The fourth and latest trip I had 1/8 of Penis Envy. I was sitting in my living room that has no tv in it, just posters and art and a beaded curtain going to the kitchen. I had a wooden end table in front of me with a candle on it and my leather bound journal. I sat on the floor and started my playlist while i ate the 1/8th. I intended to mostly meditate during the trip.
The trip starts to come on and im looking at this wooden table and im seeing the chattoyancy of the wood glittering and moving. I got this notion that everything has a spirit. When the peak came I felt this vibration through my whole body and the beaded curtains were blowing gently as if there was a breeze in the house, but there was not. They felt alive. The air felt alive like there was something with me in my living room.
I started to meditate and i saw a black and white broken up mandala. I saw it in a trip before too. There was a gnawing sound I "Heard" but it wasn't hearing, like remembering a sound. It kind of sounded like the langoleres from the stephen king movie but i wasn't frightened. It was like understanding the beauty and terribleness of life. The pieces felt like one and many at the same time and i had telepathic communications with it. It was as if it was calling itself "us" and "me" at the same time.
I opened my eyes and closed my eyes but it was still there. I peered into the pattern in my mind and was mesmerized by the broken up pieces swaying and dancing back and forth with my music (Patti smiths ghost dance)- and right there in the middle, an eye opened up and looked at me. It had felt me looking at it and it opened up to receive my greeting. I didnt even realize the pieces of the mandela WERE eyes --and as i looked into it, I wondered if the pieces around it were lidded eyes that were closed as well.
It was not alarming to me nor did it scare me. It looked relaxed and all knowing. I looked back at it about 20 seconds and then opened my eyes because i didnt know what it was. I basically knew that I now believe in God and if thats true, other entities may be real... I felt that it was good and possibly the eye of God but I just didnt know. At this point i looked over and my cats were absolutely freaking out, spinning in circles and clawing at the carpet. I literally felt not like myself. I felt serene and all knowing like tarot reader lady vibes or something. The fact that my cats were freaking out did nothing to me. It didnt scare me. and I didnt seem to need their reaction to know something very real was going on.
Then I was strangely possessed to act out religious perhaps catholic signs with my hands? Its not as if i had no choice at all but to do it, but my hands and arms- my whole being was compelled to reach skyward. I put my hands in prayer position and put them up in the air. I bowed at the floor and prayed to God and all I wanted to say over and over again in my mind was "Thank you". I felt an immense feeling of gratitude.
I then was compelled to make the sign of the cross on my own body as the Catholics do, each shoulder and the forehead. and then i realized the cross is me. the cross is everyone. Its literally in the shape of a human body. If you know anything about symbols, usually the obvious is correct. Its a hijacked symbol that if people understood it they would understand themselves. Mind you I am not religious or consider myself Christian whatsoever.
Then I closed my eyes again and I saw and felt the most piercing white light. I had an understanding that I can hardly explain something about lots of words are useless and something about quiet knowing. Like the light of truth is a sword to cut through everyone's bullshit. Truth with a capital T.
The experience has me almost quit smoking cigarettes. I realized im a fuckin vessel with a spirit in it and wtf am i doing smoking? It has very nearly redefined some things i used to ponder figuratively into a literal perception....just curious... has anyone seen that eye? I looked it up and Aztecs and Mexican natives used psilocybe and have the one eye etched all over their temples...
Anyways thats my trip. Im fairly new here and its nice to read all of your posts, glad to be a part.
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