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OfflineGrav
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I'm Afraid
    #2744076 - 05/29/04 01:01 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I don't know what makes me happy in this life.
I mean.. I know how to be happy, but not how to stay happy.

I experience joy everyday, which I suppose is the combination of many things. Fresh food, sunlight, excercise, making music, hanging out and being cool with friends, being hypnotized by females, being challenged intellectually in school.

It always seems to come down to a small handful of major paradigms floating around in my head. They all point to different ways to live, and all seemingly offer a great deal of happiness. But I can never follow one of them.. I'm always pulled back by the notion that I'm forgetting something important.

I KNOW how to be very happy. Im quite aware of my abilities and talent as an artist and just an all around good, nice person. I try to shed a little positivity everywheres I go, and get something as well out of every experience.

So what is this great big looming fear?

Either I'm gonna wake up 40 years from now and realize I didn't do something I should have, or I'm gonna plunge myself into the details of life now and miss the big picture overhead.

I feel myself constantly fluctuating between two sort of extremes like I mentioned above. And they trickle down into all events in my life.

And that's just Me. My little insignificant being. 1 out of 6,000,000,000.
Wars raging everywhere. Physical and Mental. Everywhere.... there is no rest.

Its like a thorn in my foot that there are universes raging all around me, and yet I can only see so little. But then, when I do get to see the worlds I want to, I'm pretty sure Im gonna just long to be back home and part of a normal comfortable routine.

maybe I'll just call myself bi-polar and call it good.

here's to the next couple of decades
peace.


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InvisibleHarveyWalbanger
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2744158 - 05/29/04 01:33 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Unhappiness is unfortunately the fuel of life. Hunger, loneliness, and just generally not being comfortable where you currently are is what has makes evolution what it is. Its built hardcore into the human psyche not to be happy where you are, and always want something better. Whether its right or wrong is another question  :smirk: :thumbup:


--------------------


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OfflineTheCheat
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: HarveyWalbanger]
    #2744173 - 05/29/04 01:43 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

dont worry grav, your teh only one who has that exact same problem.

still in search of that happiness. i guess you could experience a good one if you have a tight relationship with God. but in my experience, religion does very little with personal relationship with God.

but yet again..im still in seach of that kind of happiness. hopefully ill meet halle berry or jLo soon.


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OfflineMuppet
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2744204 - 05/29/04 01:53 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I believe Dennis Leary said it best:

Quote:

"I'm not happy. I'm not happy." Nobody's happy, ok!?

Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok!
You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!?

That is it! End of fucking list!






..........

Thus Spake Muppet


--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:


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Offlinerepemon
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Muppet]
    #2744235 - 05/29/04 02:02 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Agreed. :smile:

I have the same feelings though, youre definately not alone :smile:


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Offlineobfuscatelesol
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2744333 - 05/29/04 02:54 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

My friend, I went through something similar to what you've described. For a long period of my life, I was generally happy. I found great joy in making art, playing music, hanging out with friends, smokin pot, shroomin- all the things the average kid does and again, it was mostly a good time. One day this kid in my school brought in a book on Buddhism, I think it was just Buddhism For Dummies or something. It greatly enticed me and I always thought Buddhism would be interesting, but never took the time to find out about it. So I flipped through that book and went home and searched online for basic Buddhism (came across this site http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/basic-guide.htm ).

The foremost teaching in Buddhism is, just as Harvey mentioned, that our suffering is caused by our desires and attachment. We constantly want what we don't have, whether it be physical possessions or change of state (i.e. we're cold, so we want to be warm). As opposed to just accepting this as I suppose Harvey has, one has the option to change the way one thinks.

Shortly after hearing about Buddhism, I found a book called Be Here Now by Ram Dass (former acidhead with Leary, Huxley, Ginsberg, etc. that wanted the spiritual effects of LSD to be permanent so he went to India and became a yogi/meditator). I cannot say that this book will help you, but it "spoke to me". I gained an understanding of accepting things as they are, so as to never be in discomfort.

Another thing I learned from this book was to just be a watcher. This means disassocciating oneself from themself and just keeping an awareness of what's going on. Also, as the title suggests, it gives insight into living in the present moment, not labeling things and just seeing and divinely loving everything.

Shakyamuni Buddha taught that our own minds are the source of any unhappiness and that the perspective of seperateness/duality is an illusion perpetuated over thousands of eons (that's getting into karma and reincarnation). The "true" reality is unity of all, and the mind that sees this is the enlightened mind. While I am not trying to preach here, I am trying to open you up to a different way of looking at the world, though of course I have no clue how you do look at the world.

