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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
Registered: 11/28/15
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Thumbprint 7
#27565998 - 12/02/21 10:06 AM (2 years, 3 months ago) |
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Long time poster here with a new trip report.
In April 2019 I underwent an experience few people have been able to, and over the next couple years I tried to put the experience in writing.
For the sale of clarity, this particular experience was from approximately 30mg of pure lsd crystal.
On a Tuesday morning, I scraped up some lsd crystals from a collection plate. At approximately 10 am, I rolled a blunt. The last time I had take an extreme amount of acid, I went from 0 to fully tripping in about 10 minutes, and I was having visuals after about 3 minutes.
I had the blunt in my hand, and rubbed the acid on my thumb. No responsibility until tomorrow at 9 am, last time I did something like this I was sober within about 16 hours so I figured this was gonna be about the same. I licked my thumb, and that is the last thing that I consciously remember. Almost instantly, there were so many colors in the room, wriggling things, living things, energetic beings, and they layered and layered and layered until all that I could see was the color white.
While using my eyes I saw nothing but white on white and could see the different layers moving, consciously. I'm not sure if I was the consciousness, or if what was being seen was the consciousness. It reacted and changed forms. I am not sure if that was due to my own thoughts (on nmt, and dmt a few times I have consciously been able to change the visuals to, say my dog, or my parents) I was large, and infinitesimally tiny I was both inside, and outside my house. I was the grass and the trees and the sky and whatever comes beyond that. I was a massive amount of energy reforming and constantly changing. During this time, I would see pictures as if movies of my life, of events that have happened, are happening, and will happen later. All of them have come true. All of them.
There have been times within the last two years (many times soon after the event, slowing down as time passes) that I have seen full events unfold that I have already experienced. It is beyond terrifying. I have seen literally days of my life unfold as if I was watching reruns. I have, with real people, been for a walk, and said something like red, green, black, red blue. And the next five cars to pass are red, green, black, red, and blue. After several hours, I am not sure how many, I found myself sitting (lying?) On my futon in a really uncomfortable position. My house was full, packed, overflowing, with people, things, entities.
Except it wasn't my house, it was a singularity.
I (what is I?) was a dot a single point of reference. Colors were pouring in and out, slowly the dot got larger, instead of a single point it was two points and then a few more and more, and suddenly my singularity was slightly larger and it involved a space where I could move my frame of reference, instead of observing one spot, one point, I was aware of a space. Colors poured out into this space, and very slowly started taking shapes, there was my futon where I was flopped precariously on the edge, seeing this energy, these colors and shapes moving and flowing through me. If I zoomed out my perspective all I saw was that I would disappear and whatever I was on was massive, way bigger than we are told, but also much smaller. After a while I was able to see "room" and what was in it, I still had the blunt unlit in my hand. I tried to smoke it. After several hours more (I think it was around 4 in the afternoon) I was finally able to see room without other living energies in it. I remember distinctly at this point that I was trying to figure out what the fuck happened and I wanted someone to talk to to maybe give me some clarity, or maybe tell my story to so they could tell me what I told them. I went to a chat group I was in, and asked if anyone could message me. The guy who did message me was absolutely the worst person to talk to at the time (the only thing he was worried about was how he could get raw and who was my source, he didn't listen to my story or was any use at all) eventually I got so angry and frustrated at him I just closed out the text and tried to smoke again. By around 6 my visuals were slowing down a little, and there wasn't so much layers upon layers of things (granted I do not mean I was sober, by now I felt like I had just eaten ten doses instead of three hundred. The visuals were still extremely intense, just not as layered. Eventually I was able to sleep, and by 9 o'clock the next morning I was at work.
This is emotionally the most difficult thing for me to talk about. This happened in April 2019, and this is the first time since then that I have talked to ANYONE about the full experience. If anyone has any questions, well so do I! Please feel free to ask your questions, and I will do my absolute best to try to remember. I couldn't post this without help. It's been a very powerful emotional rollercoaster for me even trying to remember some of this.
Edited by Mike4aco (12/02/21 07:54 PM)
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jdawg333
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What was the week or so after the trip like? When I get surprised by a big dose I usually am very out of it for like a week- not tripping visually, but my mind will spiral sometimes and there is sometimes some mania. Have you had any trips since?
Edited by jdawg333 (12/02/21 11:46 AM)
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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
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Re: Thumbprint [Re: jdawg333] 1
#27566172 - 12/02/21 12:24 PM (2 years, 3 months ago) |
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I was unable to trip on lsd for about two years after this experience. The next few days were kind of like the most lucid dreaming while awake feeling. Except that I had already had the dream, and was now experiencing it in real time.
One of my friends was saying it was something called a flow state, where things happen, and I happen to be in exactly the right spot without effort. This lasted for a month or so, with intermittent flashes over the following several months.
