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OfflineHBS
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a 'new' beginning - a support thread
    #2738500 - 05/27/04 10:01 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

this is cross-posted from the forum i usually post in, but i think it applies most here ...

in general, i haven't been that happy in the past few months (at least) to a point where i've just been giving up when even the smallest thing happens to me just because i'm fed up with 'it all'

this is the person i used to be, before i tripped for my first time when i was 14 or so and experienced such bliss that all of the things that bother me NOW just used to make me laugh, realizing that reality is so malleable and boundless that these things that bother me do so only because i let them, not because there is a 'fact' which states that i have to be bothered

i've often forgot that i am in charge of my life, and that i am not a prisoner of my body which i often feel so much because of my crohns disease pain

though a lot of people do this, and i have done it many times before without success, i am going to reshape my life and no longer let myself settle for less ... what this means is that i will no longer accept that i am small and cant gain weight and muscle, rather i will start a regular exercise routine and work on each part of my body ... though i cant cure my crohns, i CAN make the effort to condition my body better and fix what can be fixed, rather than sulk about what can't be fixed

i plan to pursue the state of mind i had been in for so long before i fell back into my old self, which is to be spiritual and positive about everything ...

i am also debating bringing myself back for one introspective trip which i would take alone to do some heavy analyzing of what has been going on for so long since i quit tripping and have been diagnosed with crohn's

i will be a spiritual, driven and happy person once again, and i encourage anybody else who feels that they no longer need to settle for less should post in this thread as well so that we can all work together


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Invisiblevampirism
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Registered: 03/14/04
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Re: a 'new' beginning - a support thread [Re: HB]
    #2738562 - 05/27/04 10:16 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

hey, i hope you're successfull,
and i'd like to point out that your success would "set a standard" for any of us who are troubled in any similar manner.  Also, I've had a similar feeling of having a "return trip" but I've thought long and hard - which me is it, who is saying i should return?

I had a rather bad, confusing and strange trip about 3 years ago, 2 years after, I finally realized that it was not in the best wishes of who I was before the trip fucked me up. Still, I sometimes get caught up in the thought of "returning", but it's really just turned into battling demons within me.  Do you want to confront those demons and hope that you were right about everything since what happened with you? If so, I would reccomend the return. This is just from my point of view--

I do not want to return to who I was before the trip.. I want to return to who I was right after it -- just pointing out a possibly significant difference which might help you make your decision.

:thumbup: I hope you reach your goal, and I'm glad that you're going through with something you want, it's more than what I can say for myself. :heart:


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OfflineHBS
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Re: a 'new' beginning - a support thread [Re: vampirism]
    #2738588 - 05/27/04 10:22 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

i had some unbearably harsh trips which i have felt for so long have permanently scarred me, as i don't forget what i experienced for one day ... i no longer believe i am 'scarred' and i believe that i have the power to change it with enough will

what is not usually realized is that beyond all that unhappiness and fear there is a place that is actually supremely beautiful, and it is a place i have forgotten about for too long, caught up in the routine which is called 'life'

my return to a trip would be an assuredly very harsh and turbulent ride, though i very much believe that it will be for the better, and if i am to be the person i want to be, then it will require a lot of hard work which i haven't been able to put forth as of yet

also, the ingesting of the mushrooms is a direct challenge to my crohn's, as dried mushrooms are some of the worst things i can put in my body for crohn's ... i plan on ingesting it as a tea and meeting on MY turf since i won't have to worry about my crohn's for the duration of the trip


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Invisiblevampirism
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Re: a 'new' beginning - a support thread [Re: HB]
    #2738644 - 05/27/04 10:33 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

well then I guess I can only wish you luck, and offer support, though im not sure how id give you it

just as a side thought - what if it turned out not to be turbulent? That the harsh reality became a joke through the new trip? That it left you desiring more out of your experience? That the purpose of the horrible trip was just to bring you to your goal permanently?


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: a 'new' beginning - a support thread [Re: HB]
    #2738692 - 05/27/04 10:39 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Hi HB,

I think that if you were to trip again with the intention of integrating for the best what you experience/learn during the trip, then it will be worth it. 

I wish you all the best.  :heart:


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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
i'm left. youall can bite me
Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 1,591
Re: a 'new' beginning - a support thread [Re: HB]
    #2738918 - 05/27/04 11:07 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

HB,
Good luck with the efforts. I myself am trying to be consistent with some of the same issues in my life. If you have any questions I know a lot about gaining muscle if you got a fast metabolism, and uh, so yeah, I dunno, anything worth having demands sacrifice, something for us all to remember I think.


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OfflineRedstorm
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Re: a 'new' beginning - a support thread [Re: HB]
    #2747428 - 05/30/04 07:10 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Hey, buddy. I hope you know that I'm here to talk whenever you need it. If I'm not online, you have my #. It is never a bad time to talk. :heart:


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