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OfflineSquattingMarmot
Inquiring Mind
Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 418
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror
    #2743550 - 05/29/04 04:22 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

WASHINGTON, DC?In a response to recent acts of extreme violence against Americans in Iraq and mounting criticism of U.S. military policy at home, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld announced the government's new strategy of fighting terror with terror Monday.

"Look, in order to catch a rat, you gotta think like one," Rumsfeld said in a grainy and degraded videotape message filmed at an unknown location and released to CNN Monday. "We've been pussy-footing around the war on terrorism for years. All that time, the answer was right in front of us: In order to wipe out terror around the globe, once and for all, we've gotta beat them at their own game."

"We tried playing fair," Rumsfeld continued. "But how can you play by the rules when your opponent doesn't even know the rules? You don't bring a knife to a gunfight. That's just the way it is, folks. It's a dog-eat-dog world."


Above: U.S. soldiers using the government's new policy to fight terror abroad.

On the seven-minute tape, Rumsfeld is joined by counter-terrorist leaders Vice-President Dick Cheney and Attorney General John Ashcroft, each seated on folding chairs in front of an American flag. Ashcroft described some tactics the government currently uses?pre-dawn assaults on civilian targets and subjecting potential stateside traitors to psychological intimidation?as a "small step in the right direction."

"I can't really say what we have planned for the future," Rumsfeld said. "As terrorists, fear and uncertainty will be our best weapons. Let me just say that the gloves are off. It is inevitable that indiscriminate attacks will be carried out, and innocents will lose their lives, but the end will justify the means."

Rumsfeld refused to comment on the recent abuse of military prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan, other than to characterize those abuses as "nothing compared to what we are capable of."

"It's vital to remember that these terrorists hate freedom," Rumsfeld said. "Well, guess what? From now on, we're going to hate it even more. Do you think terrorists care about due process and fair treatment of prisoners? Of course not. Why should we give them the upper hand? You fight fire with fire."

Cheney restated that the goal of the new policy is to put an end to terror around the world, once and for all.

"It's time to get this war over with," Cheney said. "The philosopher Eric Hoffer said, 'You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.' Well, we've been observing, but finally we've started taking notes. We'll have these terrorists running scared in no time."

Cheney urged Americans to "be on alert" in upcoming months.


Above: A NYPD officer uses terror to fight terror in Times Square.

"Seneca once said, 'To be feared is to fear: No one has been able to strike terror into others and at the same time enjoy peace of mind,'" Cheney said. "If we want these terrorists to fear the U.S., we as a people need to be filled with fear. Expect to see more heavily armed, uniformed officers, both at home and abroad."

Elliott Abrams, Special Assistant to the President and Senior Director For Near East and North African Affairs, said that the Bush Administration acknowledged the ethical inconsistencies of its opposing-terrorism-through-terrorism stance, but doesn't really care.

"Look, any eighth-grader knows that the line between good and evil is blurry," Abrams said. "Our concern is the safety of the American people. An eye for an eye: Let's see if that plan works."

Abrams refused to provide clues about the time and method of attack, other than to allude to an "election-year surprise."

"Just wait and you'll see," Abrams said. "Martin Luther King said, 'Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.' Well, enemies of democracy and freedom around the world are going to find out just how right he was. They'll see just how dark it can get."

Experts from the Mukhabarat el-Aama Egyptian intelligence service have deemed the message authentic.

"There is no doubt who the men on the tape are," spokesman Sulieman Assad said. "Cheney can clearly be recognized from previous tapes, albeit a bit aged, and John Ashcroft is wearing his iconic stern, fanatical expression. I would recommend that the Arab world raise its security alert level to 'severe,' but apparently, it has already been that way for some time."

----

Classic Onion.  :devil:


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"In the United States anybody can be president. Thats the problem."

"The gray-haired douche bag, Barbara Bush, has a slogan: "Encourage your child to read every day." What she should be is encouraging children to question what they read every day."

