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Offlineberrymybody
great person


Registered: 03/29/16
Posts: 609
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27700027 - 03/18/22 10:51 AM (2 years, 10 days ago)

Intimacy is hard. I wish it were just a physical thing, because that would make it a whole lot easier. Not to sound corny but maybe it will get better by enriching other parts of your relationship :shrug:


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boldly going nowhere :alien:

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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Registered: 03/30/13
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27700057 - 03/18/22 11:18 AM (2 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I just had time to sit down, read over what I posted last night and responses. He doesn't know about this post, and would be very upset about pictures. I am obviously not handling this situation well, and feel lost and disappointed. Obviously seeking attention and lonely. I hate I even brought it up last night. He was really quiet this morning, and wants to discuss it more tonight, but I really don't want to anymore. I'm tired of thinking and worrying about it, and after the way things went last night... I just want to forget I even addressed the situation. I might discuss going to therapy with him in the future. I'm just feeling defeated and ashamed about the pics. That is not classy at all, and did not want to portray myself in a trashy manner. But feeling lonely and desperate is a dangerous thing. I'm starting to feel like I am the selfish one here, I don't know who is in the wrong, and confused on what to do next to further handle the issue. I am going to step away from this thread awhile, and just focus on work and family, keep my head down and keep moving forward. We can't have it all, and this is just something I will learn to accept. Thanks again for the input.




I get where you're coming from, and I don't blame you for feeling embarrassed. We all go crazy and fuck up sometimes. Seeing you post pics like that made me think you were a bit crazy, but reading this post makes me think you're sane. It'll all make more sense in hindsight, particularly if you work through what's going on and get a satisfying resolution to the issue. Don't be too hard on yourself right now. It won't help anybody, and it'll interfere with the productive stuff that you and your husband could be doing to find a mutually beneficial solution to the problem. It's pretty clear that you like the guy and want a happy sex life with him rather than with the fools you were experimenting with showing pics to. Take away some confidence in that from this unpleasant experience and use it to move forward with your husband. Give the dude a chance to work on the topic with you and don't wuss out on the conversation because you're scared or embarrassed by what happened here or by what could happen with him. You don't even have to confess about the pics or the thread. I'm sure he loves you and he'd get over it eventually if you told him about it, and that's up to you, but you don't have to do it now if you think it's a bad idea. You could stick to the issue at hand and just talk about the sex and what you want to try with him and how you feel. Most guys like to try solve problems when they understand them, sex problems included. I'm sure he'd be happy to try to help you out and work on it with you, even if you feel like your imposing. At the very least, it beats doing the dishes as far a favors go.

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,302
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #27700142 - 03/18/22 12:39 PM (2 years, 10 days ago)

First of all, don't ever feel guilty about any attempts you make to try and feel happy. I would continue the conversation when he's ready and wouldn't let it go until there is some sort of respectful understanding or compromise. I would mention how important compromise is in a relationship in order for you both to be happy and have a successful relationship for the rest of your lives.

Also, don't feel like you've cheated or are cheating by sharing your sexy pictures. Your intentions were not because you're looking for someone else to be with and you are generally an open person sexually which people who aren't literally think flirting with someone else is cheating. I wouldn't take any advice regarding that personally cause it's the attention from the pictures you were seeking and any man who is upset about his woman's sexy photos online or on social media in general is very insecure in my opinion. If your husband held up his end of the marriage as far as compromising both your needs, you wouldn't be here making this thread.

I agree that couples therapy would definitely help and there's nothing to be ashamed of in getting professional help. I'd advise seeing a PhD psychologist. They are personally the best to provide life long tools in my opinion and I've seen many different professionals, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists all of different levels of pricing and degrees.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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Anonymous #4

Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl] * 1
    #27700170 - 03/18/22 12:59 PM (2 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
First of all, don't ever feel guilty about any attempts you make to try and feel happy. I would continue the conversation when he's ready and wouldn't let it go until there is some sort of respectful understanding or compromise. I would mention how important compromise is in a relationship in order for you both to be happy and have a successful relationship for the rest of your lives.

Also, don't feel like you've cheated or are cheating by sharing your sexy pictures. Your intentions were not because you're looking for someone else to be with and you are generally an open person sexually which people who aren't literally think flirting with someone else is cheating. I wouldn't take any advice regarding that personally cause it's the attention from the pictures you were seeking and any man who is upset about his woman's sexy photos online or on social media in general is very insecure in my opinion. If your husband held up his end of the marriage as far as compromising both your needs, you wouldn't be here making this thread.

