleCreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
If it is OK for guys not to date trans women, is it OK for trans women to only date trans women?
    #27710941 - 03/27/22 08:19 PM (1 year, 9 months ago)

Turnabout is fair play -

People say that they 'just won't date trans people'. They 'just can't.'

Now a lot of trans people will say something like, 'that is transphobic to say you will not date trans people. Because you should insist we be treated like all other women.'

I disagree. It is legitimate to have a preference for/against trans - it is a specific style of living, aesthetic, way to be. One can be more or less attracted to it. It's a bit like mountaineering: one can say, 'I am more attracted to a mountaineer', and one can even say, 'I am less attracted to a mountaineer, as I dislike the job.' None is judged a bigot for judging on vocation.

Being trans is a bit like a vocation, since it is so much work to transition. So if one can judge a romantic partner on their job, one can judge the romantic partner on whether or not they're trans.

But - this is positive OR negative judgements. What if I have such a positive view of trans women that I say, 'I prefer to date them exclusively.'

I am not saying I do so because I hate non-trans women or guys (I hate the term 'cis', so I just use 'non-trans' as in not on our team). I like people that joined team trans. Not because I hate other people.

I guess I am not an extremist, as I am not making a trans-exclusivity pact. I am not saying, 'I will only ever fuck trans women' (I'm NOT saying that). But, that is pretty likely perhaps...


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Invisibler3volution.gurl
Female User Gallery


Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,250
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: If it is OK for guys not to date trans women, is it OK for trans women to only date trans women? [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27711087 - 03/27/22 11:29 PM (1 year, 9 months ago)

I think that's fair to say and I agree.

I don't think people care that much about who you want to have sex with or date.

It's really like you said, only some trans people get offended by that.

It's also fair to say some transphobic people get offended too, but who gives a shit about them lol


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls. Be one, see one. When many people have this heart connection, then we will know that we are all one, we human beings all over the planet. We will be one. One love. And dont leave out the animals, and trees, and clouds, and galaxies: its all one. Its one energy." -Ram Dass


Edited by r3volution.gurl (03/28/22 12:00 AM)


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InvisibleCreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
Re: If it is OK for guys not to date trans women, is it OK for trans women to only date trans women? [Re: r3volution.gurl]
    #27712055 - 03/28/22 08:18 PM (1 year, 9 months ago)

Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
I think that's fair to say and I agree.

I don't think people care that much about who you want to have sex with or date.

It's really like you said, only some trans people get offended by that.





At the same time I think it's a legitimate complaint that not enough guys give us a chance.

A lot of guys are coming out as bi these days. Dating a trans person is even easier than being bi, because we're much closer to standard women than a guy is.

Lots of guys talk about how they're sad they can't have more anal sex. Trans women tend to really like anal sex, a lot more than most women. Most trans women I know just love sex in general. And that's not the same thing as promiscuity - they love to form close relationships with people and have really satisfying sex. Whether monogamous or polyamorous, I'd say it is usually frequent with us.

But we aren't content to be in the shadows anyone, we won't be your side piece. I'm looking for serious relationships, as are the other trans people I know. My closest trans friend dumped her bf and only got back together with him when he came back showing he was really serious about making it work as a couple. A lot of guys start in a relationship with us to get a hookup and then develop feelings. Because they realize that hey, we can be cool people to love, too.

Give us a chance, please. The guys who will hookup with trans women are usually just horrible. I've dealt with a lot of creepy behavior just trying to set up dates. We are looking for a higher class of relationship. If you put in even a tiny bit of effort we'll really be committed because we'll appreciate how much different you are from all the shitty people trying to date us.


Edited by CreonAntigone (03/28/22 08:19 PM)


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: If it is OK for guys not to date trans women, is it OK for trans women to only date trans women? [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27720409 - 04/04/22 03:54 AM (1 year, 9 months ago)

A trans lady can look gorgeous but that still don't make me wanna suck dick.

Rejection ain't easy to handle but not everyone is attracted to everyone and it's the simple truth.

I don't think gender really matters because attraction precedes it.

In a double edged kinda way though, some guys can be attracted to the trans women unknowing of the trans part which I'm sure has broken hearts a plenty.

I feel as though some people or communities in the rainbow have a hyperfocus on their gender and I'd assume it's because there are a lot of haters.

But in my cis world as some weirdos call it, I have never really mentioned my gender I don't think..

I am honestly asking why there is such extensive labelling of gender?

I get the sense people say their gender when they meet someone to get rejection over and done with if it's going to happen, but if it doesn't and someone accepts that and is attracted to you for you, then after that point, who gives a crap about gender?

Because if it's got nothing to do with consenting and accepting people, is it some kind of way of sending a message to the haters or bigots in someone's life or on the internet when they're in the lgbtqia2+ demographic?



