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Anonymous #1
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Dating bro's EX
#27318530 - 05/22/21 08:48 AM (2 years, 8 months ago) |
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Hi all, kinda find this forum as entertaining as potentially useful! Here's my contribution:
Im 33, my bro is 30. Waaaay back when he was 17/18 he was dating a girl who, while they were together, I became really good mates with. Kinda never got to close for obvious reasons, but there was an odd connection. They split to go university etc, and they'd not ben getting on well anyway. Through the years till now, I bump into her occasionally and every time there is always an atmosphere of us sorta 'knowing'. There's always a feeling, eye contact and smiles etc. Other mates have joked that I should have got with her originally, not my bro. I think my bro messages her occasionally as a friend. Anyway she's recently starting messaging me and I'm always tentative, but also I long to connect with her properly.
Anyone got opinion on this? Potential for messiness/weirdness is kinda high i guess. I'm pretty close to my bro.
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Anonymous #2
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Depends on your brother’s personality. If he was the kind of brother who wouldn’t let you touch his stuff or play with his toys even when he wasn’t using them, then it’s probably a bad idea. Ask him how he feels. Or maybe you don’t really like your bro? If that’s the case getting together with this chick is a good way to fuck with him
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Anonymous #1
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Lol. Solid advice!
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Anonymous #3
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It's not like you're screwing around behind your brother's back while they're together. It's been what, 10 years? since they dated?
DSHSB
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Anonymous #4
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Just straight up ask him, don't beat around the bush my friend.
I wouldn't though if you want my honest opinion. If you get serious with this girl at some point this whole situation is going to get really awkward. I know this from experience.
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Anonymous #5
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Agree. It's really not worth it. Especially someone as close as your brother.
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Anonymous #6
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When I was about 20 my brother fucked my ex in my bed less then 6 months after we split and then dated her for a couple of years. This was about 3 years after my best friend went out with an ex I had just broken up with after 3 years together. I was very pissed with my friend and I didn't talk to him for over a year.
My brother was too chickenshit to tell me but I didn't make a big deal out of it at the time. Looking back with all he's done since, I think it was just a way for him to get to me, just like both my exes wanted and later admitted to me. At the time I was much more interested in having a brother than getting upset about an ex, so I shrugged it off. It should have been a warning to me and a harbinger of things to come from him.
However, 12 years is a long way from 18 and, if you think you've got a chance at happiness with her, I think you should just ask him. After all that time, I doubt it would be awkward for anyone and hopefully he gives you the go-ahead. If he doesn't, I still don't think it's really off-side to date her, you just have to weigh your potential happiness with her against his possible unhappiness, which may be short-lived. If you're close, he'll hopefully prioritize your happiness.
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Anonymous #7
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Don't miss out on some potential happiness out of fear of messing with some 'conventions'.
Try to act with honesty and openness. Do not hide anything, speak with your bro.
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Anonymous #8
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It's been over ten years and the woman is obviously into you. I say go for it. You don't need your brother's permission to be with a girl that he dated in high school over a decade ago. If he is upset by it then he has some emotional issues he needs to work on, and that isn't any reason for you to miss out on a potential partner.
Do you think he would even care? I could understand him being hurt by such a thing soon after they broke up, but y'all are adults it has been quite a long time since he dated her.
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Anonymous #9
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Family is forever. Thats your blood. You cant betray him for some pussy. If there is anyone in this world you need to be loyal to, its your brother. Dont let the pussy blind you. She is the devil luring you into wickedness.
Edited by Anonymous (05/28/21 08:03 AM)
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Anonymous #10
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Its funny all the replies who try to pretend what you said isn't the correct advice, as if any of those posters wouldn't feel betrayal if it was done to them. He even says he thinks he still messages her "as friends", Im guessing in the brothers mind he hopes its going to go beyond that some day. If my brother pulled that shit on me I would write him off as someone who is a selfish shit bag who could never be trusted and aside from forced interactions of fake smiles at family get togethers Id be done with him and wouldn't engage with any bullshit small talk with him.