From your post you seem to be a very insightful and intelligent young man. As for tangible advice, I reccomend that you start meditating. It is a necessary tool for developing a peaceful, compassionate, and wise mind. The most basic form of meditating (in Buddhism) is called peaceful abiding, where one watches their own breath, feeling the diaphram rise and fall. As thoughts arise, acknowledge them and gently direct the mind back to the breath. I can only speak for myself, but just doing that has allowed me to "see more clearly" (I apologize, but I am not great with words).

After you can successfully abide in peace you can meditate on aspects of the world, such as impermanence, emptiness of self and all phenomena, as well as compassion, love, etc.

I come to you as one who has recently discovered something that has changed my life. My life is different now and I no longer smoke pot or hang out with friends (with the exception of a few who are spiritually inclined), but I am peaceful and happy and my ability to make art and music has grown tremendously. I am now on a path that may seem strange to the average westerner and I'm not too sure where it's leading to, but I am content. If any of this intrigues you please ask any questions you may have. If this is not the type of answer you were looking for, I hope that you live a glorious and happy life and find whatever it is that you seek.


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2744360 - 05/29/04 03:03 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Your fear of unrealized potential is a particular theme in many Existentialist schools. Irv Yalom speaks to this in 'Existential Psychotherapy.' However, Yalom, like Sartre and others did not believe in a "Transcendental Ego," which is Sartre's term for Spirit. GOD is dead for the Existentialist in the main, unless one is an existentialist theologian - someone who recognizes the Presence of GOD in our existential predicament. Kant may have been the first Christian existentialist. A modern favorite theologian is John MacQuarrie who wrote 'Principles of Christian Theology.'

Why cite these guys? Because humanity alienated from the Source of existence - the Creator - the Intelligence that is both Present to and which Transcends creation - is a very very unhappy humanity. Happiness, according to an existentialist psychiatrist - Victor Frankl - is 'a by-product of a meaningful life.' For me, life is meaningless unless it is shot through with Transcendental Energy [Consciousness or Spirit being synonymous here]. I learned this long ago through despair that I was merely another creature born to procreate and die. Psychedelics opened my spiritual 'I' [Eye] when I said "Yes" [Aye] to the possibility of GOD being Ultimate Reality. Happiness is 'the icing' on a 'multi-flavored cake' which is sometimes sweet, sometimes bitter, sometimes salty, sometimes bland...you get the meaning. I appreciate every 'bite' of life more, of course, when there's 'icing' along with it, but 'icing' is not the whole point of life, and neither is happiness. Meaning, joy, serenity, faith, love, fulfillment...these things are deeper and far more satisfying than happiness to me.

I used to like playing on the ocean's waves, but then I discovered the mysterious depths, populated by strange and colorful creatures, and the occasional treasure. I used to just frolic on the surface of life, but then I discovered the awesome depths that were previously just ignored.

I Hope some of this helps.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineGrav
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #2744874 - 05/29/04 06:59 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

obfuscatelesol,
i glanced in that direction once or twice before. i've decided its not for me. i don't doubt the inner peace that comes with that super-buddha package, i just think my soul is a little too ravenous for such a lifestyle. i embrace my desires no matter how much pain they cause me... they are markers of the confused american youth that I am.
thanks for the advice, though.



Markos, ive been wanting to read up a little on existentialism. seems like some good stuff in there.

after much thought ive realized i don't believe in "transcending the ego" while I'm alive. i figure that's gonna happen when I die anyways, so why rush it? i want to be a dirty human and play in the mud as long as I can, because maybe I won't get another chance.

i used to subscribe to the transcendental path, but all i felt on the other side was a cold emptiness.

life is here, not in the clouds.

peace


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Offlinecastaway
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2745004 - 05/29/04 08:34 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Entertainment and the pursuit of happiness are the only things of importance I think.
Simply being able to move is entertaining. Add Fresh food, sunlight, excercise, making music, hanging out and being cool with friends, being hypnotized by females, and being challenged intellectually and you have a cornucopia of entertainment. Add the will to pursue it, to refine and enjoy it and you have the reason for life, the Universe and everything.


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Offlinepeleg
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: castaway]
    #2746310 - 05/30/04 12:31 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Digging deep with-in through the power of God brings about the fruits of rightousness, joy, love, patince,faith,longsuffering,peace,..it's a battle, there are times of fighting and there are times of recling at the table of the Lord with feet proped up drinking the New Wine,sure there is tribulation thats when ya know your on the right path but it's through this tribulation that we are made strong..peace Gypsy....Gird youself in the strenght of the Lord putting on the full armor of God.......jump in with both feet and don't look back, welding your Sword in all directions.......


