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Wild Woman
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My trip report from Saturday: The human experience
    #2771240 - 06/07/04 12:08 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Trip Report:


Saturday night was when the trip was taking place. I eagerly anticipated the night, as I knew that this was my opportunity to get things straight in my head, and also to confront any fears I had from my last trip. It was also a celebration of sorts, as at this moment in time I feel so content and satisfied that my life is going in the right direction. In addition, I felt as though it was important for me to go ?back where I began.?

A brief history is in order. For the first hour and a half of my five gram trip last time, I scribbled in my tripping journal. I love writing while tripping. I just let the words flow and I scarcely know what I am scribing half the time. During my five gram trip, I had drawn a heart with the words written in flowing trip writing around it: ?Where I began.?

Again, I probably didn?t even know what I wrote, but let?s just say that the powerful words, ?Where I began,? were possibly prophetic, because during that trip I underwent complete death of myself and was transfused into the world of throbbing energy, as though I were being reverted back into the womb of existence and life itself. It was awesome and beautiful and terrifying.

Only afterwards when I was checking out my trip journal did I realize how prophetic and meaningful the words, ?Where I began,? had become for that trip.


Skip ahead to last Saturday, only two full days ago. The plan was for myself and Kevin and Bert to trip together at our apartment. I spent many days worrying about what dose I would take. This trip was a big deal, I thought. It was important for me to face head on some issues which have been plaguing me. It was vital for me to dip my toes in the tripping pool again, so that I would know that I was not scared off mushrooms forever from my five gram experience. It would therefore be a trip all about facing my fears and becoming a better person in the end.

Exact time that mushies were ingested is unknown. I had decided to do just about 3 dried grams, as I thought I should continue with the ?Where I began? theme, and 3 grams was what I took for my very first trip ever. I munched my down with peanut butter, and Kevin and Bert powdered theirs and added it to soup and Gatorade. I was nervous, but I was also excited, anticipative. Who knew what could happen?

Within thirty minutes of digestion, I began to have the nagging thought that maybe I wasn?t ready for this yet and that maybe I had taken too much. I initially discounted it as come-up anxiety but it began to grow stronger and stronger. When the world began to distort and shift and very strange things began happening, my fear only mounted. I became very hyper-aware of what I was saying, and how it was relating to the speech of my comrades. I began to worry that nobody understood what I was saying, and that I couldn?t be comprehended, and that everything I said would either not be heard or taken in a different context. I became very aware that I was just a brain trapped in a head, trapped behind glass and unable to reach out to Kevin and Bert if I tried. It helped to touch them physically, to know that I was still there with them, not a ghost as my tripping mind had imagined.

My mind was whirling. Language seemed twisted and meaningless, but I found that I felt better to talk. I realized that I didn?t have to stay silent after all, that these wonderful gentlemen would listen and understand me if I just said something. To be honest, I don?t remember what I spoke about, but as I did I noticed that the world (apartment) was getting stranger still. I was struck and overwhelmed with the sheer strangeness of life and existence, and how much we as humans did not know. The one thought that kept coming into my mind was how humans seemed to build fragile little pillars of understanding (science) to try and cope with a universe and existence so incomprehensible and weird. The strangeness was so acute that I began to feel uneasy again. Suddenly, it was as if I had heard Terence McKenna?s voice in my head, saying, ?What is there to be afraid of? The world has ALWAYS been this strange, and you?re only now realizing it!?

That voice was a great comfort to me. At this point I relaxed and felt supremely happy with myself and my surroundings. I loved being there with my husband, and with my friend Bert. It all seemed so appropriate for us to sprawl out on the floor, hugging pillows and cats and talking with one another. I enjoyed the hallucinations, which I had not expected to be so vivid and strong. Whenever someone moved their head, the entire ceiling would stretch and move with him, as though he were sticky and stuck to the ceiling and the ceiling didn?t want to give him up. Everything was bathed in a golden rainbow of color and when I lay on my back and looked up, what I saw stunned me.