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InvisibleCreonAntigone
Stranger

Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,875
Re: If it is OK for guys not to date trans women, is it OK for trans women to only date trans women? [Re: sudly]
    #27723848 - 04/06/22 08:39 PM (1 year, 9 months ago)

Quote:

sudly said:
A trans lady can look gorgeous but that still don't make me wanna suck dick.





Some guys might be OK if the dick isn't involved though, and it usually isnt - most trans people I know who are young are receptive sexually, they have mostly anal sex, they don't like it used during sex usually.

Quote:

Rejection ain't easy to handle but not everyone is attracted to everyone and it's the simple truth.

I don't think gender really matters because attraction precedes it.





This is really good advice. So then here's what I wonder: who can I attract? There are in fact guys that date trans women, because most of the trans women I know sure get plenty of dates. I have gotten no dates, but maybe I'll get one someday.



Quote:

In a double edged kinda way though, some guys can be attracted to the trans women unknowing of the trans part which I'm sure has broken hearts a plenty.






Sometimes guys change their minds on if it's a dealbreaker. They start to really connect with the person and move beyond it. But that only happens if everything is done openly. I would never ever proceed a first date with the other person not knowing, and how the hell could I when my transition is so important to me? I want someone who wants me.


Quote:

But in my cis world as some weirdos call it, I have never really mentioned my gender I don't think..





Interestingly, trans people basically come back around to this attitude - trans people six years or more on hormones often experience little more changes and so their hormones are stable, they don't think about gender any longer, they present who they are. And actually they usually pass at 6 years. But even if they don't pass, it softens the features which alone reduces dysphoria.

Quote:


I get the sense people say their gender when they meet someone to get rejection over and done with if it's going to happen, but if it doesn't and someone accepts that and is attracted to you for you, then after that point, who gives a crap about gender?

Because if it's got nothing to do with consenting and accepting people, is it some kind of way of sending a message to the haters or bigots in someone's life or on the internet when they're in the lgbtqia2+ demographic?





Yeah I think that is one reason, being open about it lets the people who don't want trans people select out - I only want those who are interested in me obviously.

But some people take it too far, gender is not the whole identity, it's just a slice, show your other interests.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: If it is OK for guys not to date trans women, is it OK for trans women to only date trans women? [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27724064 - 04/07/22 12:09 AM (1 year, 9 months ago)

Quote:

who can I attract?




who ever is attracted to you.. sometimes personality is involved too.

Quote:

Sometimes guys change their minds on if it's a dealbreaker. They start to really connect with the person and move beyond it. But that only happens if everything is done openly. I would never ever proceed a first date with the other person not knowing, and how the hell could I when my transition is so important to me? I want someone who wants me.




I imagine it can be confronting to a straight mans sexuality if he feels the need to compartmentalise something like his partner having a dick, even if there aren't any other issues, I guess :shrug:

Quote:

Interestingly, trans people basically come back around to this attitude - trans people six years or more on hormones often experience little more changes and so their hormones are stable, they don't think about gender any longer, they present who they are. And actually they usually pass at 6 years. But even if they don't pass, it softens the features which alone reduces dysphoria.




In all my cheerful brashness, to me that description of dysphoria sounds like a 6 year long PMS. I don't know if you're suggesting it's because of hormones that people feel the need to talk about gender so often, so I don't really understand your answer here.

Or are you saying its the dysphoria that may influence bringing up gender, until the time comes that the dysphoria itself is reduced? Hard for me to see how dysphoria leads to the need to bring up gender so frequently, but as I don't experience it myself, I suppose I could imagine it making sense, although it would still appear excessive to me imo.

I'm of the view that anything beyond LGBT is attention seeking, labelling for uniquesness, like how guys who rev cars do it so that you have to notice them, maybe labels like that are things you have to notice because they're so new to most people.

That said, if someone ran down the street screaming it'd also be an effective way of making people have to notice them.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,798
Re: If it is OK for guys not to date trans women, is it OK for trans women to only date trans women? [Re: sudly]
    #27724069 - 04/07/22 12:22 AM (1 year, 9 months ago)

But to answer this thread directly, it's honestly a frustrating question to me because I think it makes intial assumptions, or at least a generalisation.

Because it's okay for guys or gals or gills or whatever to date whoever they want and if you don't think they can, then deal with your own rejections and develop your own self love and try to meet that 1 in a thousand people you might actually get along with because with most people you won't in that way and the shits real.



I don't really try to impress other people nowadays, I'm in my own way, I get frustrated by silly shit and when I'm wrong I can admit it because I'll usually look up the things we're talking about if they're objective and it usually comes as a good opportunity to learn something new and improve myself.

Being ignorant is nothing but not knowing and that's okay.



So all in all, yeah, ofc it's okay for transwomen to date only transwomen, like wtf are you asking that for?

Maybe it's just me thinking why is this a problem? But I don't face those reasons that might want to make you bring up something like that.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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