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Forrester
aspiring sociopath


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 9,351
Loc: Northeast USA
Last seen: 24 days, 8 hours
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What I learned tonight. 3
#27718943 - 04/03/22 02:53 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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1.6 grams Natalensis. It wasn't a strong trip, and I don't write trip reports. I'm bad with words. But I feel compelled to post this now in a completely honest way (because I am still under the influence of said mushrooms) that I will probably regret later, but won't edit save for minor fixes in punctuation and bad grammar, probably, (if I even do that).
So this is what I learned tonight, about myself.
It is probably confusing, and badly worded. At times it seems like I am talking to you, but I am talking to myself the whole time (aren't we all?).
Anyway...
The root of all suffering is denial.
What is denied, to the conscious mind, becomes repressed.
What is repressed, becomes forgotten. But is held onto.
And it is this unrelenting grip, of holding onto what is denied, that is the root of all of our suffering.
When it is examined, what is denied. And looked at. And honestly admitted (and to me on this particular time in my journey, it was the fact that there's parts of myself that I FUCKING HATE!!)
Then it can be accepted. And be ok.
The denial is exposed, and acknowledged, and and accepted for what it is, and then it is ok.
And not held onto.
And the energy can flow again.
Like a damn in a river, or a festering wound on the skin, sometimes it has to be poked into with a stick.
And examined. And accepted.
And then the healing can begin, or be allowed to continue, in a less obstructed way.
When you are holding onto, grasping, buried within your consciousness under layers of denial, one. less. thing.
Let it go.
But first, look at it. See it for what it is. Then you can accept it, just as it is.
And let it go.
What the mushrooms allowed me to do was just examine this in an honest way, that my normal conscious state of mind wouldn't, because I would lie to myself and continue to deny and therefore repress, what was a simple truth.
There's parts, of myself, that I fucking hate.
And that's (now) ok.
I can be alright with that.
Life goes on.
Less painfully.
-------------------- Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here. ------------------- Have some medicinal mushrooms and want to get the most out of them? Try this double extraction method.
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Forrester
aspiring sociopath


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 9,351
Loc: Northeast USA
Last seen: 24 days, 8 hours
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Re: What I learned tonight. [Re: Forrester]
#27718960 - 04/03/22 03:13 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Not to double post and ramble on, but a little bit of a pretext here...
Going into the trip, I had had a bit of a bad day yesterday, trouble working on car, neighbors goats were annoying, and I blew out a $50 water pump cause I forgot about it and it ran dry. Nothing major. All in all my life is great, so why do I allow myself to suffer from little inconveniences like this?
My life is great, why am I suffering? 
That was the question, if there was one, going in.
-------------------- Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here. ------------------- Have some medicinal mushrooms and want to get the most out of them? Try this double extraction method.
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Funkadelic12
Mush More Than A Title


Registered: 04/20/20
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 months, 20 days
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Re: What I learned tonight. [Re: Forrester]
#27719043 - 04/03/22 07:19 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Sounds like you got what you needed out of it. My understanding of mushrooms is that it provides us with perspective and gives us insight into what may not be visible to the sober eye.
If there are parts about yourself that you "hate", instead of just accepting them, it might be worth analysing why you hate those parts of yourself, and finding a way to improve in whatever part of yourself it is.
It's not necessarily what information you receive from the mushrooms that helps, but what you do with it.
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CapSlinger


Registered: 05/17/11
Posts: 983
Loc: Colorado rocky mountain high
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Right on thanks for sharing man. What you wrote really resonates with me.
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Forrester
aspiring sociopath


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 9,351
Loc: Northeast USA
Last seen: 24 days, 8 hours
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Quote:
Funkadelic12 said: Sounds like you got what you needed out of it. My understanding of mushrooms is that it provides us with perspective and gives us insight into what may not be visible to the sober eye.
If there are parts about yourself that you "hate", instead of just accepting them, it might be worth analysing why you hate those parts of yourself, and finding a way to improve in whatever part of yourself it is.
It's not necessarily what information you receive from the mushrooms that helps, but what you do with it.
Yeah it's not so much of a conscious thing really, it's hard to describe but I think it's more of a soul-level or past life kind of thing you hold on to. Like I think some of us humans haven't been humans that many times, and have trouble in the human experience accepting that we can be judgemental, mean, hurtful, have addictions, and fail in all sorts of ways that are just uniquely human. I dunno though, can't explain exactly what it was but more of kind of an energy blockage that was freed. Either way, I feel much better
-------------------- Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here. ------------------- Have some medicinal mushrooms and want to get the most out of them? Try this double extraction method.
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wolfman42
Truth Lover

Registered: 01/06/21
Posts: 429
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Re: What I learned tonight. [Re: Forrester]
#27719215 - 04/03/22 10:21 AM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Yes. Resistance is futile. This includes denial which arises out of some inner conflict. It is important to see yourself honestly as you are. You can play the role of investigator.
We must welcome whatever life brings to us even if it is difficult. The moment you complain about what is you create a friction and make an enemy out of life.
Life is a reflection of our inner state. Its infinite manifestations nothing more than reflections of our mind state.
We order the package to be delivered from life like amazon prime and we forget that we are the ones who ordered it when it arrives.
It is because we take ourselves as individuals that we make the next order for suffering to be delivered. We don't suffer because our lives are bad. We suffer because of our outlook.
My life is great but why is there suffering? This is also a trap. We should not judge ourselves in either capacity negatively or positively. Whether that judgement is good or bad we should stay impartial. My life is great is the same trap as my life is terrible.
It is the middle way we seek. This is where peace and tranquility are. Positive thoughts and thinking are in many ways more of a trap than addictions and vices because of pride. Which is more subtle and harder to identify. It is certainly a thread the ego uses to hold on to itself.
In some sense we came into this waking dream to suffer. We are setup for it. It is only through understanding we can free ourselves of it. The Mushroom certainly helps with this endeavor although like a boat used to cross a river, you may leave it at the shoreline when you arrive.
In another way the suffering is a kind of grace because it is the lesson we must learn. It is constantly showing us. As a perfect mirror it is perfectly invisible.
"but I am talking to myself the whole time (aren't we all?)"
Yes. We are all talking to ourselves all the time even when speaking with others
Edited by wolfman42 (04/03/22 10:34 AM)
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Funkadelic12
Mush More Than A Title