- George Carlin


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Registered: 04/20/01
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: SquattingMarmot]
    #2743677 - 05/29/04 07:56 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

:thumbdown:

No more posting Onion stories or Onion type stories in PAL. Please.







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Mp3 of the month: Johnny Price- Marijuana, The Devil Flower



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Offlinest0nedphucker
Rogue State
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Registered: 04/17/03
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Loc: Wales (yes it is a countr...
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Learyfan]
    #2743689 - 05/29/04 08:14 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Why? It's reminiscent of some of the geniune 'news articles' posted here....


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Invisibleluvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?


Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 34,210
Loc: Lost In Space
Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: st0nedphucker]
    #2743699 - 05/29/04 08:25 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

It scared him.


:wink:


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You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers


Edited by luvdemshrooms (05/29/04 08:25 AM)


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OfflineLearyfan
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: luvdemshrooms]
    #2743710 - 05/29/04 08:42 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

It's just a waste of time for me is all.





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Mp3 of the month: Johnny Price- Marijuana, The Devil Flower



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Offlinest0nedphucker
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Learyfan]
    #2743715 - 05/29/04 08:54 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Time which would be far better spent searching for Bush images, I imagine.

I enjoyed it anyway.


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OfflineLearyfan
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: st0nedphucker]
    #2743721 - 05/29/04 09:12 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

I don't give a toss.






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Mp3 of the month: Johnny Price- Marijuana, The Devil Flower



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Invisibleluvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?


Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 34,210
Loc: Lost In Space
Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Learyfan]
    #2743733 - 05/29/04 09:37 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Learyfan said:
It's just a waste of time for me is all.




And as we all know.... it's all about you.


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You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers


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Invisibleluvdemshrooms
Two inch dick..but it spins!?


Registered: 11/29/01
Posts: 34,210
Loc: Lost In Space
Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Learyfan]
    #2743736 - 05/29/04 09:39 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Learyfan said:
I don't give a toss.



Then why say anything in the first place?


--------------------
You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Registered: 04/20/01
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: luvdemshrooms]
    #2743818 - 05/29/04 10:56 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Maybe the board would be better if everyone flooded it with fake stories.






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Mp3 of the month: Johnny Price- Marijuana, The Devil Flower



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Offlinest0nedphucker
Rogue State
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Registered: 04/17/03
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Learyfan]
    #2743827 - 05/29/04 11:05 AM (13 years, 2 months ago)

... most people would have realised by the end of the paragraph it was windup. Although, I can understand why you would have actually believed it...

There's nothing wrong with some additional humour in the forum, though some posters here come up with far more amusing things..

:smirk:


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OfflineGazzBut
Refraction

Registered: 10/15/02
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: st0nedphucker]
    #2743973 - 05/29/04 12:17 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

though some posters here come up with far more amusing things..






This is true. Heres a thankyou to all those right wingers who thought there really were WMDs in Iraq and constantly argued the war was justified on these grounds...very amusing. (although not if u r one of the thousands of dead iraqi civillians)


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Always Smi2le


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InvisibleXlea321
Stranger
Registered: 02/26/01
Posts: 9,134
Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: GazzBut]
    #2744396 - 05/29/04 03:21 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

The funniest ones still believe the WMD might be there  :laugh:


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Don't worry, B. Caapi


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Xlea321]
    #2744435 - 05/29/04 03:38 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

You can?t prove they aren?t there.




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Mp3 of the month: Johnny Price- Marijuana, The Devil Flower



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InvisibleXlea321
Stranger
Registered: 02/26/01
Posts: 9,134
Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Learyfan]
    #2744445 - 05/29/04 03:42 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

:lol:

:rockon:


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Don't worry, B. Caapi


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/20/01
Posts: 30,170
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Last seen: 2 hours, 58 minutes
Re: U.S. To Fight Terror With Terror [Re: Xlea321]
    #2744479 - 05/29/04 03:55 PM (13 years, 2 months ago)

:wink:







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Mp3 of the month: Johnny Price- Marijuana, The Devil Flower



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