--------------------
"Well the first days are the hardest days." When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.....


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OfflineStrumpling
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2747664 - 05/30/04 09:19 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

You named what makes you happy:
Fresh food, sunlight, excercise, making music, hanging out and being cool with friends, being hypnotized by females, being challenged intellectually in school.

Now would be time to put off all of that stuff and figure out how you can set it up so that in the future you can obtain fresh food, sunlight, excercise... all that stuff EVERY DAY for decades.


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2748604 - 05/31/04 02:04 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Physical death may mean ego death, but death does not liberate the human being. This Earthly realm is the blessed place where one must learn to transcend one's mammalian existence. Death places the 'seal of eternality' upon it, so-to-speak. And, if one remains firmly identified with the cycles which constitute Earthly existence, then 'the myth of the eternal return' may apply. The Wiccans and Neopagans are fine with this return to the realm of nature. It is not my aspiration. I have experienced other states of being and even if they are not identical to those that exist after death, it has been enough to pursue the possibility of being in them. The path that takes one there is The Way, whether one interprets it in Christian, Taoist or Buddhist terms. It is Now, not in the clouds, and transforms the desire-body which is never sated into one of legitimated, guided desires.

You are right about maybe not getting another chance, but to have squandered it in filth instead of taking a chance by living a life which leads to enduring bliss is a sorry state indeed. Playing in the mud will need to be left behind in [howsoever extended] childhood. It is all wrong for adult existence as a human being. Do you not invest money in long-term investments either ?


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineFrog
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2748628 - 05/31/04 02:16 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Read the book that I referenced on another thread, called "Way of the Peaceful Warrior".

I have spoken of this several times, and this books makes much mention of it. We are all here to do something that we are meant to do, whether trash man, lawyer, cook, taxi driver, etc.

Whatever you choose to do, it should be because it makes you happy. Take that job and do it to the best of your ability, and serve humanity.

Hell, just read the book. I'm not taking everything in the book as gospel, but there are quite a few parts that make sense to me.

Tell ya what. If you are a fast reader, you don't even have to buy it, even though it's cheap. I think I could read both books in 2 hours, but I bought it because I didn't have time to sit in the book store for 8 hours. But go to the book store and devote 8 hours to reading this book.

Then, go read "What to say when you talk to yourself". Or, read that one first. Either way, they're both pretty easy to read.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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Invisible2Experimental
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2749116 - 05/31/04 05:51 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

" So what is this great big looming fear?"

I feel ya man!!! When I first got into the big '2012' deal, I found myself thinking from time to time, what is it all for!? But then I realized wther the world ends in 2012, never, or when I get hit by a buss tommorow, it does not matter, because I lived and did, and that speaks for itself and brings me, comfort you could say.



"Wars raging everywhere. Physical and Mental. Everywhere.... there is no rest."
Great sumarization of the history of man beast and spirit for all 'eternity'... there may never be an end, but if that is the case, then the start, middle , and end is just as good as the finish...


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Offlinethe universe
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2751861 - 06/01/04 02:34 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

You could die at any moment. So instead of wasting your time trying to "figure it all out", I suggest just trying to enjoy yourself. I don't mean just sex and drugs either, knowledge itself is the greates joy a person can feel. But there's so many things in this world to experience that you'll never get it all straight.


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"If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world."- J. D. Salinger


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InvisibleSwami
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: the universe]
    #2751952 - 06/01/04 03:22 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

knowledge itself is the greates joy a person can feel.

Knowing what year the War of 1812 was fought brings me very little comfort or joy.


--------------------



The proof is in the pudding.


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InvisibleChronic7
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2752378 - 06/01/04 09:56 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

just take everything as an opporuntiy for growth, whether it be a bad experience or good one.........


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OfflineMAIA
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2752500 - 06/01/04 10:56 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

It's good to know we have many things in common....
Don't worry too much about reaching your goals. If you know you're good enough doing different things, your goals will become fulfilled, it's a matter of time.
I don't think about if i'm happy or not, i just am, i can and i do. That's enough to make me happy.

Quote:

"The truly wise man is the one who can keep external events from changing him in any way. To do this, he covers himself with an armour of realities closer to him than the world's facts and through which the facts, modified accordingly, reach him."



F. Pessoa

MAIA


--------------------
Spiritual being, living a human experience ... The Shroomery Mandala



Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.
Voltaire


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OfflineTao
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Re: I'm Afraid [Re: Grav]
    #2752906 - 06/01/04 01:54 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Try "The Art of Happiness" its from dialogues between a secular psychologist and the Dalai Lama. Its a great book, should be in any library near you.


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