I agree that couples therapy would definitely help and there's nothing to be ashamed of in getting professional help. I'd advise seeing a PhD psychologist. They are personally the best to provide life long tools in my opinion and I've seen many different professionals, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists all of different levels of pricing and degrees.





For the benefit of conversation, if a man or woman is open about their shadow work then yes, that's not cheating. But if you are purposefully hiding the things you otherwise wouldn't tell your partner because you know it would compromise the partnership... well that's not partnership. The actions of cheating are a spectrum in my book, and the action categorically constitutes anything that would violate the trust of a partner. It depends on how the individuals themselves define that in the context of their partnership.

In the context of this conversation, she clearly knows that there are some psychological undertones here and she isn't doing this in the name of self-love; rather something else is preventing her from self-love and she is acting out because of the inability to appropriately express herself to her partner or to herself. Which is to say, OP you must explore your inner self and get to know yourself, so you can have self-love. That may involve divorce, that may not. There's an unknowable amount of outcomes here, but the best one is where you say "yes, I want this for me because I know what I want and I care enough about myself to fight for what I want for myself." That is up to you.

OP, correct me if I jump the gun here.
RevGirl, what do you think about that?

Edited by Anonymous (03/18/22 01:34 PM)

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,302
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Anonymous #4] * 1
    #27700216 - 03/18/22 01:38 PM (2 years, 10 days ago)

A violation of trust is not partnership correct. Which doesn't suddenly become cheating no matter your personal made up spectrum. Violations of trust aren't exclusive to cheating or sex. According to your personal made up spectrum, lying about anything would be considered cheating.

I respect your opinion, but I wouldn't take your advice personally. Especially since you're suggesting OP has no self love and is "acting out". As a woman, that's extremely offensive to correlate asking for help, posting sexy photos and wanting to do drugs as "acting out". Everyone has different coping mechanisms and it's wrong to judge them.

Does she need to seriously talk to her husband instead of holding it in like she has? Yes.

She made a concious choice to put her husband before herself and that doesn't equate to not having self love. It just means she greatly loves her husband. It's now time for them to compromise.

I do agree though exploring the inner self is a process which should always be encouraged.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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Anonymous #4

Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl] * 1
    #27700226 - 03/18/22 01:47 PM (2 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
I respect your opinion, but I wouldn't take your advice personally. Especially since you're suggesting OP has no self love and is "acting out". As a woman, that's extremely offensive to correlate asking for help, posting sexy photos and wanting to do drugs as "acting out". Everyone has different coping mechanisms and it's wrong to judge them.




https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acting_out

I'm using that phrase academically, no need to take it personally. It's a well documented phenomenon and pertains specifically to the actions she has described; doing something contradictory to her goals in order to satisfy drives which are not being addressed. Not all promiscuity is acting out, but promiscuity which is being done in the way it is being done here, is by definition acting out. Any feelings of "judgement," (which I suspect what you actually mean is the feelings of guilt and shame) you are assigning to the phrase "acting out" is a projection of yours onto this.

I personally regard lying as a violation of trust and when my partner has lied in the past, I have come to realize there was significant disturbance under the surface. Our relationship is much healthier and she is able to express herself even when I will argue over it. Lying is cheating in my book, in so much it is transgressing the relationship and using falsities for personal gain; that is lying turns the relationship into a zero-sum game where as clean truthful communication allows for partnership. No reason to lie. I take a hard Kantian stance on it.


Also, for sake of good conversation, I want to point out the hypocrisy of you making the judgement that it is "wrong" to judge. Either you are wrong (you said it is wrong to judge and therefore you are wrong for judging) or you are wrong (in this scenario, you are right that it is wrong to judge, but then you are wrong saying it is wrong to judge) here; you essentially boxed yourself into a corner of being wrong about that opinion. I'd say judgment is neither good nor bad, it is necessary.

Not here to berate you, but you got to hash that standpoint out into coherency. For your own sake of being better at making points :heart: hope you take this the way I intend it to be taken, in good faith.

Edited by Anonymous (03/18/22 02:05 PM)

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #27700319 - 03/18/22 03:10 PM (2 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
I respect your opinion, but I wouldn't take your advice personally. Especially since you're suggesting OP has no self love and is "acting out". As a woman, that's extremely offensive to correlate asking for help, posting sexy photos and wanting to do drugs as "acting out". Everyone has different coping mechanisms and it's wrong to judge them.




https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acting_out

I'm using that phrase academically, no need to take it personally. It's a well documented phenomenon and pertains specifically to the actions she has described; doing something contradictory to her goals in order to satisfy drives which are not being addressed.




