Firstly, I grossly underestimated to potency of what I think we're psilocybe cyanesence... Wow.
21g of fresh plucked mushrooms on an empty stomach lightly sauteed in butter with a pinch of lemon pepper and soft squeeze of lime juice. Then I had a light snack of some chips and salsa, a few dried mangos and I tried to sip on a light beer buuuuuuuut, the mushrooms had other plans.
Only about 15 minuets later I felt a gentle bend to my perception, I took the opportunity to tune up my guitar. I have relative pitch, I find my pitch recognition becomes substantially more acute while under the influence and music has always been a sort of meditative safe space for me, so that's where I wanted to be as the experience came into full bloom.
I took the guitar out to the back yard, such an beautiful day too, wow. Only about 20 minuets into the experience and I've only barely managed to tune and warm up my fingers with a few little scale exercises and very suddenly my vision begins to fragment like a broken mirror and it dawn's on me...
Oh...
These are different.
So I pack it in and go back inside, queue up some safe and sound feel good jazz classics and try to prepare myself mentally for trip that I am experienced enough to know is about to be quite a lot deeper than I had intended... It's far to late to worry about it now... Lay down... Close your eyes... And surrender.
I won't go into too much detail but I will say I have a newly found adoration of Moon child now.
A brief aside. I am profoundly experienced when it comes to consuming psychedelics, I have a pretty solid education in psychology, and I have a lot of "tools" that I know very well how to use to guide my thoughts in a positive and healthy and happier direction when I feel my mind drifting into the darkness. I also am in the process of discovering that I have PTSD... From a long life completely devoid of unconditional love and a lot of settling for less than what I really need to get by, and lately it's been a little bit harder to carry that weight and I've grown very tired.
So... Time means nothing to me until about the 90-120 minuet mark. After laying down and closing my eyes I realized lyrics were upsetting the experience and so I left the music on, but turned it lower and kept the headphones near enough to grab and put on when needed or remove when needed. It was just about all I was capable of, by now my body had more or less dissolved into light and sounds and I was still very much trying to simply hold on tightly.
You see when I ate the things, I had mentally prepared myself for something like a 2g of dried PE kind of trip. Oh no... Foolish foolish me.
I intellectually understand that potency varies dramatically from strain to strain (oh baby I remembered to get a print too!) But now it was dawning on me. This was by far the most profound mushroom trip of my life. Profound in intensity and not necessarily insight unfortunately... We are still integrating.
So, the mushrooms are doing what they do... Very very well. At about the 2 hour mark something so overwhelming just dawned on me in an instant. The experience unfortunately was simply way to intense for words so I just won't even try. I became so overwhelmed by the flurry of thoughts and images flooding my mind... Maybe a lyric from an old soul song hit me different. I began hyperventilating. Prior to that I must have also been sort of holding my breath too, and I became very aware that even though I was laying down I was becoming extremely dizzy. Then I began to realize that I was actually having a real health issue maybe because my extremities we're beginning to go numb from the lack of oxygen.
Here's the part where I admit that also maybe my physical health might not be where I would like it to be... I've been having heart issues, and I'm still being tested and examined and have yet to be given any diagnosis.
So as the tingling numbness works it's way from fingers and toes to hands and feet to wrists and ankles... My heart begins to palpate just a little.
And I am at the tippy top of my peak on what is easily top 3 most potent trips of my life.
Shit
I have to do something
Oh shit
I get up out of bed and walk myself around, maybe I just need to move around. Immediately the tingling moves into everything. I feel very intense vibrations now from the top of my head radiating down to my toes. My heart is thumping.
Wait...
This is a panic attack!
Wait wait wait...
Am I fine right now?
No...
No I'm definitely having a panic attack.
Ok
Good I guess.
About as quickly as I got up, I got back into bed still absolutely trembling (probably just tripping hard and not literally shaking... I think).
You're high honey...
And you bit off so much more than you can chew...
You weren't ready were you?
That's ok though.
We are fine... Remember?
Let's just breathe ok?
Everything is fine.
We are having a big panic attack...
We ARE having a BIG panic attack, because these blue meanies... ARE FIRE DAMN!
And then I proceeded to have probably the best trip I'll have this decade. I fell in love with music again like it was the first time I ever heard a sound. I touched base with my education and it helped... So that was a nice feeling.
But God damn... Those ones are different.
So... Now that the dust has settled I cannot help but wonder.
What are some of the things you guys have found to help ground you, and pull you out if a scary moment like that?
I've always felt like it's really cheesy, but those little mindfulness self talk exercises seem to really work well for me.
*Pretty sure I met God today and we totally banged*
-------------------- When two people dream the same dream, it ceases to be an illusion. Philip K. Dick Lies, Inc. (1984)
Edited by TheConfluence (03/27/22 11:23 AM)
|
Blue meanies are extremely intense, I did 1.8g dried and had a third to fourth level trip, way above my first dose of teachers at 2.4g. I always get confused when people say I did 21g then I see it was wet if it was dry yad prolly die.
as for getting rid of that panic at the begining try doing a tea instead. alot of my panic happens from my stomach filling with air making me feel tight in the chest after I burp a shitton I usually settle down into the trip and am completely euphoric.
Edited by Skeep (05/08/22 11:18 AM)
|