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Anonymous #8
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Lol betrayal? After over ten years after a high school relationship? Yikes.
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Anonymous #9
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If it was an old friend I would let it slide... but your brother? no. You guys are supposed to be able to trust each other with anything. for life. You can find new girls, new friends, new whatever... you cant find a new brother.
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Anonymous #3
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I just.. dont get how it is in any way a betrayal. I can see how it might be slightly awkward.. but.. "I held her hand once in 3rd grade, that means she is my property for all eternity" I'm an only child, I guess I don't know the rules.
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Anonymous #8
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It isn't betrayal. These people are extremely possessive simps.
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Anonymous #5
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Quote:
Anonymous #8 said: These people are extremely possessive simps.
No, the point is you don't know that. You have no idea how this guys brother would feel. All humans are gonna feel slightly differently in this situation, but I suspect it would range from extremely mild feelings to something really quite strong (in his brother).
I dated a best friends ex once - with his permission - and it was still an awful decision, I'll tell you that much, for the guilt that I felt over it (and seeing him when I was with her).
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Anonymous #8
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A friend of mine dated one of my ex-girlfriends. I ended up being his best man at their wedding. I never once got upset because I'm a well adjusted adult who understands that it didn't work out between myself and her and I wanted my friend and my ex to be happy.
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Anonymous #6
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It's well over a decade later. Hell, my brother's first girlfriend ended up dating and marrying one of his friends.
He even went to the wedding, though he regretted it. Nor for the relationship, but because they'd made the whole wedding reception an AMWAY recruiting drive.
Whatcha gonna do, OP?
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Anonymous #11
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In Germany we have a saying: Im Krieg und in der Liebe ist alles erlaubt.
Translates to: Everything is allowed/permitted in war and in love.
OP, just go for it and deal with the consequences like every human being should.
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Anonymous #5
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Love it; all is fair in love and war.
It is said, many times, through all human history.
This makes it true, I think. Life is not fun nor fair, but if you play the game well, you will win.
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Anonymous #12
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Im guessing that anyone that says it’s fine either doesn’t have a brother or has a bad relationship with their brother. I really don’t think it would be healthy for either of you, I just think you would ruin your relationship with your brother and when you were with the girl would just feel guilty and not fully present. The idea that all’s fair in love and war is probably not the soundest advice from a country that gave us the Holocaust.
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Anonymous #7
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It's an opportunity for both brothers to grow and learn. Honestly. Speak to the brother first, but you don't need his permission.
Imagine expressing yourself and addressing issues like a fully developed man. If the brother cannot deal with this, then I bet he can't deal with much.
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Anonymous #13
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He does need his brother's permission. There is a difference between "mah freedums" and "socializing" and it's called compromise/understanding.
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Anonymous #7
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Well, you're right, his brother does have to be onboard.
Converse! Discuss!
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Anonymous #6
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Quote:
Anonymous #7 said: Well, you're right, his brother does have to be onboard.
Converse! Discuss!
Agreed!
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Anonymous #13
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Quote:
Anonymous #7 said: Well, you're right, his brother does have to be onboard.
Converse! Discuss!
It doesn't matter what you find rational. Maintaining relationships that matter requires lenience and understanding. To many, whether the bro would be agreeable or not, your idea of "fuck your bro do what you wan" is so very self absorbed. Maybe OP cares what his brother thinks? Being mature isn't about being better than other people it's about getting along with yourself and others.
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Anonymous #7
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This will be a trip: You can't control what other people do. All you can control is your reaction to it.
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Anonymous #14
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Time to tap that shit..
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Anonymous #15
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I vote DSHSB.
Enjoy!
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Anonymous #16
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She's approaching the wall and is looking to lock it down with something familiar.
It's a trap.
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