Registered: 04/20/20
Posts: 76
Last seen: 7 months, 20 days
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Re: What I learned tonight. [Re: Forrester]
#27719521 - 04/03/22 02:19 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Forrester said:
Quote:
Funkadelic12 said: Sounds like you got what you needed out of it. My understanding of mushrooms is that it provides us with perspective and gives us insight into what may not be visible to the sober eye.
If there are parts about yourself that you "hate", instead of just accepting them, it might be worth analysing why you hate those parts of yourself, and finding a way to improve in whatever part of yourself it is.
It's not necessarily what information you receive from the mushrooms that helps, but what you do with it.
Yeah it's not so much of a conscious thing really, it's hard to describe but I think it's more of a soul-level or past life kind of thing you hold on to. Like I think some of us humans haven't been humans that many times, and have trouble in the human experience accepting that we can be judgemental, mean, hurtful, have addictions, and fail in all sorts of ways that are just uniquely human. I dunno though, can't explain exactly what it was but more of kind of an energy blockage that was freed. Either way, I feel much better 
I can appreciate that. I've felt the same relieving feeling. Your mind can become like a sink, full of dirty water. You can't quite see through all the silt, so find it hard to unplug. Mushrooms can give you vision to access to the plug, and once you pull it, like dirty water leaving the sink, your cloudy judgement leaves the mind.
This is a great feeling and the one it sounds like you're referring to.
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polaritymind
relaxed attention


Registered: 10/10/16
Posts: 994
Loc: Germany
Last seen: 3 months, 8 days
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Dope, so true
-------------------- "to affirm life is to also affirm death" -Albert hofmann
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Forrester
aspiring sociopath


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 9,351
Loc: Northeast USA
Last seen: 24 days, 8 hours
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Re: What I learned tonight. [Re: wolfman42]
#27719731 - 04/03/22 04:55 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
wolfman42 said: Yes. Resistance is futile. This includes denial which arises out of some inner conflict. It is important to see yourself honestly as you are. You can play the role of investigator.
We must welcome whatever life brings to us even if it is difficult. The moment you complain about what is you create a friction and make an enemy out of life.
Life is a reflection of our inner state. Its infinite manifestations nothing more than reflections of our mind state.
We order the package to be delivered from life like amazon prime and we forget that we are the ones who ordered it when it arrives.
It is because we take ourselves as individuals that we make the next order for suffering to be delivered. We don't suffer because our lives are bad. We suffer because of our outlook.
My life is great but why is there suffering? This is also a trap. We should not judge ourselves in either capacity negatively or positively. Whether that judgement is good or bad we should stay impartial. My life is great is the same trap as my life is terrible.
It is the middle way we seek. This is where peace and tranquility are. Positive thoughts and thinking are in many ways more of a trap than addictions and vices because of pride. Which is more subtle and harder to identify. It is certainly a thread the ego uses to hold on to itself.
In some sense we came into this waking dream to suffer. We are setup for it. It is only through understanding we can free ourselves of it. The Mushroom certainly helps with this endeavor although like a boat used to cross a river, you may leave it at the shoreline when you arrive.
In another way the suffering is a kind of grace because it is the lesson we must learn. It is constantly showing us. As a perfect mirror it is perfectly invisible.
"but I am talking to myself the whole time (aren't we all?)"
Yes. We are all talking to ourselves all the time even when speaking with others 
So true, all of this and very well put.
The trap of positivity is a really tricky one. Even if one doesn't think of themselves as prideful, the ego sort of sneaks in the back door at takes control again before you realize it has.
-------------------- Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here. ------------------- Have some medicinal mushrooms and want to get the most out of them? Try this double extraction method.
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GreyBard
Stranger

Registered: 03/31/22
Posts: 3
Loc: Western NC
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: What I learned tonight. [Re: Forrester]
#27719810 - 04/03/22 05:36 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Beautifully said.
We are our own worst enemies.
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candyman345
psychonaut

Registered: 09/02/21
Posts: 455
Last seen: 1 year, 8 days
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Re: What I learned tonight. [Re: GreyBard]
#27720058 - 04/03/22 08:42 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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Accepting is the opposite of repressing.
Acceptance. Psychedelic trips do this. these emotions. It can be quite difficult to accept what We normally deny.
I’ve noticed people who commonly have good trips are used to accepting the things they normally deny. I’ve also noticed people who commonly have bad trips or have a hard time tripping, might find it difficult to accept what they normally deny.
That is why I prefer psychedelic substances over other substances that are not psychedelic.
Its normal for someone to trip lsd or shrooms and ignore. It’s also normal for LSD and shrooms to bring Our attention to the things We normally ignore.
-------------------- “Turn on, tune in, drop out.” - Timothy Leary “Be responsible, be safe, be kind and know that everything will be fine.”
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