Her goals are to get her husband to want to make her orgasm and for her to experience more sexual avenues with him. Asking for advice, posting sexy pictures and wanting to do drugs is not contradictory to those goals.

Quote:

Not all promiscuity is acting out, but promiscuity which is being done in the way it is being done here, is by definition acting out. Any feelings of "judgement," (which I suspect what you actually mean is the feelings of guilt and shame) you are assigning to the phrase "acting out" is a projection of yours onto this.




She is coping. If she was acting out by definition she would already be doing what she exclaims she physically desires, whenever and wherever she can attain it. Attention from sexy photos is minuscule in her desires she expressed. You haven't properly evaluated whether her husband finding out about these photos would indeed be as destructive as you're portraying. We can all agree her husband would be upset, for what reasons exactly are unknown to us. Would it be destructive to their relationship long term? Probably not if they can communicate properly and come to an understanding.

Also, posting sexy pictures isn't promiscuity.

Promiscuous:
Quote:

having or involving many sexual partners : not restricted to one sexual partner or few sexual partners




https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/promiscuous

I'm not projecting cause I've never had these sorts of issues in my relationship so not sure what exactly you believe I'm projecting. I'm offended because sexy photos is the least of their problems in the situation and yet as a fellow woman, she is being told it's acting out, lying, cheating and now promiscuous? The sexy photos are not actually the issue, they are a coping mechanism of the issue. Just trying to correct the dangerous, completely unnecessary mental territory OP's mind was put in because of other people's personal opinions on the matter. Guilt and shame solves absolutely nothing in this situation for both parties for any reason.

Quote:

I personally regard lying as a violation of trust and when my partner has lied in the past, I have come to realize there was significant disturbance under the surface. Our relationship is much healthier and she is able to express herself even when I will argue over it. Lying is cheating in my book, in so much it is transgressing the relationship and using falsities for personal gain; that is lying turns the relationship into a zero-sum game where as clean truthful communication allows for partnership. No reason to lie. I take a hard Kantian stance on it.


Also, for sake of good conversation, I want to point out the hypocrisy of you making the judgement that it is "wrong" to judge. Either you are wrong or you are wrong here; you essentially boxed yourself into a corner of being wrong about that opinion. I'd say judgment is neither good nor bad.

Not here to berate you, but you got to hash that standpoint out into coherency. For your own sake of being better at making points :heart:




Like I said, I respect your opinion and you have every right to express them based on your experiences. That being said, don't act like your personal opinions on lying and cheating should apply to everyone to achieve a healthy and honest relationship long term especially for one which is struggling already outside of any legitimate cheating. I am happy you found rules and boundaries that work for your relationship which you consider healthy for the both of you.

I've had a successful open relationship going on 9 years. Our personal opinions about what works for us will not work for everyone else's relationships and vise versa. Everyone is different and has different expectations and needs.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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Offlineblackhawk
Newton's Law of Majesticity
I'm a teapot


Registered: 04/02/11
Posts: 8,485
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Anonymous #12]
    #27700540 - 03/18/22 06:09 PM (2 years, 10 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #12 said:
Guide his hand instead of telling him where and when to put it and explaining how poorly he's been using said hands. Perspective is a powerful thing.




It's been established that hubby's hand can't rotate more than 3 degrees


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Offlineberrymybody
great person


Registered: 03/29/16
Posts: 609
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: blackhawk] * 1
    #27700638 - 03/18/22 07:48 PM (2 years, 10 days ago)

The naked pics are beautiful and definitely a request for attention, but it’s no different than any of us being on this forum right now. In 2022 it’s amazing that this forum even exists. Im happy it does and that you guys are on her talking about stuff.