I was staring at it for several moments before I realized what I was looking at, before the old familiar feeling of unnatural weirdness came over me. The entire ceiling was alive. I felt as though I were looking upon an iridescent landscape, and a civilization all its own. Women stared unflinchingly back at me, thousands of them, in a vast, morphing society of perfection and eternity. I knew then, KNEW that I had seen them before, but I could not place where. I felt as though I were being sucked up to them, my body floating off the floor and my eyes frozen, unable to move. I felt like the very substance of existence was pulling at me from every direction, taking me completely apart. I knew what was happening then. I remembered the same sensations from my five gram trip.

The old fear came back, fear of having my identity absorbed into being nothing and everything again. I closed my eyes and tried to remember to breathe. Another voice came into my head, saying, ?If you?re breathing, you?re okay.? I concentrated on taking long, deep, cleansing breaths, and realized, I?m alive? I?m still alive. Soon after, I felt more complete, but realized that I also felt very restless. Suddenly the apartment seemed too small for my swelling essence. I wanted to walk around. I wanted to use the treadmill. I wanted to go run around outside. Instead without further thought, I went into the bedroom.

Abruptly, my first thought when I saw the computer was to use it. There was no other compulsion but to ?give the message.? I kept thinking: I have to give the message, I have to make contact with the outside world, and I have to let them know about this. About THIS!! For awhile I posted on the Shroomery, but everything I said felt inadequate to what I was experiencing. But I had to explain it?I just had to. I spoke to a few wonderful Shroomerites. Impulsively, I went from the computer back out to the living room to see Kevin and Bert, and then back into the bedroom.

When I went back into the bedroom, something very consuming began happening. Before my eyes was laid a kaleidoscope of images. A fractal pattern of the purest golden rainbows composed of the human experience: a continuously shifting pattern of ideas, of life, of language, of concept, of meaning?it was all there. As soon as I acknowledged this rainbow shroud, I could feel myself pulling apart again. My ego softened dramatically and I was privy to such wonderful, staggering, beauty as I stared and moved into the embrace of eternity. Everything around me seemed fragmented and fractured into tiny bits of crystal information feeding into my senses. Nothing was as it was, it was all one! Even now as I am writing this, I am overwhelmed with emotion and tears. I remember my lips moving and my voice uttering a gasp, ?The human experience! This is it! The human experience?it means so much??

I sat in the computer room for some time, just trembling in exhalation at the stunning beauty of the golden crystal rainbow that was overlying my entire vision, complete with its ideas and concepts and meanings and creatures and language and experience: the human experience. The world around me was being absorbed into this vision of dreams, this true reality. My illusion of being separate was stripped away, I was it and it was me and I was everything and it was me?over and over again, and it was beautiful, so awesomely beautiful. I couldn?t comprehend it, and it was so confusing and maybe terrible, but it was beautiful and wonderful. I knew I was in the presence of a god, that I was god, that the computer, and that Kevin and Bert and the chair and my cats were all divine creatures. We were all holy; oh such holiness I could never have imagined in my entire life! At that moment, wrapped in the throbbing golden awareness of all existence and eternity, I knew that we were divine. We ARE the children of god, because we are god, each and every one of us, each and every thing in the universe is god?we are all divine, so divine and beautiful with the glowing energy that entwines and binds us all.

Eventually I went back out in the living room and I felt so relaxed. I felt as though I had discovered the secret of life itself, and I began writing in my trip notebook. I marveled at the power of language and realized how vital and important it is. It was beauty; it was that rainbow grace I had seen in my vision. I followed the language of my comrades as they spoke, and we spoke of the nature of death and reality.

At one point, I got up and decided to move a chair to the other side of the room where I could observe both Kevin and Bert. I got more then I bargained for. As soon as I moved away the bits of scattered information began chipping at my awareness in a violent rush. I heard things being spoken that nobody said, earnest whispers and jeering. I was shocked to say the least and tried to understand it, and out of nowhere I heard, ?What do you think??

This unnerved me. It was as if the mushroom was using my own awareness to speak to me, to quiz me, to help guide me in understanding. That was amazing, but I felt overwhelmed then when I realized how much I was still tripping and a little scared. I kept thinking, ?Aren?t I supposed to come down now? Why am I still tripping?? It had been about five hours after ingestion, so why was I still seeing the world warp and twist around me?

