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Rache2020
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Is this depression?
#27685543 - 03/06/22 07:58 PM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Hi all,
Sorry if this is a bit long. So I've never actually been diagnosed with any physical or mental disorder (surprisingly) but I've really struggled my whole life with depression or with my outlook on life. Always been an introvert and tried to fight against that but can't it's in my nature so no matter how much I wanted to be outgoing and have loads of friends, my nature always won out. Makes me wonder how much control anyone has over their own lives. I sleep more than normal (always have), eat at different times to normal and don't eat healthy at all. I don't know how to be "normal". It makes me wonder if I'm autistic or something.
I know my poor diet and lack of vitamins is probably making my depression worse but again I don't feel like I can go against this (at least not for any length of time). Maybe it's a cop out for laziness but it honestly feels like I'm just an actor following a script and I can't help my personality. It's not like anyone would ever choose to feel like I do. I see no future, most of my family are now gone and all I feel is sadness and very alone.
For the past 10+ years I've really hated life, ever since my dad died. Practically everyday now I'm just saying to myself like a mantra "life is such a curse", "I wish I was never born". I carry a lot of guilt around my dads death and what I think I should've done differently-the guilt is THE worst. Since then there's been a couple more things and more guilt-and going over and over what I should've done differently and how easily things could've been different. It's really a horrible feeling and I wish I could go back in time and do it over.
I find life so dark and morbid and worry about being in pain, obviously I saw my dad go through a lot, and that kind of pain terrifies me.
I'm not sure I have depression or some personality disorder-even people with depression seem to go in and out of it whereas for the most part I'm always depressed. I find no joy in life at all and wonder how anyone else can. People say about the beauty of the world etc. and I don't see it, nature is cruel and twisted. I'm the most negative glass-half-empty person you will ever meet but I know most of that is due to the things I've been through and the guilt I feel. I wouldn't wish my life on anyone and I feel "too far gone" to ever find my way back.
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TheFakeSunRa
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Re: Is this depression? [Re: Rache2020]
#27685580 - 03/06/22 08:41 PM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Do you really want people on here to make an amateur diagnosis of your mental condition?
I figure you’d want advice on what to do instead of asking folks to put a name on it but that ain’t what you asked.
I’ll respect you enough to tell you I can’t answer your question but if you want to move on from there we can get into it.
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Rache2020
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Hi no I don't expect a diagnosis just an idea if it sounds typical for depression or possibility of something else. I'm not familiar with all the different types of personality disorders, just thinking if it jumps out as something else someone might recognise the symptoms and go "have you looked into so and so". I'm struggling with the negative outlook I've always had and feel it might be different to normal depression. I know no one on here can diagnose.
Yeh I'd like advice on what to do-wouldn't it help to have some idea what the condition could be (if any) though? Feel free to get into it though I'd welcome ANY advice at all
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TheFakeSunRa
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Re: Is this depression? [Re: Rache2020] 1
#27686265 - 03/07/22 01:24 PM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Do you have access to professional health care?
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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Mr.GuessWork
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It sounds like you'd probably get a diagnosis something like major depressive disorder (fancy DSM name for depression) if you went to a psychiatrist, but there's other stuff they need to talk to you about and stuff they'd want to rule out before diagnosing and treating you with meds and/or psychological therapy. Might be worth talking to your doc for a referral if you want to pursue some type of diagnosis and medical treatment. Here's a link to a PHQ-9 form. It's a standard screening questionnaire for depression. It doesn't rule out other diagnoses though.
https://med.stanford.edu/fastlab/research/imapp/msrs/_jcr_content/main/accordion/accordion_content3/download_256324296/file.res/PHQ9%20id%20date%2008.03.pdf
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Rache2020
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Quote:
TheFakeSunRa said: Do you have access to professional health care?
Not at the moment. I would have to go to the doctors and ask for help. Been thinking about getting private counselling-which is about £50 a pop but I can probably afford a few sessions.