I have been able to experience dmt or mushrooms in normal doses after this experience, however I wasn't able to feel lsd like I should have for over a year and a half
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CHUCK.HNTR
feral urbanite
Registered: 09/30/19
Posts: 2,317
Loc: SF, CA, USA
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Re: Thumbprint [Re: jdawg333] 1
#27566178 - 12/02/21 12:29 PM (2 years, 3 months ago) |
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The report didn't read as scary or sad or upsetting, yet the last few sentences read like the trip traumatized you.
You mentioned doing large doses in the past was the integration process years long as well?
Hope you are doing ok.
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
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Northerner
splelling chceker
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Good to see you back around Mike. I had wondered where you'd gone. As usual, I find your trip report equally horrifying and intriguing. You've got some massive balls mate.(I don't think that's the first time I've said that to you ) Glad to read your integration is finally starting to complete. I can imagine it's been one hell of a journey.
Did you find any noticeable personality changes after your experience? Besides everything being seemingly on replay do you find you were/are slightly psychic with things in general? How long did the random spells of reliving the trip go on for?
So many questions... but I won't lay them on you all at once.
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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
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@chuck.hntr- I guess I could say like, I've seen every day up until the exact point I've died, no one should know every moment of their existence like that. That's a scary potent omnipotence. Again, most of what I saw was perceived outcomes of events, but they play out like unchangeable events. It's like a choose your own adventure book (I remember them when I was a kid so early 90s-ish) where you can see all possible outcomes, but every action you choose still brings you closer to one ultimate adventure.
@northerner- thanks! To answer your questions, yes. I am way more open to new things, I can pick up people's intentions extremely easily. Sometimes I feel extremely manipulative, because even tho I don't do it for bad reasons, when I plan things, I usually rely heavily on someone just knowing that I know better about something (or at least think I do, but I'm usually right) for example, out of this whole experience, I've found plants. If you see me on discord, reddit, Facebook or other places, you will see that I have all the direction in the world now, and I am skyrocketing for the top. Of course if you want in, I know exactly what you're gonna do to help me, like I'm waiting for a npc to fill a role I've had planned out. Not sure if I'm explaining that right 😅
Random spells like you're thinking of lasted about two years, maybe a year and a half.
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Northerner
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Awesome that you've come to the plant hobby/interest too. I think it's a natural progression for many psychedelic users. Just about all of my people are plant people.
I like your description of how it's playing out in real time but already seems predestined. It's an interesting feeling. More than a year and a half reliving a trip is a long time, man you must have had some fugue moments.
Did you have a lot of dreams where you were back in that place again? We're you compelled to be completely sober for a long time? Have you friendships changed much?
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
Registered: 11/28/15
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I don't know if it's reliving, or remembering that I've already seen that particular event, and just knowing (imagine seeing your favorite scene in a movie, and suddenly realizing that you are the main character in that scene)
I don't know if I can actually sleep. I try not to, not sure what I'm afraid of, but I don't seem to get more than an hour or two of actual sleep (you can tell if you check out my frequency of posting in certain groups at all hours)
One thing I am worried about is that my dream won't come to fruition. One thing I know for sure is that whatever goal I am being pulled towards now, is not one that I will be alive in this form long enough to see, so now I make plans for others to continue whatever it is that I do, so that when I am not here, the goal is still attainable.
As for being compelled to be completely sober, the only thing I do is psychs, and smoke weed, sometimes drink. Nothing effected me for months after, acid, shrooms even dmt was kind of weaker. After several months I was able to use dmt and shrooms but there was no point to, sometimes now I don't like to dose stuff cause it's like, why? I don't feel compelled to dose or do much of anything now, other than watch the world move and see what part I am in it, cause I like to grow and have positive energy, so hopefully I pull that out of anyone who is lost, and I can share with with people who know the way
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Northerner
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Thanks for sharing so much mate. I could ask questions all day, but I don't want to drain you.
It's awesome to see you about again Mike.
When I first saw your thread I though "here we go again, another Chinacat homage", but it was a pleasant surprise. You are the first person I've read to have this sort of experience, that I have absolutely zero doubt that it is the truth.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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CHUCK.HNTR
feral urbanite
Registered: 09/30/19
Posts: 2,317
Loc: SF, CA, USA
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Northerner would you link that thread I'd like to check it out.. just tried searching but came up with nothing
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
Registered: 11/28/15
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Go ahead and ask questions. That's why I posted this, because I want to remember what I can as well. It helps having people ask me, like I tell my friend you tell me where to look and I'll tell you what I see. One of the biggest problems I initially had when trying to share was people wouldn't believe me or would try to say it didn't happen, or something similar.
I appreciate the questions! I have a few other things I'm going to post later on some interesting plants I have discovered as well!
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CHUCK.HNTR
feral urbanite
Registered: 09/30/19
Posts: 2,317
Loc: SF, CA, USA
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Re: Thumbprint [Re: Mike4aco] 1
#27566659 - 12/02/21 06:22 PM (2 years, 3 months ago) |
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What do you worry about if you know how everything will play out?