I began to get melancholy, hanging in the ?in-between? stage of the mushroom experience, unsure of whether I was still tripping or not. I remember vehemently wishing for the trip to end. I was even wondering if I would be one of those people who never ?came down.? Bert and Kevin began looking at an MC Escher art book, which was almost too much at that point. There were no answers there in that book, and I felt almost as though it were taunting me. I *love* Escher, but at that moment I felt as though the very art I loved were driving me crazy. Luckily I worked up the courage to indicate to my comrades that I needed it closed and they closed it, closed the book with no answers and only perplexing questions.

I could tell that I was having a troubling comedown. I went back into the bedroom and got on the computer. Suddenly, I began writing letters to people. I began telling people I hardly speak to how much I cared for them, and how special they are, I wrote my mom and dad a letter to tell them how much I love them and how thankful I am for them, and I posted a lot of uplifting, happy messages with the hopes that maybe I could brighten someone else?s day. It was the right thing to do, because it completely lifted me out of my bad spirits and suddenly I was overjoyed to be alive and happy again.

The rest of the night, I enjoyed the company of my two lovely gentlemen. 7 hours after ingestion I was still seeing visuals as I laid in the dark and watched the ceiling gather in shifting red and green knots over my bed.

This trip has been so important to me. It was all about rebirth, and new beginnings, and coming full circle. Wow, I have so much to think about. I am so grateful for the experience. Yes, there were moments of fear, but I truly believe that I handled it better then previously, and not only that I feel as though I am a better person for this experience. I probably won?t do shrooms for a few months since I need lots of time to integrate this experience. I am so grateful. Hope you all enjoyed this report!

With rainbow grace,


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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: MOTH]
    #2771250 - 06/07/04 12:15 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)


Within thirty minutes of digestion, I began to have the nagging thought that maybe I wasn't ready for this yet and that maybe I had taken too much

I HATE when that happens!!

I began to worry that nobody understood what I was saying, and that I couldn’t be comprehended, and that everything I said would either not be heard or taken in a different context.

I feel like that sober :crazy:

Sounds like you had a great trip! aside from the comedown...
I always feel the odd-ness most strongly when comming down; my last trip I started poking myself thinking "this is meat" and trying to think of things to say outloud and to be "witty" but I couldnt even get out anything but wow and cool... simple one word answers.

Language is an interesting thing

Edited by blinkidiot (06/07/04 12:27 PM)

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Wild Woman
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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: blink]
    #2775400 - 06/08/04 07:06 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks Blink  :heart: 

I had the thread moved here because I was hoping to get more feedback on what I experienced.  It's probably too long though...

What can I say!  I had alot to write about.  :smile:

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medium wheel

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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: MOTH]
    #2775578 - 06/08/04 08:10 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

?The human experience! This is it! The human experience?it means so much??


I enjoyed your writing immensely, and really connected with the idea of starting all over again -- coming full circle. That's what the theme of my first trip became. (Thanks for your words about my trip, by the way...I am the girlfriend of Chunder.)

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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: MOTH]
    #2775932 - 06/08/04 10:23 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)

This is the type of trip reports that I really enjoy reading.

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missing thehappy days...
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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: K20A2]
    #2776135 - 06/08/04 11:28 PM (12 years, 4 months ago)


Smoke The Weed

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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: MOTH]
    #2776586 - 06/09/04 01:59 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Stupendous trip report, very detailed considering the inadequacy of language. Thanks :smile:

yeeeahh, it's gonna be well wicked

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Wild Woman
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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: KackleDude]
    #2779938 - 06/10/04 02:33 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Thank you everyone, so much for replying! 

Yeah, "language" was another theme in the entire experience.  The entire time I was thinking, wondering, considering, worrying about how I was communicating with the others.  Language seemed incredibly important.  It also made me realize that I need to read more.  I used to be a huge reader not so long ago, but for some reason it tapered down.  Now I'm reading again and realizing how much I love it!  :heart:

take care


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Re: My trip report from Saturday: The human experience [Re: MOTH]
    #2780859 - 06/10/04 11:15 AM (12 years, 4 months ago)

Great report  :thumbup: learning to put it to evryday life is where it's at, do this and you will be shown more,peace Gypsy....onelove

"Well the first days are the hardest days." When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.....

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience

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