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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Registered: 05/30/21
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Emptiness and online communication
    #27544855 - 11/15/21 08:29 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

I've engaged in a lot of discussions in online forums, especially since the pandemic. This has been by far the best community I've engaged with but there's still this emptiness I feel and something lacking.

I always felt like I'd be able to make friends and maybe start a relationship beginning with online communication. I've tried online dating many times, talked to people for months and months establishing connections. But what always happens is they ghost me and it never meant anything to them anyway, or they never ever want to meet, or they never have time. People don't seem to put any investment to it and always keep a certain distance from it. They never really intended to be vulnerable is what I conclude from these experiences, yet I was bearing my soul.

This post is kind of a rant but directing no negativity at anyone or anything in particular. It's more like a lack of something I'm complaining about. Feels like there's a kind of pointlessness to it all. Like thoughts online are sent to a void and disappear.

Am I just wasting my time? Often that's the conclusion I've reached with many of my online conversations. If I talked to a girl at a bar and chatted her up for an hour I'd be farther along than with some of these people I talked to for a long time online. At least then there's physical proximity. If the pandemic taught me anything it's that it just isn't the same behind a screen with no consequences.

I can't merely accuse others of not caring about online stuff, I distance myself from it too. It can't be avoided. I feel like it doesn't have to be this way, that there's some other way that's possible, but I don't know what it would be. I get joy from talking even to someone random I don't know but there's always something missing. I put a lot into discussions and such but I can talk and talk and still not have a relationship and still be lonely and still be empty. It feels like I'm spitting into the wind.

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OfflineBuster_Brown
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27545188 - 11/16/21 04:47 AM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Ah so grasshopper, you have a relationship with your ego, this is the beginning of the rabbit hole that leads to wonderland.

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OfflineMindScaper
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27545682 - 11/16/21 12:28 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Yes, these anonymous forums can be rather transient. Sometimes you seem to build a rapport with a certain member, and then they disappear without a trace...

I'm probably not the best person to be giving you advice, as I'm actually a bit of a loner - preferring my own company. It's something I would like to change, but like you, I feel dissatisfied by most encounters I have with people. It's like both parties are 'going through the motions' or 'saying the right things', but all the while just looking to get back to their own comfort bubble.

Like you, I've found this community to be very open-minded and knowledgeable, and I feel I'm learning, not only about the practical things, but also about myself. There's something about the psychedelic discussion that lends itself to introspection, and with the visions and experiences that are encountered by many, one has to keep an open mind. Of course, as the other wise ones will tell you, psychedelic substances aren't the only way to achieve this.

I'm not really sure why I responded to your post. I guess it resonates with me. I have a feeling that, for me anyway, the way forward lies in real interactions with people, however uncomfortable or inconvenient they may be. I'm not going to grow as well until I'm out there in the world. Sure, I can learn, experience, help, and maybe even grow from online experiences, but it isn't quite the same, as you've said - especially on an anonymous forum.

So thanks for posting that, because you may have helped me to take a closer look at myself.

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OfflineBuster_Brown
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: MindScaper]
    #27545841 - 11/16/21 02:07 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

MindScaper said:


...the way forward lies in real interactions with people,







In my opinion girls want advantage and convenience which can be easier to provide by the young guy by the way of attention and service in personal relationships.

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Registered: 05/30/21
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: MindScaper]
    #27547411 - 11/17/21 07:19 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

MindScaper said:

So thanks for posting that, because you may have helped me to take a closer look at myself.




I am glad this thread has helped you.

But I am now feeling like I am not being helped by giving any help. I am no longer getting anything out of this forum, perhaps any forum. This is not an attack on this forum, the opposite: I see many many good people here. VERY good people, very smart and wise people. But behind the screen there is always distance. It would seem to make no difference me being here or not. I feel like George Bailey, except no angel has appeared showing that I was needed all along! Instead life goes on without me, and always will and always has.

I try to form connections, as all humans do. I deeply need connections and nothing I do has done that. I'm at a loss for how to do it. I certainly have no advice to offer in that regard since I don't know how to do it myself.

Some seem to form connections easily and for a long time. I try to form connections, work for YEARS, and have people callously abandon me and spit on me on the way out for good measure. This has happened enough times to where I wonder, well what's the point?