-------------------- "What is the practical application of a million universes?" -Alan Watts
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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
Registered: 11/28/15
Posts: 3,812
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One should not have access to such information. I partially blanked a lot of stuff out of my mind because you should not know everything
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already
Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,309
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You've apparently answered the questions I would have asked in one way or another but thanks for sharing! I've never done a thumbprint and don't plan on it but some of this really resonates with me. It's crazy what these substances can do.
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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
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Like, if I told you that after an interaction with someone in a red shirt, you would get a promotion, or after a different one with someone in a brown shirt, you'll get into a car accident. You will be watching for that guy in the brown shirt so you don't get in an accident. Always thinking of certain disasters, which may not come to fruition, if you had chosen a different path, but because you know the red shirt and brown shirt guys represent something, you're watching for that particular something to occur
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Northerner
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So do you have much static or artefacts in your vision since the experience? Do you think you are still normalising from it now or are you all done? Or just basically never going to be the same again?
When the experience happened, do you know how many times you blacked out, was it just a string of portal jumps until you landed? Did you feel any intense physical stress, or was your body just not a thing at all?
Do you have any change in belief systems since then? If so, how so?
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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Mike4aco
Soy el pinche guey
Registered: 11/28/15
Posts: 3,812
Loc: This third dimension
Last seen: 1 day, 12 hours
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I'm not sure I understand your first question.
I think I am normalized from the experience, I no longer experience mental flashbacks (the deja vu) I still remember what I can, so for themkst part I think I end up making better choices. I think for the most part I've stopped thinking of me, or even we, I'm thinking about years in the future. If I can grow certain plants that get you high that's cool, but if I also grow plants that feed you, or heal you, and I can teach people (and learn myself) how to use them, then maybe I can plant a garden that will grow plants that that hundreds of years to mature, and learn how to sustain people, and wildlife, and nature. Some of the things I've seen that I don't understand, are certain interactio, or energy signals between trees and the landscape around them, or other signs that can (if I learn how to read them) show me when a plant is sick, or when the landscape needs work (ie erosion, bald spots, trees etc)
I'm never gonna be the same again but I th I've grown a million fold for it
It was just a solid 5+ hours of non-existence, instead of a physical body, it was hundreds upon hundreds of layered images (each one individual and understandable)
I feel that I am the god of my own universe, as in, the actions I choose have outcomes which weigh on people who are not me. Therefore, whatever actions I do, I have to ensure that my knowledge is passed down (what I know to be true, and that I learn from others what is also true) I believe that when I die I will (maybe by design, Maybe by choice or accident who knows) have the chance to transmute my energy to something else (I have used my pets to pick up on their energy and see what they see (mom is my dog in the basement in whatever room with you, and you're wearing that blue shirt with the flowers on it) ) so I think that maybe I might leave this body (energy vessel) and be able to see reality as I did on this experience.
Like if I can move my awareness so far away from this body, I (mike4aco) stop existing to whatever I become as the observer. I think that's whatever "I" is
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nooneman
Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,683
Loc: Utah
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Re: Thumbprint [Re: Mike4aco] 2
#27567079 - 12/02/21 11:56 PM (2 years, 3 months ago) |
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Kindof a waste of LSD, no offense. That's a lot of hits for a single experience that you were mostly blacked out for.
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Northerner
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Re: Thumbprint [Re: nooneman] 1
#27567086 - 12/03/21 12:08 AM (2 years, 3 months ago) |
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I dunno nooneman. At the that sort of dose it's the most incredible short circuit one can experience. Almost 2 years later he is still feeling the effect and it may last forever. It's a cautionary tale in ways. It's a lot to deal with and certainly not for the unwary. But for the initiated, maybe worth it.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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jdawg333
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It's so interesting how these kinds of dosages get impossible for me to understand. Often trip reports of say 10 g mushrooms or 1000 mics LSD do seem relatable in a way, even though they're so much more massive than 5 g or 250 mics. However, on these pure crystal trips where people eat hundreds of hits it seems to become a different experience entirely. Lots of times it seems difficult or impossible for the poster to explain even though they are very used to doing so and could probably handle a ten strip, remaining lucid and remembering almost everything. It kind of goes against that idea that Leary had that like 500 mic was the maximum dose possible. I've seen some reports that are quite a bit more scattered than yours and impossible to really understand because they weren't using English well, it's awesome that you conveyed such an experience clearly.
It's interesting to me that the trip report is actually a bit sparse compared to some of your other ones Mike4aco, but I think it speaks to the absolute power of that dosage. I'm glad you're back man sometimes I would read your old trip reports and wonder where you went.
If you've seen the future did you see yourself posting about this on the Shroomery? Not a joke a legitimate question. The experience you had of witnessing a complete life, every frame and moment is one that is consistent with other thumbprint stories. I think Jerry Garcia said on his biggest dose he witnessed himself die in every conceivable way for what felt like eternity- slipping on stairs, getting shot, drowning, everything. You seem to have kind of experienced the opposite in that it was one timeline.
Did you see other lives or just your own?
Edited by jdawg333 (12/03/21 12:20 AM)
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