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InvisibleEpilson Lyrae
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I'm dying, I'm lonely, I just wish it was over. * 1
    #27613458 - 01/09/22 08:43 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

This post isn't a troll nor is it designed to elicit sympathy. I just need to find a way to deal with this mind fuck of epic proportions.
Long story short; I'm 53 y.o. my heart is in bad shape ( I've an ejection fraction of around %10 optimistically. It's difficult to measure after it drops past a certain point. This has changed life completely for me but I've managed to keep on trucking: together more or less in line, even if I shake these old bones from a sitting position. Loo.
About 3 months ago I had a failed surgery to fix a problem with my lower intestine/colon. It was risky and just didn't work out.
This has left me incontinent and no one willing to attempt another surgery surgery to give me a ostomy bag. My heart is too weak. I left the hospital AMA which was stupid. They offered me a few days to live and I thought a few days with cigarettes out of there was better than dying in hospice without the option. I'm still alive but without any pain meds. Weaker by the day and very sad. I have 2 ways to end my life but can't bring myself to do it yet. I've been away from the community for a while now but I always found good people here and I'm sure there still are. Sorry this is so wordy but thanks for allowing me to share my burden. I'm not online as much these days so if I don't respond quickly, please don't take offense im just not well but any non trolling conversation is welcome. Thanks again.


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"Freedom is something that dies unless it's used." H.T.
I've come to believe that the heart is the filter of the enlightened mind. Epilson Lyrae

Edited by Epilson Lyrae (01/09/22 08:47 PM)

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OfflinemndfreezeMDiscordReddit
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Re: I'm dying, I'm lonely, I just wish it was over. [Re: Epilson Lyrae]
    #27613523 - 01/09/22 09:49 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

Sorry to hear man. :frown:  Life doesn't always deal the nicest of hands to people. 

You should check yourself back into a care setting of your choice. Hospital or hospice if you think its grim.  At least then you will have some cushion and meds to make it easier.  There is nothing wrong with being on pain killers when you have shit wrong with you.

I'd recommend you at least attempt the above before taking the ultimate and final plunge.  Attempting to call it quits can actually be worse as a lot of people fail and end up still alive just even worse off.  You could end up conscious but unable to move for example, trapped. 

You are loved!  <3


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Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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Offlineasterix
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Registered: 12/26/21
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Re: I'm dying, I'm lonely, I just wish it was over. [Re: Epilson Lyrae]
    #27613890 - 01/10/22 08:59 AM (2 years, 2 months ago)

This is a tough post to answer. 

All I can think of is, the Buddha was right.  We are in an ocean of suffering.  Existence, no matter how good you've got it, is ultimately unsatisfactory.

No one can escape the suffering of birth, death, old age and sickness. 

And on this particular planet, those four sufferings are often eclipsed by the shit we do to each other and ourselves.

Sounds like you're on your way out.  Perhaps there is a small opportunity here for some personal attainment, now that the distractions of sensual pleasures are mostly unavailable to you.

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InvisibleDouble
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Registered: 05/03/19
Posts: 817
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Re: I'm dying, I'm lonely, I just wish it was over. [Re: Epilson Lyrae]
    #27616478 - 01/12/22 05:37 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

my man, i'm also at a lost for words. As stated before by these fine gentlemen, I hope you find peace, brother.

I could never understand what you feel, or maybe I will some day. I wanted to show you my support by at least attempting to reply something

I hope love reaches you and god gives you the strength (if you believe) to continue somehow


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InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
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Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 16,449
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Re: I'm dying, I'm lonely, I just wish it was over. [Re: mndfreeze]
    #27616836 - 01/13/22 12:19 AM (2 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mndfreeze said:
Sorry to hear man. :frown:  Life doesn't always deal the nicest of hands to people. 

You should check yourself back into a care setting of your choice. Hospital or hospice if you think its grim.  At least then you will have some cushion and meds to make it easier.  There is nothing wrong with being on pain killers when you have shit wrong with you.

I'd recommend you at least attempt the above before taking the ultimate and final plunge.  Attempting to call it quits can actually be worse as a lot of people fail and end up still alive just even worse off.  You could end up conscious but unable to move for example, trapped. 

You are loved!  <3




I agree with this entirely.

I think you should call 911 screaming “chest pain” - I think even if you’re broke and without insurance you still have a chance to float out on a cloud of morphine administered by a nurse

fwiw - I’m not as close as you but I have some serious health shit bubbling up myself so I understand how frightening it is

all the best 💜


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]

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