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Mr.GuessWork said: It sounds like you'd probably get a diagnosis something like major depressive disorder (fancy DSM name for depression) if you went to a psychiatrist, but there's other stuff they need to talk to you about and stuff they'd want to rule out before diagnosing and treating you with meds and/or psychological therapy. Might be worth talking to your doc for a referral if you want to pursue some type of diagnosis and medical treatment. Here's a link to a PHQ-9 form. It's a standard screening questionnaire for depression. It doesn't rule out other diagnoses though.
https://med.stanford.edu/fastlab/research/imapp/msrs/_jcr_content/main/accordion/accordion_content3/download_256324296/file.res/PHQ9%20id%20date%2008.03.pdf
Thanks I've just had a quick look and it does sound quite a lot like what I have. I also tick most of those boxes in the questionnaire for nearly every day. This has been really helpful and I'll do some more reading about it- thanks!
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TheFakeSunRa
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Re: Is this depression? [Re: Rache2020]
#27686454 - 03/07/22 04:26 PM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
I would have to go to the doctors and ask for help. Been thinking about getting private counselling-which is about £50 a pop but I can probably afford a few sessions.
You’re in the UK? Shit. Just go to the doctor. You know what you’re describing is abnormal. Ain’t no different than a broken arm.
I could say look at this look at that read this read that but, no offense to the other poster here, IMO that’s just enabling your procrastination to go get help.
It’s weird about depression. One of its tricks is it keeps you from doing what you need to do.
I’m telling you straight up you need to tell a doctor everything you posted up there. They’ll get you sorted out with a plan.
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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Mr.GuessWork
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I'd second all that. I missed the pound sign on my first read of that post. If you have easy access to mental health care, then you should use it. Reading up is always a good idea, and it'll help inform your decisions, but TheFakeSunRa is right about the way depression interferes with motivation. that's one of the hallmarks. Tell your doc you did a PHQ-9 and what you scored. It might be worth trying out some antidepressants. They can sort of make it a little easier to get started when that lack of motivation is interfering with getting shit done. It might take some messing around to find the right treatment, and the meds take some time to work, but I've seen people benefit, particularly when the depression is severe. I'd probably give it a try if I were in your shoes. Keep in mind that a psychiatrist should be better with this stuff than your normal doc. antidepressants can get kinda complex and it's nice to have an experienced eye helping you through the trial and error.
The nice thing about meds is that they can give you enough balance to start to work through your problems productively and be able to enjoy the rewarding feeling that you get for doing it. It'll be easier to try new things outm, and It'll feel better when they work out, and that'll make it easier build new habits and start reaching out of your shell a little more.
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Rache2020
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Quote:
TheFakeSunRa said:
Quote:
I would have to go to the doctors and ask for help. Been thinking about getting private counselling-which is about £50 a pop but I can probably afford a few sessions.
You’re in the UK? Shit. Just go to the doctor. You know what you’re describing is abnormal. Ain’t no different than a broken arm.
I could say look at this look at that read this read that but, no offense to the other poster here, IMO that’s just enabling your procrastination to go get help.
It’s weird about depression. One of its tricks is it keeps you from doing what you need to do.
I’m telling you straight up you need to tell a doctor everything you posted up there. They’ll get you sorted out with a plan.
Yeh should've said I was in the UK-not sure if I can get in at the doctors, there is such a backlog after Covid I don't like to take an appointment away from someone else who may really need it. Hopefully they will catch up soon, with Covid being less of a worry now. You're definitely right about the procrastination, it's a vicious circle and just makes you feel worse the longer you are in it and harder to get out of.
Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said: I'd second all that. I missed the pound sign on my first read of that post. If you have easy access to mental health care, then you should use it. Reading up is always a good idea, and it'll help inform your decisions, but TheFakeSunRa is right about the way depression interferes with motivation. that's one of the hallmarks. Tell your doc you did a PHQ-9 and what you scored. It might be worth trying out some antidepressants. They can sort of make it a little easier to get started when that lack of motivation is interfering with getting shit done. It might take some messing around to find the right treatment, and the meds take some time to work, but I've seen people benefit, particularly when the depression is severe. I'd probably give it a try if I were in your shoes. Keep in mind that a psychiatrist should be better with this stuff than your normal doc. antidepressants can get kinda complex and it's nice to have an experienced eye helping you through the trial and error.