I also hope OP has an orgasm w her man soon and many to follow 🤞


--------------------
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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl] * 2
    #27701061 - 03/19/22 06:57 AM (2 years, 9 days ago)

So I think that nitpicking over the psychology here isn't really important unless it's helpful to the OP. She said she feels bad about what's going on in the thread, and I think it's fair for her to feel that way regardless of why. The original question about how to address her problem still stands, and now the issue is complicated because she used this thread to experiment a bit with her sexuality by sharing ideas and pics. I don't think anyone really wants to make her feel ashamed for doing that, but she seems to feel like it was wrong in hindsight. the ethics and the psychology behind her choices might be helpful to understand, but I think it's more important for her not to let a little failure in this thread distract her from the ultimate goal of being happy with her husband and finding a way to comfortably share the risks/benefits of sexual experimentation with him. That shit is always risky, and I can understand why she'd feel better about using this forum for a first attempt at anonymous experimentation to sort of protect the hubby. Again, Slightly-crazy-anon1-lady, when you come back to the thread and see the activity, I want you to know that it's okay to fuck up a bit and not understand what went wrong. If you keep refining the experimentation and fixing stuff that feels wrong, and avoid getting overwhelmed by depressing failures, then it'll all make more sense in hindsight when you figure out how to make it work in a way that feels right and makes you happy.

And you can always delete the pics if they're making you feel bad and not adding any value to your life. Personally, I wouldn't have much value for pics, and I think it's sexy that you care about your partner, want to have gratifyingly sex with him, and are willing to put all this risk and effort into figuring out how to do it in a way that works for you both. Keep at it.

:heart:would bang:heart: (with all due respect to you and your hubby)

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Anonymous #4

Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #27701095 - 03/19/22 07:55 AM (2 years, 9 days ago)

Quote:

Mr.GuessWork said:
So I think that nitpicking over the psychology here isn't really important unless it's helpful to the OP. She said she feels bad about what's going on in the thread, and I think it's fair for her to feel that way regardless of why. The original question about how to address her problem still stands, and now the issue is complicated because she used this thread to experiment a bit with her sexuality by sharing ideas and pics. I don't think anyone really wants to make her feel ashamed for doing that, but she seems to feel like it was wrong in hindsight. the ethics and the psychology behind her choices might be helpful to understand, but I think it's more important for her not to let a little failure in this thread distract her from the ultimate goal of being happy with her husband and finding a way to comfortably share the risks/benefits of sexual experimentation with him. That shit is always risky, and I can understand why she'd feel better about using this forum for a first attempt at anonymous experimentation to sort of protect the hubby. Again, Slightly-crazy-anon1-lady, when you come back to the thread and see the activity, I want you to know that it's okay to fuck up a bit and not understand what went wrong. If you keep refining the experimentation and fixing stuff that feels wrong, and avoid getting overwhelmed by depressing failures, then it'll all make more sense in hindsight when you figure out how to make it work in a way that feels right and makes you happy.

And you can always delete the pics if they're making you feel bad and not adding any value to your life. Personally, I wouldn't have much value for pics, and I think it's sexy that you care about your partner, want to have gratifyingly sex with him, and are willing to put all this risk and effort into figuring out how to do it in a way that works for you both. Keep at it.

:heart:would bang:heart: (with all due respect to you and your hubby)




I second this, good addition.

Edited by Anonymous (03/19/22 12:09 PM)

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,302
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #27701324 - 03/19/22 11:38 AM (2 years, 9 days ago)

I have every right to address incorrect statements like "acting out" which aren't accurate to the issue.

OP had no negative feelings regarding the pictures until reasons were overwhelmingly provided for her to feel them. Especially at this extremely sensitive time of the situation with nearly zero progress regarding her issue, in fact the opposite since their initial conversation recently didn't go well. Timing matters.

The photos being removed by people's advice about it solved absolutely nothing. It was made more complicated based on people's personal feelings about them.

Guesswork, you're one to talk though when you've claimed zoophilia is 'normal' human behaviour after the amount of psychological evidence I provided clearly stating otherwise. 

You evidently show no logical respect for psychology and it's importance so it's no wonder you claim I'm 'nitpicking' incorrect and potentially harmful statements about OP.

I don't even want to have a conversation with someone like you after the chicken fucking thing. Complete waste of my energy and time. I also don't trust anyone who would describe their relationship with their animals as 'professional'.

Now I'm not trying to get into it with you... again. That's my opinion, I have a right to it and you can argue about it, it's not changing.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl] * 4
    #27701347 - 03/19/22 12:11 PM (2 years, 9 days ago)

Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
I have every right to address incorrect statements like "acting out" which aren't accurate to the issue.

OP had no negative feelings regarding the pictures until reasons were overwhelmingly provided for her to feel them. Especially at this extremely sensitive time of the situation with nearly zero progress regarding her issue, in fact the opposite since their initial conversation recently didn't go well. Timing matters.