Edited by CreonAntigone (11/17/21 07:20 PM)

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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27547487 - 11/17/21 08:24 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

There's a lot more to communication than just text on a screen though. In an increasingly isolated society people can sometimes forget this. What we say as written is only half of what we are communicating. There's tone, inflection, delivery speed, body language, facial expression... so many things that we are picking up on when we speak to people in the real world.

Forums, though being a lot of fun and a good place to make online friends can't emulate this communication, this thing that always seems to be missing.

The other thing that is happening is that because people are spending so much time online they are also becoming pretty lousy at these physical communication skills. It makes things so much more complicated when they do actually get out there. It's good to be aware of. We're not alone in feeling awkward.

Life isn't a static thing, where we try and form connections and then later when that connection is no longer everything that went before doesn't count. Everything that happens is the real world. Our connections are our daily experience, not a perceived establishment that we can throw our stuff at. Connections are like the wind.

If you want people to want you, help them. Be needed. Step up. Make your presence a gift. Expect nothing, see what you get. Sure sometimes you'll get nothing, but much of the time people will respond in kind.

My life is ridiculously full of people who I help. It just goes on and on. I struggle to find time because of everything backed up together. For me that beats being lonely and feeling isolated, that's where I start to experience personal problems. Today I had the frog hospital call me again... it was an "oh really, not again" moment. I helped these people so much already and they're bloody hippy morons and painfully slow to work with. But thats not the point. They still called me. I'm not alone.


--------------------
The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: Northerner]
    #27547524 - 11/17/21 08:57 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Northerner said:
If you want people to want you, help them. Be needed. Step up. Make your presence a gift. Expect nothing, see what you get. Sure sometimes you'll get nothing, but much of the time people will respond in kind.

My life is ridiculously full of people who I help. It just goes on and on. I struggle to find time because of everything backed up together. For me that beats being lonely and feeling isolated, that's where I start to experience personal problems. Today I had the frog hospital call me again... it was an "oh really, not again" moment. I helped these people so much already and they're bloody hippy morons and painfully slow to work with. But thats not the point. They still called me. I'm not alone.





I'd love to help people. I like to. No one wants or desires my help even a little. I'd love to have people expect my help... doesn't happen. Crickets. I give and give and get nothing. Eventually the only choice available is to stop giving.

I, in fact, am very alone. Glad you aren't, but it's not my situation.

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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone] * 1
    #27547543 - 11/17/21 09:23 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Maybe you could try more established groups like Rotary, Scouts or Lions. These groups always need people. Volunteering is so last century, I know. But you will meet people and you will make friends.

One guy I know is a master of approaching things this way. I mean he knows freaking everyone, involved with many groups. If I ever need a hand, fixing something, building something, going somewhere, or anything, he will always be the guy who can help me, and if he can't he will know who can.

It takes time to get out of a rut for sure, and when you feel low that is an eternity. It can be done though. Every major change started with a little one. Except for the chicxulub event maybe. :grin:


--------------------
The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: Northerner]
    #27548865 - 11/18/21 08:50 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

The death of hope,
The death of dreams,
Is to be feared more than the death of the flesh.
Reach out till you touch something and don’t stop
Until you feel it in your bones and your bones begin to give.
Then give away the bones.  Till there’s nothing left to give.

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Registered: 05/30/21
Posts: 2,924
Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27549033 - 11/18/21 11:35 PM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Until you feel it in your bones and your bones begin to give.
Then give away the bones.  Till there’s nothing left to give.




Thank you. I think this might've been what I needed. I still have bones left to give. And perhaps it would be mutually beneficial, if others would make better use of them. And perhaps I would feel better without bones.

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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27549289 - 11/19/21 05:46 AM (2 years, 4 months ago)

Throw a man a bone, dawg!  :cheers:
Future :pm:  incoming


--------------------
Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Posts: 2,924
Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: Northerner]
    #27560223 - 11/28/21 01:21 AM (2 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Northerner said:
Maybe you could try more established groups like Rotary, Scouts or Lions. These groups always need people. Volunteering is so last century, I know. But you will meet people and you will make friends.





Volunteering may be good... after all if someone needs help, they aren't going to turn people away. In many ways it is the opposite of what dating is today, just humans helping humans with one thing, not thinking about 'prospects for the future'.