The nice thing about meds is that they can give you enough balance to start to work through your problems productively and be able to enjoy the rewarding feeling that you get for doing it. It'll be easier to try new things outm, and It'll feel better when they work out, and that'll make it easier build new habits and start reaching out of your shell a little more.
Yeh every time I look up antidepressants I get put off that they don't work for weeks and can even make you feel worse at the start. I just worry about the side-effects but at this point I think I have little to lose. I should've gone on them 10+ years ago but I didn't want to be diagnosed with anything then.
Thanks for taking the time to reply and give advice guys really appreciate it
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Mr.GuessWork
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Re: Is this depression? [Re: Rache2020]
#27687345 - 03/08/22 11:07 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Don't let covid stop you from going to the doctors. Everyone needs heathcare and it's important not to neglect normal healthcare since all the old bad stuff is still there alongside covid. Wear a good mask (ideally an N95), and you should be fine. You won't be hurting anybody by getting a doctor's appointment. Don't be afraid to take a risk and assert yourself a bit when you're asking for help. That's one of the times when it's important to push a bit and not worry about the blow back. Taking care of yourself is important for you and any thing that depends on you, even it's just a houseplant, so don't beat yourself up for trying to help somebody just because that somebody is yourself.
A primary care doc can probably prescribe you an antidepressant, but I would advise asking for a referral to get better and more comprehensive care. A good psychiatrist should be able to help you understand how the various antidepressants work and give you a rough idea about what to expect. They're also useful for figuring out next steps when a med isn't working correctly or if it's causing side effects. Finding the right treatment is usually a longitudinal thing, which means that it takes a while and there's a good bit of trial and error to get it optimized. It's not typically the kind of thing where you take a pill and the problem goes away. Psychological therapy can work great with the antidepressants too, particularly if you've got certain things that are bothering you. Good therapy capitalizes on the benefits of meds to build a good psychological framework so you can understand your mind a little better and find strategies to deal with some of those problems that overwhelm you and make you shut down or lie in bed all day.
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TheFakeSunRa
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Quote:
I don't like to take an appointment away from someone else who may really need it
Depression is serious. YOU really need it. And depression will do that, too. Make you feel like you don’t deserve it. You described feeling really bad. You deserve help just as much as anyone else.
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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TheFakeSunRa
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Quote:
Yeh every time I look up antidepressants I get put off that they don't work for weeks and can even make you feel worse at the start. I just worry about the side-effects
This is a common point of contention with me and other posters on the board but my advice is don’t play doctor. Fuck reading all this shit online. Side effects and time to efficacy and all that, your doctor went to school for years to understand that stuff. All you need to do is be the patient. Let the doctors deal with the course of treatment.
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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Mr.GuessWork
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I get the sense that she's planning on going to the doc, which is a good idea IMO. I'm not surprised by the contention with other posters since there's a lot of wacko self-medication and self-help advise on here, and there's also a lot of skepticism of mental health services, lots of which is at least somewhat justified. That being said, lots of people do benefit from mental health care, and I think that's particularly true when something like depression is significantly interfering with function like the OP describes. Mental health, just like physical health, requires a lot of work and input from the patient to be successful. It's a good idea to read and learn. there's a lot of criticism of mental health that's difficult to interpret, but reading up can help a person understand what's going on, and it can help them take care of themselves and get more value out of the limited time they spend with health care providers. I'd say read up so you have good questions and know what to look out for, and so you can better engage in your care.
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TheFakeSunRa
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I take a hardline just go to the doctor and let them be the doctor.
I don’t want to go to loggerheads with you over it. I understand what you’re saying is about self-advocacy.
Most people are more nuanced like you and I’m tired of going to battle over it and making enemies but I just think … well I’ve said what I think 
Anyway enough derailment
Keep us posted OP
There’s a path to feeling better!!!
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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Mr.GuessWork
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We're cool . I liked your push to get the OP motivated to seek help. gets you a in my book.