The photos being removed by people's advice about it solved absolutely nothing. It was made more complicated based on people's personal feelings about them.

Guesswork, you're one to talk though when you've claimed zoophilia is 'normal' human behaviour after the amount of psychological evidence I provided clearly stating otherwise. 

You evidently show no logical respect for psychology and it's importance so it's no wonder you claim I'm 'nitpicking' incorrect and potentially harmful statements about OP.

I don't even want to have a conversation with someone like you after the chicken fucking thing. Complete waste of my energy and time. I also don't trust anyone who would describe their relationship with their animals as 'professional'.

Now I'm not trying to get into it with you... again. That's my opinion, I have a right to it and you can argue about it, it's not changing.




This not the right place to bring up personal suspicions of zoophila or whatever it is that's going through your head, particularly since we've only talked about it in an OTD thread. I'd advise reading the rules on interforum drama since this forum is very distinctly not OTD and it's unwise to confuse the two. You should probably read the rules and warnings in OTD while you're at it. This thread is also not the right place to fight out personal battles. It's about the OP's issues, and they occur within the context of her beliefs, values, and personality, all of which appear to differ significantly from your own. What works for you probably won't work for her. If you want to talk about your own beefs, then you should make your own thread. Otherwise focus on helping anon1 rather than on what offends you.

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,302
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl]
    #27701504 - 03/19/22 03:18 PM (2 years, 9 days ago)

This is the sexuality and relationship forum so technically zoophilia is not in the wrong forum. I do take responsibility for bringing it up in the wrong thread despite my reason for that. I made very clear I will not argue with you about it and so I will not.

I just wanted to provide OP some background on my experience with you which related to your blatant disregard of the importance of psychology such as when you replied to me about "nitpicking". 

You're now openly pretending like you know OP's beliefs, values and even personality as you do mine. If you care so much about OP then stop addressing me. I originally addressed OP. Anon 4 replied to me and so did you Guesswork. I clearly need to point out I never initiated conversation with you guys.

Quote:

Mr.Guesswork said:What works for you probably won't work for her.





Thanks tips!

Quote:

r3volution.gurl said:
Our personal opinions about what works for us will not work for everyone else's relationships and vise versa. Everyone is different and has different expectations and needs.




:cookiemonster:


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Registered: 10/20/21
Posts: 6,302
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #27701517 - 03/19/22 03:35 PM (2 years, 9 days ago)

I am sorry about the off topic stuff in your your thread. I am partially to blame for that. 

Below is my previous suggestions more detailed and put together. This is meant to portray how practicing understanding each other in conversation could be beneficial in your relationship. I don't necessarily recommend you do this without the help of a professional though.

Keep communications respective and positive with your husband in your daily lives especially when both of you are up for conversations privately from the kids. Your first conversation with him privately could be about setting time aside for you both(non sexually) to just talk to one another privately each day or a few times a week about whatever you or him want to talk about together. Some suggestions of topics could be about how either of your day's really were, past/present/future ideas and realizations about anything, possible activities/dates together, interests, the positives of the relationship, potentially very teeny tiny negatives in a comedic fashion. However, in regards to talking about negatives in the relationship, I would hold off because without a professional and enough practice of understanding developed, a conversation can easily turn into an argument and deescalating to achieve a positive outcome is a whole other challenge.

During these conversations together, focus on understanding each other more in an emotional positive light, asking questions which encourage elaboration of feelings, being genuinely interested even if you feel like you already know him. Just enjoy talking to one another. Do not push anything though, this is all meant to be willing communication. The goal of these "heart to heart" talks is to reconnect you guys for the time being.

With all that said, I do strongly recommend a professional to provide these tools of communication including deescalation. Nothing I tell you will beat that kind of real life help and the advice I provided CAN go badly and create more problems. It's extremely dangerous for you to follow my advice if you are not 100% confident you can be objective if any conversation turns into an argument. The written word is not comparable to tone.

I also do not know you or your husband where as with a professional, they will have to get to know both of you and history before even considering providing advice. Even if your husband is not interested in couples therapy and you were to see someone by yourself, both of you will still benefit. I am not saying you and your husband don't know how to communicate with each other or anything of the sort. I am just sharing the potential benefits of you guys practicing communication regularly so it almost becomes a template for more serious conversations.