I don't want to do any strenuous work right now, and I want to do something social but low-pressure. As in, to be forced to interact with a large group is bad, but a chance to voluntarily interact with a few people is good. Any volunteering groups, etc, that might fit that bill?

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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27560236 - 11/28/21 01:33 AM (2 years, 3 months ago)

I volunteer with a conservation group. Get together with a few people and do some repotting of seedlings and young trees in the greenhouse on the weekends. Don't have to talk, but some light chat. Sometimes I do plant outs with them. Conservation groups tend to be very chill and cool people.

I don't know where you're living though, or what's available for you. Do you have a local community centre or something like that? Might pay to make a turn around there and see what other people are doing.


--------------------
The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: Northerner]
    #27560237 - 11/28/21 01:38 AM (2 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Northerner said:
I volunteer with a conservation group. Get together with a few people and do some repotting of seedlings and young trees in the greenhouse on the weekends. Don't have to talk, but some light chat. Sometimes I do plant outs with them. Conservation groups tend to be very chill and cool people.






I love trees... I'll try to see if there's something like that. What exactly constitutes a 'plant out'? I mean the name kind of tells it all, but it is intriguing.

It is hard to defeat the aura of hopelessness in my mind that accompanies every attempt to be social when it has failed before... but if plants were involved that might be different. Plants would be an added bonus, even if in the worst case scenario there is mutual hate between myself and every single person there, at least perhaps a tree could be helped...

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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27560252 - 11/28/21 02:26 AM (2 years, 3 months ago)

A plant out is simply that, we go to areas that need reforesting and plant the young trees that we have grown. It's kinda satisfying. Especially going back to those same places again years later.

My Dad used to tell me that it's better to let people think you're an idiot than open your mouth and prove it. :lol:. He was always a cynical old joker, but sometimes he was really on point. I do find it better to keep relatively quiet at these sort of things though until I know what's going on. Most of the people are pretty nice, generally not your capitalism driven sociopath type.


--------------------
The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27565501 - 12/02/21 12:01 AM (2 years, 3 months ago)

Let me pose the problem a different way. When I am loved, I cannot believe it!

Once someone told me 'I love you' and I - didn't believe it! She must really hate me, so I reasoned.

Part of me feels an incapability to accept a genuine connection from another person.

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27565510 - 12/02/21 12:11 AM (2 years, 3 months ago)

In my twisted mind, according to my flawed perspective, relationships seemed to never grow, only shrink: I was scared of losing even the longest-held friendships over a simple disagreement. I dismissed every single positive gain in a friendship as fleeting; I only saw doom.

When I use mescaline and gates knock down, then I don't feel these arbitrary separations as much: I still feel them, but they are lessened. The gates fall down and for once I am a human being like everyone else, and my flaws are bared freely for everyone else. That is freedom.

But the gates come back, they do. I however would like this time of knocking down the gates to be a lasting knocking: I'd like the gates to stay fallen down for a time, whether I use more mescaline or no! I'd like to not forget how I feel like this, when I don't feel this way.

I'd like to see the beauty and potential and the infinite love in even the simplest of gestures, shared without any contempt.

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OfflineBuster_Brown
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone]
    #27565568 - 12/02/21 01:32 AM (2 years, 3 months ago)

But first you must come to terms with contempt, put it under lock and key and only let it out when you find yourself stranded on the side of the highway.

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InvisibleCreonAntigone
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: Buster_Brown]
    #27567933 - 12/03/21 04:51 PM (2 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Buster_Brown said:
But first you must come to terms with contempt, put it under lock and key and only let it out when you find yourself stranded on the side of the highway.




How do I let go of contempt at someone who more than deserves it - who deserves probably worse than my contempt? What about true monsters in the world, how do I not contempt them all the time? Do I set aside a time of day for contempt?

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InvisibleFiery
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Re: Emptiness and online communication [Re: CreonAntigone] * 1
    #27568000 - 12/03/21 06:15 PM (2 years, 3 months ago)

Embrace the truth and not what society wants you to have.

I used to have 100's of friends, now I only have 3- and a small family.


And I might not be happy everyday but thank the heavens I am free from that world- that falseness of society.


since then I have NO social media, none at all except an email address and this website and my interactions with REAL PEOPLE everyday on the streets of America.

I'm not no backwater Saint- but I carry the words from them- "get out while you still can"








Want to know how I did it?

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