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DF2K
Me.
Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 5,826
Loc: The land before time
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
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my life..has now changed
#2726393 - 05/25/04 03:31 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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I have come to a realization in my life lately... and i have marijuana to thank for it, wich is kinda ironic seeing as i thought i would only acheive such a realization, throught the use of mushrooms, LSD or even MDMA. who knew a drug i use on a daily basis could have such an impact on me.
for the past 5-6yrs, i have *bottled up*, supressed (whatever you want to call it) all my emotions, more anger then anything else, i also keep a constant 'poker face' because of it, this steems from years of phycological abuse by my peers whilest i went throught school..mainly elementry and jr. high (or 'middel school')and by the time i got to high school, i was a numb, unfeeling, uncaring apathetic..asshole, i never had many friends in school, mainly because i didnt want to make the effort and meet ppl, becuase i would probally get stabbed in the back, i had this mentaly due to years of expireance, my veiws on society and they world i live in are rather neagtive (to say the least).
But recently that all changed, or atleast its the begging of a change that i hope i can now use to 'undo' the damage done to me by society..and noe become a happy positive person again, like i once was many years ago.
now your probally all wondering wtf this even has to do with pot, well wensday night i smoked the last joint i had (roach joint) and had a beer aswell, wich was my usualy routine (minus the beer) go out on the balcony and get high, but wesnday night was differant, instead of just getting stoned and playing video games wich is what i normaly do, i thought a lot abnbout my family, friends, ppl i used to know in high school, and it occured to me, that all the pain in my life, has to be resolved..before i go crazy and ebd up hurting somebody, or taking my own life, wich of course i dont want.
but emtions are a powerful thing, to be able to over-ride logical thuoght,reasoning, and i honestly dont ever want to have to face somthing like that, to be so angry that i end up huting myself, or wrose yet..somebody i love, all becuase i cant control myself because im so clouded with rage.
now normaly after i run out of weed, i usualy have a very strong desire for more (i beileve im phycologicly addicted to pot, wich is probally true) but since wensday i havnt had any want to smoke up, i could careless if i get high or not, it doesnt seem to matter anymore, i dont *need* it, but over the last 3yrs that i have been toking, i think i have been leing to myself as to why im useing this drug, i would always tell myself "it feels good to get high, and that it", but i think thats wrong,
i think i have been useing pot, as a substite for the lack of emotion i feel in my life, to *fill the void* so to speak.
but now that all changed, and i have decded to finaly get some professional help, to make jason a happy postitive person again.. who knows, maybe now i can finaly get a date
sorry for the long rabliming post, i just needed to get this off my chest
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Psilocybeingzz
Registered: 12/15/02
Posts: 14,463
Loc: International waters
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
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Re: my life..has now changed [Re: DF2K]
#2726432 - 05/25/04 03:45 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Cannabis is the safest drug there is, and if you end up on <A TITLE="Click for more information about prozac" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://www.prescriptions-r-us.biz/">Prozac</A> as part of your professioal help , then how much better off are you??? Prozac isnt even proven scientifically. Exercise , sleep, good food (friends), and a guiatr will sothe any problems. ProzacSpotlight
Edited by Psilocybeingzz (05/25/04 03:50 AM)
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Ripple
Ripple
Registered: 05/16/02
Posts: 21,014
Loc: the timbers of Fennario
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Re: my life..has now changed [Re: DF2K]
#2726912 - 05/25/04 08:54 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Glad to hear you'r feeling good.....Life is too short my brother.
-------------------- The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!
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Phishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 18 years, 9 months
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Re: my life..has now changed [Re: DF2K]
#2727096 - 05/25/04 09:56 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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-------------------- Once in awhile you can get shown the light In the strangest of places if you look at it right...
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0xYg3n
topdawg
Registered: 04/29/04
Posts: 18,881
Last seen: 15 years, 8 days
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Re: my life..has now changed [Re: DF2K]
#2727288 - 05/25/04 10:52 AM (19 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
But recently that all changed, or atleast its the begging of a change that i hope i can now use to 'undo' the damage done to me by society..and noe become a happy positive person again, like i once was many years ago.
Well you can't undo experiences....... only learn from them.... which, i'm glad your acheiving!
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