I personally learned a long time ago I can't change anyone, but I can always change myself which can spark a change in someone else. Just remember moving forward, when you communicate with your husband, you only have control of yourself so what you say and when you say it will steer communication negatively or positively. With a professional, I guarantee you will develop the skills to better predict the outcome of communication with you and your husband.

Keep me posted:heart:

Oh and I went through at least 5 different professionals. Don't be afraid to talk to someone new if you feel you're not benefitting. I wasted a few years getting null advice until I found someone who really challenged me and gave me the perspective I needed.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl] * 2
    #27701607 - 03/19/22 04:59 PM (2 years, 9 days ago)

lol lady. It would be fun to do a thread about you, so feel free if you want some input. I promise not to dump on you for holding an OTD grudge. I think I remember you saying you were diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder at some point. You were open about it, and I commend you for that, so I won't use your openness to pick on you here even though I think your defensiveness makes you fun to pick on a bit in OTD. Parts of that personality do show pretty clearly and I can see how it affects your thoughts and communications sometimes. OP doesn't seem to have the same type of personality going for her, and it seems like she's got more traditional ideas about her role in her relationship and her sexuality than you do. That's perfectly okay, and she can still find a way to get freaky with her husband and explore\expand her sexuality without jeopardizing her confidence in her beliefs or relationship. I think she feels guilty about her sexual openness in this thread, which again is perfectly okay and normal when people go beyond the bounds of what they think is acceptable in hindsight. It's important to validate that kind of feeling and explain it, rather than to externalize it and dismiss it as something secondary to people being unfairly judgmental. It sounds like a feeling that stems from her internal beliefs and values and her own reflections on her actions. Those feelings are a part of who she is and exploring that stuff as it comes up and causes trouble is part of the value of good experimentation. Embracing it helps make things feel right and satisfying in the end, after working out the kinks (or working them in :evil:). Not giving those feeling due credit and consideration is sort of like ignoring a warning. It's better to slow down and reconsider what's been going on and think about what the new consequences might be and how to manage them. Doubts are useful, particularly when you're getting adventurous and trying new things that might be dangerous and have bad outcomes.


A therapist MIGHT help, but I think she'll get it worked out if she keeps trying at it, and no therapist will be able to help without that. I wouldn't hold back on trying to communicate simply because no therapist is involved. Taking some initiative and getting past the initial scariness of involving the hubby might do the job and get things rolling in the right direction. IMO, it's better to rely on the relationship at this point and try to use it to communicate vs relying on a therapist for that.

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #27701808 - 03/19/22 08:08 PM (2 years, 9 days ago)

Yeah, I was diagnosed with PTSD and narcissistic personality disorder. Both fully treated through behavioural therapy only. I don't suffer from PTSD or NPD anymore. After my self esteem and confidence improved, the NPD was reassessed as a personality trait.

It's interesting how it's acceptable for you to give me shit for being off topic then do exactly what you gave me shit for, yet I'm hypocritical.

I stand by my advice for OP because I'm interested in providing long term solutions.


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl]
    #27701883 - 03/19/22 09:30 PM (2 years, 9 days ago)

I thought your personal history was sort of relevant to the advice you were giving and to your perspective on the issues. I also thought it might be interesting to anon4 and give him\her some insight into where you were coming from and how you approached the topic.

I don't recall identifying anything you said as hypocritical, and my earlier criticism of the previous discussion on psych and ethics that you and anon 4 were having wasn't directed at you personally. If you go back and look at it, it was directed at the focus of the discussion and it's usefulness to the issue at hand. You also seemed to have some trouble separating OTD stuff from here, and I've been around long enough to understand some of the differences in culture between the forums and to know which rules matter where. It can be complex, and you're still new enough that I didn't want to leave you hanging. I'm not a mod, and I don't enforce the rules. I gave you the warning because I didn't want you to catch any shit from a higher power here or somewhere else because of OTD stuff. I believe you're giving advice in good faith, and I want you to be able to continue. It was worth a temporary threadjack for that.

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Invisibler3volution.gurl
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Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #27701942 - 03/19/22 10:34 PM (2 years, 9 days ago)

:ohyeahdefinitely:


--------------------

"Souls love. Thats what souls do. Egos dont, but souls do. Become a soul, look around, and youll be amazed-all the beings around you are souls." -Ram Dass

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Anonymous #5

Re: Unsatisfied woman needs advice [Re: r3volution.gurl] * 2
    #27725409 - 04/08/22 08:48 AM (1 year, 11 months ago)

OP, got an update for us?
and some more sexy pics would be awesome :grin:

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