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Anonymous #1

Destructive people
    #27220520 - 02/22/21 05:29 PM (6 days, 8 hours ago)

How do you feel about people who are just destructively critical and unsupportive? Have you ever looked up to someone only for them to turn around and tell you to give up? What did you do? I personally find it a little shocking, makes me question a lot of things not only about what they say but why would I even listen to such a person in the first place regardless of what they have done.

I think if I could buy a Coke, and be spat at in my face, or buy a Coke and not be spat at; I'd go to the vendor not spitting at people. I think I could forgive these people, but I couldn't bring myself to forget them.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27220536 - 02/22/21 05:35 PM (6 days, 8 hours ago)

You need to cut them out of your life. This can be more difficult if they are family.  If you meet new people like this then don't stick around. Keep moving on and never look back.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27220544 - 02/22/21 05:40 PM (6 days, 8 hours ago)

Shoot I wish I could find someone to look up to. Seems like everyone's got problems.
You have to find validation within yourself. You can still learn from these people, but advice/criticism says more about the person giving it than anything about you.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27220551 - 02/22/21 05:45 PM (6 days, 8 hours ago)

It depends if they are being a dick or if they are wallowing in self pity by projecting. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is not take things personally but a lot of the time it's the easiest answer. Having that answer doesn't always make it better but it can help put your true feelings in perspective. Especially if there might be truth in what they are saying.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27220585 - 02/22/21 06:04 PM (6 days, 7 hours ago)

I literally had to cut someone like this out of my life just last night, after being friends with them for two years.

In that time, as I started to see their true colors, I realized that that person, underneath their shell of faux-friendliness, is full of hatred (for self and others), aggression, lies and deceit, laziness and dishonor.

As had and painful as it can be, sometimes we just have to choose to put space between us and people that would drag us down.


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Anonymous #6

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27220900 - 02/22/21 08:57 PM (6 days, 4 hours ago)

Don't listen to them.  When I was younger, there was a lot of things I wanted to be.  Whenever I told my parents what I wanted to be, they told my why it wasn't a good idea.  Now I'm older and completely fucked regarding a career.  I don't blame them because I made mistakes as an adult, but in hindsight I wish I did my own thing and didn't give a fuck about the approval of others.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27220952 - 02/22/21 09:21 PM (6 days, 4 hours ago)

Can I ask OP how they are critical and unsupportive, and how is it destructive? There seems to be more to it than what is obvious. You say you look up to them, but they tell you to give up? It sounds like a parent or maybe a sibling, grandparent ect. Is it something they said once that you're referring to? I have so many questions.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #27221022 - 02/22/21 10:03 PM (6 days, 3 hours ago)

Imagine someone teaching you how to do something, you do it, spend a lot of isolated time reading with little peer review because youre only sharing with this other person, you learn, but later when you feel accomplished they just tell you that it's all a joke and that everything you have is worthless. Not only that but they've been using you as a joke behind your back the whole time instead of helping you.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27221075 - 02/22/21 10:48 PM (6 days, 2 hours ago)

Ah, well, fuck that guy.


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Anonymous #6

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27221227 - 02/23/21 12:37 AM (6 days, 1 hour ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Imagine someone teaching you how to do something, you do it, spend a lot of isolated time reading with little peer review because youre only sharing with this other person, you learn, but later when you feel accomplished they just tell you that it's all a joke and that everything you have is worthless. Not only that but they've been using you as a joke behind your back the whole time instead of helping you.



Well, keep doing it.  If you put a lot of time into something, don’t throw it away because some bum called it a joke


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Anonymous #7

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27221639 - 02/23/21 08:18 AM (5 days, 17 hours ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Imagine someone teaching you how to do something, you do it, spend a lot of isolated time reading with little peer review because youre only sharing with this other person, you learn, but later when you feel accomplished they just tell you that it's all a joke and that everything you have is worthless. Not only that but they've been using you as a joke behind your back the whole time instead of helping you.




Find someone else to buy your goods from.


