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so I had an ex who... really put me through a lot of shit. She got into meth and it was just a real bad dysfunctional relationship... I moved out of the little town I we lived in... got over her... she moved to a suburb of the city I moved to... we attempted things one last time, she hadn't stopped using tweak... it ended with me beating the shit out of her on my porch. (we're both girls so it's not like a guy beating up a girl...).That happened on Valentine's day. I didn't talk to her since then. I was pretty much over her cuz that last time I really didn't expect it to last.
FAST foward three months (exactly, May 14th and valentine's day is feb 14th). Her Birthday. Out of the blue my ex roomie calls me for some bullshit reason something about she's moving out of our old house (that we rented from my uncle) and I had a few things there she was going to leave with him and for me to get them from him... so she brought up my ex and I said 'hey tell her happy birthday' that was a friday... the next monday she calls me real early in the morning about how she misses me and she's not happy with the guy she decided to see and I say 'I'm the LAST person for you to whine to about not being happy cuz it's your fault we didn't work' hung up and left it at that... then I became a nervous wreck. I started going 'under the spell' as i call it, you know, thinking about her all the time, not being able to sleep or eat... just shitty shit that happens when you miss a person... I thought I could just let it run it's course then i'd be fine again.
a few days ago (friday night to be exact) I had JUST gotten in my car to drive to my parents for a weekend on the boat. she calls (I don't know it's her cuz until that moment she had called from a restricted number) and she was crying and wanted some pics from this winter... so I agreed to meet her at this gas station by her apartment.
*sigh* I think that was a mistake. we ended up driving around for nearly 4 hours talking. turns out she got a really good job at a pharmacy and will be a pharm tech in 4 months through on the job training and she stopped ALL drugs because she's randomly tested at least once a month. we stopped back at the gas station so I could get back to my parents and she grabs me and kisses me and says she loves me.
THEN today she calls and says she told her mom about us and how she still feels about me, and that she's kicking her BF out and she wants to be with me. I told her I was glad she's getting herself out of a relationship she didn't even want in the first place... and I'm glad she's turned her life around for the better... but i'm not sure about us happening again (I mean the last time ended up in a brutal comfrontation)
so I kinda left us up in the air and told her to call me in a few days.
what would you do? I will *never* feel for anyone else as intensly as I felt for her... BUT we've had a REALLY REALLY bad past... I feel drugs had a lot to do with our past and now she's absolutely clean (as long as she has a job I'll know she's clean)
what would you do?
-------------------- We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.
Though you haven't been with her completely off drugs right? It may be worth trying for that reason. But whatever you feel, if it's worth a try and the consequences of going through the worst occur in the end.. breaking up yet again.. then maybe it's best at that point for it to be the last attempt with her. If you decide to try again then tell her this will be the last time. If you decide not to try one more time then don't look back.
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe
What have you got to lose? You say you've never felt anything as intense as what you felt for her, so it's got to be worth a shot right? I'm a great believer in the idea that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.. Things may work out, they may not, but you don't want to look back on this in 20 years and think "what if I had given it a chance?"