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Rache2020
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Quote:
TheFakeSunRa said:
Quote:
I don't like to take an appointment away from someone else who may really need it
Depression is serious. YOU really need it. And depression will do that, too. Make you feel like you don’t deserve it. You described feeling really bad. You deserve help just as much as anyone else.
Yeh true it's just the worst possible time, backlog from covid, more people seeking support for their mental health (I managed to avoid any covid or lockdown related depression so that's one thing to be thankful for) but yes I will try to get an appointment. I've always had incredibly low self-esteem so yeh all part of it I guess. I've needed to get checked out for iron deficiency and/or thyroid problems for a while so that's another reason to go and get those things ruled out as being a factor or not.
Quote:
TheFakeSunRa said:
Quote:
Yeh every time I look up antidepressants I get put off that they don't work for weeks and can even make you feel worse at the start. I just worry about the side-effects
This is a common point of contention with me and other posters on the board but my advice is don’t play doctor. Fuck reading all this shit online. Side effects and time to efficacy and all that, your doctor went to school for years to understand that stuff. All you need to do is be the patient. Let the doctors deal with the course of treatment.
Yeh good advice. I've wasted too much of my life being depressed so at this point it's worth the risk of any side effects.
Quote:
Mr.GuessWork said: I get the sense that she's planning on going to the doc, which is a good idea IMO. I'm not surprised by the contention with other posters since there's a lot of wacko self-medication and self-help advise on here, and there's also a lot of skepticism of mental health services, lots of which is at least somewhat justified. That being said, lots of people do benefit from mental health care, and I think that's particularly true when something like depression is significantly interfering with function like the OP describes. Mental health, just like physical health, requires a lot of work and input from the patient to be successful. It's a good idea to read and learn. there's a lot of criticism of mental health that's difficult to interpret, but reading up can help a person understand what's going on, and it can help them take care of themselves and get more value out of the limited time they spend with health care providers. I'd say read up so you have good questions and know what to look out for, and so you can better engage in your care.
Yeh I will book an appointment, and yes regarding your previous post-I definitely have something bothering me in particular so I'm in an especially bad place. A psychiatrist is definitely something to think about, I don't get any emotional support in life.
Again, many thanks to both. @TheFakeSUnRa I really appreciate the direct no nonsense to the point nature of your posts. @Mr.GuessWork equally the more in-depth detailed advice is really useful to me and you really seem to understand so thanks for taking the time to write so much to just help a stranger on the internet. Will let you guys know how I get on
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TheFakeSunRa
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Re: Is this depression? [Re: Rache2020]
#27688874 - 03/09/22 05:45 PM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
@TheFakeSUnRa I really appreciate the direct no nonsense to the point nature of your posts.
You’re welcome 
You’ll get through this
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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TerdleMountain
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Re: Is this depression? [Re: Rache2020] 1
#27706862 - 03/24/22 11:52 AM (1 year, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rache2020 said: there is such a backlog after Covid I don't like to take an appointment away from someone else who may really need it.
Don't fuck around. Don't underestimate this. Depression can be deadly. You need to take this just as seriously as you would finding a tumor growing on your nutsack (That might be an "Oops!" on my part! But you know what I mean.). The problem with depression is that you become numb to it and don't even realize how far down the hole you are.
Edited by TerdleMountain (03/24/22 11:54 AM)
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Rache2020
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Sorry only just seen this reply. Yeh you're right, I've found a therapist and booked in to go in a few days-wanted to do that first before any pills. Have found an awesome guy who I think I'll have a lot in common with he seems to have quite spiritual interests and that's right up my street so at least that's been an easy decision on who to go to. Will see what he says and what he recommends. Need someone to put things into perspective a bit, I have no idea what therapys actually like as I've never been before but hopefully it helps.
Yeh that was an oops but I get it
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kreg
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Re: Is this depression? [Re: Rache2020]
#27719763 - 04/03/22 05:15 PM (1 year, 9 months ago) |
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I think a severely depressed person wouldn't even bother to ask let alone take extra steps to ask about it like you did with the op. You sound bored to me, have you tried going out and meeting someone fun for like sex or something ? Do you like any sports? ....memes?
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