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Anonymous #8

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27222091 - 02/23/21 02:51 PM (5 days, 10 hours ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
How do you feel about people who are just destructively critical and unsupportive? Have you ever looked up to someone only for them to turn around and tell you to give up? What did you do? I personally find it a little shocking, makes me question a lot of things not only about what they say but why would I even listen to such a person in the first place regardless of what they have done.




How do I feel about them, I don't. Toxic people are the last in line for those I GAF about.

What I have done is reeled in the desire for outside validation, and invested in the one and only person I can eternally trust- me.


Becoming secure in your own self is a big part of growing up; and sadly, many waste precious life-time seeking outside approval.

Once you become self assured, nothing can affect your image/confidence. Pretty liberating, tbh.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #27222116 - 02/23/21 03:10 PM (5 days, 10 hours ago)

I like that #8 I know what it's like but several heartbreaks in a row had me a little messed up..


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Anonymous #9

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27223126 - 02/24/21 01:30 AM (5 days, 18 minutes ago)

#8 has a better outlook than most- one that I share, which used to bring me great stress, but is now just that: liberating.

Care less for what irrelevant opinions others have of you. Sticks and stones. If you feel upset about how a "friend" has treated you without the respect you would give them, consider the relationship as a whole without bias and you should see that it wasn't the only time they did not have your best interests in mind. I have no time or energy to waste on those who do not walk the same path as me. Those who bring me unnecessary stress, anger, or the likes have no place in my life. I surround myself with productive people who treat me with respect, as I would them.

It is very difficult to root out negativity in the form of friendships from your life, but it is a vital step in achieving happiness and success. Your people are out there waiting for you- don't waste time with the wrong ones.

Hope this helps. This is just my opinion which has brought me immense happiness and emotional clarity.


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Anonymous #7

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #27223266 - 02/24/21 05:08 AM (4 days, 20 hours ago)

These guys seem to know what it's about.

Many people consider others purpose in life is to make their life easier, they rarely or minimally contribute but are always first in line for their share. Often times their "helping you out" will involve some type of boon for themselves, the earlier you become aware of these people and the best methods of avoiding them the better your life will be.


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Anonymous #10

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #27224347 - 02/24/21 06:17 PM (4 days, 7 hours ago)

Sounds like you need a break from this guy. People do eventually change and develop over their years but for now, it's time to cut ties for awhile.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #10]
    #27224351 - 02/24/21 06:20 PM (4 days, 7 hours ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #10 said:
Sounds like you need a break from this guy. People do eventually change and develop over their years but for now, it's time to cut ties for awhile.



Funny you mention it one of the toxic people in my life just snapped at me while I was trying to talk reason with them. I think I bruised their ego but youre right I think they might come around. I am not saying anything to them until they do.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27224408 - 02/24/21 06:57 PM (4 days, 6 hours ago)

People who feed off of others can never handle assertiveness. They live off of dishonesty so when faced with reality it's like the sky comes crashing down around them. The key is to be more assertive so those people avoid you or correct themselves and not the other way around.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #27224432 - 02/24/21 07:09 PM (4 days, 6 hours ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
People who feed off of others can never handle assertiveness. They live off of dishonesty so when faced with reality it's like the sky comes crashing down around them. The key is to be more assertive so those people avoid you or correct themselves and not the other way around.



very true.


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Anonymous #9

Re: Destructive people [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27224466 - 02/24/21 07:25 PM (4 days, 6 hours ago)

Also, the "silent treatment" isn't really an emotionally healthy thing to do. It only proves that you have an ego as well. Most people still do it occasionally, but think about the causes and implications. "I'm not gonna talk to _ until they apologize to ME." Meaning you've disregarded your responsibility for anything that has happened and refuse to work through the situation until someone concedes to you. Not flaming you at all, but this is another lens you can view it through. If something leads you to the point of silence, consider making it permanent. Otherwise, grow up and talk to each other about the problem. Face your troubles and learn to solve them head-on. Again, harsh words, but they can help you to fix things by seeing them through new perspectives.


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